bb gun

ASIDE:
ugh this morning has been treacherous. i couldn't have had a more tenuous experience. if there's a threat of me going crazy about anything, it'll be because of the healthcare system, first and foremost. McDonald's chickens, Alaskan whales, and our prized celebrity's baby names receive more attention and acknowledgement than our own health and welfare. as a tried and true american i am force-fed, to neglect all intellect and self respect for the sake of my superiors, as listed above. humanity no longer calls itself human. it is a suffocation that creeps up on you, the reason that, possibly, andy couldn't stand 'finding neverland.' because we are incapable of appreciating, even the nothing we live in, the nothing we live for. the nothing that's been given to us, that we chose to accept. the lack of concern for others, the explosive desire for "my rights" to be heard and legislated. a motivation warped by immorality, but worse. a hundred thousand bb guns going off piercing my eyes and heart.

and at this point in the early afternoon i'm not as mad as i was. this is a timid attempt at trashing existence, hope and the american dream. do you realize that no matter where you are, who you try it with, how much you fight, democracy is difficult to pull off? i'm not even able to pull democracy off in myself, much less lead others. so why are we so angry at g.w.b for the war in iraq. we're at war in our own country over how to conduct true democracy. it wouldn't matter who was president. no one could convince me otherwise that bush/kerry has an upper hand, sovereign knowledge. what happened to taking responsibility for yourself, your actions, words, and thoughts? why do you need a government?

i will be a hypocrite, that is without question. one thing i have learned is that i am guilty of making my own rules and breaking my own rules. to me that's the purest fruition of freedom.

today my issues are: (in the so called news)

burt and ernie are gay along with spongebob and dora the explorer.

selling adopted children back to the country they came from.

divorce

suicidal self centered trainwrecks (literally)

conda rice: what has your secretary of state done for you lately?

health insurance companies, drug manufacturing companies, drug companies, drug company funded grants/foundations for 'their' drug replacement programs, medicare

BSIDE:
tomorrow is a free jairus show @ tbones. yeehaw. there's a free dj for and hr show at the nation of cat's house every night.

got a beautiful little sweater in the mail from hillary that'll be making into something: pillow, purse or eden poncho maybe.


thanks moocho hill, if you're out there reading my mumbo gumbo.

this weekend i'll be compiling the trade for you, hill and hope.

purr-fect paper

never shall i slumber. i may not be an origami master, but surely i'm a paper warrior. last night i couldn't sleep at all and i gave up television's reality for the miraculous machine. "your life is a blessing." i have had amazing success with the paint chips and feel the piece coming together. i set aside my painting and felt the need to sew the night away. i think i may have irritated my neighbor above or he has heavy feet. my machine is so small but on the counter it must vibrate a bit. after working with stitches i never want to go back to the sticky, mark making glue. the monochromatic shades of blue and green paint chips with yellow and light green stitches. how amazing. i have never done anything like this before and have been waiting for this day.

when i finally decided to go to bed, i ended up tossing and turning for an hour. all the while projects swarming around my mind's eye. a little over a year ago i went to jazzy junk on rossville blvd with my aunt. i was fortunate enough to find an old taffy box full of even older black and white photos, a hundred at least and for only twelve dollars. what an amazing find, a fantastic medium, but i couldn't think of a way to utilize them. i originally thought of creating a family tree out of them and very nearly organized them chronologically. it was a wonderful task, taking time to inspect facial features and pencil scrawled notes around the edges. suddenly before drifting off i thought of sewing a family tree together. i'd love to use silver thread and possibly do a tree design. if a tree doesn't work out i'll do a simple square and sew the tree, with leaves and such over the photos, in corners. i think it sounds like a suitable next project.

collage with paper is limitless. i don't think i'll ever run out of material. hey guys, martha stewart is having a huge sale, 70% off. i took a looksy, very picked over but a few things maybe of interest. someone told me that the magazine will be ending. does anyone know if that is true or not. i'm too this way in denial to research.



valentines is right around the corner too. oooh can't wait.

remembering mae

.

transistor with dj for an hour

i am fiending for new and improved photos, i've taken them, but they are floating in the camera. i also have got to get to the north chattanooga playground at night to take some photos. last night i should of, but it was way to cold and tonight is julia's home. so maybe later on this week i'll have an opening.

last night i was ultra-successful at sewing at least fifty odd paint chips together in a semi-quilt design. rally round the europro. it's a trooper of a machine. handling several widths of paper and my pulling, pushing, unpracticed hand. i couldn't take a nap last night after work. my nerve endings were fragmented from work, as usual. i had had an interesting discussion with one of my coworkers and it left me feeling peeked and faint from the mental exertion and emotional pentup-ness. i am not an experienced billing/insurance person. i don't want to do things the same way they've always been done. i don't have direction or support. there is no accountability and i will make some off the wall decisions. but i do feel i am a rookie and that there is too much for me to learn in a day. i feel that i am expected to know things that there's really no way in hell i could have known. oh well. i will prepare to leave when all is well with the software. i know that i keep saying that but it's oh so very true. no one can stop me. hahahaha...

i've got to keep in mind that all will be fine in the end. with cvs around the corner and feeling more and more hopeful about 4Bridges. everyday i consider the possiblilities of having an acceptance letter. oh and back the paint chip quilt. it is absolutely beautiful. i'm debating a yellow threaded sunshine or something less realistic. this past weekend i got good deal of advice from my friend phillip about the painting i was working on. i didn't go to church on sunday and kept hunting up solutions for the painting. finally by midnight i was eager to hang it and let it get cold for a while. too much energy was passing right through it and all that was sticking was the negative moves. so it's ahangin'. and i like it but it does need more sprucing and tweaking.

i ended up having an after party for andrew stewart at my house on saturday evening, which turned out to be a blast. i'm thinking that if the 4Bridges doesn't come together i may have my own exhibit opening in my own home. advertise the selling of art, send out invites et cetera et cetera. would you come? and did you know that i have more cards for sale. you'll have to trust me on their looks. eventually i'll have a photo up of them. but seriously boys and girls there's enough to go around. thank you for your continued prayers. i feel the uplifting hands of god around my heart and mind each day.

of goldfish and frost

i keep meaning to get here and yesterday i was, but in an instant my perfectly good blog disappeared in a server disconnect. you all have had the same exact problem at one point or another, so there is no need for me to go into my sheer frustration and disappointment.

in other news i am discovering the newest challenges and embracing them. i had quite a nice weekend and here i am again about to enjoy another. friday evening, was my joan of Arcadia night, as usual. i am snarling because i saw previews for next week and the show will feature hillary duff (the puff). teeniebopper heaven. saturday was incredible, i spent the day painting and added the next two canvases to the original two. i worked again last night and i am finding the light at the end of the tunnel. ah guys i really think it is going to be a beautiful piece, but i am still concerned about framing it when all is said and done. i have a couple of ideas, but we shall see. i need a good healthy critique though and i asked my art student friend if he'd be willing to help. i am still waiting, almost impatiently to hear word from AVA regarding the 4Bridges. i wish the wait hadn't been this prolonged. it's a huge fest and i understand that the jurors need time, but my god i had to have the slides in, back on november 19, 2004. after i finish this painting i'm off on a new idea, actually i've gotten a couple. i started a quilt of paper, two actually and i hope to have those finished soon. i also want to finish my clipboard paintings and i have my cards and a box collage.

holy matrimony, a list would be helpful, but not today.

i also have been blessed to be invited to an all female bible study on tuesday evenings. ah i think it is going to be incredible. we are going to study jerry bridges trusting god. i am so excited and feel that i've been asking or desiring something like this for a very long time. i have been in small groups before and felt dissatisfied. i believe the all female thing is really going to provide relational stability and guidance. i also hope to hear new things, learn new things and pray for others like never before. i am so thankful for my coworker/friend carolyn "in the city," she's the one who has the friend julia who is leading the study. julia is forty five years old, never been married, lives alone, craftsy and artsy, psycho-therapist @ valley. moved around a thousand times. and was called by god to come to chattanooga to minister to her sister.

even if i am a small goldfish i'm not going to let the size of my bowl prevent me from becoming a bigger goldfish. i'm looking forward to making my way through these times. my break up with jas is still prevalent in my mind and on my heart. our distance may help us in the end, but overall it is difficult to let go. sometimes it is easier than others. i am confident of my choices and decision. i know that god wants for the me the desires of my heart and that a husband and children are not wrong for me to want. i also know that god wants me to have financial peace and restitution with those whom i owe moolah to. i know that god's will for my life is brighter than my view of my future. i know and believe in his ultimate plan for my life. use me lord for your glory. i have many things to look forward to.

josiah's second birthday, a trip to new jersey to see the grandparentals and the development of relationships through the bible study. Hooray. and possible snow. please i want to see the snow. frost isn't going to cut it.

button bounty

i was reminded by the button bounty that i myself have, as i was looking at hillary lang's new collection. i've never done anything extremely creative with my buttons except for pile them all in a very large vase. it took me forever one evening to separate them all by color and place them from white/clear to black in the vase. i'd love to attach the buttons somehow to my cards, but so far i've not figured out a clean way of sewing paper. i was practicing regularly but had to put the europro away for sunday afternoon dinner with the fam.

tomorrow i decided to take a vacation day. i need the day to take care of the rest of my financial obligations. i won't be sleeping in, but i may have the opportunity later in the afternoon to get a concrete part time job. today has been difficult facing the odds and ends. tying up the corners. i talked with two different cvs managers and they don't seem to have anything open immediately. i'm going by the parentals tonight and i should stop by the rivermont and bilo cvs just to fill out applications. i'm not the waitress type and i think i'm fairly over the babysitting. it doesn't make enough money. unfortunately. i'm hoping and praying that i get into 4Bridges, the wait is killing me. i've got probably 90 cards to sell, but i really must perfect the stitch.

but i do have one note of good news. my mom asked me if i wanted to go up to new jersey in february to visit my nana specifically, but i hope to see mommom and pops, uncle robert and shelly. i'm looking forward to a short vaca to the north. peterpan bakery here i come. yummy.

noelle

noelle alexander christmas 2004

this morning as usual i woke up at quarter o' eight and made a pot of 10% blended kona coffee. i was watching katie couric, flipping between her with school children and diane sawyer in sri lanka. michael moore was with katie this morning talking, blubbering, bemoaning the democratic blight. for the last two months moore has spent his time in the media complaining that the democrats 'have got to find "their arnold".' i find michael moore to be disgusting, not because of his films or because of his political poisonings, but because he should run for president. because he should find the path of least resistance and rescue himself. moore seems to be shaming the democratic party lines. his words are just as familiar as kerry's. it's as though moore thinks the political scene is a forum for his maniacal ranting and raving. most of what he said this morning was unintelligent. the suggestion that tom hanks, oprah winfrey or hillary should run for president is rather a degrading remark to the united states citizens. he must think we all, democrats and republicans alike, are just plain retarded. it is continuously frustrating for me to hear and view people on television who think of themselves as having a voice for the nation. jas once told me that bernie mac got on television and said that "speaking for me and my people g.w. bush is not worth voting for..." i'm not so sure the quote is necessarily word for word but the idea that one man could stand up and speak for his people that way, and get away with it... if i were a black man, whether i agreed with bernie mac or not, i would say, SPEAK FOR YOURSELF! so i'm saying, "SPEAK FOR YOURSELF MOORE!"

i appreciate his political documentaries, but getting on TODAY with ole katie doesn't speak volumes. try running moore. try running moore.

oh well katie couric makes me sick anyway. what do i expect? i'm interested in keeping up with the political scene, though it has dried up considerably post election stay-tus. last night though i got out to hobby lobby for paint. i need paint so badly and fortunately for me it was forty percent off the regular cheaper price. i also bought some different kind of origami paper and learned how to make a cute little basket. so now i'm off from the workforce thinking about evening projects.

oh if only

i was just skipping around the www, checking and rechecking out all of my favorites when to my gleeful surprise i found every-single-day an amazing quilt artist's blog and site. i was scrolling through some of her archives and came across this photo of an incredible quilt.. can you believe it? i have been wanting to make collages out of paper, sewing together the bits and pieces, but staying with my whole pixelated thing.
more from melanie below.


this is a book that i got at blueskies before christmas. it reminded me of the griffin and sabine trilogy by nick bantock. and a little of being john malkovich.
i think you may enjoy the art and ideas of ">postal seance: a scientific investigation into the possibility of a postlife postal existence. authored by henrik drescher.



look at all the cool stuff you get, stickers and stuff at the end of the book. horray!

more work from angry woebot too.


oh if only i had a domain
oh if only i had a chain
oh if only i had a vein
oh if only i had a crane
oh if only i had a drain
oh if only i had a pain
oh if only i had a plane
oh if only i had a spain
oh if only i had a gain
oh if only i had a cane
oh if only i had a lane
oh if only i had a...

babysitting blunders

.

right before xmas i was busy babysitting, now the secretive shopping, office parties, and sunday morning brunches are over, so there's no need for me. i've decided by the process of elimination that getting another part time job might be the solution to my small financial margin. it will have to be the solution. honestly i have no other choice unless of course i begin to sell all of my belongings on the sidewalk. i'm not interested in ebay nor is babysitting, or my art a stable supplement. i went last night to cvs to fill out an application. i worked at cvs for three years as a pharmacy tech and shift manager about three and half years ago. i enjoyed the work but when my present job opened up to me, my sister n law and mother really pushed me to make this move. i am so thankful that i overcame the fear and applied. i am hoping that this part time thing will indeed work out and i won't have to struggle as much financially.

i have not fiercely approached my finances and my dad has agreed to help hold me accountable. it has always been a struggle for me even after giving much prayer and thought towards the difficulty. i believe that god has been merciful with me in this primary situation, but i also know that i should be obeying and submitting. i have felt alone in this area for many many years. i have thought that having a spouse might resolve the issue, but alas i am without a prospect in that area. i know that god desires ultimate financial peace and that he doesn't want me to put my faith in the immediate gratification of spending. i have blundered in my own inability and have no one else to blame but myself. until i moved into the grand and had a brand new car i didn't have as much of a struggle, but now i am without extra moolah to help me. this is definitely a new year of learning and growing. i am no longer able to avoid or deny adulthood, nor do i want to. i think i find myself so often in libo. i am solo, and in a profession, but have not got the family thing going on. i am grateful for all that i have and more. i am in a great position to do a whole lot, but there are other things that i want to share and enjoy.

i know my feelings are commonly and familiar to some of those out there. i honestly have not one thing to complain about. i am encouraged by what i see in my life and have no reason to live in shame. i will take off, i will leave the legacy, i will not bow to negative thoughts about my life and what i am doing. i will trust and obey, simply.

coin operated

we usually get so many gift baskets at work right before the holidaze that i end up feeling like a "starving overeater." every once in a while a nice basket is sent with fruit and muffins, tins of cookies and chocolate and 'gourmet' lemon poppy seed cheese thingys. i was fortunate to snag this beautiful pear, a treasure when ripe.

on tuesday night i went to lamar's with m.k.d, when i got home i felt ill and fell out of bed and busted my face on my nightside table. so on wednesday i felt completely horrible so i called in sick at work. thursday was a scheduled half day so i worked with a very swollen lip. its been a very embarrassing experience. but i know it was an accident too. thursday evening was a night with the parentals. and friday was new years eve, but i decided to spend the evening at home. i went and helped my brother ethan clean his office space. in the evening i watched wilco's documentary by sam jones, i am trying to break your heart. i thought the second dvd with extra/internal features was more entertaining than the actual film, but very informative, considering i didn't know what kind of crisis the band had been in with reprise records.

new years day i woke up early. i went to eat with k. knutson at sticky fingers, then we went and saw closer. the movie as i understood prior to seeing, was not entertaining. interesting and brutally honest, but probably not that realistic. i liked that it was originally a play and so the scenes were longer and filled with dialogue. poor natalie portman, poor julia, poor jude, poor other dude. if i were to act in a movie like closer or even eyes wide shut (which i've never seen), i think my personal life would suffer. i don't think i could immerse myself in a role so diluted for months on end and know how to be in a intimate relationship. its no wonder that celebrities fall apart.

one thing i do want to mention here at the beginning of the new year is a interest my mom has exposed me to. you may hate george w. bush but his council on bioethics is interesting no matter what. my mom got the 'beyond therapy (enhancement)' part. i guess you can order the discussions in book form off the site. i'm not scared, but based on my beliefs, there are issues that are underlying that have nothing to do with the war, abortion, healthcare, welfare or whose smarter. i'm sorry as i enter this new year i'm not interested in dehumanizing humanity by supporting, cloning, life extension, mood control, memory erasing, et cetera. it's worth looking at seriously. i've not even spent any real time looking but i know what i see that's already going on.

sarcastic salsa

oh you won't believe it. yesterday i had a beautiful post all lined up for the masses and whala there was a nice little power surge here at workforce uoha, lost was the beauty. abyss ate it for breakfast, lunch and dinner. i was so completely unhappy that all was lost, i couldn't pull it all together before five to repeat. i am back from celebrating my twenty ninth birthday, a christmas eve brawl and christmas day soup. i don't feel as though i had enough time off. there was too much to do and not enough time. as a family we are all spread out with wives and in laws and brunches, lunches and nogs. i don't think i got to sit for very long before i felt i needed to move on to the next venue. i had the most amazing time with josiah k.


for the record he is one of the most wonderful children of all time. he's an absolute joy to be with and the fact that he's the son of my best friend makes the circumstances all the better. i got to see and spend time with fenn k. on my birthday. and of course there was time for my new tiny europro II dressmaker. i made a very sarcastic salsa for xmas eve and carried it with bundles to my parentals house. i'm sure many of you know how to make your favorite salsa, but for me it's an outside the box sort of venture. just like when i make guacamole.









i went to walmart after cleaning the alexander home. the tomatoes weren't great, but i bought about two dozen anyway. i had to. martha stewart knives just don't cut it. i'd better figure out how to use my knife sharpening advantage on my can opener. anybody know?







cilantro is the way to go no matter what. the store was completely out of green onions so having the cilantro all but made up for it the missing green.







i don't know if it's worth mentioning but if you're having to slice and dice an onion, i'd suggest putting it in the freezer for a while. supposedly the poisonous tear vapors will freeze within the onion and prevent the mourning. unless of course your immune, then hooray for you.







i don't usually use fresh garlic, i'm too lazy to peel and squash, and dice. i'm able to use more if i just use the prepackaged garlic. after a day or so the salsa is just plain wonderful. i especially like it on a flatbread, but otherwise cornchips are sufficient.

i wanted to make mention of the fact that hello kitty turns thirty. i'm off on thursday and friday. woohoo... and tonight jairus is playing at lamar's it's a free show so you should come out if you can. it should be lots o' end of year fun.

differences and baking

i know i haven't been around here lately very much. i suppose last week was the epitome of crazy, emotionally draining and something far beyond what words could describe. i don't exactly remember where i left off. so i'll beginning by saying that tonight is the annual collier cookie baking evening.

this past friday was my office christmas party. so we drove back from franklin, tn and changed clothes in the office then headed over to the mountain city club for dinner, dancing, jewelry and bonus check. i had a fair vegetable plate and some gin and tonics that were made with sky vodka. not so fantastic, but suitable. on saturday i went shopping for gifts for family and friends. i got everything that i was looking for and more. a very nice pair of light blue cords from kmart. horray. yummy warm and cozy while the temps are in the teens. the last pair of cords i got were from oldnavy and that was before the h.f. i took five collages to kinkos to have cards made. i had one hundred made so far. not as pleased with the outcome, but they are still nice. it may have been the person doing the copying for me. but i know one thing, they're going to look great after they're embellished a tad. i can't wait until the latter part of this week. i've got to finish wrapping the many gifts galore and clean up the a.p.t. i'd like to have friends over on thursday, but we'll see how that goes. i really love the photo below. it reminds me of a veer photo. i took it several weeks ago, here at work. on our beautiful aqua colored desks/countertops.



i am also making some changes in another area of my life. i think my path is leading me in a different direction so the last week has been difficult and totally reflective, prayerful, and contemplative. i have been frightened of this time because in the long run i don't want to be alone for the rest of my life. i really want to start a family of my own. i'm not afraid to say it. this rugged female individualism has gotten quite old and i'm over it. god created me for a reason, i know that. i may spend my whole life figuring out what the reasons are though. the bottom line for me is trusting god to be my provider, my comfort, my peace, my husband, my friend, et cetera. i can't imagine what tomorrow will be like, i could sit and wait in fear or i could take a step in faith and allow god to support my footing. i know friendships and loves have seasons. i also know how seeds are planted and traffic gets jammed. i'm not sure if i was personally ready to make a change but i felt the feeling seeping up around my ankles. i needed to do something, something different than i'd ever done before. so much of my life has been driven my fear and pride, it's quite unbearable. i want to change that, i want god to know that he can have me. he can use me. i really won't ever have any idea the influences i've shed or that have been shed upon me. i know that i have been loved and know that i have grown and i am so thankful that god uses my indecision and doubt for my own good, for his glory.



tomorrow i'm taking carolyn in the city to atlanta to the airport. then i'm off to see the small but lovely knutson family. i cannot wait to see josiah.

heart nest

the day before yesterday was a year that the 45 and i have been together. or at least soon after the day before yesterday, a year ago. he brought me twelve pink roses the day before my birthday last year. i almost died with jittery overwhelming glee. no one had ever made an effort to give me flowers for my birthday before. he came with me to my office christmas party and we spent new years at the local. by january we were talking about him moving to honolulu. then in late february he left. he flew me out to hnl in may, later i saw him in early september. i have not seen him again. we are fortunate to have a cellphone way of talking every day and there are emailings and blogs. technology has made the long distance a tad more bearable, otherwise i'd have gone bananas. i wrote him a letter last night. i wrote that the boys i have seen before had arms, but he had a heart-nest, i'll take my chipped blue robins egg gladly lie it in his nest. where i can be still, warm and resting.

we are both older and this relationship we have isn't a game. it is difficult for us to think beyond our age, when i comes to relating. we know we've got a bit of an advantage over the puppyloving youthful relationships. my desire is for us to define a faith that is unified in christ. there is also the question of whether or not he can be the best provider. the best protector. i have to ask myself if i'll beable to follow or be led. i think now that its been a year the 45 has much pressure and circumstances for him have to be just right. i understand. i wonder if other people think this much when in our position. i have this feeling that in youth, people aren't compelled to ask as many questions. whatever the case maybe. my prayer is that god gives me humility, comfort and strength. i must have great wisdom and courage in order to conduct myself appropriately in this fine relationship. god is working in jas and i, there isn't like a void of growth here. but his continued blessings and direction are necessary inorder for us to proceed.

phantom tree

not quite rooted but revered
every turn tumultuously carrying the
ties that bind us to a seed planted
i am with you when the year beginnings
as a bud appears, a reach to exchange
i am waiting for you in the summer
as our leaves like hands find refuge
in each other, my shaded protector.
i'll find you in the fall, in a blush
of color, once we were tall, do you
hear the call. our death is a whispering
wintry wind. our branches broken
our roots frozen. a cold quiet
friendship forsaken.



my weekend was spent mostly babysitting. on friday evening i went to a coworkers home to play with her little boy, while she went out with other coworkers for a birthday party. i enjoyed myself except the house was slightly chilly and i wore my outside coat inside the whole time. the nice thing was that i could get my christmas cards all written out and ready to go. but gosh television on friday night literally stinks. i'd rather take a bath in mud than watch JAG. on saturday i started another list of christmas cards and finally decided i needed to get to the parentals to do laundry. while at mom and pops i soaked up reality televisions america's hottest model and more favorably project runway. i had a nice evening there with s.moore.

suzanne is such a wonderful gift to our family. i didn't grow up with a sister, but now god has given me one. she and i are really quite different. i tend to be less enthusiastic. suzanne is cheerful, happy, and so loving. she's a smile that isn't easily erased or ignored. even though i am older i feel as though she has embraced me more and i have let the friendship and sisterhood take it's natural progression. we have art in common and because she's much more girly than i am it's fun to talk with her, brings out our blessed differences.

on sunday i babysat again. this round presented itself a little bit more challenging, but just as fun and learning filled. i watched five children, aged 8-3. noelle, woodsen, monique, levi, and marielle. i'm telling you five kids under the age of eight is a total adventure extravaganza. i had so much fun though i thought i might not every revert back to being an adult. noelle found my dinocam and i taught her how to take photos. she ended up taking over a hundred photos yesterday. i'm so excited, most of them turned out really nicely. i cannot wait to show you her work. she's got the creative blood in her, but she's still young, so there's all this room to grow yet. noelle got a hamster for her birthday, it ran around the house with the kids in its ball. so hilarious. we spent the afternoon riding bikes, rollerblading and climbing the crape myrtle's lining the street. marielle decide she wanted me to have a tattoo on my hand so she colored my entire left had blue, green and yellow. she then proceeded to color her entire left leg. she looked as though she was turning into a lizard. kids are so amazing, it blows my mind. i don't ever remember being the way kids are nowadays.

i have still a load of thought upon my mind. but i wanted to give a shout out to jennifer and josh kringe. today is their one year anniversary. if you're out there fenn give me a halla!!! i have no plans this evening, but i may try and work on some garland to put around my apartment. i have some bare areas that need a holiday spice up.

my mommom informed me that all she knows about brooches is that she doesn't like them at all. so she doesn't wear them. if it weren't for my poppop she wouldn't even wear any jewelry in the first place. oh well, we've got our answer about brooches.

super salad

a beautiful salad made by my mother for last sunday afternoon's dinner. yum.



wrap me up in your love...



sprinkle ready.

this week has been interesting for me. i described my feeling to my mom today by saying that sometimes i feel as though i am drowning and the only way i am able to keep my head above the water is to keep my eyes focused on christ. all around me the heat of people's brokeness is making my blood boil. i want to surround myself in perfection and ease. i finally got through secret santa week. fortunately it wasn't as bad as i thought it would be. i went and saw napoleon dynamite at the new rave theatre on thursday night. i couldn't relate at all to the movie, but i thought it to be humoressley dry which i feel is wonderful. i'm hoping to see a few movies over the holidays but we'll see. das ist alles...

a dime a dozen

above is a drawing i made some time ago of a guy who i knew only as an acquaintance at college. for some reason i drew the picture and then thought it looked like john perkins. i'm not so sure it really looks like him at all, but nonetheless, it was my first and only attempt at caricature. i don't particularly like drawing but i would occasionally draw in my journal, so most of the photos of drawings are from my journal.



i wanted to make mention of the beautiful wreath that kate made. she's done alot with those origami blowup balls. i've only once put them on a string of white christmas lights. they were beautiful too, but kate says she's going to post a photo of her garland, we shall see. i know you might be worried about making the blowups and putting them on lights, but i'm telling you, the paper doesn't catch on fire. i used to leave the lights on all night. (only when i was at home though) in case you are wondering how to make these delightful little balls click click click away. there are also so many nice origami paper sites on the www. large amounts of paper for very little cost. i want to see your creative paper decorations. i'm going to set my christmas tree up tonight. pray that i don't feel too lonely doing it all by myself. i'll probably just watch barbara walter's, ten most interesting people. it'll all be very nice and good. today for secret santa, my secret santa gave me a pin from blueskies and a little asian looking card. well that's all for today boyz n gurlz.

read between the lines

.

yesterday was a grumpy day for me. the rain decided to pour for over twenty four hours, with promises now, that it'll be gone tomorrow. i can't bare another day of gray. when i walked outside this morning to my car, the air was warm and humid. here we are in december and it's not cold like it should be. el nino, where are you? are you the one still reeking havoc on weather patterns, or the lack there of? i feel like i'm working harder than i used to, but socially we maybe working less. productivity hasn't changed, but i suppose employment outsourcing and the internet play a role in working less. minimum wage is up more than it was when i was twelve and just entering the workforce. i've heard that people generally put in more hours at work, but that includes their www curricular activity. i can't imagine not working out in the world. but i know all these females with their first children, who stay at home everyday and are really active. one thing too, aaron said that we will analyze our history by the words we use. i've never really thought of it like that. i'm frustrated in analytical thought and i become conflicted. the right fighting the left in me. the left murdering the right in me. so i attempt to think less of specifics as in scenarios and past events or moments. but gosh you guys have got to know how wonderful it has been to be filled with the creative gift. when i'm working with my hands i literally don't think of anything but what's in front of me. it has rescued me the last few weeks. having wrapping and poster making to do. i also addressed the bonus check envelopes for work here. every year for the last three there is a request for my handwriting. oh brother.

have you noticed how brooches are the most popular accessory moving off shelves in herds, gaggles or schools like fish. it blows my mind that historically speaking a brooch will mark the holiglaze season of 2004. i love my brooch above. honestly i don't think it is one at all. it doesn't have a pin on the back, but my mommom might recognize it and know a little bit about the history. please feel the freeness to post a comment anonymously if you have any historical information mommom!!! you may even know a little bit more about the wire animals. what's funny about those, is that i was at blueskies several months ago and an artist had made a bunch of wire animals. aaron history repeats itself, why? are we not going to progress. ahh last night i finished jean auel's the mammoth hunters. now it's on to ghost soldiers. and remember to remember pearl harbor today.

buzz 2004

i've been hearing all of these new words lately, especially being used by people on television. celebrities, politicians, realities real people, and news anchors. i find the verbal trend to be disgusting. my feelings about the issue stem primarily from one word, "sound-byte(bite)." i noticed around campaign/debates 2004 the commentary's were using the word all over the place. it may be the best way to describe what is happening or the best noun that represents the action, but it's dumb when real live reality people start using the word.

another example is when katie couric, from the today show uses the word "meanwhile" between each segment or paragraph. "meanwhile" isn't a new word and i'm sure katie's been using it for sometime now, but it bugs me that it's alright to say it every morning.

do you know the kinds of words i'm talking about? have you heard them creeping out of people's mouths? i'm sure if you're as much of a television, radio junkie as i am you'll hear the very words you so despise.



do you remember your grandmother having tons and tons of buttons in tins up in the attic or in the basement. here's few of mine that my mommom collected over the years. vintage buttons to go along with the vintage flicker from yesterday.

i wanted to mention that in the last week i've had very little sleep. i haven't been tired like i normally am. i haven't even really been taking naps very often after work. part of the problem was that on wednesday night i stayed up and took about forty photos with the dinocam. i figured out what i think is a nice new technique. the photo above is of some tiny wire animals that my poppop's(grandfather) old girlfriend made for him many years ago. i don't know if it was his first girlfriend or not, but i know it wasn't my mommom, because she's creative in another way. she's a knitter. she makes beautiful afgans and blankets and tableclothes. things of that sort. but when aaron and laurie went to prague for their honeymoon they brought me back some franz kafka sugar packets. how thoughtful was that? so you see the sugar packets in the background. i've got to do a whole lot of shopping this weekend. yucky.

jas and i had a interesting conversation before work this morning, about christmas. as we get closer to the holidaze i suppose i'll have more to say about the materialism and consumerism, but for now i'm going to go.

vintage flicker

i ended up getting some vintage christmas candles off of ebay. actually my uncle bought them and my aunt and i split about fifty or so. some of them are terribly old and still have the fifteen cent price tag on the bottom. they tend to be a bit creepy, all faded and crusty in the crevices. my favorite is a tiny two inch candle stick, in which the candle has faded to a creamy salmon color. but they were so cheap and plentiful how could my uncle deny me? i don't really want to decorate for christmas this year. i have a tiny little two foot pre-lite tree that my parentals bought for me the christmas following the housefire. i have a tiny thrill about birds and so i stuff the tree with them. i just beg for my own home and my own family. i'm sure there are others of you who live on your own and feel like a tropical island might suit you better for the holidaze. i am thank full for the family and the friends but honestly it doesn't always cut it. i had a wonderful holiday last year. on christmas eve our family gets together and its fun, hilarious and reaffirming in so many ways. when i'm with my family i feel like we are a battalion and could fight any war or obstacle that came our way. my mom and dad are such strong, generous individuals that anything seems possible after talking and spending time with them. then there are my brothers who are so different but hold onto the same values and ideas so it's not as though we quarrel about the inane things. i'm looking forward to this christmas because i'll be doing more baking and possibly i'll have a little bit more xmas moolah for gifts. we shall see. one thing i wonder is if this will be my last holiday in chattanooga for a while. if and when i move to honolulu i can't see celebrating christmas in the same way. i'll be decorating a two foot palm tree. sounds fun to me.




of course there are my sisters n law too. Interestingly enough they are both nurses. we all work with the healthcare system. ummm.

the weather the last two days has been absolutely incredible. clearest skies and cold. last night i stayed up until about 2:30am taking photos with the dinocam. i really think i got some good pics. anyway i'm off.