the stove is calling my name, like the growing heaps of vegetables in my refrigerator. a summer soup must happen. i am waiting for it all to come magically together though, the motivation, the inspiration, the recipe, the right moment, the-the. i have it all, the corn, carrots, broccoli and onions, maybe tomorrow morning? i barely cook and live alone and like honey toast and granola. for six years all i shopped for were breakfast foods because my mid day meal was provided via the doctor's office and those super drug reps. thanks to them, most food became a burden with so many names. not to say i wasn't grateful in a some small way for the provision but the bad out weighed the good, if you know what i mean, for me at least it just wasn't healthy.
last friday i went on a bit of a shopping spree and found two pairs of black flats that actually fit. they've given me blisters though, but, it's just that flip-flops weren't going to cover it for me this summer. i am sure that most of you "have it all together". i am often shocked at the fact that i am beginning to have some things together, not just finding shoes i like, in my size. oh i'm not as concerned about fashion, although i'd like to find some rocket dogs in my size. i was thinking more along the lines of money and how money has played a primary role in how i define and project myself. it's obvious right, the moolah topic. who doesn't think about how the dough defines them? i have never felt like the amount of money i had in my checking account had anything to do with what was really going on in my life. it seems to me the middle of the road is the best here, i mean, in debt or poverty, having not is all one can think about. in wealth and riches, having much has it's own entirely different but similar problems, right? i also know extremes are extremely general but, i guess i am thankful for the middle.
over ten years ago i left chattanooga and moved to california. i left quickly and without much thought, with over eight thousand dollars in debt. within six months i was back and living with my folks, go figure. i had no intention of staying nor of paying back what i owed. a week passed and before i knew it, i had a job at cvs and walked there everyday, every week i handed my paychecks over to my dad. ha! who does that? i mean how embarrassing, absolutely one hundred percent humiliating all the way. to say the least and to make my point, one and a half years passed and i moved out with all debt paid back, all of it. it didn't feel all that great back then, no balloons or streamers, no party or new car. i didn't even feel like i had had anything to do with the accomplishment. i continued to ignore the whole mess, from beginning to end. needless to say bad habits are hard to break and debt, no matter what kind, is tempting and sneaky slimy, no matter who you are and your intent. the money battle has been difficult at times for me to overcome, but you know now, i am just in the middle of the road, no debt and pretty thankful for the mercies. thankful that my heart and mind has been won. i was struggling last weekend with other things and talking to my mom in the middle of the night and she was reminding me of some of my accomplishments. gosh. i cannot believe i actually, seriously forgot about the eight thousand dollar pay off, easily a thing of the past.
i hope i can break the habit of relying on gm food and high fuel calorie food and learn to provide and make myself some yummy summer soup. i hope that the mercies are just as great and that in my learning i never forget the other things i have overcome. i owe changing my habits to myself and to those i owe and to my local farmers.
have a bright and merry fourth of july people!