reflection of

i can spend a whole lot of my time in reflection. this view of the north wall of my apartment. looking out across the city. i know that this is not a true reflection of myself in a mirror, glass or spoon, but it is the way i tend to look in my apartment. plus my mom got me a brand new coat and i so love it. i had not had a coat sense the housefire and the coat has made my year. just a perfect fit for the day and the year. who needs anything else? i felt a whole lot better after talking with kate the other night. i had things nagging at the inside of my brain and i needed a different perspective.

one of the things about living the single life is that there isn't this sort of thing, holding a mirror up to who i am. i am fortunate to have a great mother and father who hold a mirror up to what i am and what i do. but it isn't quite like having a husband or children to show you who you really are. if you're a total jerk they're certainately going to let you know, but with me i have so very little to be accountable for and to. it is a strange place, solid but strange. i was telling kate how i feel so much more focused than i used to. how that has freed me from feeling as though i have to fight all these personal battles or insecurities. i have to make a conscience effort to be vunerable and open, so that i never stop changing, never stop seeing the good and bad things, becoming a better woman.

the events are stacking up around me and i am so glad that i worked last weekend. i'll have off for the next five days, starting friday 12:30 pm. this time is a very very much needed break from the rush and crush. i was able to go shopping a little last night and have gotten some really nice things, mostly on sale. i wasn't feeling like time was on my side. i also went to walmart-ugh! not a place to love. but i have been wanting a foam or wire wreath so that i could make a wreath like kate did last year. i have already done all of the paper flowers, origami strawberry paper, and target wrapping paper from last year. i'm not sure if i want to do the origami blow ups or not. but mine won't even touch kate's true beaut.

i may be moving out of the ole grand??? i do not know quite yet, just made a call to c.n.e. now i'm just waiting to see what the stipulations will be moving out mid-lease. my brother and sister n law have bought a new home and they're little/big house in st. elmo is opening up. it will be one hundred and fifty dollars cheaper a month. although i'll have to take on electric/water/gas expenses because presently that is included in my rent at the grand. i really really want a home. some place with space to make my art, two extra rooms wow! wouldn't that be a blessing. i also really wanna down size, even though i do not have a whole lot, i'm sort of tired of feeling cramped. pray that i make the right decision about this. i already live alone, so that's not a concern of mine and...that's it. smoore said she'd like to live with me after a couple more semesters or something, we shall see. i need a change. although i'll be sad to move from downtown. st elmo might be a little quieter though. not as many sirens, horse hooves, and drunken "whoknowswhats."

i am also turning thirty tomorrow, december 23. i will need to feel a break (coming up), i feel that i'll rush through my ages and never really see them for what they were. i dislike being so reactionary, wishing that things were slomo, like when i was a kid, crawling through the ditch from one end of our street to the other. i do not have any hestitation about becoming older. i am barely an adult and wish i had the wisdom and maturity of some forty year olds. compared to last year i feel really at peace, other than stress-jobs and wrapping presents with kitchen towels (what a cool idea!) i still have not made my snowman cookies and i'm rambling. age is the most perfect thing about being me. i still feel 18 and look a little like i'm 18 still. i have so much to look forward to. cannot wait to eat at the meeting place. seeing family and friends. i'm gonna crank up the tunes and shout for joy, reflection isn't so bad when i am happy, right? peace and more love.


patience please

there is nothing about this photo that i took that is a reflection of what have to say or feel. although i am tired this afternoon, fortunately i have been in good spirits. i had a good weekend even though i had to work at the rx. friday night was the uoha holiday party. as usual it was a the mtn city men's club. i left early than the last several years. it was nice and of course the blessing is the bonus and jewelry. saturday and sunday i worked at the rx. it was super busy, funny how some people do all of their shopping at the rx, even christmas shopping. i also think people go brain dead about this time of the year. after being out in traffic or at the mall, they'll come into the store with blank fried faces on, zombies roaming the first aid/painkiller isles. it is sad what this time of the year does to people. or should i say what people allow this time of the year to do to them. i mean it is a choice. why get so rattled and chaotic and pissed and rushed. let it go, let it go, let it go. this time of the year always makes me crazy because other people seem to be going crazy. have you noticed.

A side: on sunday my parents came over to help me decorate my little pre-lite xmas tree. i have all bird ornaments now, developing quite a collection. my aunt even sent a paper bird ornament from the 1920's that she got of ebay for me. i'll have to post fotos later. i had a really nice time with my parents. a special little time, not so complicated or crazy. just us in the quiet of my apartment. so my plans are to take carolyn in the city to nashville to catch her flight to san diego, then i work. sometime i'll shop. i am going to make the almond snowmen cookies and there is one other project i'd like to finish, christmas cards, and wrapping. i cannot wait.


sweet and spicey

i must share my favorite christmas cookie recipe with you. although the recipe does not originate with me or my family i am quite thankful to beth ward and k. knuton for this wonderfully simple cookie.

Spice Cookies

2 cups brown sugar
1 1/2 cups butter
1 beaten egg
3 1/2 cups all purpose flour
3/4 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon nutmeg
1/2 teaspoon ground cloves

directions are as follows: cream sugar and butter
beat in egg
stir in dry ingredients
mix well
roll it out 1/4 inch
do the cookie cutter thing
preheat and bake at 350 degrees
for 6-8 minutes
(recipe works poorly in hot weather)

while visiting kate in atlanta this past weekend we went to the ikea down there. i was really super fortunate to beable to bring jenn kring with me. the three of us, just like old times. we spent the day with one another on saturday, in the evening we went to harry's international food market. i bought sushi and sunflower seeds, shampoo and conditioner. as well as a few christmas gifts for the fam. sunday we went to the high museum to see the andrew wyeth collection. we were truly hoping to see the nude helga's but unfortunately it was a no go. besides that small disappointment the collection was incredible. i was moved to emotion, feeling a bit teary eyed. wyeth seems to be such a sad sort of man and i felt a connection between my experiences in new jersey and the still landscapes of his. it was such a pleasant afternoon. so nice to be with other artistic friends.

on monday i took a personal day and we then went to ikea. omg! i know you all are fair and aware of ikea and all of it's good and bad parts. i'd say honestly that ikea isn't for a home home. the products are specifically designed for small living spaces, flats and apartments, even offices. so i came home feeling like i needed to downscale. i got the sweet pillow covers though, just $4.99 each. i got a few other christmas gifts there too.

tonight is the christmas office party and so i'll be there, working this weekend at the rx and then back again in a few days. have a wonderful weekend. thanks kate for your spectacular hospitality and jenn you are a gem girl!


tuesday's with reflection

i have not been participating very often or at all lately with self portrait tuesdays. and i also have not got a whole lot of fresh spt material. i have posted many a reflection foto from last winter. i was excited about the dinocam, scarf, and lighting last year so i took a whole bunch of these...

this year i haven't taken so many winter coat portraits. although i was fortunate to get a very nice coat as a early birthday present from my mom. the saturday after thanksgiving we went to the mall and she found a wool blend peacoat @ br. it was an internet returned item, one of a kind on the shelf sort of thing, marked down way below original price, like close to half off and wham bam it was mine, plus i had leftover giftcard moolah to spend toward it. i could not believe it, fitting me perfectly. which is nearly always impossible due to the fact that i am so very short and stout, squat and potato like. my arms are usually swallowed in coats. this go around is a beaut. the other cool amazing thing is that i had been wearing my mom's ole' kindly coat as pictured, ever since the housefire three years ago, so the coat found was a much anticipated phenom!

i would like to encourage you to look at some of the other spt's this month. my reflect. is without the head this go around. too often i become consumed with the daily prep work it takes to get out the door. i usually end up at work five minutes late with half my hair fuzzy and the other half faded out blah. these kinds of pics make me feel good though. warm and cozy.


holiglaze bejoy and rejoy

i have been looking for holiday cards to send out to family and friends. so finally be looking, because here's what's cooking. hillary @ weewonderfuls has brought forth a brillant little card for the season, if i must say so. i was also able to pur-chase down another set of her postcards, a possible xmas present or a treat for me. i must seem selfish to all of you. i am a stationary junkie, addicted to the best in design and feel of paper. help me, i need help. fenn also has given me xmas cards with tiny little cats, very fitting.

i had a really nice weekend. although i worked on saturday, my really nice boss at the rx let me off on sunday, so that i could decorate the tree, with my fam. we had an incredible afternoon together. it felt real and more importantly like we were on a united front. because of all of the monumental changes within our family i suggested that we pray together as a family. so we did and i cannot tell you how good it was. we each took a turn at expressing thankfulness an then a request from christ, for something we would like to see change in our lives. man, it was just like a dream, a utopia sort of feeling, but not cheesy, we laughed and cried and felt like one. we were trying to escape anything by praying for one another, we just wanted to let one another know.

i want to do a christmas list here, like kate. but i want to actually give gift suggestions, incase you all need ideas for other people.

1. how about a brillantly beautiful necklace from j. bliss.

2. i can think of a couple of people who'd benefit from getting a popcorn bowl from elsewhere's.

3. if you are in the neighborhood, go check out the fredflare's warehouse. you'll find lots of incredible gifts for all your loved and unloved ones. whatever you want.

4. don't forget about lotta jansdotter. her name is sprinkled amoungst these blog pages and many others. ie. a bird in the hand caught up with her at readymade. which, if your wondering, a very special holiday offer of $19.95 is all it would take to make this happy girl into a bejoyful girl (

5. shop at motel and find lots o familiar artists' names and handmade beautiful work, visual and practical. join the millions who shop online every single year. yeehaw. i'm a freakin advertisment feelin it in my creakin bones.

6. and for your favorite foreign friends check out BG. the mostest beauty, just in japanese. you'll need help i'm sure.

i'll have to save some for later. i even found a cool website for bundt pans in the shape of cathedrals. how cool is that?


how i got over

part of my trip to new jersey at the end of october was spent visiting with my nana's brother, my uncle john. sixteen years ago my great grandparents decided to sell their farm. at the time the competition was growing and it was difficult to compete with the larger farms that 800-900 acres, corporate. where theirs was 300-400 acres, i think??? but still selling to campbell's for tomato soup. my brothers and i were so very interested in our uncle john's tractors and so the day of nana's funeral we spent outside in the glorious weather enjoying the chugging of tractors, the autum color and small moments of overwhelming nostalgia. i have always been intrigued with tractors, not ever knowing of their mechanisims or able to drive them. just loving their colors and characters. each much like us humans. uncle john has developed this little huge hobby and has ended up rebuilding all of like six tractors. he's got them all stored in a nice big garage outside his home. red just kicks ass!!! don't you all think so too?

look at the joy. can you imagine anything better, at that moment in time i couldn't. my brothers have both said at seperate times that the trip to new jersey was one of their most favorite things ever, being with one another was just amazing. now that i am home and have been home all of november, things are settling a bit and i do not feel as crazed as i did. although with the holidays approaching i definitely do not feel up to speed. i have been working on xmas tags that i must take photos of for you and also i am doing the paper flower thing to. i am responsible for making kate knutson's very famous in our family spice cookies. she told me that one year her mom made them in the cookie cutter shape of martin luther for reformation day which is also halloween. it might be tasteless or blasphemy but would a baby jesus be going over board? i saw this incredible show last night on pbs about the 3 kings of orient are... or the three magi. so very interesting. i'll pop the link sometime soon. also you might wanna check out INSTYLE's holiday publication, as well as REAL SIMPLE has a nice holiday edition, also coming to PBS. i am getting over the down feeling, markedly i have seen three very serious accidents every single night tues, wednes and last night. tuesday a car hit a telephone pole, wednesday, i was the first to arrive or come across a car flipped in a ditch, then last night a pile up on the freeway at 4th street. the highway was completely closed. i don't know if the guy in the wednesday night accident was alright-unconscience, unmoving. the girl was alright and seemed unhurt. very very scary!!!

looking forward to next weekend, visiting atl. tell you about it next post.