5.16.2005

temorarily out of order



the past two weeks are officially a hellish blur. there are small minute bright spots that crop out of the recess of my memory=experience that push me forward past the fuzz. i have nothing left to sell of myself to the plastered ignorant mass of female coworkmanship here @ the ole uoha. i am spent and out of order. torn to pieces because someone here, who should've been a leader, crumpled in pathetic self absorbtion. it isn't worth my time going into how much i have struggled these last two weeks. the software conversion took a major turn for the worse. i have a major support, but there's a nag in the sack and i cannot shake the horrible horrible thoughts i am having. i am baffled and hurt, worn to the thread.

but there's no room to feel sorry for myself. the choices i have made were the right ones and i have done all that i know to do to resolve the major issues.

the bright spots.

buying a new pair of fourteen dollar shoes from walmart that are teal-turq and orange. my favorite yum colors. just wish i could find cool socks for small feet now.

buying a dirty old beat up used bicycle from my aunt c. for thirda fi dolla, so now i can ride all over the downtown "the future of city living" blah.

having lost eleven pounds thus far, losing the biggest loser contest at work, coming in second felt really good though.

taking off from the rx work on friday after having boohooed @ the crappy coworker situation. saturday only having to have worked nine to four and sunday spending the day with my aunt, eating out and doing a graduation party for my sister n law and s'moore. wonderful thumbprint cookies, in purple pink and yellow green. tiny flower mints and mint juleps.

the prospect of working again on new projects or dropped projects after having two weeks of mind numbing bs surround me. looking at juxtapose at my friends house and finding a place in the art community.

feeling like a full person. feeling and believing in the identity forming inside of my through grace and mercy. knowing that the struggles i have will pass and only form a stronger nation of cat.

knowing eden berit knutson came safely into this world on mother's day for her mommy kate. praise and glory to the creator and maker of all things.

looking forward to a pinnacle moment when i'm provided with a new job, other than the one i have currently.

loving the family that i have been given.

reordering the confines of my heart and mind.

2 comments:

katiek said...

good to see you back from the lost land to the living one. i miss you but i'm with you in spirit and you are in my heart and mind. hang tough little soldier!

sweethc said...

Cat, these times and ignorant people will pass. As I continue to tell myself. I figure it all makes you stronger in the end and a much wiser person. Pray a specific prayer so God can provide you with the job you are looking for.