eye situation

i'm in a situation right now that i absolutely cannot stand. rarely something bothers me this much, but there is an invisible something in my left eye. i have done everything within my power to eliminate the plank scratch under my eyelid. the irritation has not gone away even after using eyedrops and handfuls of water splash. i am supposed to go to dr. mccravey's lakehouse tonight but i want to go home first and change and chill out for a little while before jumping into the office coworker drama picnic. the most important thing to me is to finish a painting of josiah james knutson that i started two nights ago. it's a large on that is about 3 feet by 2 and one half feet. i'm feel really good about all of it. the cool thing is that kk1000 and josiah got to come up from atlanta yesterday and they came by. kk got to see the painting and give me her opinion of the it.

oh dear guys, m.k.d. gave her two week notice here at UOHA today. she's someone i talk with everyday. oh well.

the season rearranged itself in my stomach
spring fought with autumn symptoms, queasy
mornings, lead to faint afternoons, passed
out into chilled fever evenings.
new paint, green strokes, and sticky light
stuck below my eyes casting shadows
beneath heavy slowly sprouting
kindled coals, one new low tone love
with the humid heat of middle year summer.

the 45 will be here now in eight days. oh brother.


this is where i started

thisis where i started, aren't you glad i've come here. has it been easier? i know it has been for me. i also finally learned how to really link all of you to something. i apologize for the informal gathering of misinformation malfunctioning. i guess you could compare my broad lack of knowledge to janet's wardrobe. nonexistent. which reminds me that i'll be "invisible" for halloween this year. would anyone else like to join me?

fire in the hole

d.m.b. was fired. she was dr. nagle's medical assistant. it was hard to say goodbye as boys II men have so brilliantly put it in the past, but it was necessary and overdue. she always wore the greatest clothing, thanks for the great pink hoodies.

as usual the week progresses and plans grow thicker. on thursday night there is an after work dinner party at one italian restaurant. friday off at three, to dr. mccravey's lake house, saturday is hair day and sunday is sunday with rest and family time. i got some b&w photos back from the pharmacy:

half a cent and not much more
once or possibly twice, i'm quite sure
i cast my stare out
across some empty parking lot
out numbered by crawling ants
who must have survived our
mildest winter scene
i curb my perspective
eating cement for the lunch break
i'm producing nothing but wishes
by sitting here like this
samson has me resting
but nourishment alters
only my minds hungry pangs
for a full sized dinner platter

watch out, they've told me
those kids on bikes might
steal your shoes

i think i am more
afraid of the speed limit
and the toothless hags
buying half priced pregnancy tests
i better retreat, i'll leave
the curb and come back
again the day after tomorrow.)

:this afternoon at lunch. they were leftover hawaii pictures of the north shore. lots of the 45 himself.
i am working on a painting too. but i've not come up with an idea quite yet. just adding wax right now.


private branch

by friday i was exhausted. i had an ment-emotionally draining tuesday, wednesday, thursday and finally friday. i had a really great weekend though despite the drain issues. saturday, aaron and laurie had a collier-coe family event (brunch) at their new first home. my favorite parts of the morning were the endless cups of coffee, cream cheese bready muffins from the bread basket, fruit with granola and yogurt, and fellowship with my parents and siblings. after that i went to clean a house and feed the dog and two cats at another house. my aunt c happened to call me and she had a little prize for me at her home. so i went over there and got a nice pop-up book with a nativity scene inside. by the time i got home i was tired and couldn't settle enough to nap. sunday i went on a riverbend volunteer appreciation cruise on the southern belle with amy lou from work. chip baker and the rest of the riverbend crew provided lunch and a dj and door prizes and a quick trip down the tennessee river stink. but it was interesting because i've not seen the city from the water in many years. we used to boat and ski with the godparents before their divorce in '93-'94. i would love to ski again someday. blah blah blah.

after our one hour tour we went to see the village. i enjoyed it and don't really have too much to say about what others had to say, good or bad. i thought it was interesting and slightly thought provoking, but i thought it was going to have to do with something racial. there is always a little moral to the story sort of thing with his movies. last evening i was going to go to lamar's but decided to forego the experience. i bought a six of amberbock and drank the night away with my olympic date.

i'm learning how to grow my own private branch. it won't look like my brother's branches or my sister in laws. i have been slowly developing the hybrid branch of this family tree. there are strange balances that occur within family matters, relationships. i'm loving the process but hating the feeling of not knowing if i'm always doing the right things. but this weekend i had a couple of light bulb moments. psalm sixteen for one...

the 45 will be here in thirteen days. yikes time has flown by. knoxville here i come. good times should be had all around the week. yeah. yerp yerp!!!


order up

i have an overwhelming amount of thought upon my mind. i'm not sure where to begin. the olympics have reaked havoc on my television watching. i only have basic antenna television, so i'm not catching cycling, fencing, synchronized swimming, et cetera. all that i see is the gymnastics and swimming. but i think american gymnasts take the olympics for granted. and the judging last night at the men's gymnastics all around seemed a bit out of order. the women gymnastic team won silver and seemed completely dissatisfied and ungrateful. in reality though many of their routines were terrible and what is the point? the way the broadcast/commentators talk and compare the different country teams you'd think americans are handed the olympics, in comparison to the chinese or romanian women. it is difficult to discern the truth and appreciate the american spirit of olympics (especially in gymnastic athletes).

yesterday here at work we experienced some office drama. for the first time in two and a half years a employee was fired.


come one come all

i have the same routine every morning when i get to work. i sit down at my desk and turn on my computer. i've been doing the same thing for three years on september twenty-fourth, two thousand four. my job will be opening up for applications starting in early-mid december of this year. so if you have a desire or 'calling' to do insurance and billing in a oncology/hematology practice let me know. there are a few perks that i should mention. there are also a few things that you should know. if you are a male interested, you need not apply. i work with all females, the only males are the doctors and the occasional intern. i believe any and all males would be disgusted by this job. here is a list of the pros/cons, in no particular order:
1. no office manager-employee vs. doctor advocate
2. paid vacation 2 weeks
3. paid sick time 1 week
4. full benefits paid for by doctors if single, vision and dental included. otherwise family ins. blows.
5. 401K/profit-sharing
6. paid beachtrip
7. yearly christmas bonus
8. jewelry gift @ xmas (which you could pawn if you needed the moolah really bad)
9. 3 day bereavement
10. no new software/hardware in several years
11. running practice on a character based system over 8 years old
12. no dress code
13. no employee policy handbook in place at this time
14. doctors will take a very long time to fire you if you call in sick one day a week every week or if you don't work a full forty hours ever or if you just make up your own schedule
15. gossip
16. drug reps provide lunch every monday and tuesday of every week (sticky fingers, moss's, tortilla factory)

i'll leave it at that. the rest of the week should go well. i'm planning a few things.


motion sickness

have you seen how many people are evacuating flordia? it's unbelievable to think about and then to see all the cars on the highways. wouldn't you look for an alternate route? i suppose there's only so much one could do. i'm slightly worried about josh and jennifer kring. they live near tampa and i understand from the weather, that the brunt of the storm is going to hit there. oh well, i hope they're on their way up here. i bet most of you know how they name the hurricane's, the 45 didn't know so i told him last night.

i just remembered that i might not beable to swim tomorrow, because bill turner's wedding is tomorrow at 3p.m. if i try and work on the mural then i won't have much time to swim. the 45 will be here in twenty two days. i'm getting very excited. we're going to be in knoxville at K.F.A.R. on saturday evening, then ROOFLESS on sunday night. he bought tickets for the lookouts game on monday and i'm having our friends over after the game. i honestly have not made any plans. i think i'll have to work at least a couple of days, but i'll take off friday before he leaves to go make to HNL. if you'd like to see what the 45 is doing you're welcome to go take a look but i'm not going to link you there, you'll just have to do it the old school way. 808runnings.blogspot.com

right now i'm at work posting my lab charges, drinking a mocha frappe' from charbucks, wishing i was off for the weekend. i'm feeling motion sickness from all the dairy products i've been consuming. beware, don't be afraid though.


divided we stand united

i have potentially wonderful news about 45. he interviewed with united airlines yesterday morning and by nine p.m. last night he was offered a job. it was a grueling day, involving three tests, character, geography, and something else. the flight benefits are absolutely incredible. he'll have access to unlimited free flights anywhere in the world. his parents will have access to unlimited free flights anywhere in the world. i potentially will have access to unlimited free flights anywhere in the world. in addition he'll be given 20 vouchers to share with additional family and friends, free flights anywhere in the world.

the 45REvolver has been in honolulu hawaii sense february of this year. he has been working as a NAF employee on Hickam AFB at the gym. it's been a great first job which has lead him to learn more about government service jobs that have a wide variety of future career options. he has consistently looked for a job opening within the airlines though, because of our geographical division. it would allow for travel and financial ease on both our parts if and when he takes the job. there are a few kinks to be worked out and if all else fails he is very content and happy to stay where he is at. i'm extremely proud (of him) and excited by this new development. we have much to mull over and discuss but i feel positive about this move for him.

in other news: um?

chinese shrimp fried rice for lunch
take pictures of meine bruder's construction crew from 12:30-1:30 today(paul is moving to seattle)
mural painting @ n.c.f. on saturday morning
swim in afternoon saturday at aunt cathy's
saturday/sunday celebrate erick leonard's birthday (cousin in-law)
august 22nd is isaac wardell's c.d. release @ lamar's

fenn is coming into town for jana bell's wedding on saturday
she's in flordia waiting on BONNIE


outsource the presidency

walmart is coming to the little community of lookout valley a.k.a. tiftonia. the plan has brought the typical controversy and local media hype that i can't stand. i walk the white picket fence of neutrality on walmart issues so your not going to find a fight here. if part of the issue is that small businesses like BI-LO and Food Lion will no longer have a footing in the pricing competion, oh well. the Food Lion in lkt valley is beyond pathetic. rarely you'll find what you are looking for and the produce is disgusting. plus who loves the smell of redneck on your groceries? i think if i were concerned about walmart i'd have to commit suicide. the whole of monopoly and abuse of employees/laborers would pull me into the depths of despair. most of the time the people who fight the good fight end up looking and acting like the ones they say they hate. i'd rather spend my time looking into outsourcing the presidency.

i decided to wear make-up today. because of that decision i was twenty minutes late to work. not really a super good payoff. i just so rarely find my way into a compact or tube of mascara that sometimes the adventure or idea seems like a good one. but i'm disappointed. i look heavy eyed and tired. but the compliments flow in like 'votes for change.' one other point is that the 45REvolver claims to be a bit of a puritan and make-up won't cut it in his book. it's not as though his one hundred percent against it or uncomplimentary, he's just interested in the raw, uncut beauty of this face. oh brother, come on now, give me a break.

i feel better about the work situation today. monday was not so good. i caught wind of people gossiping about me and that made me feel really bad. usually i don't catch a lot of hate from my coworkers. but i suppose after the beachtrip people are desperate to make up stories or speculate. 12 females, 5 days, 1 redneck beach, watch the catclaws come out and drama unfold. survivor: university oncology style.

i'm off like a prom dress


permission to

i got back from the gulf shores area on saturday early afternoon. i am so glad to be at home. gulf shores isn't really all that great. it is hot and muggy, cloudy or overcast. there are few breezes and lots of seaweed and a jellyfish plague in the ocean water. we went out to eat a couple of times and that was nice enough. i slept a good bit of the time and read on the beach and swam in the pool. but you couldn't pay me to live in gulf shores. it is really flat there, except for the random mountains of condos. i don't have much more to say about the trip.

when i got home on saturday i took a three hour nap because we left g.s. at 5.am in the morning. then saturday night i went to the aaron and travis home for the ammons going away party. it was alright. i spent some with laurie and capria which was really nice. i saw little sara but she stuck herself in the corner with karioke. there were quite a few people there and i spoke with abby a little bit and after that nobody...sunday came around and i started working on three pieces of artwork all at once. the first one is a larger piece that i've worked on over time, but have never finished. the second is a clipboard piece that now has a positive/negative space of a plant in my apartment. the third is a clipboard piece that has a painting of a building. i still have a lot to work on though. sunday night i went to charity and lang's house for another going away party for paul and capria and chris and ann and brooke cone. i got there late and they had already started the toasting and well wishing. i spoke with ann a. for sometime and tried to sell a cookie sheet with pie overflow on it as a piece of art to mason wolfe. i was selling it for five dollars. i came home at twelve twenty and went straight to bed.

now i'm at work. blah blah blah. i don't have permission to talk about people behind their backs. and my negative attitude towards some of the people i work with will definitely catch up with me in the end.

twenty seven more days until i see my 45.


recipe for destruction

a recipe for destruction per the nation of dopeattic

4 1/2 hours of sleep
1 million problems @ work
2 million irrational thoughts
500 stupid questions asked by coworkers
10 calls from patients
1000 horrible mistakes i make a day

this all may seem quite pessimistic but that is exactly how i feel. tonight it's:

pack for vacation 4 days/3 nights
iron some clothes
make choc.chip oatmeal cookies
angela f. spend the night
get beach chair from the cousins
top priority-nap

i'll be overwhelmed but at least i'm not working for the next 3 days. relief and relaxation. angela f. and i went to the dinky farmer's market at lunch today. she bought two watermelon, 1 cantaloupe, 1 honeydew, 2 avocados, blackberries, peaches and a pineapple. the doctors that i work for send the office to the beach every summer. they afford the condo and the evening meals and then the rest of the time we sit on the beach. it's a super nice perk, i'm not complaining one ounce. last year i stayed intown and worked. it was absolutely hellacious and i will never do it again. all and all the beaches on the mainland will never compare to the beautiful places the 45 shared with me when i went to honolulu. bellows beach, waikiki et cetera. i have fond memories and have had pleasant enough experiences at the jersey shore and west coast sand dunes/cliffs, still the fact remains that HI is awesome. if there weren't the mountains and the urban city sprawling out with a variety of cultures and races i say forget about it, but it's a damn paradise.



i had an event-filled weekend that ended too soon. just to let you know, i may never have any pictures and i may never link you to anything really special. i had spent several hours last week relearning photoshop and produced five or six flyers. i'm not able to put them up for you to look at, at this point because as i've mentioned before i have no www access. i'm not really that interested in paying for it either. at least not right now. i know that photoshop must really be old news for some of you, but i've never been interested in making art on the computer. i'm interested in what other people are making with design/art software though. i've always concentrated on making my work look as though it has been created on the computer. i've had people comment on the fact that it looks as though i've cut and pasted it literally. usually my response has been well yeah, duh, i did cut and paste and there are real bits of paper, not just one color print of something i put together in a program. for along time i was making weekly trips to kinko's to do color copy manipulations. i would work on a piece and then take it down there and basically set up my own little studio in the facility. shrinking, enlarging, and using transparencies. kinko's wore my pocket out though. now it's card board and old wrapping paper and lots o' origami paper. things that don't cost too much. i've checked into the national collage society and some of the art festivals in honolulu.


double helix

it is a calm corner of my mind that i finds me here. i am accustomed to waking up on sunday mornings and turning on the television to see charles osgood on sunday morning. i remember watching the race for the double helix when i was a freshman in high school biology class. there is a exhibit at the guggenheim museum in new york called speaking with hands. a man's historically broad collection of photographs showing hands. i thought of fenn when i saw some of the photos in this feature story. on wednesday the fourth i am going with my coworkers to the beach further south. i am spending a good portion of my day cleaning the cigarette ash out of my car and doing laundry. my family celebrated three birthdays yesterday. my father turned fifty, my brother and his wife turned twenty four. my brother is almost half my dad's age. aaron favors my father in personality, character, demeanor, bookishness, et cetera. my father and aaron are not really handymen. they usually read a book and learn how to fix the washing machine or shower wall.

i've been listening to the 12"species: direct descendants: final fantasy. a hiphop trio out of honolulu hawaii. then today i slipped in natural ting' featuring the 45REVOLVER:djJahSon, while vacuuming the black car that i have. i spread the reggae gospel throughout the neighborhood. no one was listening except for myself. the sound was just being absorbed by moist, humid air. like the judo room we used to play in as kids. sound proof padded walls, yuck.

i have some explaining to do here but it will definitely have to wait. i've got to take it slow, measure my steps in other words.