pretty boy floyd

who can it be knockin' at my door? one end to fill the void. i know it takes an effort to be clean. last night i set up the week. so tonight i'm having six ap art students come over so that they can see what i've been making. a bird's eye view. luckily i got a telephone call from ron at framewrights. my art, all of five pieces are now framed. i had it all framed exactly the same way, formality or consistency, whichever. i can't wait to see what they all look like framed. hanging it all in my apartment is going to be a challenge considering the fact that they'll all weigh more. oh well, it's rather worth all the trouble and moolah. even though i want to plug bob and ron for a minute. the work they do is absolutely wonderful and affordable. so if ever you're in chattanooga and need something framed, look them up.

i'm on the aesthetics committee at new city and it's time to decorate the sanctuary. so that's on the books for thursday. next week is secret santa at work. i'm not looking forward to it. i'd rather participate in a chinese/white elephant exchange. although it does end up being fun in the end. the difficult part is trying to gather five presents that someone is going to like under five dollars. unga bunga!

the 45Revolver has gotten a new job. it's a step up from the gym position he's had sense moving to honolulu in feburary. he'll be working as an engraver, which sounds kinda strange for an airforce base, but evidentally there are all sorts of things to engrave while living and working on an airforce base. i'm glad for him and hope it is challenging enough. as you can see he'll still be keeping up the spinning. busy as ever.


moe of mae for me

on monday or tuesday of last week i got home from work and found in my box a wee from hillary. i was so excited that i spent the rest of my holiday introducing moe of mae to everyone, family and friends. she went to thanksgiving dinner with me and to my parentals house and everywhere. now she's snuggled up under the warmth of my desklamp.

when i first got mae i thought her name was moe. but then with help i realized her name was actually mae. so now i really enjoy just saying moe of mae for me. i love her and will cherish her forever. make sure you go and see hillary's other wonderful things. you won't be disappointed. ever.

i've been busy as i mentioned. i spent most of my holi-daze at home playing zoo tycoon. but on friday evening kate, joel, aaron, and laurie came over. so i spent a whole bunch of my time cleaning up my collage mess. i also changed the sheets on my bed and repotted a christmas cactus. i didn't have any soil so i used clementine peels and coffee grounds. it works well, i did it with my banana tree and the leaves are huge. i even have a tiny baby banana tree coming up on the side. i watched a whole bunch of television too, but i mostly just constructed a bunch of zoos. i finally thought to increase my beginning budget. so on the last zoo i started with a five hundred thousand budget. easy, but too cool for school.


happy holiglaze

this is the loveliest view from my apartment window, looking northwest across the simple little city. the weather was just beautiful a couple of weeks ago and now all hell has broken lose. i feel terrible about what's happening in texas. and poor hillary in chicago thought they were getting snow and now is disappointed because of the nothing that fell from the sky. i'm still here on the frontlines, finishing the last of me pc day before trudging home to take a nap. i've got much to do. first there's the parentals for a cheesecake pan. i'm going to change things up a bit and go for this pumpkin cheesecake. it may be alot of work but i don't have really anything else to do this evening or tomorrow before the outdoor extravaganza.

i'll also be updating my photos. i've got some very exciting things to share. i'm so pleased because i've actually gotten three whole collages finished for cards. for kate's dad and for the possible 4bridges fest. i can't wait for everyone to see. totally new and improved. the photos won't be that wonderful because i'm still really trying to figure out this dinocamera from the prehistoric age. it eats batteries for breakfast, i believe. the closer i am to the object the better the pic. i also have some very awesome news about what i got in the mail yesterday. but i'm not going to say a word until i've got the photo to prove.

i've been struggling again in my job, but i think i've got it figured out again. i don't want to spend too much time complaining because i know i am most fortunate to have the job i do. i am a "gotta fix it" type person and if it's broken i've got have my nose tooling around trying to figure out a solution. even a mental solution for my own stress at the least. i know that i want to change jobs but i don't want to move on until i know what is going to happen with honolulu. it's definitely a catch 22. the other thing i've been struggling with is this time and distance between the 45 and all. gosh!!! i find myself repeatedly being ridiculous with him in conversation. i ask stupid questions that i already know the answers to. i constantly worry that he's not doing the things he should be doing. i am frequently unsure of his intentions and everytime i ask, he's very quick to remind me that he is in love with me, that he wants me to be in hi and that if i don't quit asking stupid questions he'll let me go from the phone. everytime i experience something in my walk with god i want to tell the 45 about it, but instead of just telling him about what i'm thinking i ask him self righteous and prideful questions as if i've got something up on him. i'm sick of it in myself. thankfully 45 is patient and gentle, not an unkind word comes out of his mouth. but it's difficult to learn this way. i just don't ever really see how ugly my heart is. i was so stunned and overwhelmed with the sermon on sunday. i could barely rehash it for you now. but it has left me with a clearer vision of myself. i also notice often that my attitude with my mom is much the same. but i do want to hear truth and i do want the grace. i'm too stubborn. i'm too this way in motion.

one other little thing is that the holidays are a bit misgiving for me. considering all the friends and family around me have significant others. i would love to be with the 45 and i suppose underneath it all my fear, anger and insecurity in my life poise as stupid selfishness and pride. i'm going to learn one of these days to listen more closely to the whisper. james 1:16-24.

happy holiglaze.


in the red

oh my body is weary, my vision of the weekend is blurry. if there was ever a busy weekend this was it. i went and saw the incredibles on friday evening. i thought the movie went really well. i may have been the only one laughing a couple of times though, so maybe it wasn't that good for everyone. dash was the cutest and violet reminded me of erin p. after the movie i went to lamar's as i said i would and saw jairus play. my friend georgia has moved back from ashville, which is fairly nice. laurie and ann were there too. on saturday i did nothing. absolutely nothing until m.k. came over to cut my hair. now it is short and manageable. no more ponytails.

saturday night i went bowling with chris and beth. we did the 12am-3am, $13 buckaroos for all you can bowl. i'd say that i'm a good bowler. but maybe it has more to do with the fact that i'm not throwing the ball down the lanes. sunday was family day and catchup on sleep day. i can't wait until the holiday day. i'm not working but tomorrow and half a day on wednesday. i'm baking for thursday. i'm looking at a pumpkin cheesecake to take the place of a pie. we're actually going to attempt to eat outside this year. the weather has been rainy and unpredictable, but fairly mild. my aunt c. has a nice big back yard and a large firepit. we're going to build a big ole' fire and cover the large picnic table and WHALA! i got to talk with kate and jen both this weekend which was really nice. jen is making tons of cards to sell in a museum down in lakeland.


battlelines drawn

sometimes i could stay securely at home and never go out at all. i don't go out a ton because there's not a ton to do. i'd rather stay at home and make art. or watch television. the downtown area of chattanooga has been taken over by teenagers having been dropped off by their parentals. there may still be a few sacred spaces to go and have peace and quiet, but that's it. i've been thinking that sense i have been getting all of these slides together i should probably have a better, safer place to keep them all. i had a portfolio that i got at target sometime ago, but it was burnt in the housefire. i kept it, thinking that it was still too new to throw away, but now it's been three years and it's time to say goodbye. i asked my mom for a portfolio for my birthday, which she thought was a good idea. so i have found one i think is kinda cool, but it's not exactly what i'm looking for. see it here. do you guys have any ideas or places i could look. jen kring had one i think that i liked, but i can't quite remember. i kind of want one that is brown instead of black, but it has to have a three ring binder in it, so that i can put my slides in it.

also, kate wrote me today and asked if i would put together some cards. so i'm going to start a little series. i will have them ready before christmas, but they won't be christmas cards. they'll be more like stationary or cards you'll want to write a nice little letter in. i've made lots of cards before and every year kate asks me if i'll do a few for gifts. so i'll start working on them this weekend.

jason has put this on his website, but this photo is a good example of the kind of cards i make. they're usually my collages that are shrunk down, so they end up being really nice. if any of you out there are interested i'll make some and we can trade or for about eight cards and envelopes i'll sell them for ten dollars. if i've got to ship them it'll end up being a little more. but just let me know we can work something out.

i suppose i've drawn the battlelines with my art. jas really feels i should have my own website devoted to just my art and not this blog. i want the same thing, but i'd rather have my own domain instead of relying on a blog sort of thing. jas wants me to make a disk of my slides and then send it his way so that he can create a site for me. i'll have to contact wolf camera or something to see about that. again if you have any ideas let me. i don't want the site to be like a blog at all though. we'll see, i think i'm just fearful or unmotivated or not sure. i'm thankful for jason's interest in my work. he thinks that when i move to honolulu that i'll have no problem with selling or showing my art. i'd like to do it in a climate sort of like what angry woebot is doing. i also want music on my site too. it'll be a blowout for sure.


deadline departure

this is my version of international desk day, even though it's not the day. i've been wanting to contribute to the mass perspective. my nine to five is here at this desk. although it looks like my refrigerator at home. i'm drawn towards squares of color and i've got many of the 45's photosnflyers stapled underneath my window ledge. fortunately i've got plenty of space, which i'm thankful for. i don't have a desk at home where i make my art. i usually use my kitchen table. maybe someday i'll have it together enough for another international desk day photo.

yesterday i went and picked my slides up from framewrights after work. everything looks good. i was even happy about how the display tent photos came out. my only concern is that the slides of the tent are tinted blue. bob wright asked me about that...my thought was that we took the photos outside on the back deck of kate's house. their home is blue/gray and the day was getting on into the evening. i don't think it will matter. at least i hope not. i think the tent looks good and you can see that it's professional and clean. or something.

so i just got the slides sent off, the deadline is tomorrow, so i think i'm good on time. i'm still nervous though. everyone has really been helpful and encouraging to me. they think that i'll be asked to participate in the festival for sure. it's amazing to me that i'm even at this point. i have pushed away from the artscene so much in the past. now it's crunch time. i started to really think about how i could easily be driven by fear. i also started to think about moving to honolulu and how my making art will be affected. if i don't participate or at least try now, what really makes me think i can do it anywhere else. i'm going to have to make quite a bit more art though. i'd like to make ten to fifteen new pieces before the may festival dates. i don't want to show/hang anything that isn't for sell. i also want to make a bunch of cards and smaller collages to sell. jas said that he'd come out from honolulu to help me that weekend. now i have a lot to look forward to.

i'm starving now. so i suppose the departure is near. i'll be sending out wee's fabric tomorrow i suppose. the stress of sending out slides has been all i can think about today.


one night after another

last night i couldn't sleep at all. i had a long sleepless night which felt like eternity. so when i woke up this morning i was in a very sour mood. i wish a mornings like this morning i could just stay at home and drink coffee all day until i get the headache jitterings. we went to panera last night and the coffee must've been strong. usually coffee doesn't prevent me from sleeping, especially if i've not had a nap. when i came home i spent the rest of the night watching the six wives of henry the eighth. then i went to bed to read, the mammoth hunters. i'm almost finished. next in line is ghost soldiers. i finally turned out the lights at twelve thirty and dozed for a minute but awoke at one a.m. i decided to call the 45. he was up and getting ready to go out to play at the buddha bar. when we got off the phone i still couldn't get to sleep. completely dreadful.

i have so many things on my mind. i'm trying to imagine myself in the 4bridges festival. i'm trying to imagine the slides being just the right slides for the jury to see. i'm imagining the cards that i can't wait to make. i'm working on a couple packages to send out this week. around my apartment i have little piles of projects and packing materials. i've got to remember to pick up my slides today. i must get a box to send fabric to wee. i'm looking forward to this friday evening. i'll be attending the incredibles with a coworker. then i'm heading to lamar's to see jairus, the quiet ones, and el toro de blanco. saturday i really need to devote to the mural. now that i have a working d.c. i'll take pics for all to see. you'll beable to see how dorky my people's faces are, but that's okay. it's hard to paint with water based paint that smears all around. yuck. today i wanted to make a booklist of books i'd like to own or read in the near future. i'm thinking i'll make a cd list too, but it might not be for p.d. if you catch my drift or jist. oh brother.

Parasite Rex : Inside the Bizarre World of Nature's Most Dangerous Creatures by Carl Zimmer

How to Be Alone: Essays by Jonathan Franzen

Kingdom of Fear: Loathsome Secrets of a Star-crossed Child in the Final Days of the American Century Hunter S. Thompson

The Adventures of Tony Millionaire's Sock Monkey by Tony Millionaire

and now there's this:

in one bitter love
a kiss may fall plateau
upon a barren gravel path.
a kiss occurred to me a path
complete until cold lips pressed
too close caused my body to tremble.
i proclaimed a nervous clam
more pure love
than once the dead of winter froze
between us.
until amidst the freeze
one bitter love's plateau began
to crumble
a sure, extraordinary foot
lay now at nature's truce,
rain had surely fallen. thus
a mountain.
in one bitter love
a kiss may thaw at best and
soak my heart.


regency house party

i have always loved my pbs in the evenings. recently i started watching the best of reality television. pbs always has their versions and this season is as good as the past. i have begun to watch regency house party. it doesn't compare to the likes of big brother or the apprentice. if you have the oppurtunity, it is a must see. have any of you seen the show?

one other thing on a little bit different note. did you hear about the reopening of the moma? the new admission cost will be twenty dollars. that's just outrageous. isn't art for the masses? or is just for the elite? i don't know that i ever want my art in a museum. i wouldn't mind have a gallery exhibit in the future, but it's one step at a time. you know the smithsonian is free. that's just amazing.

well that's all i've got to say for now.



Cathy's Flower

i barely remember where i left off last week. i think i was beginning to feel badly because i was spending quite a bit of time with the www and not working as consistently. i mentioned that last week i took the majority of my work to framewrights to have slides made and framing done. i was so excited about taking a large body of work to be framed. this whole time i've had my painting framed in plexi-glass and paper binders. it's worked well for me, but the time has come to step up. i can't wait to see the portrait of josiah framed, as well as the hawaiian inspired piece. i took the portrait of aaron and the bird for slides. i especially want to have prints made or the pieces printed for cards. the slides, along with my application are due on november 19th, so i'll let you know as things develop.

on friday i spent the evening at home alone. i was invited to a party but i had felt badly all day on friday, so i decided to go to the main street conoco and by a forty of beer. just a little bit o' beer is nice every once in a while. on saturday, i was so lazy, except i made a ton of paper flowers. i've been experimenting and i finally think i've come up with a plan for making garland with the paper flowers and pipe cleaner. kate made some really cute garland out of paper that i think she should try and take a picture of and post on new eyes. i made so many flowers i was quite sure of what to do with them all and they're sort of christmas-y. on saturday evening my sister in law m.c. had a party for my brother ethan. it is actually his birthday today and monamieta's (my mom) birthday tomorrow. they live on the creek and so ethan built a huge bonfire and we just sat around until about midnight or so. it was a nice time. i mostly talked with katie huffine and l.c. i was planning on going to church on sunday morning but it was a no go. instead i made a ton more flowers. i think i must of made about thirty or forty. yikes. i decided i'd take them to tina at blueskies. when i got to blueskies they were already closed, but ginger and tina were counting down the register. so they let me in. i gave the flowers to tina and she asked me if she could sell them. i said "NO!" she asked why and i told her i was actually working on something a little bit more special for the holidays, but that i brought them so that she could decorate her custom gift wrapping. she asked me how long it took me to make the flowers, probably 5-10 minutes each flower, they she said that she could do whatever she wanted with them because i'd given them to her. she is quite generous and i didn't want her to think i was being pushy with my product or whatever you want to call.

i also have gathered some wonderful bits of fabric together for wee. i can't wait until she sees the stuff i'm sending. i used to do nervous exchanges, but it seemed as though must of the people on nervousness are younger and a little less creative. so i was always putting a lot of time and effort into the exchange and inturn only getting a little bit of blah. now i just want to give something back to wee for all of the great work. i know she already has some wonderful fabric, so i'm not so sure the stuff i'm sending her will stand out any but, who knows. i'm just thrilled to help.

the other exciting thing is that i've finally got a camera for blog photos. the only catch is that the card only holds 15 photographs. i'll have to go to the parentals each time i want the photos on my flickr account or the disk. but the above photo is a very crappy example of the flowers i make. actually we scanned the flower on my dad's scanner. i like the rough pixelation thought. this was an addition to one of my mom's birthday presents.

on sunday evening all of the fam collier went to the parentals house. we celebrated ethan's and mom's 50th. very fun to see all of the family gather together. i gave my mom some very nice martha steward placemats from kmart. i noticed that martha's prices are down. has anyone else noticed. i saw that wee bought some of the same wrapping paper i did, but it also seemed like kmart didn't want to buy too much martha stock to put on the xmas shelves. possibly because they're afraid the sales will be low. oh i'd encourage you to go out and buy her cute little things. it is amazing to me that her corporation has such a ear to the decorative/crafty/homemaker pulse. i also had uncle david look up vintage christmas candles on ebay. you wouldn't believe it. he got about forty or fifty candles. my aunt and i split them. martha just had a feature in her xmas magazine. i just thought i would be interesting to see how available the candles are. there are so many and they are generally really cheap. i might give a few as gifts for the holidays. but i doubt it, i'm sure alot of people don't have the same taste i do for the age-yness of the faded wax.

well it's another week.



i believe i've been overwhelmed in the last week. many thoughts and ideas, emotions, plans and have-tos caught up with me. so my week was spent facing the facts, towing the line, tying up lose ends and finally calling in sick on monday morning. i'd like to make a suggestion to those of you still suffering the aches and pains of campaign 2004. find yourself neatly reading this. it may give a line of hope, like a line of coke.

on friday night i went to see alfie. it was not a very good film at all. i was not impressed, instead i was very disappointed. we all were disappointed. it wasn't so much jude law as the content, the constant narrative, the female crackups. poor music choices too. but the nicer things about the film were the clip edits and color combinations. there were also these little interesting things going on with words in the background of the scene. large words like search or pursue on billboards and bus-stop benches. i didn't feel like the words were very symbolic, more like over simplified suggestions or analytical archs already swaying. the movie wasn't sad or really that thought provoking. just a little there.

before the film we were invited to the TVA control room. it was like no other experience i've ever had. i was inspired by the beauty and modernity of the room itself. it was clean and sterile and reminscent of nasa's control room. not that i've been invited to nasa. a very kind man decided he'd tell us everything and so we stood eyes wide, mouths agape, listening to the in and outs. i asked him about the new york blackouts, 9/11, and raccoon mountain. i ask about how cost was dictated and the history of technology. it was so wonderful catch a glimpse of something that in itself may seem simple, but at closer inspection blows the minds eye. i would love to beable to replicate what i saw in some creative way. light has consistently intrigued me and i'm inspired by any sort.

saturday i went to atlanta to take my...


mourning after

i've been noticing the mourning after reactions of people around the country, to the results of the 2004 Election. i have not felt the sadness or excitement. i'm surprised at the reactions. it is difficult to understand because at different times i have felt so neutral. it is interesting to me that many people become very emotional. i have expressed my frustration, but i feel like it is rooted in something quite different. i am taken aback by anger or resentment. i think i understand why some people have felt that george w. bush has destroyed the last four years. again that's why i poised the questions that i did. the war. abortion. gay marriage. healthcare. education. taxes. deficit. economy. foriegn relations.

the issue i care more about than any other is healthcare. isn't that interesting sense i work in an oncology and hematology, three doctor practice. i think my brother aaron was really concerned about the educational issues because he is a teacher.

aaron hung up on me last night on the telephone. he was excited in the midst of the evening but when the media showed george w. in the white house, all smiles and thumbs up, aaron became angry. he felt, as i do, that last night was the american peoples night. the candidates spent the last year campaigning, the white house view gave george the opportunity to gloat and campaign again. i started to think and converse with aaron about this further. i have always wanted to get at the root of aaron's feelings. one of the things he said was that many who hate bush are uninformed. it is a disservice to the democratic party. i want to understand why people who are knowledgeable dislike bush so much. a conclusion i have come up with is this idea of american supremacy. american supremacy plays itself out in our role in the war. it plays a role in foriegn policy. it plays a role in our economy. our job growth, educational purpose, and healthcare standards. it plays a role in how we raise our children, buy our homes and cars. american supremacy is a standard we uphold, it becomes how we view ourselves.

i think george's decision to wage war in iraq was driven by that standard. a standard that is made up of freedom for all, given to us by the "almighty." a standard that drives arrogance, pride, fear and ignorance on many different levels, depending on your demographic. it is a standard that drives capitalism and great wealth. i believe many americans disagreed with the war because they weren't sure of bush's intentions. they questioned the right we have to grant freedom to others. they questioned the sole responsibility we took in iraq without the aid of France and Germany. they questioned why we weren't engaging afghanistan in the war against terrorism.

if the government was unwilling to work with the UN to fight terrorism in iraq then i see how many people struggled with the thought of american supremacy. but i would like to compare the idea of american supremacy with the standard we live by. the reason we are able to have million dollar homes, million dollar cars, million dollar educations, and million dollar make overs is because of that standard. the idea that america has the best plastic surgeons, neighborhoods, schools, jobs, movies, fastfood, streets, homes, lawyers, doctors, hospitals or malls is because of that standard of american supremacy. whose complaining when they have cancer. i don't see people going to somalia to have transplants or radiation. i don't see people going to iraq with their suvs to get gas. i don't see people signing up to give half their savings to twelve year old pregnant acid burnt afghan females. i don't see people sending their children over to europe to get an education or a job. if people are worried about the outsourcing of jobs maybe they shouldn't be so picky about being a garbageman or streetsweeper. maybe people should want to figure out how to make better cellphones in this country. maybe women shouldn't be so concerned about working for the newest gucci bag or bermuda vacation, maybe they should be more concerned about who's teaching their children to talk. maybe we don't need the newest nike shoes or flatscreen televisions. the american people no longer want to work for anything. i see it everyday. people who want something for nothing. people who feel they deserve to own a home or car. people who feel they deserve to have money and families simultaneously. i think the fact of the matter is that all people deserve the best of what they can get.

the reason i started this thought process was because i heard terry gross last night with T.R. Reid . He has written a new book regarding the end of the american supremacy. when thinking about the president and john kerry i would compare their words against this idea. kerry really seems to want to have a global standard or peace that revolves around a community effort or nationwide effort. i think inorder to do this, people are going to have to lower their standards of living. the giving and service that is required of american people to bring peace in the rest of the world does not lie solely on the american troops. with supremacy there must also come humility. george w. on the other hand is resolved to uphold the american standard of living and at the same time bring peace to the rest of the world. regardless of what other countries want or what the american people are willing to give up inorder to do so. but you'll hear him encourage us to take responsibility for ourselves. for our own actions, for our own behavior. i believe that bush and kerry both want the same things. it's hard to be angry or hate either one. i find myself either hating both of them or feeling neutral towards both of them. i find myself favoring the libertarian party more frequently than not. because i want to be held accountable. i don't want to blame anyone for my life's failings. i don't want to be angry. i want to see peace in our country and other countries. i want to be responsible for that peace though. i don't want to give the government anymore control over my peace. i don't want to give the government anymore control over the freedom of other countries. if we are in a cultural divide, it is not because of bush or kerry. it is because americans do not want to be held accountable for their actions. that goes for the rich, poor, educated, uneducated, sick, or healthy. if we are in a cultural divide it is because of an absolute that many people want to uphold. if we are in a cultural divide it is because of the pluralistic society we live in. we are living in a "it's all good" society.

i have felt for many months that our country will indeed crumble, many americans feel the united states is much like the roman empire. i'm not exactly sure of that. aaron told me last night that he doesn't want to raise his children in the roman empire. i will encourage those of you who are displeased to move forward. kerry and bush have both encouraged us to move forward. i feel as though the only turn in our society will come from a spiritual revolution. i have strong religious beliefs that aren't predicting anything of the sort. but i feel the pressure mounting. i will give those of you mourning your loss time to recover, but what will you do after mourning?


ghetto chews

a rich creamy chew full of the ghetto. colorful and bright as the noonday sun.

i'm in good spirits, but nervous. i actually got to go and vote this afternoon. i was concerned about the process because earlier in august i sent my voter's registration card back with a change of address. i never received anything back from the election commission. so this morning i got on the www and got the telephone number, so that i could call and ask if i was on the list. sure enough. i didn't have to show my card or license. i went to mlk blvd a ghetto sortof place in which i became the minority. i was excited and felt liberated by the act of voting. all of this time spent reading, listening, analyzing and dreading the day and the burden has finally been lifted. so much of my anxiety has nothing really to do with who wins/loses, it has more to do with my ability to take responsibility for what actually happens. now that i've made my choice i am free from defending or offending. it is over and there is nothing i can do about it now. i'm not as concerned about waiting the evening out either. it is easy to say that everything happens for a reason, sometimes it's harder to believe, but i'm reminding myself that my affection or disgust will not make a difference. it is my heart that prepares a way for me in peace and trust.

so maybe i was a little harsh or stoic in my approach to the 2004 Election yesterday. i was asking myself those sorts of questions. one thing that settled my thoughts a bit was frontline. it was less of an attack on either candidate and more of historical account. it really pointed out the positive and the negative aspects of each bush and kerry. i liked the documentary style too, but that's beside the point.

oh and please look at this. i love this little boy. i love this little boy. i was fortunate enough to watch him come into this world. he won't like me very much when he gets older. i won't be as cool to play with, but he's having a baby brother or sister soon and i'll be falling in love all over again. i'm hoping sort of that i won't be in honolulu quite yet so that i can see this new baby in may. i also have the 4Bridges to look forward to. i'm outta here. peace brothers and sisters.


will i vote

i am not confused about who to vote for here. today i saw a news segment on single women who do not vote or who are confused about who to vote for. that is not the case for this single female. i am concerned about Decision 2004, but i am not going to waiver in opinion or standard. i will respect and honor whichever man wins the presidency as well. i do think that the american people have forgotten post 9/11 though. i do believe american people have an extremely high standard of living. i do believe that the american people have really nothing to complain about. those of you who want to leave and move to another country i definitely would appreciate seeing you do that. i would encourage you to set an example so that others might see the success or non success you have. moving away is not a bad solution if you feel so inclined. aren't you thankful for the freedom you have to move if you chose? but many people threaten and their words speak louder than their actions. which is usually the case with anyone who feels/complains about being oppressed.

i suppose i want to know how the last four years have affected you. have you lost your job? are you starving? are you paying more taxes? did you get your prescription drugs? did you take advantage of generic drugs? did you go to the ER for a regular check up? can your sixth grade child read at a sixth grade level? did your doctor turn you away? was after school care provided for your children? were you beaten down by a cop? were you not able to get married to your same sex partner? were you able to get an abortion? are you dying from parkinson's? did you get a raise or a bonus? did the air in your city make you choke? did your husband, brother, sister, wife get shipped off to iraq? have you 'lost' a loved one? have you gone through the drive-thru window this year to get something to eat? were you able to get the surgery you needed? did you speak up for your rights? were you restricted from speaking your mind? did bush just piss you off or are you a fair weather fan? was your home destroyed by terrorists? did you get funding to rebuild from the american red cross, fema or the federal government? did john kerry knock on your door and ask you for your vote? have you ever been called and asked to participate in a poll? any poll, ever? doesn't john kerry remind you of your pastor?

i just want to know. is it complicated? who made it complicated? what has michael moore done for you lately? is the media paying your taxes or are you? is the media teaching your children how to read and eventually get a job or are your local schools? did barbara walters agree to educate the next 100 immigrants? when have you taken the time to take responsibility for yourself? are you the one making this more complicated?

i worry not about the future president or the government. i worry about the american people. the society. who are you listening to and why? it is distressing to see more cops on the roads because people no longer take responsibility while they are driving. it's depressing that cops have to be in schools to control violence and drugs. i am frustrated because there are speed bumps because people don't drive the speed limit (even though that in itself keeps cops of the roads). i am frustrated when people are dying from being so obese. i am frustrated because insurance companies and drug manufacturing companies are for profit because there are people who are dying from being obese. i am frustrated because israel and pakistan continue to fight. i am sad because many american men and women must fight for others because they cannot fight for themselves. i am sad for the elderly without a drug prescription plan or social security. i am sad the babyboomers have to sell their suvs because they no longer can afford the gas. i am frustrated by the gas prices. i am mad the healthcare system has been ignored. but i am not afraid of our government. i am not afraid of george bush or john kerry. i am not afraid of osama bin laden. i am not afraid of terrorism. i am not afraid of the republicans or the democrats. i am afraid for you. so why is it john kerry's fault? why is it bush's fault? my belief is that i have no one to blame but myself. you have no one to blame but yourself...