if she were me

.

i have admired loretta lux photography for some time now. thinking that most of you had found her by now i was too hesitant to bring her up again. i find the photographs to be quite mesmerizing and rather charming. i especially like this little one, with the orange blouse. i often feel like this tiny girl or i'll imagine myself in her shoes, with her crossed arms and face.

i am so glad that autumn is finally on it's way i've missed the coolness. ever sense i was younger, this time of year gives me butterflies in my stomach. it could be that it was time to go back to school after a long hot summer and seeing all of my friends made for anxious morning stomach gurbles. oddly though i'm not going back to school and the gurbles come back in the morning and in the afternoon when i get off work, right before i get into bed for an early evening nap. outside in the parking lot across the street there are three yellow trees that i park underneath. they have lost the majority of their leaves and the scent is musty like a campfire.

i have been inspired to work again in a scrapbook. it came upon me when i worked with s'more last tuesday night on an independent project for her ap art class. i haven't done a really nice collage in some time and that might be because i've ran clean out of my personal stock of color copies. i have been painting so often in the last couple of years that the only time i do a collage is for the purpose of invitations or stationary. the thing i mostly want is a sewing machine. i'm desperately seeking one (my mother's mother's) sewing machine. i'll continue to beg and plead with her for it, but her response is always the same. "it needs to be fixed, then i'll put it to use myself." oh brother. i refuse to sew anything by hand. i'd like kinko's to invest in a few sewing machines for those of us less fortunate. that way we can have our cards printed and sewn conveniently at the same location. if she, being my mom, were me, i'd give the sewing machine to me, once and for all.

today i've been going through a stack of charts that are expired patients with negative or positive financial balances. because i am here and there it takes me a little longer. i have an hour of work to go.