black-eyed pumpkin pie

i haven't been around a whole lot lately because i wasn't in the office yesterday and i haven't been motivated to take a whole lot of photos. i did happen to get a couple of shots of my favorite pumpkin in the world. the gift i mentioned a couple of posts back from my snl. it's tiny and cute and i should make a pumpkin tree to hang it on. i'll be out of town tomorrow, off from the old rx this weekend. to enjoy saturday with my friend jen, while working the fest, playing with lavendar, soaking up the autumm air, please be nice! sunday is my day to relax and remember.

i have almost finished the third and final red paper quilt collage, i finally drew the best little robot in the world and i can't wait to show you all. your just going to have to wait until monday or tuesday. have a wonderful weekend. peace and love you all.


a peace of the green

late last week i finished up the second drawing, in my paper quilt collage series. i really labored the idea of drawing a fish once again. afterall it feels like all i've drawn in the last years are birds and fish and fish well, they're a bit more complicated. i ended up feeling fairly content with this little guy and the outcome.

i have had one bit of critisism toward my next drawing on the red paper quilt collage. my tentative idea is to draw a robot, but i'm stuck stuck stuck on things like round head, square head, round mouth, square mouth, neck or no neck. it's a hassle right now drawing stupid dribbly drawings. i so rarely practice before starting a drawing, i hate warming up and would much rather jump into the drawing project than deliberate the impending doom. i have thought about doing a butterfly/dragonfly or a mushroom, but i'm not as 100% behind these ideas, so...

i made it through my seven day straight. work to the brink. i still have my soul and a good attitude. nothing more or less. very happy to be on the other side of a dull moment. switching gears, and having a pile to give away is nice. i've got a pit growing in my stomach, a sort of exciting seed, saying that i might should prepare to move but that is all. no word of resigning a lease. so strange...


pastures of afterglow

yesterday or the day before, i am not so sure, i was on my way to the rx, stuck in terrible bridge traffic and desperately wishing bad drivers would disappear. in these crazy moments i have also become keenly aware of my dissatisfaction with the radio station selections in my city. they aren't distracting me as much from the day to day and so i settle in with the national public. on this particular day, possibly monday i found myself in the middle of a conversation with the infamous ryan adams. this was exciting for me because i just recently saw ryan at the tabernacle in atlanta and thought the show was great, just great! i also had no idea that things were the way they are for him. 3 albums in 7 months, my goodness the man is a songwriting machine. and all the attitude and controversy, i couldn't believe my naive (i'm not naive though) little ears. i mean who knew he was such a freakin' rebel?

beyond these minor things i must say the weather has been of the utmost-beautiful. i just went outside for the break and found a cloudless blue sky, a blue so warm and comfortable it called out to me, to seek happiness, friendship, autumn leaves, orange cream pumpkins, and the daily 3 mile hike around the hospital campus. unga bunga. my sister in law took a trip down to frazier avenue, to blueskies and brought me back a baby glass pumpkin, so cute, i died. jumping and squeeling, because i'd seen it last week and forewent the temptation to buy and thought 'oh god would bless me with even the smaller things if i might just let go of this one thing so tiny and wonderful, this time.' i really think that because i let it go, it came back to me in such a perfect little way. i also decided to go ahead a sign up for amy's incredible mailorder. i'm all set to go on the halloween garland and i'm ready to pitch the clothes, shoes and boxes i've got piled up in my apt. it's time for fall cleaning, i'm not up on the spring time ways of cleaning. and well let's see i'm bored here at work, fairly caught up and thinking i should purge charts! yikes. i'm outta here, enjoy the weather, cool nights, bugless days, imagine the brown leaf scents and back to school butterflies. i've not been in school for ten years and i still get the tiniest turn overs in my tummy in the morning. geez. and who has experience with fake eyelashes? just curious. i'm back and happier can you tell? i've gotten the best of encouragement. love and heart going out to all of you.


blur quandary, close finish, & bitter water

over the weekend i was able to get a fair amount of painting done to the posturing/pretending tree aka bitter water. i keep making these amendments to the title, fearing the worst that only a paragraph will be the chance explaination. i completely disappointed with the photo quality and won't complain about it again until after i am finished and then maybe a critique.

i am gaining on the finish line, slowly but surely, waiting for the canvas, paint and color to speak a final word of 'it is done.' i went ahead, filled in with the bronze/white twists of the tree. even though i love the tree, i'm reminded of tootsie rolls when i look at the bark. my intention was to make the painting look flat, yet in each smaller plane, a variation and shade of contrast. i have still got the bitter water to work on. i purposely poisoned the water with a red permanent maker and so the pink will continue to pinch at the seams. i'm eager to find warmth and background but feel so drawn into the stark white, simple symbols and refresh represented. this go around i decided i would try my hand at creating this level of work. as mentioned i'm inspired by some of the greats:

1. aaron kraten

2. blaine fontana

3. aaron jasinski

4. sam flores

as mentioned before my other inspiration and thoughts have come directly from the bible. never before have i experienced a thought or idea that coincided with a image or story from a bible teaching. it is such a strange feeling. i want to see my art in print and the painting really seems like it could be the first step. i am also thinking of doing a 2007 calendar. wouldn't that be a blast. here's the scripture i've taken the idea from. sometimes i feel like some bitter water. really. sorry in advance for the creepy numbers. and i have to admit my enjoyment of the king james. it's the old school vintage version of things i really think cuts.

22So Moses brought Israel from the Red sea, and they went out into the wilderness of Shur; and they went three days in the wilderness, and found no water.
23And when they came to Marah, they could not drink of the waters of Marah, for they were bitter: therefore the name of it was called Marah.
24And the people murmured against Moses, saying, What shall we drink?
25And he cried unto the LORD; and the LORD shewed him a tree, which when he had cast into the waters, the waters were made sweet: there he made for them a statute and an ordinance, and there he proved them,
26And said, If thou wilt diligently hearken to the voice of the LORD thy God, and wilt do that which is right in his sight, and wilt give ear to his commandments, and keep all his statutes, I will put none of these diseases upon thee, which I have brought upon the Egyptians: for I am the LORD that healeth thee.
27And they came to Elim, where were twelve wells of water, and threescore and ten palm trees: and they encamped there by the waters.

that's all for the day. i had a good weekend, busy, bustling and bursting over with all kinds of times. picnic llama's, slip and slids, treasured conversations with carolyn. and geez a confrontation. i bought a new pair of new balance 992. and hit greenlife up for some yummy bites.


i am in my way

lately the weather has been less about blue and more about grey, i am more about my blue tommy fleece, just like last year. i cannot wait to show you what i have been working on. your welcome to come and see, i'm warning you it's just the beginning. i don't know, you might be surprised that i had guts to paint right over my paper quilts, don't worry, it was my thought to do so all along. i just had to collect the right supplies to do this sort of thing. my plans are to paint a fish on the green paper quilt and a robot on the red paper quilt.

even though i started the pretending tree i really must finish this series of small mixed media collages first. i will keep you updated as things progress.

i splurged last week and bought myself these special little earrings. i haven't been out shopping and wanted to celebrate myself in someway. sounds cheesy i know but i've been so down down down on myself lately and yes yes yes buying these inexpensive earrings were a way to spruce up the spirit a bit. check em out, woot if you like em!

i have this way about me, introverting and stumbling over my thoughts and rewinding/replaying scenerio's over and over again in my mind. i know talking about god on the internet isn't cool because it expresses too much of what is in my head and heart. i know writing about the ins and outs of my life isn't really the best way to improve or better the creative things i try and share. i keep saying that without the ability to create i'd go insane. i know it's true for others and that i'm not alone in saying so.

listen though, i am struggling with my identity, am i weak or am i strong? am i a friend or not? all that i see in myself is fight. people always say..."follow gods will, he'll show you the way. he's got a plan for your life, relinquish control, freedom comes in faith and taking risks." yet i specifically want a couple of my relationships to be completely blessed. i'm not sure if i see god in it. i mean he's in it because he's my father and he's soverign and full of practical real life grace stuff but...i have been changing and opening myself up a whole lot more to things like bible study and church and people and all of this time i'm thinking that god is leading me, i'm feeling fine, right? like even if there are butterflies in my stomach i can swallow harder, blink past-thru tears and follow. but hell i don't want to, what i want more is for a relationship to be redeemed, what i want is for this person to be blessed completely and forever. what i want is to be at peace with god's desire. my hang up is the mere fact of loosing out of friendship, companionship. there's not one ounce of me that thinks i've compromised in this relationship or that i'm even about to. i'm not throwing up my hands in anger toward god, i'm throwing them up at myself, thinking-yelling, to get out of my own way! so i'm immersing myself with words and friendly interventions from carolyn in the city. i'm crying and asking god to fight for me, fight these conflicted feelings. i'm stubborn enough to continue to ask him for his blessings in this decaying relationship. i told carolyn i honestly believed that god was in everything going on here. and that the debate is pointless. i am overwhelmed with his love, it's keeping me safe and free from making really really stupid decisions, ya know like i used to when i was much younger. i just can't wait until it's the weekend, and kate moving up to chatt., and the picnic on sunday. that's going to have to fill me up. i'm filled. this is the plan. you may ask

why work so much? paying father back for tax help. and saving for the nicest laptop ever!



i've been surfing the www all morning long.
i found two pair of blue and green owl earrings and bought
them for nine dollars and fifty cents.
last night i went to bible study.
i came home and worked on the pretending/posturing
tree. i am changing it's direction for the better.
i am following exodus, bitter water, so on and
so forth. i'm going to go home early today.


with august over

i can't tell you how happy i am that august is now behind me. the beginning of the month was quite treachorous, the middle of the month things really started to pick up but now that it is september i'm back into the swing of things. i have not felt as productive, as i do at this point. on friday night i called kate and we caught up on a whole lot. while on the phone she reminded me that several years ago i decided that when making my art, especially collage, that i would utilize my drawing and painting skills. it is a challenge in collage to incorporate one's own ideas. in the beginning i spent a whole lot of my time cutting up magazines and things. now a piece isn't complete until i've added a larger element of my own. so over the weekend i began the second phase of the process with the paper quilt series, pushing myself to overcome and reflect my own drawing ability. i planned on the push in the first place, but it's hard. to have what looks to be a complete work, having to begin again, drawing...yikes! so far so good, although the first (blue paper quilt) has not been completed, it's got a blue bird!

i also began the largest painting i've ever worked on before. i'm excited because i initially bought the canvas to paint a commisson for my brother and sister n law. but they have decided on a triptych cityscape, so i won't be using this over 3 foot by over 2 foot canvas for them, i get to use it for the pretending/posturing tree. i really haven't got the gumption to show it all because it's all rather crude in the beginning but i like how the shapes and colors are coming together. kate was saying how she's incorporated a "jack rabbit" into her paintings because her backyard is full of early morning bunnies. i have strange trees around me the city and often times they are the only green things, catching light and rain. plus, and this is big. this past sunday frank taught from exodus, moses and his people come across a bitter water river, and desperately need their thirst quenched, god shows moses the tree and tells him to push it into the river. the imagery has caught up with me! i've never had this type of experience before, what shall i do?

tonight i've got b.s. and judges. and jesus christ, whether you believe or not, has raised me up in my job. he has made a way and i have found financial victory! praise him! my time at cvs maybe coming to an end. not before christmas though. i'm not sure there's anything else going on. the week is short and i've got to concentrate. i'm looking forward to the weekend with grand friends, gallery hop and all.

dream of the day: laptop by next summer