3.29.2007

clear metal:pound&round

often i lay in bed at night before drifting off to sleep pondering my day, my experiences, my immediate reactions and overreactions, and words. words that hang around on the tip of my tongue or have double meanings or words that have no real possibility, ie. clear metal. i was thinking about the different types of responses i have received from my previous post and how blogging can become a treachorous experience about sharing and getting exactly what i've asked for. extreme as i may or may not sound i have decided after discussion and reconsideration to expound and round up this single womans mythbusters.

i'd like to be a clear metal, chemically and scientifically i'd like to be as clear and transparent as possible, to be open and vunerable and still, still be hard enough to withstand the questions, concerns, and critique. i'd like to be a walking, talking oxymoron. what are the chances?

monday night i went out with kate and joel. we caught up. joel added this bit of commentary: he said to me, "kate and you will talk on the phone for a couple of hours about everything and anything and then decide that you are going out to get coffee. how is it that two hours go by and you've still got enough to talk about, enough to go out and talk about"? it is true...true and really hilarious because i would have never seen it from joel's perspective. i think going out with kate and joel is only just a part of a the bigger community i experience on a daily basis.

on tuesday night i went out with my brother's wives, mary and laurie. we go out every week and have been doing so for close to a year now. as you probably remember the three of us took a trip to new york together, traveled together. slept in the same hotel together and even got lost in the city together. it brought us closer together for real. and with three baby boys on the way it is super important that the three of us really get to know one another. i'm going to be spending every holiday with them for the rest of my life. and to top it off. the relationships with them don't always feel good, they don't always seem easy, we all work full time in the medical field, we each deal with life and death in a very serious way...we bring our own struggles, our own stresses, and self centered ness(es) to the weekly dinner table. it is challenging to lay aside defensiveness when listening to mary and laurie talk about my family, my mom and my dad and my brothers. but it is important to hear and listen to their perspectives. perspectives of yet another different community.

on wednesday night i went out with my co worker amy. amy is someone i see every single day of my life. we work together in the same office space doing the difficult, every metamorphising job of oncology billing. amy is catholic. i'm only saying that because we are very open and we talk about everything under the sun. sex, theology, philosophy, television and much much more. amy and i have become close. she gets on my nerves, i get on her nerves. but we help each other, we teach and show and learn from one another. and i like shopping with her. so went to the mall and we went to hobby lobby to find craft supplies, so that she can make notebooks for some of our other co workers. at the beginning of lent this year amy suggested that we pray together every morning in the insurance department. so we do. almost everyday. she or i pray, d.w. and l.w., amy and i take a few minutes to lift our prayers to god. that is community.

last night which was thursday night and then tonight which is friday i am going to work at cvs pharmacy. i have been working for cvs now for over two years. i will work anywhere from 12-21 hours there in addition to my full time job at uoha. i primarily work with a sixty five year old great grandmother who has worked for cvs for 15 years. she is one of my heros. really one of my heros. she isn't perfect but she's a mentor, a true mentor. her life is a pill bottle full of tragedy, abuse, struggle, pain, some self inflicted, some from her husband, and some even from her adult children. her story is long and full of chronic loss and fatigue and joy too, but she tells me to stay away from "tarus men". she warns me not to get stuck in a relationship with an abusive man. she challenges me to never give up. save money, be frugual, provide for yourself, be self sufficent and work hard. we are close, very close and i am so happy when i see her and we get to spend our weekends together. it is hard, we don't always agree just like me and an amy and me and katie but it's good. she is my community at cvs and it is another part of the bigger community that makes up my life.

i have calvary and i have my art and my downtown apartment and space to reflect and quiet my soul. i have community and i do allow myself to be stretched into a capacity god sees fit for me to fill. when i talk about being single and i write about ideas and plans and values and standards it is important to remember that god is my father, my husband, my leader, my guide, my path, my shield, he fights my battles for me. risk is something i take everyday, posting and being this clear metal. i could spend this weekend alone in my apartment and not one of you would ever know if i disappeared. i could go for a walk in the battlefield and disappear and noone would know. i make choices that help validate my exsistence in these communities. and stating the facts and blowing myths up about being single is happening all over the world. do a google search sometime. it isn't just me. i just happen to be the only single woman some of you all know.

leaving you all with some other things to think about:

single men missing

the portrait party via veer

free people via poppy

dwell

sparkability

dwell and sparkability via print&pattern

tonight join the rest of us on the southside for artsmove on main from 3:30pm until 5pm.
have a great weekend friends. take care.

2 comments:

katiek said...

thanks for dedicating so much of your free time to me yesterday. It was good, even if it wasn't easy. I want you to know that I have a knot bound up inside of me for you and your struggles. They are important to me and I'm your best friend so we can work on those oh-so-tightly tied knots in each of us, together. your cool. *kate

Lynn said...

Thanks for talking boldly.