got poison

i am totally bad at this, maybe a blog flogger or blog-rex parasite. admittedly i have not been near a computer that can feed my flickr account with brand new photos. i'm limited technologically to the point where i'm sending, trading things out with fellow craftsters and wala...stealing their photos of my work, turning them out here. i feel it is a little backhanded or a stretch. i do love the buttons i sent up to hillary though. i really can't wait to see how she uses them.

this past weekend seems a blur. fine grained blur around the corners. friday turned into a whirlwind. after work i babysat which was nice. i was supposed to go out to dinner, but my friend got sick. instead bethy came over, exchanging hilarious stories over heiniken. saturday was my first day at cvs rx. all and all it went very well. nothing has changed about policy and procedure. i needed a four hour shift to reacquaint myself with o' regis-TAR.

saturday i was going to go to atlanta to visit with the k. family but i hadn't planned on working saturday and missing the party. i also didn't think about laundry and moolah for making the trip down. i also knew that i needed to be back on sunday before five p.m. all of this to say, my disappointment was great. i feel i must've missed a hearty k. fam get together. i know that right now in my life sacrifices are going to need to be made. i have been given a long rope with slack in it to work with but specifically my parentals are not going to be patient with me very much longer if i do not get a move on. in addition to working at the rx i maybe picking a shift up here and there at blueskies. i'll be waiting to hear from them though.

in regards to the aesthetics meeting, i've been asked to draw up two plans for the room. i've actually never done anything like draw up a design for renovation. but the room is in dire need of improvement. it is used for music people, music instruments, boxed music, copy machine, and pre-sermon pastors chamber. it is used for multiple functions and it is rather disgusting. i have two weeks to do a simple design idea. i don't have to worry about the budget or anything like that, but there has to be a focus before we go in and just start buying stuff and painting. it's interesting to find myself involved at new city. i am enjoying it. i'm looking forward to the challenges ahead. there's also opportunity for me to grow here. i was confronted last night with all of these thoughts about how believers are usually the first to admit their sin, but it's funny to see how the sin in each of us manifests itself.

last week was a horrible week for me at work. i concluded that it was the poison in me. the sin that corrupts even my best attempts. the attempts that seem selfless and purely motivated at first but turn without me knowing. i thought the conflict at work was good because it meant less emotion under the rug. it meant something productive might actually come from all the destructiveness. i also thought that if i wrote a letter to my coworker, apologizing and recognizing my sin, she'd forgive and forget. instead she misread/misinterpreted the letter and i was left crying for an hour. it's not enough to know about the poison, it is not enough to repent. sometimes the reaction of others towards you is with you all of the time. i have a difficult time dealing with shame. an insecurity about who knows what, about me, that sort of thing.

unfortunately i am going to miss the bible study this week, but there again a sacrifice must be made. i think if god wants me in a b.s. he'll provide a way.

there is much gratefulness to each of you who are of great encouragement and spiritual strength to me. there are few words to express my sincere delight in each comment and word you have brought forth. i am constantly blessed in this life. this forward motion.