week:end:agenda

my head is pounding as i mentally try to make a list of all the things that i would like to accomplish in april, then in may. i am at uoha as well, with casting crowns and third day simultaneously worshipping. my praise is mute in the morning and i seem to remember a few weeks or months ago that i felt overwhelmed and overbooked, much as i do now. come to think, it isn't all about just one thing.

immediately i am thankful for a weekend without much external commitment. i am grateful that tomorrow morning i get to transport six or so pieces to FT, what a light in the darkness. an art showing opportunity i can handle, one that isn't as intimidating as gallery exhibiting. i am so glad i was able to muster up the energy to complete the orange paper quilt last night {sorry nonew fotos}. i also got three of my paintings sides painted no time or money to frame the unframed. in the depths of my depths i am hoping that the people who train at FT are filled with inspiration and possibly the desire to purchase my art. i feel slightly vunerable about sending out this small forest i've started to create. i am going to take crimepays and recycled air and i work so hard, just incase. i have got to come up with a price list and tags for the back of the paintings (correspondence). i'd even like to have an artist statement:intent to hang, as well as cards to sell and moo's to spread. blasted!!!

my mind from here is is on the future. taxes are due, car payment and car insurance and half of december osix rent is due. i'm in a financial crunch and i'll leave the rest. no complaining, just god see me through. i dare not borrow, dare not be negative afterall the car is full of gas and fourteen bucks in my bumblebee wallet isn't so bad.

may brings with it the clothesline show and finishing up all of the paper quilts. i have yet to start the black:white:grey quilt, hoping it will come easily. i have decided on hanging der hund, the robot and the fish. and i have an extra canvas board i may just have to do a tree:squirrel to go along. grand total ten pieces. they are small works i will price below $100 bucks, framed in light wood {last minute @ framewrights/thinking of ikea frames}. a passage for me. united work, a continuity i've been striving for for so so so long. may also brings my participation in the best project ever. the paper quilt project. promising and delightfully inspiring. i cannot wait. and and and i signed myself up for jennifer's five senses swap.

i am now wondering if i will ever do any heavyduty apartment cleaning ever again. wondering if laundry is ever going to be clean. and wishing i had more vegan whole wheat-grain waffles for saturday's breakfast. take care my friends.

a pasture of pink to do

today my friend brought me two cotton skirts from walgreens. one is black with ruffles at the bottom and the other one is pink.

i am hanging art this saturday at FT.

babysitting tonight. almost finished with the orange paper quilt collage. photos to come soon. going to paint edges of paintings to be hung at FT. i asked gray and he said my work did not need to be framed. some of it will be and some of it won't be. i have also got to come up with a list of twenty five. i need to make a list of stuff i am hanging and where and prices and title cards. what did i do last night? freeze my bones off. run the oven at three hundred and fifty degrees. small amount of progress on the orange. lots to do. i have gotten my five senses swap partner. anything else you'd like to add to my list of things to do? yikes. not overwhelmed yet. almost though.

color week: handmaid

Monday : turquoise
Tuesday : green
Wednesday : pink
Thursday : yellow
Friday : red

pleading help:green tuesday

in the course of one day events change, time turns over onto itself, predictions are made, postures mastered, help is on the way or better yet, asked for. i need you. all of you. the ones of you who hide and seek. the ones who have opinions and haven't spoken. the ones of you longing for a voice and reason and a need.

i feel sheepish, altogther hesitant, and bashfully humbled. only because of this "being an artist" process. i admit i have felt very much proud and full of snobbery and have been so unwilling to show my art, share my art or even talk a whole lot about my art. hiding behind the web, hiding in flickr and in etsy. so on and so forth. i am really sorry for my bad attitude. because i know that it hurts people's feelings and it hurts the process of learning and growing as an artist. my art, my paintings and collage are things i have wanted to keep to myself, they can be my own secret, my own mystery, noone has to know if i am good or bad. art is the one area i haven't felt like sharing with the world-community because i didn't want there to be expectations or pressure. afterall there is pressure in my daily life all over the place and art needed to be my refuge, companion. i needed a place to rest without compromise.

today i will compromise and resist the temptation to bury myself underneath layers of paper, six sheets under. maybe i will surrender just a little bit more of myself today. and shed a layer of this newly acknowledge, yet useless burden. self deceit.

two very important art opportunities approaching: fast. my first obligation/commitment is to the clothesline:emerging women artists show on may 18 and 19. secondly, a chance to hang some very large work, possibly 3 or 4 pieces at a fitness center, fitness together. the question:query and my need of your help. if you read on a regular basis and know my art you know what i've got to offer. the paper quilt collage series is specifically for the clothesline show. they are each 8"x10" and will be framed seperately. i will also contribute the remaining and earlier quilts: the robot and fish all of which you can check out here. i also have der hund. that would be a total of 9 pieces, all of which are basically my paper quilts for the clothesline show. sound okay?

for FT i am thinking strictly trees: {i'm supposed to be selling poison tree to my cousin this month} i have my freezing trees that need just a tad more work/little touch up (2). i have bitter water/posturing tree. the flea market:beehive tree and recycled air plus a couple of other here and there pieces. i have two potential canvas to paint, both are larger. so that would give me a total of 5 at least for the fitness center.

so...is my thinking right about all of this? in the meantime, i'm finishing up my orange paper quilt, touching up the freezing trees and well. waiting on the next phase in motivation-inspiration. i want you all to think about what is more appropriate where? i think considering the clothesline show, you might think quilts, so why not go that direction. and trees are symbols of strength, resislence and peace, often thoughts you'd want to have will in the depths of fitness. my understanding is that the training is one on one in single type rooms, where many people grow attached to the art and later purchase it. so you've got the drift. now it's up to you. your ideas, opinions, thoughts, name it, question it and leave me a comment. i trust you all. finally.

colorweek:
Monday : turquoise
Tuesday : green
Wednesday : pink
Thursday : yellow
Friday : red

via handmaid

ssshhhhh:listen

tilt:seasons&dreams

i watch a little bit of television from where you see me sitting in this chair. most afternoons, five until six, little house on the prarie finds it's way onto fox sixty one. i used to wish and dream and believe i'd be the next "laura ingalls wilder" when i grew up. i am a bit embarassed to admit i memorized the shows entire opening credits all of which include the actors/actresses names. bah!

i cannot remember what i used to dream about as a little girl other than the prarie and nellie olsen. i know that i didn't have regular dreams of having a husband, marriage or children, those kinds didn't come until my mid-twenties. i had dreams of being a airforce pilot, a chef, and i think a pro soccer player. i remember when i started journaling though and have kept those secret pages hidden from most eyes except for my mom, who at times needed the cryptic info, to unravel her teenage daughters downward spiral. i tried this morning to go back and find my old old old diaryland account:blog, but that's all awash, a nogo. all this to say:

spring has sprung, all abloom. except for the freezing temps i woke up to this morning, and thru the end of the week. i'm glad for the cool breath of thirty degrees and too a little bit warmer weather but seriously dread the heat and humidity of our southren summer. i think my indoor plants are doing better now, this weird winter seemed to take it's toll, considering too, that all the light i get is indirect northren sun. my aloe, orchid, and orange tree are each showing new growth. bamboo on the other hand. well. i'm not so sure only because i'm not looking at it as much, just making sure it gets water.

the seasons are slowly disappearing and becoming one long hot summer i think. have you all read any wendell berry? the gift of good land. or how about barbara kingsolver? small wonder. i'm in the middle of it, steeped in the thick of feeling, thinking about green, pondering the reality of our environmental distruction or whatever you wanna call it. my aunt cathy has some land and used to have a garden. a fairly big garden. i think she and my uncle have cleared the land, more room for caleb, liam and sam to tromp around on (maybe?). could i do it, make a garden grow again? could i make this land a source of food for her family and my family. or should i start small and go for the land at the back of my mom and dad's garage? oh the ideas... could i make time? i mean when i dream now as a thrity something year old woman i think of opening up an orphanage, fostering teenage children, making a city garden in my apartment parkinglot sideyard thingy. i dream of recycled fenceposts and tincan scarecrows. i think of seeds and occassionally pull out my gardening journal, one that i kept while working for NK Lawn and Garden company as a what? a horticultrual specialist, oh brother, i'm not even close.

i love these ideas: five senses swap: swap meat: books to check out: apron chronicles: crabtree farms are there anymore you'd like to add?

Green Paper Quilt Collage & WIP

over the weekend i completed the green paper quilt collage. i bet you guys thought i was giving up all together but all the while i was a hustlin' and a bustlin' on this go around. i should probably make mention of how the green is similar and dissimilar to the others, though you're welcome to check it blurry style here on your own. the hexashapes are larger this time. the green wrapping paper i used was just too great to waste, i'm sure you can guess...the drawings-the green bird and the arrowhead trees in the top left hand corner are simpler drawings than before. and i have run out of vintage wrapping paper pieces. anyone up for a swap? as in i need more of that beautiful heavy duty vintage wallpaper.
i started the orange paper quilt last night and can't wait to see how that goes. four down:two to go. i'm still debating the last color:lavendar? grey? black or white? anyone have suggestions.

are you following our conversations? a little exclamation is due for sure. kate's blog-post, so good, well written and for me. and others, i know. we are best friends and we are all about hard conversation and discussion when need be, this one is about me showing my art.

showing it out, not just showing it in this space or that space on the great big www. but out in the community of chattanooga. i know. i haven't shown my work out since last march, a year ago at mojo burrito. i am still making work and when the opportunity comes up for me to show my work i will. maybe another mojo show? or maybe an "inapt" show? no matter what i understand. i get it and obviously the only way i am going to get better is if people see and masses speak and i hear and mull things over in my mind. joining ava is not an option right now. rx taxes are due in two weeks. framing is not an option right now, back rent is due in two weeks. april all around is going to be a tight month. may looks good and i am open 100% to handing off some of my work to show at the women's clothesline show...there.

and plus right now art isn't my primary focus. working at my jobs is, i think i feel really defensive and wonder if i should be doing something different. because i keep making art and i know in my heart that i'm getting better. i don't always know what people think about what i do that is true. but my ideas are firm and focused, my direction is now more conceptual and i feel like between my trees and quilts i have got a little niche. i'm i lying to myself?

up till this point i didn't want to talk about my art because i had no idea what my art was for or where it all was going. i have been too proud to admit i needed help in focusing. it was just about experimenting, but those days of hardcore experimentation are over. it's now time to fill the gaps and close bridges. now i can really talk about my collage and painting goals with people and not feel like a flake. i can talk about the techniques because i've done more than one tree and more than one quilt. my work is starting to find cohesiveness that it hasn't had because i wasn't in school being shown how to focus my attention or skill. i don't have a artistic background in school. i never wanted school and was too stubborn to be taught and now after playing with art it is time for me to buckle down. i get it!!!

i wonder...what more should i do? see my work in progress:orange!!!

what do you think about the dotted tissue paper from anthropologie? love it!!!

clear metal:pound&round

often i lay in bed at night before drifting off to sleep pondering my day, my experiences, my immediate reactions and overreactions, and words. words that hang around on the tip of my tongue or have double meanings or words that have no real possibility, ie. clear metal. i was thinking about the different types of responses i have received from my previous post and how blogging can become a treachorous experience about sharing and getting exactly what i've asked for. extreme as i may or may not sound i have decided after discussion and reconsideration to expound and round up this single womans mythbusters.

i'd like to be a clear metal, chemically and scientifically i'd like to be as clear and transparent as possible, to be open and vunerable and still, still be hard enough to withstand the questions, concerns, and critique. i'd like to be a walking, talking oxymoron. what are the chances?

monday night i went out with kate and joel. we caught up. joel added this bit of commentary: he said to me, "kate and you will talk on the phone for a couple of hours about everything and anything and then decide that you are going out to get coffee. how is it that two hours go by and you've still got enough to talk about, enough to go out and talk about"? it is true...true and really hilarious because i would have never seen it from joel's perspective. i think going out with kate and joel is only just a part of a the bigger community i experience on a daily basis.

on tuesday night i went out with my brother's wives, mary and laurie. we go out every week and have been doing so for close to a year now. as you probably remember the three of us took a trip to new york together, traveled together. slept in the same hotel together and even got lost in the city together. it brought us closer together for real. and with three baby boys on the way it is super important that the three of us really get to know one another. i'm going to be spending every holiday with them for the rest of my life. and to top it off. the relationships with them don't always feel good, they don't always seem easy, we all work full time in the medical field, we each deal with life and death in a very serious way...we bring our own struggles, our own stresses, and self centered ness(es) to the weekly dinner table. it is challenging to lay aside defensiveness when listening to mary and laurie talk about my family, my mom and my dad and my brothers. but it is important to hear and listen to their perspectives. perspectives of yet another different community.

on wednesday night i went out with my co worker amy. amy is someone i see every single day of my life. we work together in the same office space doing the difficult, every metamorphising job of oncology billing. amy is catholic. i'm only saying that because we are very open and we talk about everything under the sun. sex, theology, philosophy, television and much much more. amy and i have become close. she gets on my nerves, i get on her nerves. but we help each other, we teach and show and learn from one another. and i like shopping with her. so went to the mall and we went to hobby lobby to find craft supplies, so that she can make notebooks for some of our other co workers. at the beginning of lent this year amy suggested that we pray together every morning in the insurance department. so we do. almost everyday. she or i pray, d.w. and l.w., amy and i take a few minutes to lift our prayers to god. that is community.

last night which was thursday night and then tonight which is friday i am going to work at cvs pharmacy. i have been working for cvs now for over two years. i will work anywhere from 12-21 hours there in addition to my full time job at uoha. i primarily work with a sixty five year old great grandmother who has worked for cvs for 15 years. she is one of my heros. really one of my heros. she isn't perfect but she's a mentor, a true mentor. her life is a pill bottle full of tragedy, abuse, struggle, pain, some self inflicted, some from her husband, and some even from her adult children. her story is long and full of chronic loss and fatigue and joy too, but she tells me to stay away from "tarus men". she warns me not to get stuck in a relationship with an abusive man. she challenges me to never give up. save money, be frugual, provide for yourself, be self sufficent and work hard. we are close, very close and i am so happy when i see her and we get to spend our weekends together. it is hard, we don't always agree just like me and an amy and me and katie but it's good. she is my community at cvs and it is another part of the bigger community that makes up my life.

i have calvary and i have my art and my downtown apartment and space to reflect and quiet my soul. i have community and i do allow myself to be stretched into a capacity god sees fit for me to fill. when i talk about being single and i write about ideas and plans and values and standards it is important to remember that god is my father, my husband, my leader, my guide, my path, my shield, he fights my battles for me. risk is something i take everyday, posting and being this clear metal. i could spend this weekend alone in my apartment and not one of you would ever know if i disappeared. i could go for a walk in the battlefield and disappear and noone would know. i make choices that help validate my exsistence in these communities. and stating the facts and blowing myths up about being single is happening all over the world. do a google search sometime. it isn't just me. i just happen to be the only single woman some of you all know.

leaving you all with some other things to think about:

single men missing

the portrait party via veer

free people via poppy

dwell

sparkability

dwell and sparkability via print&pattern

tonight join the rest of us on the southside for artsmove on main from 3:30pm until 5pm.
have a great weekend friends. take care.

ein.uno.one

aretha's and the train masters game was so good for me last night. i needed a break from my stuffy apartment and green paper quilt collage. but for some reason all i feel like doing today is complaining. honestly my eyebrows have been knitted all morning, my eleven wrinkle is forming a battleline, my mind a bee's nest of conflicting thought and destruction. i am dinocat, hear me ROAR!!! i am going to have to put on the breaks or else i'm going to find myself in a collison course with well, something not so pretty.

i am over it. i have come to a conclusion and resolution. not anything i really want to share about right now, but it is all going to be alright. i will survive. i will thrive. i will grow. i will be strong. sounds ridiculous, much like a cat-anthem. i was sort of just upset because being single means that many people (in love) want to help me but the idea that i have to be fixed or helped is actually the most bothersome thing in the whole entire world. a long story short: this single woman mythbusters part 1:

a. i am not lonely or depressed

b. i have lots of friends

c. i am an artist who loves her space and her free time to be alone, reflective, and quiet

d. i love children but probably would like to foster +/ adopt

e. i am not indebt and do not need a man to help me financially become stable

f. i do not want to marry a man who has been married before or who has children from a previous relationship

g. i am not desperate and believe my high standards are perfectly fine

h. god wants me to be with a christian man and not just be a procreation station

i. i do like men, even though i think we are culture breeding weakness in men and that feminism will be the death and porn is hell, no matter what kind of marriage you have now, whether your man dropped the porn soon after you married him or not. i do not want to be compared to a twelve year old hairless baby girl.

oh so?whatcha gotta say?

tomorrow i will have better things to share. thank you mom for your quick and wise outlook. thank you kate for your free love and accountability and bird caps. thank you jen for your phonecalls and lovely new post.

peace

small&blurry

i am constantly exploring and learning new ways to store my very precious paper supply. in a small apartment like mine the challenge often mounts and overwhelms me, i get by, by the skin of my teeth. throughout the years i have managed to limit my paper supply to only two small rubbermaid containers. one of them holds a myriad of paper, from vintage japanese tickets, postcards, photos dipped in wax, sandpaper, mesh origami, swapped paper like the great vintage wallpaper from kristen and the like. in the second bin i have every little scrap of wrapping paper that i've ever been given or snagged from any gift giving party. i do have a larger bin of rolled wrapping paper and i do have a stack of old "vintage" wrapping paper from my nana, other than that the paper source hasn't outgrown me or my desires. it is really important that i use what i have and don't get too carried away by new origami designs or one good bumblebee's mini piles o' paper. have you all noticed the incredible new improvements over at one good bumblebee, i suppose i may be behind, but i love the atmosphere that katey has created.

i am working this weekend and will have limited time to finish my green paper quilt, but i hope to come through for everyone that is waiting with baited breath, yeah right?

to be

best coffee

since none of you seem to be reeling with ideas and i happened to drink two large cups of the very best coffee in the whole world last night before i went to bed. i was up at two a.m. pondering all of the framing possibilities...

Yellow Paper Quilt Collage & WIP

i am so excited to present to you my third completed paper quilt collage. i cannot tell you how thrilled i am to have finally finished work on this little doodad, afterall it took me two weeks or more. saturday i slept in big time and when i woke up, i jumped right into the yellow. i didn't stop until 5 o' clock or six, no shower, barely anything eaten, surviving the day with coffee and a few cigarettes. i am really pleased with how everything came together there at the end. i was debating on what kind of drawings to do in the two boxes and happened to be thumbing through an old delia's and saw this shirt and thought the design was cool enough to make into flowers. i cannot find it on the website but honestly this little photo of this black and white shirt was enough to pump my spirits up. the arrows on the left were a simple way of replicating the origami directions in the middle. the arrows also remind me of little trees. you'll most definitely be seeing arrows again. i am so so so thankful for this color in my life. it has brought a tremendous amount of sunshine. it adds yet another element to the whole of my little project and this collage like the previous ones has given me insight and new ideas, new inspiration.


on sunday i started the next:green. finally i'm getting around to the month's color. i am really excited about this little 8 x 10. it is sort of how i felt about the red&pink one. i think i'll be able to come up with a little bit more green. at least it hasn't been so difficult thus far. after the green i'm going to start orange. and then i will have a problem probably because i am not going to do purple, so i will have to pick between black, grey, or white. i'm just not a purple girl, maybe lavendar or violet could work. we'll see, cross that bridge when i get there. anyway. i am also thinking about how i want to eventually frame and put these pieces together. so if any of you have any ideas i am open for suggestions. by the end of it all, i will have six 8 x 10 collages. wondering if i should frame them all seperately or what...i just wish you all could see these up close. it has been a real pleasure to play like this for these weeks and months. hope you've had fun too.

attic-tions

i know that i should probably be thinking about green but yellow is still prominently playing in my mind. as i have not even come close to finishing my latest collage. i'm a putz for slowing to a snail's pace. instead of making yellow, i ventured out to play with my friends, tromping around the jefferson heights playground and construction site with k and fam. i am encouraged by my friends, encouraged for my friends, and happy that they are moving maybe two minutes away, around the corner and down the street. it was really nice outside last night, cool or warm enough to wear flipflops and my shirt from parable ink without a long sleeve underneath.

when i got home i felt like a thinking lab. i asked myself, "what do you feel like doing now, cat?" and the answer: "fool around with my digicam." a little self portrait play. i cannot imagine what i would do if i had other people living around me, i'd go crazy taking tons of whacky fotos.


bside: lately things have been feeling right, or better. i have been working on my heart lately. thinking before i speak, trying to be slow in my reaction, smiling and waving more. kind of neat that my foto reflects a light and warm color around my mid section-heart area. i also wanted to say that i saw this really cool thing about yoga the other night on pbs. i think i may try it out sometime. in the past i've always thought it was weird and sexual or something. who knows? but i think my eyes were opened to seeing-feeling past insecurity. and honestly i have not been working on my s.m.o.k.i.n.g attic-tion. but walking everyday helps me think about quitting. i am still even steven at or between 145 to 147. plateau city is calling my name. i'm outta here.

.amber.bisque.buff.gold.lemon.saffron.

are you a good speller? are you a walking, talking thesaurus? if you are i would like you right now, i'm just sure of it. confessionally speaking, my color vocabulary has been sinking lowly style for a week. so i am pulling out all of the stops, grasping at straws, falling for all of the thesauritic possibilities. and i'm actually coming up with little bits here and there. i am learning that there are many shades of yellow and that monochromatic can also mean the my paper quilt collage can appear to have only one color. i'm not sure if that makes sense or not but as you can see my scrapes show little evidence of good yellow.

i wish that i had a constant supplier of all things good color paper, i'm wishywashy about design. i am not ungrateful though and am willing to compensate, by any means. i'd like to be sponsered, sponsered by a paper making company, a printing company, a shoe company would be nice too considering i've got baby feet. i could be the perfect spokesgirl for your little company. right?

i only have this snippet to show, not a whole lot to show for all the effort. um, tonight i'm off to the meeting place. i cannot wait. i should have the yellow wrapped up by the end of the week. anyone have a suggestion for my next color, green? since it is march and all and st. patrick's day is right o' round the corner.

catalog card

interest.summer.activity

don't you just love fresh guacamole? i used to make it all of the time and truthfully i got burnt out. summer seems to be around the corner though. at least it is in the air today and maybe the good old guac could make a come back. it is this afternoon at least, my lunch served up amigo style. i was watching a slice of television before bed and the truelove, and caught up with a couple of ideas. i have long abandoned no waste wednesday but thought i would sorta bring it back today. inspired or not. really cool summer activity for your small children. start setting aside a couple dollars each week, save up a little to send your little tikes out into the world of camp!!!

1. Circus Camp: this looks really awesome you guys!!! if i had a kid or two i'd have to send them to barking legs theatre for a week in july just so that they'd have this opportunity and the ability to thrive outside of the daily routine. by the end of the week your child has been lifted into a new world where art and music and performance becomes their life. by the end they've got a circus to perform and you get to watch!!! your little guy only has to be four years old and it's for a short time each day, 8:30am-12:30pm {snacktime included}. the day is split into four sections: visual art {planning, designing, creating the set for the circus}; music {writing music and song, developing the instruments, and playing instruments for the circus}, performance {learn about stage presense, acting, behavior, how, where, when to come onto stage, write circus script}, and finally movement {learn how to dance, act like, be the animals in the circus}.

doesn't it sound so...well go check it out and starting saving the moolah!!!

2. Chattanooga Zoo Camp: unfortunately there isn't a whole lot of info on the website yet for this yearly upcoming event. they promise to update soon. i think if your kid is into animals and says that he/she wants to be an animal or a vet than this would be a place for them to go and see, play, and do. i remember when i was a senior in highschool i volunteered at the zoo as a "friend of the zoo." for an entire semester i went and cut up all kinds of food and proceeded to feed all of the animals, even the tigers. the zoo then, wasn't what it is today and i'd definitely go to the zoo and see if it is an environment you'd want your kid to be in but this sounds pretty neat! let me know if you have got more info or if your kid has ever been...i'm interesed.

3. Chattanooga Nature Center Camp(s): the CNC has a whole lot to offer all year round, but especially in the summer for your kids!!! i personally was involved with the CNC camps many years ago when they were first getting started and the camps were so much fun, kids and parents loved it alike. it is a little different these days, more organized, more age specific and of course the nature center continues to strive in growing little people's minds. when my brother was a young kid he was able to volunteer as a junior camp counselor, he was actually their very first counselor in training. and was the little boy so eager to be outside and in the nature that they actually began a CIT program. this is really perfect for your older children's needs. how cool, how adventurous is that?

anyway. it's not a crafty post today but hopefully one that will help and give you some summer activity ideas. i'd also like to suggest that if you are short on the fundage you should offer to volunteer at one of these camps for a discount rate or maybe you and all your mommie friends should start a summer camp of your own. a co-op camp or something. learn to teach your children about the grassroot efforts and opportunities in our little community.

^above: the poison tree my most "interesting" photo, according to flickr. what is the most interesting photo you think you've ever taken? i mean really, it has got to be more interesting than my poison tree.

i have so much to post today: a specific discussion i had with my mom last night, one of those great thought provoking conversations, that i'll have to post about tomorrow or something. have a good day and stay interested in what you and your family are doing!!!

remember happy?

i am freezing cold. i went outside to my car, heard a review of the debut album from the trucks. i have never heard of the trucks before. another girlie punk band. i like how i became the bomb. i like the website. i don't know much from the shins but saw them on saturday night live. i thought the shins were supposed to be punk, how did i come up with that persception. i wonder if i could be a music critic?

i did not get around to working on the yellow paper quilt collage this weekend. i did however make a list on saturday morning and accomplished everything on that list. all except baking my junglegym chocolate chip cookies. i will save that chore for tuesday or wednesday night. laundry piles up as if i had a family of five. piles of magazines need to be organized. and my bills needed to be paid. afterall it is the beginning of march. funny.

i had a conversation on the telephone with my mom last week. at one point i told her that i was alright, really alright and that i needed to remember to remind myself that i am actually very happy. my mom laughed at me. and she's told me since that i needed to post along the lines of our conversation. i do not know if posting all of this is all that important. nevertheless, i am very quick to forget what it is i am happy about. joy is stolen from me, as if i'm mugged around every corner. i am to blame though. solely responsible. because i walk around with my ears tuned to hear the impossible, the critic, and the struggle. it is a focus not really worth living for, to chalk it up. a focus revolving around my relationships and my art and jobs are really worth living for. the small minute victories there between the lines i live.

i'd like to think and discuss more of the possibilities. my mom and i would like to collaborate and write:illustrate a children's book. my mother is going to be a grandmother for the first time in her life in a few short months. i will be an aunt and so there are these new little people that are going to enter our lives and we are a family of readers, writers, artists, builders, and healers. what will our legacy be?

i see myself becoming more involved with the art community in chattanooga. i do not know how it will happen or when but there are more and more possibilities opening up everyday.

***i am happy because i grew up safely. without domestic violence, alcohol or drug abuse. i am happy that i wasn't neglected or orphaned. i am happy because i never broke a bone or had to get stitches. i am happy that i have my own car, my own apartment, my new cellphone. all of the stupid little things like my bird collection and button collection, and tiny things collection make me happy. and music from out of the woodwork makes me happy. i even like wearing my grey coat inside because it makes me warm and happy. what makes you really happy?

*there you have it*

okay so it has taken me a little longer than i told you that it would, to complete the Blue Paper Quilt Collage. to begin with i had some trouble coming up with the right drawings, then the paintmarkers were being fairly stubborn. this go around i pencil drew the sunshine and welcome tree first, then went over it with blue ink, added the paintmarker color, went over the blue ink a second time, then the paintmarker again. fine lines are really vital, my goal is for the collage to look as though it has been printed or manipulated on the computer. i am not about to critique, i'll leave that to you.

i am just as happy with my second in the second series, as i am in the pink&red. last night after work i even got around to preparing my next canvas board for the yellow&"hint o' green" paper quilt collage. this process is going really really smoothly. i cannot wait to pursue colors beyond just the primary. yellow will be a challenge, just because i don't know how much yellow paper i've got collected. all and all i haven't had to purchase anything, it has all been about recycle, reuse, renew!!! hahaw!

i feel like such a dork. i wanted to mention that i will not be putting any of my new work up for sale quite yet. i am saving one piece for someone who has already expressed interest. and the rest i am storing up for a possible future exhibit. at the time of the exhibit-when it happens i will do my best to give everyone a fair opportunity to purchase. that is if there happens to be a high demand.

as already mentioned; and to add to my dorkiness; i have been officially invited to the month of may, to participant in the lovely Paper Quilt Project. i cannot express how happy i am. how utterly humble i feel. by just looking at the other artists that i have the honor to share the month with i'm overwhelmed. i suppose to some it may not be that big of a deal but i do have the deep desire to be recognized for my talent and gift. most of all i want to share, give and express my thankfulness and joy through my art, through creating. the paper quilt project was a small goal, a small dream, hidden away in the recesses of my brain, a chance that i wanted to try and achieve. it may not mean that all of a sudden my art "takes off", but it gives me a feeling of great accomplishment. if nothing else i will have given my very best. a small glimmering light. peace in this cat heart.

waking in the dark

i dislike waking up in the morning and it being dark outside still. i feel fragile in the morning, most of the time i wake up extremely grumpy and cannot imagine what it must be like to wake up with a husband and children. i know that most of my lifestyle would have to change if all of a sudden there were other people in the morning. i enjoy loading the dishwasher in the morning. i make a pot of coffee every three days or so and i microwave a cup at a time. i try and take a twenty six minute nap between my first job and my second job. i only drink soy milk. it is more expensive but it lasts and lasts, much longer than moo milk.

i am really really really excited about a future participation opportunity in the paper quilt project. i know it sounds dorky but i really care alot about what is going on here on the great big www. i like the paper craft community and all the greatness it has to offer. my most recent inspiration, as of today, aaron tucker. he seems to like squares too. i want some snap cups!!! seen first at happy mundane and then on d*s.

i only recently began going to a new hair salon, my hair dressers name is jenny. i used to cut and dye my hair all of the time. i have never had my nails done acrylic style. and i went to little five in atlanta once and bought a bottle of electric blue hair dye. never bleached or permed before, it looked old and grey. much like the photo above. i worked a tad more on the welcome tree last night. i have nothing to show for it yet. i was too busy watching television, catching up with oprah's school in south africa. unga bunga. i am already looking forward to the weekend. i cannot wait. i have been listening to the decemberists like a mad woman.

WIP:Blue&Brown Paper Quilt Collage

this morning as i was getting into my car, and my car door attacked me. ouch!!! the corner top of the door cut about a half inch gash at the edge of my left eyebrow. i wish that i could cry real tears and not just the "ooo that hurt, my eyes are watering". when my car hurts me i have a tendency to think it is because i am short, it's a good thing i've got a tiny car. i now have a quarter sized bump, and a bruise is appearing slightly now. i have to believe my day and the rest of the week will only get better.

i worked a really long day on saturday, ten hours at the rx. six on sunday. regardless i managed to find the time to make some progress on the newest blue&brown paper quilt collage. i have yet to finish two drawings, the first, a welcome tree in the bottom right hand corner, and then some more of my "eyeball" flowers in the grey squared square. i spent more time laying the pieces together for this collage. i have thought about what i'd like the viewer to experience or feel. i imagine this piece to be more about building or architecture. even though i use images, like the ballerinas, they don't necessarily mean anything. it is more about where they are placed as well as the form they make up and what relation they have to the other pieces of the collage. for instance their little hands are lined up with the grey square diagonal. a little secret of mine: i think about a spiral and the golden mean. it isn't all random, it is very thought out and precise. really. i should beable to finish the drawings tonight and have the complete quilt with photos tomorrow or the next day.

i off to surf and eat okra.

WIP:it real good:baby blue paper quilt collage

i don't mention inspiration as often as i used to because there is so much of it everywhere i surf. i enjoy the fact that everytime i turn around yet another craft-art-graphic design blog surfaces upon the horizon. it is a show and tell world, the freshest, newest, most creative are featured regularly-everyday. how are we ever to become bored?

once i told my friend, very quickly and quietly that i was bored of looking at the same things {at the time everyone was on a blogging fast-no new posts}. i am glad that feeling moved on and i've not felt that way again. reading about stephanie's eggcellent adventures, i became especially interested in the color choices and shapes of her baby blue birds egg shapes. i am learning to take my paper craft slowly, laying things out, much like i would if i were sewing.

have a good weekend you all. take care. and btw thank you so much for all of the supportive words, encouraging thoughts and comments. i have been thinking about you all, hoping that in someway my paper quilts might bring brightness, light and inspiration to each of you.

Newest:Red&Pink Paper Quilt Collage

yeah yeah yeah. i am so excited about my new paper quilt collage. i actually did what i said i wanted to do. i finished this collage in a timely fashion. last night i came home from work and instead of taking a nap i sat and "diligently" completed the drawing parts:the "eyeball" flowers and the baby blue bird in the top left hand corner. funny! the blue bird is an exact replica of a previous bird drawing, well sort of. but i wanted to explain that both of these finished squares were indeed hand drawn, not photocopied or traced. it is important to me that there is an element of my own skill in a collage like this, kindof graphic and geometeric in nature. sounds like an oxymoron doesn't it?

i'm so pleased. i feel my abilities are growing and that these new collage endeavors are going to be better than the last ones. i've decided to do a quilt collage in every color. red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple, brown, and black. a nice even total of eight collages.

i was able to begin the next in the series, no not orange, but blue. i have a few WIP photos in my flickr acct, see paper quilt series set.

i'm going to put off review ahab's wife for another day. and i'm not sure about the rest of the week and week-end. working here and at the rx until sunday evening. take care my friends.

WIP:red&pink paper quilt collage

today has been a bit hectic around here. the president came through at around eleven thirty a.m. my coworkers and i spent an hour looking for the best place to see him from. we finally stood about one hundred yards from his white tent. i took photos even though now, in retrospect, i wasn't really supposed to. everyone was using their cameraphones. see more if you'd like here.
i know that a whole lot of people were probably stuck in traffic {katie}, i am glad i was here at work.

i am finally able to show my newest work in progress. the next in my paper quilt collage series. not to be confused with this paper quilt project hosted by the lovely dawbis. i have just a few more touches to make, oughta have it wrapped up by this evening with new photos and a option to buy it out of my etsy account in the next week or so. i will be making quite a few of these so keep your eye out, for your favorite monochromatic paper quilt collage. i also have an all woman show coming up in april, hopefully. and i'd like to have one of every color of the rainbow.

i also finished reading ahab's wife the night before last and have started reading truelove by patrick o'brien, who also wrote master and commander. i thought i'd stick to the sea for a little while longer. i'll have a review in a couple of days. it's on my list of things to post about.

two by two

i wish i were still in the midst of my weekend. sleeping in until ten a.m. and mounds of whole wheat waffles. indian mahal, forrest magic opening up for how i became the bomb, a little pbr, and shopping in atlanta. i would like a whole week of time and motivation to make all the new art i possibly could. it is coming, i'm almost through with my very new pink and red paper quilt collage. i already feel so much better about this one, the quality, the look, the "yes" factor, all of it, will show WIP in the next day or so. until then feast your eyes upon this tiny sweet little change purse. so much fun! and more here.

one hundred percent exposure

happy valentine's day. a day late, a dollar short. i have attempted to get this post up and out of here and it's not working. i feel out numbered. in a corner of thought i cannot escape. i am in the middle of fixing a billing error here at the office, stretching back to the mid of o' five. i have temporarily lost interest. yesterday was so great though.

i left my apartment early to pick up a package at the post office before work. how's a valentine package to start of your day right? this one was so fantastic. i will post and share photos very soon. a little piece of heaven wrapped up especially for me, waiting for me to open. i only wish it might happen everyday. thank you so much jen! it was so much fun to share with my coworkers*the littlest change purse was a magnificant hit. goodness.

i cannot wait to make make make some art:collage with my new paper {vintage wallpaper pieces-omg! more great stuff from jen}. it's really bad that i haven't started anything new. i know. i just wanted to cross stitch. which reminds me: i ended up looking around a bit for graffiti cross stitch. check this out, those of you who regularly check in with whipup might rememer-i don't. anyway i knew my idea wasn't original and i wanted to follow up and share. i would really like to get my hands on a free version of the PC Stitch program...anyone have any ideas?

and the black and white self portrait. unga! i have the great threadless shirt on that kate gave me for my birthday. still a very happy thing for me to have been given. walking away from my desk to exercise is good. i am keeping up. i am not losing weight, but my goodness, i took a four month-"i'm pissed off" break from walking and climbing fifteen flights of stairs everyday. this will be the third year in a row that i have tried to make a conscience effort-improving my health, my five foot tall body can't carry around the blubber, my self esteem shouldn't have to succumb to it's own self ridicule, i should have enough discipline, enough self respect to do something about the cottage cheese. i relapsed a bit {i'm in denial (alot)} in august, honestly before then. i still haven't picked up a whole hellofa lot of meat-beef-dead-flesh, but the diary the diary the dairy. i still don't drink any cows milk-just soy and i don't use real butter and i'm looking into egg replacer. cheese is hard to resist and cigarettes are still apart of my daily diet. thank god i'm not addicted to all things sugar, my weakness is a bag of sour cream and onion ruffles potato chips-yum yum! so the process is slow but i haven't given up. and i am holding at an over weight amount of one hundred and forty seven pounds...woohoo! my goal should be one hundred and seventeen but i'm just shooting for one thrity nine. whatayathink?

on being orphaned

i worked this past weekend and neglected to get a speck of laundry done. this morning reminded that i have stampin' up tonight. tuesday dinner with m.c. and cousin katie for her birthday. increased hours at cvs rx. working wednesday, thursday and friday night. might take an over night to see a on sunday. will be going shopping in atlanta with my sisters in law on monday. the days and weeks are so so full. awgh!
i finished putting together my things for the valentine swap. i tried to hustle with hope of getting it out on time. i even got my very first cross stitched heart finished. i was going to send it, but decided to change things up at the last minute. i know who i'm giving my heart to this year. all that i have left to check off my list is well a whole bunch of things for sure. but i'm still diligently working on my package for nina. things are coming together in a very special way.

i am wondering* my last post was really about my heart and my mind being in the same place. being that deep about anything specific isn't really something i like to post about but it had just happened on thursday morning last week. i was not discouraged before nor was i lost in my art before. i have been feeling very productive in the last view months and my reaction to the morning study on thursday was purely emotional. it wasn't all about making art for me. it was about being me-cat.

as a single woman-girl-daughter-sister-friend. i have gone through different phases. it is really very different, being all alone. i don't write alot about my feelings on the matter because it doesn't matter all the time. there isn't one thing anyone can do to change my view of being single. it doesn't matter how social or unsocial i am. it doesn't matter how much i know or don't know. it doesn't matter how much i try. *these are/have been some of my thoughts: is there something wrong with my personality, am i too strong, am i too short, is my butt too big, am i intimidating, are men actually the weaker species, do i want to be married, do i really need to have children:to have children, am i a better person because i am unattached, do i have a closer relationship with christ:less of a chance that a hu{man} can come between myself and my maker. should i just put out on the first date, and the list could go on.

imagine coming home from working 9-5 and 6-9 to an empty apartment. sometimes it is good, i mean really good. the quiet is incredible, the peace and rest is overwhelming. i do not have to share. i do not have to respect-respect myself-learning to take care of my physical being. i do not have to bow-submit-discipline. except handling my finances every day becomes a hassle, handling the cleaning, the eating, the daily habits, the character issues that arise are just a little harder to get at because there isn't a husband to point it out. don't get me wrong, there is mom and kate, jen and matt, even m.c. and laurie and my brother aaron: these people keep me. i'm reminded of the path, my goodness.

i'm not going to be a better person if i all of a sudden get married and start having kids. if i get married i'm not all of a sudden going to start making art that sells all over the place, i'm not going to start making art that i really want to show in galleries. i am not going to start being wealthy, i'm not going to just all of a sudden be happier. i'm not all of a sudden going to have "it". having a man to validate big huge portions of my life would be nice, but it's not necessary for breath, nor true living, or simple faith and hope. being married isn't even a command and yet if i'm in a room of a lot a lot of married couples i feel like i might just disappear. the study on thursday, really simply reminded my of how really dear i am to my creator. her words reminded me of my gifts, my talents, my depth and my offerings. it reminded that whether i am single or married i may often feel orphaned. whether i have children or not i may always need maternal validity. i remembered that persceptions of me aren't always truth, fact, or even important and that i am god's daughter, adopted by him, invited into his home, called to obey him first-no matter what.

there's no need for you all to worry. i appreciate your thoughts, love and prayers, but nothing is wrong. i am exactly where i am supposed to be. and i didn't mean to convey a spirit of sadness, i meant to have expressed this, this way^. that's all.

inspite:wait loss

the day before yesterday my mother told me that an artist we both know, who happens to host a weekly bible study on thursday mornings in her home, would be speaking about her one month voyage away from home at the vermont art center. an early morning invitation.

but, waking up at five thirty in the morning is a hassle (excuse), and in my mind a nightmare. a potential waste of time, waking before the sun has yet to greet us. a world around me has so little to offer me but sleep that early in the morning. all because i have been habitually making acquaintances with one a.m. and her little sister one thirty. "you won't regret it", my mother suggestively said, persuaded i went. this morning in greyness.

a severe warmth and comfort welcomed me, quiet voices of women and the smell of a coffee fortune. though i forewent, according to the mumbles of an already acidic stomach. a low fire buring, the stroke of eight a.m. hidden tears with knowledge and awareness tumbling, low beneath my bowed head. for fear of spilling out a tremendous wave of emotion. i was there to support, i thought proudly. oh how i terribly mislead myself, too often to count.

how do i begin, i'd rather leave it all alone, and forget.

i must resist the temptation, i must tell, bare witness to the work of the holy spirit through one artist's words, her journal, her fear, her humility and not all of that but christ jesus alone. my god. to believe. some might say moments like mine, this morning are magical. magic is not real, the act of magic is performance, and what i experienced was real. no authority stands to derive some over simplified summary of our being there. no judgement, no throne to which one is chosen to sit, pontificate and ressurect our conscience mind. my heart gave out. i knew, called out of my weakness i should be there. vunerable, defenseless i had to be there, to be lifted. words flowed. in the midst of great darkness there is light and gratitude. in the midst of brokeness there is peace and validation. she an artist, like me, like her, we find solitude to be a comfort. branching out is without a doubt the most difficult aspect of my life. it isn't just about branching out, it is about the act of opening all kinds of doors, submission, "talking about my art", my words, her words.

all i want in my life is more time, more time, more time. please. i need an almighty god to give me just a little tiny bit more time to make art. art and making art is one of my number one loves. a little bit more time to be a better daughter, a better friend, a wife, a mother, a sister. look he has already given. i am entirely tirelessly grateful for my mother, for my father, for "big e", m.c., aaron & laurie, smoore and emoore, for the three littlest boys:caleb,liam, and sam (who we love and will welcome when they get here). grateful beyond words for katie, jen, matt, andrea, hannah (her words on looking up), josiah, coworkers: amp, linda, gh, and carolyn in the city.

***i will never know enough, my words will always fall short of the exact thought or express emotion i had. my intellect fails me when faced with college graduates, my faith falters before the fevered. my spirit shrinks between insecurity and self doubt and "if i were all that dark inside there would actually be no place for christ". meditation: to free ones mind of thought and focus on the thought. i shall not. god has given me my breath and i will focus on my life. funny how i am worse than i think and it is because of jesus, and yes because of my deep need to know him that i accept him in. everyday. we all need validation, a balance (the breath of life) between what we think of ourselves and what others we know think of us. jesus must be my everything.

how can i resolve? there is no resolve, but rest is waiting for me in jesus. resolve is to remove myself from the discussion or battle. how many come to the perfect point where all is well, where we feel loved, needed, wanted, and validated one hundred percent of the time. is there a reason to give up in the face of late nights? in the face of financial stress, artistic block walls, relationship requirements:expectations? believers often throw up their hands, surrender, resolve, make laws they think they can keep inorder to win the losing battle. inspite of myself i will be thankful.

when i left at ten til nine i cried with my mother by our cars in the grey coldness. cried out at the beauty, to the wordless moments to warm us. melt our hearts and minds. a bend in the road, there is no more waiting, a focus, a reverse of thought and reminder of god's severe mercies, grace and love.

steal my idea

yesterday i felt like the left side of my neck was buldging, a tumor, a lymphnode, an alien creature growing, whatever the thought. this morning it is all about the way i slept the night before last. today there is only a blurry ache, not so much a knot or buldge. i will always try to shake off nagging fear, ward off the dangers of hypochondria, and pull up boot straps. i hold on to double standards when it comes to my health, as you have noticed.

last night i finished up one more thing that i will be sending to nina and to j. i jumped head first into mailorder number five-when i saw the sewing project a bit of glee overwhelmed me. i had not cross stitched in such a long time that the opportunity has swooped me up, i'm loving it. while sitting in the warmth, drinking hot tea for fear of getting sick, i thought of graffiti style cross stitching...oh yeah!!! can you imagine? have you heard of such a thing? i haven't, only knitted graffiti. all i need to do is get my hands on a some black:dark material, draw up some of my very own graffiti and wha-la!!! you're welcome to steal this, probably not, my idea-as there is no such thing as original-right?

and because today is tuesday, self portrait, blah. and i'm not in the know as to the theme for february. but i know one thing for sure. i have been working to wear make up every single day. talk about a self portrait challenge. i carry tissue, black eye linear, and have become very used to the idea of pressed powder. i also may look in the mirror more than i used too. considering by the end of the day, if i'm not careful, i've got dark black circles under my eyes, as the eye makeup has slowly made it's way down my face. oh geez, are you disgusted?

anyway. please. look. here. this is totally neato! afterall, how do you feel?

flea market:beehive tree {revealed!!!}

flash boom bang!!! without further todo, i present this, the flea market:beehive tree. i finally finished it up last night, with some fear of failing, fear of ruining it all with too much, too many dots, too much fuss and fumble. it all came together pretty well and i'm really happy now to be moving on. so much relief. i'm going to take a break from the tree movement for a bit, to pick up cross stitching my mailorder, putting together nina's package, and kristen's package, and well, i want to do a series of six paper quilt collage pieces. i have yet to begin...although i have ideas abrewing.

*now do you remember the bicycle on this piece
and i must say without one doubt that it has been good to take a little break from phantomcrimes. although i couldn't keep from posting a little bit {i cannot resist sufjan stevens any longer}. my addiction to blogging is strange and often prohibits me from reality of sorts. in addition there are so many things i long to express here but would not want to distract from sharing my art. my art brings me so much strength and i'd rather not always run amok with the depravity i often feel about, for one, being very single. awh the words vomit out of my mouth, off the ends of my fingertips. what tragedy and drama-to create is rather satisfying, and contrary to what people do say about artists in general, creating for me doesn't feel as self centered. even though it is a very individual-solo sort of activity. making the kind of art that i do brings me a deep sense of comfort and security unlike anything in my life. i often look at the art i've made and think it holds some kind of mystery that i am not even privy to solve-uncover. as a matter of fact no one has ever taken the time to ask me what i think my art means. so there the mystery lies, i suppose. i have come to call my trees, my growing forest of thought, reflection, relaxation and resolve. i also have loved my phantomcrimes, this familytree represents, i am solo, but a growing family awaits me. my tree spreads, using light, drinking beauty up through it's roots. and so i motion for you to follow me, be inspired, be lifted up, be moved to create. and remember that breaking is important, valuable, and just as satisfying as being creative. rest=contentment=thankfulness=joy.