6.23.2005

travel channel with ac



we woke up in new jersey this morning @ six thirty, explaining these thoughts, comprehending the experience. driving through semi eighteen wheels precisely there to intimidate us. keep me alert laurie. play the song louder in my ear. watch your corners, use your blinker. safe and keeping homeward bound. via the northeast excursions for their anniversary, summer vacations. it turns out that new york is easy to drive through once you get there, once you've found amsterdam. wall street is heavier than i thought and the un, the un, isn't that where we should be putting the pressure on? there is a empty space of controversey in place where the towers were. it is bundled up in layers upon layers of mesh fencing. a blank stare, one more open wound, scratching the surface. dc highlights bring the smithsonian front and center. five hours and barely touching the surface, but the holocaust museum and daniel the child you followed through, he taught you about his life. the scenes and signs behind the window blinds. there were facts, not as gruesome as auschwitz though. oh and i saw sean puffy combs, are you sure? how did you know. girls were giggling all over the place, he had a massive bodyguard. brushed shoulders with him and paced over his sidewalk footsteps. i cannot believe it, your ninth grade students are going to flip.

we spent an entire day with dad's, mother and father at the masonic home. i know i did that and it was absolutely amazing. yes and they do seem more active than we are, how do they remain so vibrate and young. the energy level as off the scales. well yes i know they are retired and so so so happy. i played every piano and organ, i ran out of things to play. i saw the computer rooms on every single floor.

you brought back ashleigh with you. for ten days. why can't she stay longer. oh how we wish she were older, but georgia said she was so cute.

oh and then there was georgia. my personal body double. although we aren't exactly of the same character and personality the common ground is there. and then last night at the same time, at the pickle barrel, after aaron, laurie and lil ashleigh left i sat and discussed with someone the ins and outs of genre specific rights, feminisim, family "values" or the lack there of, and why i feel the way i do about my value as a woman, my part in society, my role in a relationship, my position at work, et cetera. i may be strange or odd because i know what i want. georgia, melinda, and marcus said they had no idea what they want in a relationship. geez, i am sorry. as unsympathetic as it may sound i'd say when you don't know what you want you are probably on the edge of being someone no one wants. i pitch a fit about the quality of men, these days, all the time. my exaggeration is obvious isn't it? but i certainately know and feel comfortable with who i am and what the right way to go about making a relational choice.

i feel the insecurity just about like everyone else does. i think the true difference, which may make me a better balance in this discussion is that i am far more willing to accept my failure. it is just as hard for me as it is for the next person, but i can accept responsibility. in grace i am entirely free. mostly free of myself, free of trying moments, endless struggle, and broken relationships. there is not pride other than that which christ has given to me to share with others. i am glad though for the opportunity to speak with these peers of mine. the distance between myself and society often feels like great depths. i tend to accept a portion of my life and forget about all of the rest. i tire of the boring self examinating, over analytical disscussion. but at the same time, last night was a pleasant experience, that led me to a late night tossing and turning, counting.

there is news on the homefront: mom and dad went to court on tuesday and the judge granted my parentals temporary guardianship of emily, little em. i may have mentioned it already, but it deserves the attention. the battle thus far has been won and we can praise god for his mercy, grace, love and victory.

i also made for the first time the granola that kate was so dear to include on her site. my first attempt got a thumbs up from ole mb, so that's good. it sure does make a whole hell of a lot of grand ola!!! thank you kate, i'll let you know about how the ole granola goes thru me. chewy so far, but i suppose it needed to bake a bit longer. i like the raisins, but i don't know so much about the amounts of flour/wheat germ or whatever. i made it work. hi fi gi.

2 comments:

katiek said...

Oh how i wish we lived closer and we could have a grand ola baking party!Now you see why I split it up into trail mix too! that's cool bout lil em. I'm happy your parents are battling for those girls so the pattern will be broken.

carol said...

Thank you Katie for your words of encouragement concerning the girls. We have often felt alone in this battle. We want to be insturments in the Redeemers hands.We want to see Suzanne and Emily grow into strong women of God. Thanks.