11.24.2004

happy holiglaze



this is the loveliest view from my apartment window, looking northwest across the simple little city. the weather was just beautiful a couple of weeks ago and now all hell has broken lose. i feel terrible about what's happening in texas. and poor hillary in chicago thought they were getting snow and now is disappointed because of the nothing that fell from the sky. i'm still here on the frontlines, finishing the last of me pc day before trudging home to take a nap. i've got much to do. first there's the parentals for a cheesecake pan. i'm going to change things up a bit and go for this pumpkin cheesecake. it may be alot of work but i don't have really anything else to do this evening or tomorrow before the outdoor extravaganza.

i'll also be updating my photos. i've got some very exciting things to share. i'm so pleased because i've actually gotten three whole collages finished for cards. for kate's dad and for the possible 4bridges fest. i can't wait for everyone to see. totally new and improved. the photos won't be that wonderful because i'm still really trying to figure out this dinocamera from the prehistoric age. it eats batteries for breakfast, i believe. the closer i am to the object the better the pic. i also have some very awesome news about what i got in the mail yesterday. but i'm not going to say a word until i've got the photo to prove.

i've been struggling again in my job, but i think i've got it figured out again. i don't want to spend too much time complaining because i know i am most fortunate to have the job i do. i am a "gotta fix it" type person and if it's broken i've got have my nose tooling around trying to figure out a solution. even a mental solution for my own stress at the least. i know that i want to change jobs but i don't want to move on until i know what is going to happen with honolulu. it's definitely a catch 22. the other thing i've been struggling with is this time and distance between the 45 and all. gosh!!! i find myself repeatedly being ridiculous with him in conversation. i ask stupid questions that i already know the answers to. i constantly worry that he's not doing the things he should be doing. i am frequently unsure of his intentions and everytime i ask, he's very quick to remind me that he is in love with me, that he wants me to be in hi and that if i don't quit asking stupid questions he'll let me go from the phone. everytime i experience something in my walk with god i want to tell the 45 about it, but instead of just telling him about what i'm thinking i ask him self righteous and prideful questions as if i've got something up on him. i'm sick of it in myself. thankfully 45 is patient and gentle, not an unkind word comes out of his mouth. but it's difficult to learn this way. i just don't ever really see how ugly my heart is. i was so stunned and overwhelmed with the sermon on sunday. i could barely rehash it for you now. but it has left me with a clearer vision of myself. i also notice often that my attitude with my mom is much the same. but i do want to hear truth and i do want the grace. i'm too stubborn. i'm too this way in motion.

one other little thing is that the holidays are a bit misgiving for me. considering all the friends and family around me have significant others. i would love to be with the 45 and i suppose underneath it all my fear, anger and insecurity in my life poise as stupid selfishness and pride. i'm going to learn one of these days to listen more closely to the whisper. james 1:16-24.

happy holiglaze.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Kate:
Can't wait to see the collages! And I feel your pain about no "other" for the holidays. Just be glad you have your fam, and that your not in turmoil. Remember my friend jon who has no fam in town no $ and he'not allowed to see his wife and son for T-day. that sucks!

julie said...

Yesterday I worked, had a smoothie and a salad for the big feast and watched the Apprentice. With my five cats. And a bottle of pink zin, because it was the only non-beer alcohol the only gas station I could find open had. Love at a distance is better than no love at all! Or something like that.

~michele