the day before yesterday was a year that the 45 and i have been together. or at least soon after the day before yesterday, a year ago. he brought me twelve pink roses the day before my birthday last year. i almost died with jittery overwhelming glee. no one had ever made an effort to give me flowers for my birthday before. he came with me to my office christmas party and we spent new years at the local. by january we were talking about him moving to honolulu. then in late february he left. he flew me out to hnl in may, later i saw him in early september. i have not seen him again. we are fortunate to have a cellphone way of talking every day and there are emailings and blogs. technology has made the long distance a tad more bearable, otherwise i'd have gone bananas. i wrote him a letter last night. i wrote that the boys i have seen before had arms, but he had a heart-nest, i'll take my chipped blue robins egg gladly lie it in his nest. where i can be still, warm and resting.
we are both older and this relationship we have isn't a game. it is difficult for us to think beyond our age, when i comes to relating. we know we've got a bit of an advantage over the puppyloving youthful relationships. my desire is for us to define a faith that is unified in christ. there is also the question of whether or not he can be the best provider. the best protector. i have to ask myself if i'll beable to follow or be led. i think now that its been a year the 45 has much pressure and circumstances for him have to be just right. i understand. i wonder if other people think this much when in our position. i have this feeling that in youth, people aren't compelled to ask as many questions. whatever the case maybe. my prayer is that god gives me humility, comfort and strength. i must have great wisdom and courage in order to conduct myself appropriately in this fine relationship. god is working in jas and i, there isn't like a void of growth here. but his continued blessings and direction are necessary inorder for us to proceed.