back, better & before

time swallowed me. i swallowed feelings of liberation. i arrived home yesterday afternoon, feeling a little bit like life and the ocean had changed me. the sun everyday, the beating waves, seaweed haze and torrent winds are still on my mind and in my reflection. am i back? so i am very physically, with my mind at the edge of the shore. before i left i was beginning to take time again. time to swallow up my urge. piece by piece a grid of this family tree. the poison tree a concept-ual i've had for too long and haven't had any degree of motivation. it is working itself out so very well. and so now and probably for ever i will be working on this one theme; "trees." considering my last two paintings were the freezing trees and now this. and yes it is still a wip, i know it's not friday guys.

did i mention that i am feeling now one hundred percent better. like a new female. like a new growth, a green feeling. oh i do appreciate kate, jen's, and ellia's considerately sweet thoughts. i have this semi-guilty feeling that i may have asked for them in a desperate way, but before i left i was feeling really desperate. really and i didn't know if you'd want to know, or even if i should ask for support and help. did i even ask? i needed the good cry that came on monday night last week. i needed to write it all down, whatever it all was that was beneath my skin, crawling and causing me conflict. i needed your affirmation and i needed to get the hell away for a while. i needed to laugh with tears, i needed to laugh more and swim and tan tan tan. i needed to find a few pretty shells. all not without great strength from my mother and you my friends. so now that beachtrip 2006 is past i can move forward. i so i will, beginning with working again every day and every night this week. and trying so to get off on the 29th for ryan adams, he's one hot whiskey. how can i miss it?

i have updated my flickr acct with bt 2006 pics. i may end up doing a side by side comparison of last year-this year. i think it might be cool. if i have time.


katiek said...

Sooooo glad you're back! You know HH is always an invite too! And Ryan Adams is available as well. Can you tell I miss you that I'm bribing you with concerts and more beach?? I'm feeling desperate too. Desperate for friends that are real. Friends that are over the age of 4. Anyway, I hope to be in Chatt this week to escape my home getting worked on. Maybe have an overnight. Maybe we can get some coffee or even better, take a walk!!

I love you and you look fan-tab-u-lus with a tan and that cute shirt.

nina said...

Hello cat sounds like you just needed a release and I am sure glad you are feeling better and may more better days come for you.Keep being creative and never stop. Hugs and kisses to you....Nina! :)

jen said...

sooo glad to have you home... and such a cute beachy looking cat...i'm jealous of your sweet tan!

the tree canvas looks great... suprised to see earthy tones from ya...

hope to see you this weekendy...finally we have absolutely nothing going on.
so glad to have you home!!!