is not easy for me. fortunately, with age, with each new year it becomes easier for me to listen and hear between the lines. at thirty two my ears can fine tune themselves to the barely audible, fairly quiet, deeply internal voice, if i so chose. after all there are complicated consequences that result from discarding the facts. the truth is fairly simple but very difficult to want to hear, see, or believe. i never thought it was that funny when after having been told the truth and believing the opposite, i'd find myself completely unable to hear at all. i found that the less i heard, the less i was ever going to hear, i was quickly becoming deaf. just as i was losing my hearing, i found my vision and my ability to believe dissipate as well. oh the neglect. looking back i know i felt utterly, desperately in despair but now with a little age under my belt, thinking that maybe i know just a little bit more, it is all too funny. funny how taking guidance was absolutely distasteful and seriously uncool.
three or four or five years ago i thought i might be a decent enough artist to become a member of the local association of visual artists, AVA. after just one year i let that membership expire, and decided to fight conformity and structure and opportunity. to hell with organization. to hell with becoming a better artist, i didn't need the hassle of meeting some standard of mediocre impressionistic art. needless to say i knew i wouldn't miss out on a whole lot. now three or four or five years later i decided i wanted to be in that artist directory. uh? yeah you bet you, taking guidance feels really really good. you know it? thirty five bucks stood between me and that artist directory and you know how long it took for me to take heed and whip out the old credit card? um...only about a minute. yhep, that's right.
you know what? a membership to AVA doesn't mean anything to me but this one little itty bitty opportunity. and really i like this idea of a growing desire to share my art. finally. it is easier to listen than to bear the weight of neglect. taking guidance is difficult but i am thankful that guidance never gave up on me and figured out that in the depths of my heart i wanted to make nice art and share it with my community.