a-version of beauty

i was entirely inspired by the beautiful blobs by katie w. knutson. so today i decided to work a little bit of my own super power paintshop magic. for as lame as paintshop can be, it blends fairly well. the simplicity of the program might limit one, but i find it freeing. i don't have to think a whole lot about the product or the method.

in my other art work i tend to be consumed by and in the process. when my work is viewed, people usually ask me what it means or what it represents. the collage especially has images that may or may not symbolize something to someone else. i typically use an image for the sake of the color or the sake of the lines or shape in the image. i do not know what i would do without my ability to be creative. it is my life, my namesake, the highest privilege. i am not really an avid out of doors person. i used to play soccer and rollerblade, but i wouldn't call myself a treehugger. but i do do do love the trees/blobs. i love painting and collaging birds and fish too. these things have nice lines, nice space and shapes around them.

i made popcorn cake this morning for work, it was happy warm chili day. i got a massive bag of m&m's, a jumbo bag of marshmellow's, a canister of peanuts and popcorn. the cake that really isn't a cake was a workforce snack hit. the cool thing is that when i was a kid, my mom did not want my brother's and i to trick or treat. there were several other family friends who would gather with us to celebrate the fall season. mrs. h used to make the so called popcorn cake for us, for the party. i used to make it with microwave popcorn, but it isn't near as good. i don't know if it is a common little snack, but the girls here don't seem to have heard of it before.

the rest of the week looks slightly less stressful. less coworkers to deal with tomorrow and i'm not working friday at the practice. i am going to be at the rx friday night, leaving out to atlanta saturday morning. there should be fun show at ziggy's on friday night.

from atlanta, the CARRY- ONS (www.myspace.com/thecarryons) punk/ska and chattanooga,

DRUNK MAN DANCING (www.drunkmandancing.com) punk/drunk and chattanooga,

CIRCUIT BREAKERS (www.circuitbreakers.co.nr) gabber/hip-hop performing live this

FrIdAy -- OCTOBER 14TH @ Ziggys (607 cherokee blvd. chattanooga, Tn) 9:00 pm 18+up 5 bucks poster file attached~~ brought to you by At The Break

finding the fever

i can feel it coming in the air. a crisp collective. apples and their tender sipped ciders, bouncing bobbing, dunking and pie. warm wool, shades of red, orange and yellow. creamy soup and deep sleep naps. it is an ache i wish for all year long. i only wish the change was drastic, more noticeable. the shifts in season are barely there.

i'd like to have a halloween party, i will have to work my weekend at the rx. there ought to be something festive though, for me to do. i have to say i am very excited about teaching myself to knit over the last few days. i have collected yarn and needles. a book of course on the casting/knitting/purl. basics you know. once i got the hang of it, the idea is simple. my only confusion at this point is, knowing which yarn to use with which needle's. ooo. i went to the yarn store several months ago and bought some of that nice woolie stuff. i think i've got get the hang of it and then i can make something. um?

i want to decorate a pumpkin and collect dried leaves. i hope the color in cartersville is as pretty as i think it was last year. the air was chilled and kate and i spent the last evening up in the old train depot, eating bbq, drinking wine and listening to a dulchimer player-synthstyle.

last but not least i wanted to draw your attention again to ART:21. finally a collage artist. arturo herrera check it out dude! one of the cool things about this guy is that he takes detailed photos of his collage and then developes and grids the fotos. i also have noticed a huge trend within the artist interviews. drawing drawing drawing.

have any of you ever drawn a tattoo for a flashcard or have any of you ever negogiated sold a flashsheet to a tattoo shop? just curious.

responsible waking

it is wednesday again. once a week, wednesdays come and go. humpity humpity hump. so with that here are the things i mostly enjoy looking at weekly, sometimes daily.

mule magazine

plastica

tobi wood designs

snow & graham

huskworks

the art and artist: futura

clandestina

i miss my friend kate. i miss my friend sara c. i watch the doctor's pass my hallway window talking of this diagnosis and that prognosis. i sit in my car to catch a breath of fresh hot air and listen as npr's voice, plays out physician assisted suicide. i think to myself of the condition of this world, because i have no personal family condition. i have no personal foul. no hang up, s-curves or detours. the amount of over medicated humans in this country this state. the percentage of teen sex. the webs we weave. i have to pay rent, i'll wait until the ninteenth when my car payment is due to pay it. my friend is moving to suck creek to the river. with a view of something more than the city. i am ready for a neighborhood with sidewalks. if i had a choice between being deaf or blind. i would chose the loss of hearing. i want to learn to sign-bilingually speaking. bilingually signing. universal and japanese. i won't be shooting for 4 Bridges this year. the deadline is october 14 and it must be made digitally. what the hell is that about. to big for it's bridges. no room for the measley starving f-artist. although i am far from starving.

i continue to weigh myself each wednesday. i have not lost but i suppose half of a pound. big dealio, right? i have my bike, but i need a spare tire or two. i also need a boy to fix it for me. i do not want to work on it. so i am off for today, got twenty more minutes to write up a whole big old deposit.

double helix

yeah i am back at the workforce after a nice two day off from the rx weekend. i can't say i accomplished much. i did have to work friday night, came home and watched ART:21 at eleven p.m. stayed up late writing, my grandparents and kate knutson. saturday my mom called me and asked me to go out with her. we ended up hitting up blueskies. i was happy to get a gift for my aunt cathy for her birthday. a miniature gnome!!!! so so excited. now i am looking, searching the www for the little doe/dear someone took a foto of and put on their blog, the gnome was made by the same company. okay so i could not find the company, but i will show you the deer/doe i saw at blueskies with the gnome. see here at two rabbits. i thought it was something like dexterbooks...oh well.

i bought a nice little felted wool pouch to go along with my felt wool purse from nepal. 100% woollen felt made by angel of orphans??? i am not quite sure. it's an autumn thing is suppose. i cannot deal with the scratch any other time of the year, but come fall, i'm all about the itch under the arm. the cutest purse ever must come out of the closet. i am doing a whole hell of a lot better. i am not working tonight or wednesday night at the rx, so i'll have a little bit of a break. i have so much to look forward to in the next few weeks.

first and foremost the 34/84 fest in cartersville with ole girl kate knutson. i cannot cannot wait. i had so much fun last year. i'll mos def have to get my act together in two thousand six and be apart of some of these dang art thingy's. i just have got to do this second job thing for a little bit longer or at least the amount of hours for a little bit longer.

i am also looking forward to jen kring moving back to the area with a baby girl in the tummy. lavendar zoe is well on her way and she'll be here in february. i just can't wait for that bit o' joy.

i need to buy more canvas and i am trying to think of a way that i can send lu the book i'm working on but also get a copy. for myself, for future use. i'd rather not try kinko's the old school printing ways. i haven't been working on the apron thing just not into it right now. but i did see the tie one on theme this past month was dish towels, that's cool, cuz that's what i was already doing.

my double helix your double helix our double helix.

feel good girl

once a month i have a small mental breakdown that revolves around my being a female. the unfortuante part is that i am taken off guard every single time, as if shot with a powerful drug. hormones do a body trainwreck city.

additionally i came down with a conflict with one of my siblings. an underlying, five month ago issue that never was expressed to me, 'the responsible party.' i knew that something was wrong or quite awry between he and i, but not something from a blog i posted several several months ago, mentioning his name. has this happened to you before? i did not think i had to be so so so discrete about blogging. but he said that in googling his name my "increminating" blog arose from the masses and blantantly called him out. well i found that blog and i will not apologize for anything i wrote at that time. although i will say that he was extremely hurt and pained by the incident i mention in the previous blog. so even though i did not destroy his name in the headlines he felt the need to embarass me and make me feel utterly ashamed for my expression in front of the rest of my family. i will go off here: about the grudges we crutch, the fear we wrap up in and comfort ourselves with. i am disgusted by grudges as if they were satan himself hidden in an attitude. i know it is only by god's grace that i am free from holding grudges, non forgiveness of other's actions. i have other major issues, sin in all sorts of shapes and sizes that manifest themselves in my life. but non forgiveness is just not one i truly, honestly struggle with.

the grudge takes you off guard, a low blow to gut, behind the knees. (last night, i finished a heartbreaking work of staggering genius.) finally finally finally...why has it got to end in such a way? do any of you know or understand?

i have felt an extreme amount of pressure. self imposed you could say. find a new job, find a new home, resign a lease, find time to change the oil, clean the bathtube, craft, corner the art exhibiting market, spend time with mother, aunt, and sister n law. find time to work and really work. the pressure was seriously mounting last week. thursday i hit my head several times with my office telephone. what came over me? the tragedy of being a woman, supposedly.

i also have again found solice in my journaling, the black book keeping up with my daily walk. i sit infront of the television watching charlie rose with zadie smith and nightline with dr. wood-former FDA director of Women Studies & Health. topics of the morning after pill, surviving a hurricane, autumn planting, martha stewart's new show(s), cloning like comparing identical-fraternal twins. all these thoughts running havoc on my brain.

i am nearly sick of being told how i should prepare for the worst disasters. but i am thrilled to be at home on friday nights. inspired. a new way of seeing.

ART:21 HELP ME! THIS IS TOO AMAZING! NO ONE EVEN SPEAKS OF IT! how can that be? so check it:

drawing with gunpowder: Cai Guo-Qiang

seascapes glass mirrors: Hiroshi Sugimoto

see here the black and white. he says he never sits in a boat and takes these amazing photos. dry land. please oh please do read or try and catch these episodes. cannot be missed.


i am not giving up blogging, but i may take large breaks inorder have substance to write about. no more waste and here is my spt. via hawaii and bellows beach. see the similarity.

fit to be quit

i was fortuanately informed by one fast 'tag' player that i left out '5 years ago.' the process of trying to remember five years ago seems treachorous in so many ways. but i think i'll be able to come up with something.

5 years ago: oh dear, let's see. i know that five years ago i was living at the rogers compound in a little cottage-ish apartment, that was too too too too small. but cheap and necessary for me. a safe, guiding quality. jennifer green kring was @ libre' in england and we were talking about moving in with one another. getting a house, making art, having parties, you name it. i was at that time working full time as a shift a @ cvs pharmacy. i was painting in jeff's studio space throughout the entire year, with kate. i spent many a night out a bonfire. including the holiday nights. with the terney's, english's, rudy's and um let see who else? i remember one new years, we all gathered and drank, ate, smoked and sang, we even went around the gigantic circle renaming ourselves, something more symbolic. i do not remember the name that was given to me. i just remember amy gast getting the name acorn, because she'd had a little boy, naming him oak judah.

5 songs I know the words to: i do not remember any entire songs, by memory. i listen to music all of the time, but rarely know the words or the title/track. i whistle to most any music. but i do not listen to country or oldies. if a cd player, i'll know the words, but if the music isn't playing i'm not remembering. although i have songs i constantly sing over and over again.

5 things i'd do with 100 million: tithe, buy a husband, buy kids, buy a house, kill the dj.

5 places I'd run away to: new york city to see erin petrella, atl to see kate, seattle to see sara c., cairo, and my nice big bed. horray!!!

5 things I'd never wear: a tube top, tight-rolled pants, plastic earrings-specifically hoops in bold neon colors, push up bra, and staletto(sp?) heels

5 favorite TV shows: martha stewart, what not to wear, pbs-reality shows like pioneer days or the regency, david letterman, little house on the praire

5 biggest joys: in christ, my family: my mom:carol ann, my pops:great scott, my brothers:ethan&aaron and their wives mary a.k.a m.c. and laurie coe collier
the birth of josiah james knutson on feb. 3 2003. who is not my son, but my best friend's son.
tiny tiny things all little plastic toys and trinkets
beautiful found paper/stickers or objects on the sidewalk like glass or a cool rock
the swarming starlings at dusk-that are now being sprayed with grape chemical. yikes! ban the scenic city!

5 people to pass this on too: lu

carol a. collier-must email me and i'll post the answers on my blog.:)

nubbly

i'll have to link some others later.

as for now, that is all i've got in me.

i also wanted to mention that i am indeed getting help. for my smoking. that is. everyone-georgia, matt, mom and the rest of the uoha gang are all nagging me to death. so maybe prayers are in order, and also the weight for my health has got to fly.

portrait less ness

unfortunately i have no portrait to offer this fine tuesday afternoon. all cameras have been put away for the time being, for no reason at all. except for the fact that photo-graphing anything hasn't been all that inspiring lately, including photographs of myself. in august i filled my flickr to the brim, no more uploading, boohoo, begging for a pro account. trade for a pro account, plasma or platletts for a pro account. so instead i am going to recognize the need for beautiful classic, sometimes cursive handwriting. have you noticed handwriting (cursive) not required of students today? i've just heard from the working moms. humum?

additionally my mom has written a riveting opinion piece about the goings on, on frazier. check it out here.

10 years ago: i was 19, almost 20. living in my aunt cathy's cottage for a mere $75.00 a month (conditional on being in college, which i was and wasn't). i was driving a red four door nissan sentra '88 with the back corner window busted out of it. and a transmission about to go go go. i skipped classes, dropped out of school second semester, after skipping classes and dropping out first semester. i really thought i had to go to college. i really thought studying art was going to be my thing. not a chance. i think i was working at food lion as a cashier or at the barn nursery (plants) as a cashier. i was still hanging out with my highschool b.f., marc pembroke, rollerblading, traveling to knoxville and atlanta a whole lot, i even dyed my hair blue at one point. i got my one and only tattoo of two hearts intersected, star of david style, off of a leonard cohen book, 'book of mercy.' foolish little rebellious girl, destroying herself by unrepentence and neglect. i had not started smoking cigarettes yet though.

1 year ago: ooo this one is difficult for me to own up to, just like 10 years ago. i was dating someone, thinking about moving to hawaii, getting married et cetera. working @ uoha, but not at the ole rx, quite yet. i was spending alot of time sleeping, gaining weight, crying internally over a stupid ass long distance relationship. working on the mural.

Yesterday: i woke up at seven twenty am and made coffee, ate a bowl of raisin bran, smoked 2 cigarettes. got a shower(wash, blow & go), dressed, drove to work. was around ten minutes late to work. jumped into getting precert numbers for patient scans and hospital admits, posted all charges and my payments. while amy p. is on vacation i'm supposed to cover and post her payments. yikes!!! had a good day until 4 and then everything went awry. thought i was actually going to cry for a minute, medicaid of georgia sucks ass! it is that oncology is so darn expensive and they want details details details. i worked until 6, laurie coe collier called to see if i would come to dinner, i cancelled. went home after work, laid in bed and read dave eggers and took a small nap. woke up and ate mint choc. chip bryer's ice cream. worked on a surprise for someone, cannot tell. :)

5 snacks I enjoy: sour cream & onion ruffles, cream cheese & pretzels, vanilla ice cream with sunflowers seeds, coffee-specifically folgers mocha fusion addiction, beer (but not as much anymore)

5 songs I know the words to:

5 things i'd do with 100 million:

5 places I'd run away to:

5 things I'd never wear:

5 favorite TV shows:

5 biggest joys:

5 people to pass this on too

will continue tomorrow this is enough info for one day. i don't want to kill ya'll, with this um some boredom.

unrest crests

here it is the end of the weekend at the parentals, spending some sit down time with the mom person. i had to work today, but had to get some of my mom's very special chicken salad on a plate of mixed greens. yummy. about the only meat i'll eat these days. i'm trying, have been trying for a while now to cut meat entirely out of my diet. it has truly helped shed these twenty or so pounds. i'm still above my bmi, but i'm alright with that. just gotta keep cutting out the fat. there is a blow to the head. spending time with mom, getting the rest of the family news.

ethan and mary, my brother and sister n law were out last night or maybe friday with another couple. walking along frazier ave. they were approached by a group of boys. who proceeded to harass ethan and justin about wanting to hold hands with their wives. ethan asked them to quit and as ethan was walking away, on of the fifteen boys came up behind him and closed fisted hit him in the back of the head. of course mary was upset and so was kelly, justin's wife. calling the police, filing a report and charges. shaking up the blood and making my bro-ther feel terrible. ethan has always had guns, interest only, fun shooting. he now will be getting a permit, so will my dad. shocking, but true.

i was with my friend matt around a month ago on the same street in my car. and a group of boys on the corner started yelling at us, taunting and laughing our direction. making fun, i think, being stupid. it evidentally is becoming a problem. we shall see.

my aunt's dog, tasha died yesterday or today. sad news. pets are a foreign experience for me. but i am too sad for my aunt. whose been crying.

i am in my uniform, wanting to go home. long day. also the anniversary of nine eleven. four years since my housefire too. praise god for his protection and guidance. i am so grateful. also thanks kate for the phonecall friday night. always a beautiful feeling to talk with you. i'll catch up with you all tomorrow when i'm back at the nine to five work force. yeehaw.

true's day

melmine galore! will floor you at french bull. i know you all have seen it before, but stop to smell the color one more time, just one more time. timeless, classic images inspiring a new generation of kitchen's around the world, i suppose. after my housefire i decided on melmine/melmac dishes. my aunt was so sweet to get on ebay and pur-Chase almost every line of color for me. i even have seen martha stewart's line at kmart, but alas kmart has departed from the scenic city. what shall we do?


and i do do do love this tiny little bird purse made by kelly lynn at little paper planes. i have been spending a whole lot of time adrift in the great abyss of the www. there is so much to see and ponder. a timeless gaze upon the most of everything. i found parcel. thanks to matt b and his friend anna. giving me a yellow chick from the lot.

i know i've not been about blogging, i'm too busy. this weekend is all work, no play. i'm looking forward to next weekend. until then.

more sponge

finally i must say that god is sovereign all of the time. within the frustration and the joy, in and out of my strengths and weaknesses. i am amazed and staggered. oh at this moment i cannot think of a way to help those suffering in the south. i am financially limited most of the time so contributing fundage is an expectation i cannot meet, but no excuse. i have gone to new orleans only one time.

i went about eight years ago with one digamus dawg-darren hawk. we decided to stay at saint bernard's, which by the way is under a massive amount of water, i believe. we had decided to drive through the night and get down to the city by three the next day. we went to the campground first to get a site and then to the city for dinner. we left the majority of our belongings in 'olivia,' darren's blue volvo station wagon. thinking security. walking back from dinner i noticed what looked like someone hanging out at the wheel of his car. 'wouldnn't it be crazy/hilarious if someone broke into your car?' we had heard that n.o. was kind of ridden with crime...but sure enough as we walked closer to the car, our stuff-backpacks, shoes, clothes, journals, money, et cetera was stolen or spread across the sidewalk. insanity smacked my brain, disbelief and anger. we did not know it, but we had parked our car in the freak ghetto.

...i am back, i have been away for around a week or so. had to stop in the middle of my story of new orleans. today is actually wednesday september 07. back to it. we flagged down a cop and filed a report of our stolen belongs. decided to make a go of the trip, despite the fact that we had no clothes, toothbrushes, socks or second pair of shoes or moolah (my $$$ was taken, darren had his on him). we had a good time and made the most of our experience. i fell into the green swamp and we snuck onto a huge huge huge ship like vessel, climbing a rope ladder up a hundred feet or so, walked around and found no one on the ship. i do no think i've told anyone of that. super dooper sketchy thing to do.

i became really upset about losing my journal/sketchbook. i was mad and felt like god took away something very valuable to me. little did i know he was about to turn my thoughts upside down. a few months later i was out and came home to a message on my answering machine. it was the voice of a woman, andrea who said that she and her husband we from new orleans and would be up in chattanooga @ the choo choo for a marriage conference. they were interested in meeting with me and believed they had some of my things. i flew off the handle, could not catch my breath, called darren screaming. i remember he got mad because he thought something really bad had happened to me. several weeks later we arranged for andrea and her husband jay to come visit me. i made sure darren was going to be there and sure enough they had my journal, not my black sketchbook. jay was/is a contractor, doing construction/renovation at the time on the ghetto. he said that he had noticed all of the stuff in dumpsters piling and overflowing each day and kinda knew when new stuff appeared in the trash. he noticed a book with an envelope sticking out of it, with my name and address on it. he gathered up the few things lying around the area and brought them home. they began the process of tracking me down. amazing i being in chattanooga, them going to the conference. professing believers, andrea admitting that she' d read my journal and had been praying for me. crazy crazy times!!!

so i was thinking...could i track andrea and jay down? i don't know, they wrote down their address and phone number and i did try to call, but no connection to n.o. i can't make out their last name, so i haven't been able to do a white pages search. they may have moved out of n.o. years ago, considering my time there was in 1997 or something like that. but they did say anytime i wanted i could visit. wish i could help them out somehow.

i have been sick sick sick. all i have been doing is traveling between my bed and the couch. i have gotten my fill of katrina and the despair. i am completely overwhelmed, flabbergasted by all of it. the media coverage feels misleading at times. i feel frustration with the feds, but you know i have had a whole lot of time to write in my journal. facts and quotes. i feels better than this even. yesterday i talked with jen kring and she's moving back up to chattanooga from lakeland flordia in about four to six weeks. cannot believe that bit o' news.

mom found a want ad from a job at memorial's heart institute, may apply, need to apply today. pray that i am motivated, pray that i become well enough to put together a kick ass resume. i don't know i'm most definitely conflicted by the whole thing.

this is my no waste wednesday, being at work even though i am sick. not gonna waste another sick day on this b.s. summer flu crap. i have got to forget about myself for a minute.

grief relief in sovereignty

with all that shakes, shatters and strikes a monumental catastrophy like katrina turns my stomach inside out. i am far from humbled enough. far from a healthy amount of fear for the power of christ, the almighty force behind destruction here and there. i am terribly aware of the death, but have not truly felt it until today. i cannot imagine, nor will i pretend to understand the feelings. i may have lost a whole lot of nothing in the housefire, three years ago, but i wasn't a refugee, a wanderer. my aunt offered her guest room to me for a month while i looked for a new apartment. my family, especially mom and pops helped tremendously at the time. it was devastating at the time and now i barely remember all of the feelings, except when i see and hear footage from this last weeks weather events.

one side note: while watching the weather the other night the weatherman mentioned "a great big slug of a storm approaching!" have you ever heard such a term? when did weathermen start using such profanity while predicting the weather.

i held and petted a trantula last night at a friend of a friends home. the female T. was quite pleasant and light as a feather. her name is mel mel melissa. or maybe mellie, sorta like nellie. i could not get along with a spider, much like i do not like cats or even dogs. but i would most definitely need a bird, someday. spiders have organs like humans, except their heart, brain, lungs and ovaries all seem to be about the same size. can you imagine, spider ovulation? yikes! here we are at the end of the month. i was able to finally get out a small package to good ole melissa c. funny how when you begin a correspondence with someone, you grow to be so familiar with them. much like hannah, the news of her pregnancy, bringing me as much joy, as if it were a dear family member or friend. i am also amazed at my dorkiness, sheer dork ish. i happened to have a doctor's appointment back in july, my regular gyn check up and so i decided to take my notecards, sift thru the letters, and write a few pals back. i always must wait and wait forever at dr. jones office. yuck. i don't even like reminding myself of the wait there. i began a letter to hannah and whalah! was called in the middle of the letter to a room. just slipped the card into the envelope, sealed and delievered. right there in the middle of writing, i'm sure a splendid little sentence. how dork-ish is that? so hannah shoots me and email yesterday and asks, why the mysteriousness? there is no mystery, even though i'm all about hiding and only slightly giving clues. i would like to offer my formal regrets here:( oh brother.

crafting time is coming this way. with the weekend off, or at least the majority. i'm sure i'll find some time to delve into the apron unknown again. just ask lu, what kind of a seamstress i am. dainty my ass-tronaut! all in good fun and handi-work. lately i haven't felt like blogging so much. instead i've been writing a whole hell of a lot in my "paper" journal. so much to wonder. i am amazed by life and subdued my it's incongruencies and parallel's. irony playing with irony at every corner. i am at once tired and without sleep and insomnia rules. the sirens, streetsweepers, and sidewalk conversations crowd out even the slightest urge to doze. i'll catch up come sunday. missing the craft. hopes and great prayers for grief relief stretch like we bloggers across the country to new orleans, mississippi, the gulf gulf gulf. ahh! what about cafe' de monde's? saint bernard's campground? oh well.

the weak in my tree

scientists are able to explain a trees rings when, for instance, a severe draught or period of growth has occured. i am not certain where i picked up this little piece of knowledge, probably from my gptv-pbs stations. i understand that in the last couple of days i have neglected self portrait tuesday and no waste wednesday. you have to know that i am moving in a direction. actually many directions and so time is limited, especially here.

over the weekend i became upset about issues involving an ex boyfriend of mine. i broke up with him back in december of 2004 and feel completely, that i made the best ever decision. i did not mind him calling me and i did not mind his long distant pursuit of me or whatever. although i was not pursuing a relationship with him. i have thought him lost and incomplete, too many red flags. I should have stopped talking with him altogether, but it is difficult. man at twenty nine i am still learning about standards and boundaries. it is tough, marking my territory, yet remaining open to love and vunerability. i do not miss or mourn the relationship. and i told him that i wish for his presense to be obsolete. yes the weekend provided a opportunity for me to devote some thought to my role, my ishas. i am constantly having to remind myself that god, right now, is my husband, my partner, my reason for living. i really can share everything with christ who ultimately is my best friend, a warrior with me in the battles of my life. cheese overflows, but it is all true and more comforting, knowing that i do not have to rely on a 'weak' man. i have no desire to be with someone who constantly needs affirmation from me. a man of faith needs only the affirmation from christ. this ex has no true faith, otherwise i think he'd lay off and understand his need is not in me. i have no desire to be the one to lead him, at all. i often feel too strong and don't see the strength in most men that i think is necessary in my life and in a relationship/marriage.

this is entirely too blah, to end on this sort of note. no craft, no art news. although i did feel a renewal of art interest. i made some buttons and a box, but no aprons. i need to make those aprons!!! right kate!!! okay so now i am outta here.

weary warrior

i have got to spit it out and let you in on another artist i found. courtney wotherspoon illustrations is bangin'!!! the sample is one of my faves, but you've got to see 'tread here.' i am not going to show it, so you'll be forced to find it. kate k. had done a few sketches of her husband at one point or another and this next one really reminds me of that work of hers. nick cicciola has a nice positive-negative space thing going on. i honestly think that that is what first attracts me to a work of art. ever sense highschool i have been addicted to pos-neg space. i do not think my art even incorporates a whole lot of the technique or concept, but you know my friend erin p. is producting a whole bunch of work and we have got to get her on the web, showing that shit off man. check out the piece below, i ramble like a buffalo. today for lunch the office got taco schmac. i decided to get a salmon salad. it was half way decent, i should not complain an ounce though, considering the meal was free per dr. john mccravey for nikki's birthday.

work has been alright. the conflict comes and goes and man molly g. you are totally right things, like finishing work. i must sound as though i have a ton of unfinished work. literally...
i still have aprons to produce, two clipboard pieces need the finishing touches/slides/frames. i have the two pieces one the old checker board bird/fish piece and crimpeays. i feel terrible because i wrote melissa, a pal from snailmail a letter like two months ago, i was putting together a care package and whalaa! blah! it hasn't moved from my kitchen/project/catch-all table.

i woke up this morning and haven't gotten laundry done in two weeks, no clean underwares. that's totally embarassing, but true. on top of that i put my underwares on inside out. tag sticking out and all, carolyn n da city saying she was going to but sezy stuff for me now that i've lost a few pounds. i cannot see that happening.

the night before last night the fire alarm in my building-thirty six total apartments, went off four separate times. starting at 3:55am. of course the first, i dressed, gathered my cell-e, purse, and keys and kicked myself to the curb until the firemen gave the all's good on re-entry. the second and third time i decided to lay in bed and wait for a. the fire or smoke to kill me or b. the fireman to bang down my door or c. sleep thru explosive buzzing sounds. by the fourth time i was heading out the door to work, a dreary grumpy self, thinking that coming home to nothing, losing everything to fire again, might be a small relief. clothes, art, paint and project table awry anyway. so maybe i should have a party to motivate the clean up cause.

list o things which i will occassionally put together:

1. speeding ticket due september 12 - dublin GA

2. apt. lease ending september 1, wishing for a house to rent with someone.

3. art finishing, slides, fotoed and framed

4. art cards with gallery st

5. 34/84 moral support for k. family

6. new job?

7. pay off the papa

can you all think of anything else i need to do? ah laundry, number one priority!!!

no waste wednesday

last week i totally fudged my no waste wednesday. last week was a bit of a drag. i know i am needing to make art when everything around me feels less than perfect. i feel ansy, shallow, tired and drained of my life. i often start to want to move from chattanooga and the escape mode kicks in swiftly. oo and it can get kinda rough around the apartment. it did not help that i worked my nine to five in addition to every night and the weekend at the rx, but after the show at b.l. i knew i needed to make another step up. so on monday like i said i took a sick day and worked solidly for around two or three hours on this 'crimpeays' painting. i also have another one going, but seem to have hit a block. but all of that is besides the point. my first thought was to take the pressure off and hit these sites up for inspiration.

i am just in love with the simple work of oksana badrak. the colors are nice, but there also seems to me to be a small bit of symbolism. below is yet another i believe my very favorite from this artist considering it is birds and all.



and yet here is another martha rich has bright work that appeals to my need to work really really large. big studio space here i come...


beautiful blue colors too. have i mentioned that my new favorite paint colors are red and blue like this, geez just wish i could swim in the color.



see gina triplett's work too. another favorite with the bird. i like those big ole drips too. freedom in expression is so wonderful. just a plain ole gift from god. and beauty has been shaped and formed by people like gina pushing the visual envelope. i also have to give a huge shout out to rachel salomon for all the greatest in linkage. rachel's work is absolutely phenom too!!!

in terms of musical inspirations...more of new order's 'NO' and a little bit o' the riddum o' reggea.
i am going to grab some lunch now.

c r i m p e a y s

after reading the da vinci code i have gotten more interested in the words or letters i pick to have in my work. i am now finishing up this painting. <---- "crimpeays" for years i have lived across the parking lot from this building. when i first moved in i used to want a pair of binoculars, to spy, of course. i would watch to see who were the late sleepers, early risers, and night stalkers. i really wanted one of those apartments, but eight hundred-one thousand seems a tad steep for my inclination and income. anyway, you all have prolly found these fotos at flickr, but being that i am painting this, and not a full version. but two canvas, this being the first of another. the other will be of a small shamrock (purple) that i took a photo of. another multi canvas piece.

art show @ barking legs went fair enough. around a hundred people showed up and i got a whole lot of good feedback. i would like to be a regular featured artist though, but in talking with socky i feel he has a whole lot of artists willing and able to show. the night went well and a little slow. but suzanne and i spoke a whole lot. saw denise and phillp and due to my small slowly enclosing walls around me i handed the 'buddha's flight' painting off to phillip s. hopefully he got it per his next door neighbor. my whole secret goal for the night was if someone came up to me who was terribly excited about a work and wanted to buy it i would freak them out and give it to him/her. i know kate knutson is going to be shocked, horrified and totally pissed that i give my work away, but i do not care...i do care...but not about making money, some money would be alright, but i'd rather have people all over the globe have my work than cut my chances in half, by putting a huge price tag on the cheap shit. so much of my work is on poster quality material, who even knows if it will last a hundred years? anyway. i am getting better at these sorts of things-

i also gave my piece of josiah- 'josiah's gift' away to melinda. shocked the living you know what out of her. very fun and exciting to be free of such things. i don't buy anyone's work, except for a few pieces of plush or trade here and there. i don't expect people to want to buy mine. plus i need more room to hang and move forward. i cannot move forward or progress if i have the old stuff collecting dust. do the research and see henry darger's thing on pbs sometime. i am not mentally ill, nor do i need antidepressants, it is just a 'cat' thing.

in other news, worked too much last week and felt completely horrible so i layed out sick yesterday. i had a really great day doing really nothing except painting. did not even watch any television. ye-ah!!! sorry kk for not getting special surprises to your parentals i'd like to hand deliver myself.

but um that's all for now.

red light

okay so the red has generally faded, by this photo. there are no real streaks at this point. and the sun and chlorine has bleached my hair out a bit. kate thought it would have been brighter, her comment while at hilton head. i cannot stand that low slung chin. really i swear i look better in the mirror when i am looking at myself. i don't have a full length, it is probably better that way.

here is a picture of the mural i have been working on for over a year too.

we three trees

oh the long awaited moments, reuniting with close close, very dearly missed friends. a while ago i went down to atlanta to see kate (middle) and took erin p. (left) with me. it was the first time the three of us had seen one another sense jenn green-krings wedding. we had such a nice time. i miss the days of spontaneous ciaos, but i am so grateful for the memories. i am so grateful i'm not so young anymore. the friendships get better with age, not half as difficult or strained. i totally know erin is going to croak when she see herself here. i had to find a photo, selfishly where i looked at least half decent. i am completely non photogenic. you'll notice that is why i crop a whole lot of the photos.

last night i laid out some scrapbooking thread around a couple things i have been painting. then i covered the piece with mod podge again. woke up this morning and it looks really nice. i also went to walmart again and got two canvas. i am getting more and more siked about the august 12th art & music show @ barking legs. i may need someone's help in trying to decide what to hang. if you know or have seen my work i'd like a hint at what i should do, it doesn't mean i will or won't take your opinion (kate, HINT HINT). anyway i'm off. i don't feel like writing anymore.

a no waste wednesday

i think from here on out i am going to try for a no waste wednesday. blogging can feel so self centered and lack organization and even inspiration. i know this because i have read plenty of blogs that lag, tragically my own most of the time. i spend many hours a day on the www seeking, saving, and savoring the small bits of delight cornered away for a day designed for them. i wanted to share lillian's work with you @ little galaxie. i spent last evening working on the texture of two of my pieces. i was at walmart on sunday and picked up some of that mod podge stuff. it seals, coats, and leaves a clear finish-like varnish on the work. i see other work that looks as though it has been dipped in clear resin and i admire it, wish it were my own finished product. i desire the thick clear coat. does anyone know how that is achieved?

i found a nice way of showing you beci orpin's work, through fred flare's site. tina at blueskies happens to sell fred flare items and i got beci's birthday book back several years ago. it has come in quite handy, considering there are birthday's galore to keep track of.


now aaron jasinski has a fantastic site. i love the way he has archived his older work. i enjoy the music and sound selections. and the site is very easy to mingle through. it is one of my favorite inspirations. wish i could show you just a peak.

ooo and take a bite out of jason poteet's vivid abstract ways. if you are more interested in the work of artists at arthouse60 check the link.

i suppose three is enough for no waste wednesdays. i also am very excited to have started a little shop at etsy for your purchasing pleasures. i haven't got but one card posted, but hope to boost my product line even further, do not hesitate to make your way to This FamilyTree--->sidebar.

and if you'd like to participate with no waste wednesdays hit me up with links or just blog the inspirations yourselves.

clutz city

i fell last night walking up the steps in the stairwell to my apartment. wham bam thank you ma'am. i felt so dorky, alone as my voice echoed and the fall bruised my ego. this morning my left upper arm blue and swollen. terribly pathetic. falling makes me feel old and tired.

last night i saw m. oyer, happened to be @ mr. zips at the same time. i wouldn't have looked over at the car parked next to me had he not waved. i haven't seen him sense jarius @ t-bones. funny how people move in and out of my life. he had unfortunate news of a dui this past weekend. first ever arrest, fifteen hours, and all because of 'click it or ticket.' the cop did not even have to pull him over, he was stopped at a red light and a cop noticed him not wearing the ole belt. you can image how it went from there though. i felt bold in asking if m. thought himself an alcoholic, of course he said NO! but the boundaries will help, limiting his intake. maybe serve forty eight hours, was able to keep his drivers license though. how's that?

i got into work this morning (on time) to find a small box from san francisco sitting on my desk. woohoo! the package for josiah and eden has arrived. now i must decide how to deliver. at this point i think kate will be more surprised than the kids, but i suppose that was the plan. thank you l. and i'll post photos, when i know that kate has gotten the dear delights.

all i feel i post lately are self portrait tuesdays. kate was nice enough to let me in on a little secret. or at least apart of the mystery is solved. don't know if kath red is the originator though. maybe she can help? anyway, the photos today are ones i've taken in the last year or so. one in the winter with the scarf my mommom in new jersey made for me, in the red bathroom light and the other in plain white/green mix bathroom. a mix and match clue.

started a fresh new read last night. dave eggers a heartbreaking work of staggering genius. so far so good. i have been listening to the new NEW ORDER cd, ben harper's diamonds on the inside with blessed to be a witness on it (12th track), lauren hill, and the new one from the white stripes. yikes i have never really listened to the 'whites' before. haven't fully come to any conclusions. thinking of swimming at my aunt's pool on saturday. liking the sun, painting fingernails and toenails. wishing my haircut was cut even shorter and debating whether or not i should chop at it myself. trying to think of some fresh new summer receipes. something with squash. or corn on the cob. wish i had a garden too.

forever clutz city coming out at you.

lone rangers

josiah j. knutson is two and a half years old, the son of a fairly tall father, he is half way in catching up with shortly me. despite our age difference, we get along very well. we have plenty in common and i claim to be his very first best friend. i was fortunate enough to be there as he fought his way into the world. the beauty and charge resonants with me as strongly now as it did that day.

most of the time josiah and i speak of music, especially the guitar, bass, sax and drums. it is quite interesting to see his mind and body express his young desire to be a musician. one day while @ hilton head, we were happy to hear dean the reggae artist perform out by the pool. we spent at least an hour out there, sole audience members. but josiah paid attention, i really think he got the concept of the microphone, speakers and possibly the mixer. all i had to say was the wire leading from each to the speaker made the sound louder. josiah became so animated as he repeated my exact words. we sang a whole bunch too. josiah enjoys my improvisational lyrics, thinking that they are real. he doesn't mind me throwing him around a bit, the rougher the louder the laughs and screams. i tried to get him to float on his back in the ocean, and kick his legs, but the concept of swimming versus drowning hasn't quite rooted in him. i appreciated his joy and willingness to do almost anything. kate and joel have been really good parents thus far. josiah is a good kid though, his fuss and muss is usually because of tiredness, no spoiling, except for a little coca cola, which he thinks is hot and has a hard time swallowing. it's a good thing though.

i had never been to hilton head before, and truly everything is in the bushes/trees. hidden with tiny signs. i'd like to go back someday and explore a little more. stopped in savannah on our way back. i have been to savannah before. once in '94 to visit SCAD and the second time with darren hawk and brian whitacre, camping on tybee. i got burnt like a piece of toast out there. not a great trip. this time around was a whole lot more fun. considering i'd never shopped the shops. bought a cool birthday present with suzanne for laurie coe collier aka sister in law. we only stayed a short while, due to the fact that i had to drive the rest of the way back, so we left four pm afternoon, got back around eleven. not bad. although, i did get a speeding ticket on my way down 87 in a 70. oops! can't say i was to upset. moolah isn't due until september 12th, got sometime. but we saw a ton of the po-po. must've needed to meet the monthly quota.

when i got home there was a package from the 45, with his new cd, redda fire, about eleven engraved name plates for my framed work, fliers, and a poster. nice it up surprise, like the old days. had to write him back and ask the obvious questions, that i never ask. oh well. i am not too terribly interested in having a long distance anything. i am thankful for the mere friendship. i just am not going to be responsible for carrying any of the weight. period.

now that my summer vacations are over, i'll be looking at projects, job opportunities, and such more closely. i have got a few pieces i need framed for my august twelth show other than that i may be set. took my film to walmart last night. chattanooga hasn't got a ritz anymore and wolfe screws up black n white. we shall see, i'm looking forward to the photo cd. i always feel like i run low on the photos. the rest of the week i've got to be at the rx every night. so umm, back to normal. fast paced, cyclical yet good for me.