poison tree progress reported

i am quite a night person and always have been. in any case my newest piece, poison tree is still in the works. updated progress. roger ten four roger. i haven't been this excited about something that i am in the midst of making in sometime, if feels like forever but i'm taking time, real time. there are still a few areas that need a bit more coaching but for the most part i think the ideas are clear. although you may ask me why the poison tree?

maybe this will help...

A Poison Tree: william blake

I was angry with my friend:
I told my wrath, my wrath did end.
I was angry with my foe:
I told it not, my wrath did grow.
And I watered it in fears,
Night and morning with my tears;
And I sunned it with smiles,
And with soft deceitful wiles.
And it grew both day and night,
Till it bore an apple bright,
And my foe beheld it shine,
And he knew that it was mine,
And into my garden stole,
When the night had veiled the pole.
In the morning, glad I see
My foe outstretched beneath the tree.

one in the spirit

i made it through a difficult week of twelve hour days, monday through friday. when saturday morning rolled around i was ready for a day off with best friends both younger and older. we had so much fun with one another that the time flew by. at one point i sat imaging us all together in the same city again. how we'll be able to do this galavanting around the water parks, savoring a good ole PB&J, talking blogs and craft, painting and babies. i know the dear people in my life care about me when they let their children(josiah) run arms outstretched yelling out "miss cat, miss cat" proceeding to explain fire trucks, sirens and water fountains to me. what a joy! what a joy! i never want for anything when josiah is around my neck. i never could ask god for my own children, when he has given me so much when he created josiah, eden b. and lavendar.

i also worked on art over the weekend, specifically poison tree. notice i've got two links because i've got to differnt lighting effects on the picture. i'm completely pleased with my progress and can't wait for it's completion. it'll come up in etsy as soon as i can get it done. i'm also really excited about my vision-concept. re: trees. something i hope i can prosper in and with. check out my drawing: welcome tree from several years ago. goes to show how much i love trees. just because. i have also put recycled air up in my shop. it's a little pricey but totally worth it. i used my sewing machine to sew the entire thing, now it is framed in matte glass, barely there glare, double the cost but so nice. i really hope someone loves it enough someday to purchase it. because it is so beautiful. obviously the photo quality could be better but i'm hoping you all get the jist.

i was completely invigorated by my saturday off. i really hope the same can be said about the other participants. i know it's difficult with kids, but i'm so happy that i'm still included and that my singleness lends itself to helpfulness. those of you who have children should also try your hand at having many single friends, plus a few elder folk. it helps for perspective and adjustment to each new stage of life. i feel affirmed in my relationships when i'm not exactly the same as the next person, or not in the same place. thanks for the great times girls!

i think many of you are not reading anymore, like my early readers and it maybe because i'm not crafting as much but i hope you all are finding good stuff elsewhere. it is interesting how blogs take on phases and lives of their own. which brings me to how it's bizarre that in my reading i have found other female bloggers posting re: negative feedback and comment making. first it started here and then to here. several months ago i read about some scrapbooking bloggers being dogged out by other scrapbooking bloggers or "real" collage artists. it seemed like such an unattractive mess from the outside, although i could also see it being ironed out through exposure and confrontation. i have only experienced a small amount of negative commentry from a specific person who will remain anonymous. at that time i took my archives off and instigated the comment moderation thingy. it hurt my feelings because my life changes from day to day. why would anyone go back and comment on stuff that was going on over a year ago?

i too have heard that political blogs are places of great strife and conflict-i avoid them all together. i remember when the presidential elections were going on and how even crafty bloggers were writing about their likes and dislikes, their disgust with our future/current president, i was putoff by it all and felt like making snide remarks on other people's blogs (i.e. united blue states of america/united red states of america) which i may have, but man i cannot imagine attacking someone's art or craft. what the hell are you thinking when you decide to critcise someone else's work or (life)? it reminds me that nothing is pure and righteous in this world and that we all need grace. i pisses me off because i figure of all the people in the world, female crafty bloggers might serve to gain a national or global position of peace. we are people of great humility, service and open mindness. we are people who craft because we love art and love using our hands, we don't give a damn about the color of your skin, your religion, your age or your economic position. when it comes down to a postcard swap or any sort of swap for that matter, i'm not looking to see if you are a christian or not. i'm not looking to see if you care or even read my blog. my goal is to share, share unconditionally. that's why it is so hurtful when anyone is negative, my god it's pathetic if it's anonymous too! i wanted to weigh in because i know how important blogging has become for me and so many of my friends. it's unity, it is peace, it is love and learning. my prayers are that negative comments end and as stupid as it sounds i hope the sour critcisim is stifled by the brillant minds of the people who have crafted/blogged/and written before and after me. i haven't got the mind a of genius but i know if we give up on speaking out, if we passively walk through life we'll never see our greatest ideas some to fruition. i also know that we can have a great influence all over the world. thank you jane and six n a half! your words are good strong and courageous! don't give up!

seventeen and counting

giggling grouper and the voyager with my office coworkers. wishing i were still on vacation at the beach but had a terrific weekend with two of my very best friends. i will update in a day or two.

seashells, legacy thought & TILT

seashells this year weren't as plentiful, pretty or big. the biggest one i found, as seen in the bottom left hand corner is grey, drabish and full of potholes. i wonder if katrina might have had a hand in great shells being found last year, thus everything left was swept out to sea this year. in honor of andrea being able to go to the butterfly fest i thought it'd be nice to post photos of seashells as butterflys. the only way i can think to display shells is a pile. i'd like to do a seasonal aquarium or frame them somehow though. anyone for ideas. i am still thinking of entering legacy. maybe i'll just do two pieces instead of the extensive booth thing. there's also the whole kicking it into high gear thing-making and painting a ton more work if i got in and had to do the booth.

i am also approaching my second year blog birthday i believe july 28th is it, although i have absolutely no clue how many posts at this point...but i've been debating about some sort of celebration thingy's. i kind of want to do two things: 1. surprise the 12,000 visitor who comments with a present from me and 2. this one is a little bit different but i thought about changing my blog entirely; the name, the look, the whole kit and kaboodal. i have ideas which have been graphically worked on but that's about it. i also thought i'd be nice to host a mid summer postcard swap/recipe swap with andrea because we're strung out on the heat thing but i've not gotten with her on this tip. there's also these ideas about selling everything i own on ebay. but that really has nothing to do with a blog birthday bash. i have taken some better photos of "recycled air" thinking i'll post it on ebay within the month. etsy too! i just want to see a little bit more profit, even 1 buck would do...

a being that it's thursday i'd like to participate in TILT today and say that i so so so love maps and wouldn't be about selling off my map magnets.

sweet & sour

i have driven down to gulf shores every year for the last three years in my little black nissan sentra. a week ago tuesday i was driving down main to get cheaper gas in the ghetto when with a smack-crack, a large rock hit my windshield, a inch higher it would've missed the glass completely and i would have been left with a large dent. but oh no! thankfully the rock did not go through the glass, could it have? i wonder. initially there were three small tributaries pulled by gravity toward the wipers. they were only about six inches long, but growing rapidly with every bump and rising degree. over the course of my trip i watched and marked the growth in the glass each day. kinda of getting used to a junkshield, kinda wishing i could get a new rabbit or something cool like that. thinking about the cost, wishing i had shield coverage.

even with a crack i was able to take some fine cloud shots on my way out of town. i am not one for sunsets or sunrises for that matter but give me a bright blue sky and some heavy white bellowy clouds and it's a sureshot! i love doing things simply with color and blue/orange and brown are such hot beach colors, for instance all of the newest bikini's and bathing suits are shades of brown and blue or mostly aquaturq. this year the trip was better than it has ever been, female dynamics can be a nightmare, but we made it out of the gulf alive. the only thing that i wanted to purchase were reef's but forwent the pleasure, and there weren't shells, big shells, just tiny ones. oh well there's always next year.

i got my package for nina together last night and went to the post office just now but the postlady said i hadn't addressed the box correctly and she wanted to pick my lotta jasdotter address labels off, i said oh geez no thank you! little pe-od but won't be mailed today, tomorrow though for sure. no new crafting news but feeling good about art and making and oh

one other thing: when driving down to the gulf my coworker and friend ann mentioned that i was sort of like a piece of sour candy, the more you go back to it and suck on it (not me) the sweeter it is on the inside. okay so this doesn't hurt my feelings i mean, i've got the hard tough outer shell and tend to trust and love as i get to know a person thus becoming sweeter. plus i think ann was referring to our early conversations five years ago re:911 and terrorism. she said that my thoughts and ideas/comments were difficult for her to take in, in the beginning, but she always wanted more and never refused the debates. it's honestly quite weird when a coworker has such depth of thought about my character and personality. at the same time i'm happy with my sweet & sour ways. sure there are flaws in most every character but i have always sought peace in conflict and truth in depth. what we have in the office becomes superficial and wrapped in the newest clothes, but trips like the 2006 bt gives us the op to change perspective and grow as a group. afterall the docs have got some clue, ABSOLUTELY NO TURNOVER! i have often been described as a cat, but i think i'll stick to the candy comparison.

one dream a day: purchasing and old delapitated brick building on mlk blvd. turning it into a hostile/school/orphanage for people.

weight on my mind

there is no proof that things have changed, just by looking on the outside of things. there may be a tan, a better smile with whiter teeth, there maybe fresh clothes and a better haircut but the truth remains that change must be developed, encouraged and nurtured in the heart, first. like in war the heart and mind must battle for possession of the body. my side by side comparison isn't to show a major outward appearance because there isn't one. it's not to brag or boast or even justify. it is a way for me to show my gratitude to those who have given me their encouragement and love. being back in the depths of reality challenges me to pick up where i left off. walking everyday and eating less of the bad stuff, you know all that fun stuff. but i want to work on the other stuff too like having a happier spirit, letting the less important things roll of my back. in addition i am going to work on making my dreams come true. gosh i never thought i'd write "hopeful, giddy" words and wrap them around "dreams." i have everything i need but cannot help but want more. next year i do want that laptop-my compass for art direction. but that's it for now.

back, better & before

time swallowed me. i swallowed feelings of liberation. i arrived home yesterday afternoon, feeling a little bit like life and the ocean had changed me. the sun everyday, the beating waves, seaweed haze and torrent winds are still on my mind and in my reflection. am i back? so i am very physically, with my mind at the edge of the shore. before i left i was beginning to take time again. time to swallow up my urge. piece by piece a grid of this family tree. the poison tree a concept-ual i've had for too long and haven't had any degree of motivation. it is working itself out so very well. and so now and probably for ever i will be working on this one theme; "trees." considering my last two paintings were the freezing trees and now this. and yes it is still a wip, i know it's not friday guys.

did i mention that i am feeling now one hundred percent better. like a new female. like a new growth, a green feeling. oh i do appreciate kate, jen's, and ellia's considerately sweet thoughts. i have this semi-guilty feeling that i may have asked for them in a desperate way, but before i left i was feeling really desperate. really and i didn't know if you'd want to know, or even if i should ask for support and help. did i even ask? i needed the good cry that came on monday night last week. i needed to write it all down, whatever it all was that was beneath my skin, crawling and causing me conflict. i needed your affirmation and i needed to get the hell away for a while. i needed to laugh with tears, i needed to laugh more and swim and tan tan tan. i needed to find a few pretty shells. all not without great strength from my mother and you my friends. so now that beachtrip 2006 is past i can move forward. i so i will, beginning with working again every day and every night this week. and trying so to get off on the 29th for ryan adams, he's one hot whiskey. how can i miss it?

i have updated my flickr acct with bt 2006 pics. i may end up doing a side by side comparison of last year-this year. i think it might be cool. if i have time.

back and burning

i have always wondered how rocks and wires appear upon my ledge, considering i'm not the one putting them there. yesterday the wire looked so nice in the light. at some point someone was trying to break in the apartment building. there are more and more people moving into the grand that are section eight. i'm not though. how is that supposed to work? a court order? i might be considered section eight. the building maybe under new property management. i say maybe because there are staffing transitions but no name change. i've noticed more and more neglect but have no idea what larger city downtown living is like. i'd hate to live down on main next to the firehouse. those condos/huge apartments don't seem to be getting good solid sound proof windows.

i had a really nice weekend and after fighting the infection i feel ninty five percent better. i still have got some residuals...but on saturday my mom and dad invited me to a bagel brunch. we talked and munched and talked just a little bit more. the room, the room i love is now a robin's egg blue and mom got that cool wicker furniture from pier one. ooo. so so so pretty. i oughta take some shots. mom and i planned to shop but as soon as i got in the car i felt terribly ill. i even had to cry a little to get all the sickness out. such a strangeness about my health, both physical and mental, these days. my mom's generous spirit is undescribable. and my appreciation pales. because i'm humbled by her love and humbled by the beautiful things we found together for me to wear to the beach. i have wondered if the struggle with my appearance was worth writing about. the ideas and desire to change the outward (as the inward side of me is constantly growing) yikzers! it's an awkward thing to blog about and nearly ego-gross! i mostly think it is interesting because i never once thought there might be something wrong with me at less than 5 foot and weighting a ton. it was never a consideration. nor had it ever revolved around my faith so much.

in re: to sunday. there was cc and wonderful news and teaching on dreams. so i wrote a bit in my private black book about what some of my dreams are. and also what some of my accomplishments have been in the last year. it's hard for me to think about these things when i'm only trying to get through today. but in retrospect all is a lot better than i could ever imagine.

i am starting more art stuff too. and painting again. after all it has been a long time. too long. and tomorrow i'm leaving for the gulf, so i won't be back for a week or more. i'm glad to be going. and on the 29th there is ryan adams, but k8 i'm not sure about getting off, because i'd be not working on my designated rx weekends. i'm still trying though. and no one has ever said a word about my header, and i've got new photos up in flickr. check em.

green my freckles

i have so little to share or say. i am concentrating on work. while attempting to clear out the serious cobwebs in my head. the blue feelings have been surrounding me for the last three or so weeks, mainly because of unresolved illness. i finally decided to ask for a script yesterday, because nothing else was helping. i hope to feel better within the next twenty-four hours. there's no use in complaining, all and all i am completely fine, there's no comparison to those i see daily suffering from some form of cancer. i haven't been with friends and i've not been creative at all. blogging is a burden if i'm to do it at work. and i haven't taken a whole lot of photos to share. i am looking forward to a 10 days of vacation. gulfshores again. new bathing suit, new j.jill skirt, new pictures to share, new thoughts, new hope. i am neglecting some things and really trying hard to focus on other more important things. i do miss being here and i'll will return with probably a lot more fevor. just for now i'm giving my fingers a rest. i'm like andrea, making lists, i'm like katie getting my act together on life. i see the rest of july and august to be good. times with friends to share. so so so needed. i also can't wait to make things again. a break may have been what i needed but i'm going to have to shake the green my freckles.