in the bag

you are seeing for the first time my beachtrip traveling, packing, and dispersing ways. i am so sure this is exactly what everyone needed, whether for a difference, a laugh, scoff, or for the crazy ridiculous shock value of it all. it's just i almost always have to have the closet space instead of drawers. i don't know why but i barely had to unpack this time. and i washed all of my clothing before coming back, as a matter of fact, my bag is still lying on the floor of my apartment, barely unpacked. what is with me?

last night all night i painted and tonight all night until nine at least i will be at the rx. and hopefully maybe by thrusday night my elbow which is bothering me the most at this point will have healed enough for me to beable to ride again.

friday night i am going to work again. but saturday and sunday are free days. i am keeping my mind on those two days. by that time i might be starting some fresh new art collage painting art. *my brother ethan and my sis n law mary are leaving on saturday for a month, to go and get little caleb. i have been and will be thinking of them mostly all of the time. as a family we gathered this past sunday, to celebrate the july birthday's, it was a somber sort of day in a good way. we all seemed tired and a little weepy with thoughts of caleb so so far away from us, waiting on his parents to come and get him. honestly i have been quite emotional lately and can't seem to shake the lake of tears that have overflowed the last two evenings.

i have these periods of release, thinking of how little i actually do keep things together. it's weird how often i don't feel capable, but plan to fake ability and responsibility. i am here at work, aren't i? and other than the usual stuff like letting the laundry pile up. i'm only about a week behind on the other kinds of things. again bills must be paid, tags and registration must be claimed, art to art, clothesline, friends, family, reading, book club, seeking advice, praying. i doubt seriously that i have anything in the bag except my leftover travels. seashells and cockleshells...that's what little girls are made of.

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