8.23.2005

the weak in my tree

scientists are able to explain a trees rings when, for instance, a severe draught or period of growth has occured. i am not certain where i picked up this little piece of knowledge, probably from my gptv-pbs stations. i understand that in the last couple of days i have neglected self portrait tuesday and no waste wednesday. you have to know that i am moving in a direction. actually many directions and so time is limited, especially here.

over the weekend i became upset about issues involving an ex boyfriend of mine. i broke up with him back in december of 2004 and feel completely, that i made the best ever decision. i did not mind him calling me and i did not mind his long distant pursuit of me or whatever. although i was not pursuing a relationship with him. i have thought him lost and incomplete, too many red flags. I should have stopped talking with him altogether, but it is difficult. man at twenty nine i am still learning about standards and boundaries. it is tough, marking my territory, yet remaining open to love and vunerability. i do not miss or mourn the relationship. and i told him that i wish for his presense to be obsolete. yes the weekend provided a opportunity for me to devote some thought to my role, my ishas. i am constantly having to remind myself that god, right now, is my husband, my partner, my reason for living. i really can share everything with christ who ultimately is my best friend, a warrior with me in the battles of my life. cheese overflows, but it is all true and more comforting, knowing that i do not have to rely on a 'weak' man. i have no desire to be with someone who constantly needs affirmation from me. a man of faith needs only the affirmation from christ. this ex has no true faith, otherwise i think he'd lay off and understand his need is not in me. i have no desire to be the one to lead him, at all. i often feel too strong and don't see the strength in most men that i think is necessary in my life and in a relationship/marriage.

this is entirely too blah, to end on this sort of note. no craft, no art news. although i did feel a renewal of art interest. i made some buttons and a box, but no aprons. i need to make those aprons!!! right kate!!! okay so now i am outta here.

4 comments:

sweethc said...

It can be a challenge marking your boundaries and deciding to end a relationship. If you believed it to be best then, it probley was the right decision.

Now go make those aprons!!

Mom said...

Hi my sweet girl,
I read your most recent blog and if I wasn't sitting here at my desk in Probasco, I would cry. I prayed a dangerous prayer all the 29 years of your life - that you would love the Lord with all your heart. I did not realize what that prayer might mean in the lives of my kids.
If you have nothing else in this life but Christ you will have had everything. I do pray that God will give you a good and godly man. But, if he does not, than what may seem not too good, God will turn to good in your life.
I love you,
Your mom

katiek said...

I'm proud of you cat, and I love you. I believe great things are out there for you. better things than the past.

Allison said...

Hi - I'm a crafty-blog peruser, but as someone just coming out of an unpleasant relationship with a weak/needy type guy, I was really struck by this entry. Thanks for sharing your (wise) thoughts!