quickie post here before i'm out for the day. i have been noticing that my face is changing and i totally like it. i do not seem to look as though i am getting older, thanks to my be u tee ful monamieta-genes and such. when my hair is longer i keep it up all of the time. so i'm due for a salon visit or a cut and color from matt? he's offered...what am i supposed to think of that? or actually i have been thinking of going back to mk. we shall see...
in other news my weekend was full of rx work. painting still-sunflowers. fruit smoothies with granola. reading about proper vitamin intake. wishing i could write some of my friends, thinking i should write some of my friends but feeling rather unmotivated. but getting to the bicycle painting finally. i have very nearly no new thoughts.
as an adult female i have finally learned how to pluck my own eyebrows. this nice cornered photo is a before shot. never have i been such a girlie girl, but all has begun to change. a great coworker of mine at uoha began doing my brows a couple of months ago. i finally got the courage up enough to ask her to arch them. after looking at the fuzzy wuzzy's all week and missing the op with her i decided to try my tweezy hand at them. yikes! a teary beginning with a uplifted-eyebrowlifted ending. horrah! did anyone catch sunday morning with charles osgood? do any of you use your ipod at work? is it appropriate if, for instance, you are already allowed to turn on the radio or broadband pc style? i suppose...i'll wait on an ipod. still needing that laptop. saving my change and cigarette moolah.
i just got back from my daily routine. and really it has become a routine. even though it is friday i walked or ran up 20 flights of stairs, walked two laps around the top outdoor level of the parking garage, and finally a lap through the hospital. it has been eight weeks since i began this "improving" of my life thing. so far my experience has gone really super well. in addition, as i have mentioned, i have begun the process of becoming vegan. i have always wanted to try my hand at eating and living a vegan life, but never had the actual motivation or push. i'd like to be able to say i have done it all on my own, making this decision but really that would only be a half truth. i haven't eaten meat (except fish-like tuna/sushi) in some time (except when mom would cook a nice meal). beef, bacon, steak and chops have been out of the question for a real long time. chicken was tempting. my bfriend matt has bravely walked where no one has voluntarily walked before, by using every ounce of persuasion to convince me of the vegan life. no religion has called me, no one thing specifically, i only feel better, i know i feel better. so i have been surfing the www. fortunately found jennifer's site vegan lunchbox. thanks to her i found a beginning!!! vegan outreach!!!
okay and so lots of my coworkers and my sisters n laws are giving me a pretty hard time too! i mean about "going" vegan, but i have no doubts about this decision. vegan outreach gives me all the information i need to make informed nutritional eating decisions. it talks about the vitamins and foods to find the right vitamins in. starting in january 06 i started taking a multi vitamin. i'll let you know but i can't see my labs slip slip slippin'. it isn't going to happen.
this is the last weekend to go and see my work at mojo burrito. if you've not been down there it's a must see. not because it's my work but because it is good. and the majority of it has been sold, so it may be the last time you'll have the chance to see it all. whatever i haven't sold will be put up in my etsy account and on ebay, simultaneously. if you are interested in a work that has sold, i am able to do duplicates. especially like the piece "stilled shamrock."
i wanted to thank my mom and dad, aunt c. and uncle d, and aaron and laurie for purchasing my art. it has been a huge learning experience. really! also my gratitude to tim @ mojo. and lastly more gratitude to matt for hooking me up. it is because of your growth that i have this opportunity. i have been wrong to not have a better attitude about the whole thing. if there's a next time, i'll know how to act.
i love elephants. above lined up in my window.
i don't know about you but the weekends are never quite long enough. if you are like me you spend a good bit of monday catching up on reading and responding to all that the blog world offers. this week i will be reigning in my emot-like writing. at least until next month that is.
my weekend though full of more emoting, was a whole lot better than my week. i was much more productive, have come back to work, well rested and with positive, growing faith thoughts.
saturday i finally, somewhat shamefully went to see my best friend's new baby girl. lavendar was born almost six weeks ago and what with all the sixty five hour work weeks i've missed the first days of her life. despite all, i got more of my fair share of the beautiful creation. fenn and i had a sweet time with one another. she is so very gentle, metamorphisizing into the new mother mode. it was wonderful to see the life fenn has brought into the world. my two very best friends have shared so much with me, i feel so blessed to be apart of their children's lives now too. i wonder, semi often about what my children's faces will look like. wide eyed and bird squeaked, i'm sure.
i so extremely thrilled to make two very important SHOUTS! i am sure fenn would like to announce her own website debut, but considering she hasn't got a blog, i'm beating her to the punch. there is much to look forward to-in seeing her body of work. and with that i am also so very proud and excited with katie in her website debut. she's already annouced the opening/beginning on her blog so i'm not ruining the delight for her. my goal is that as many people as possible get to see, see more art! i wanted to add that in my brief viewing, her work is superb an absolute crushing and stirring delight! congratulations kate, god has given you and awesome gift and today it will bring hope and inspiration to so many!
i too feel a thrill at my own artsy success. matt and i went by mjb on sunday, even though they were closed. peeking through the darkened restuarant i saw that two more pieces had sold tags on them! yeeeeaaa! so now that is a total number of FIVE pieces sold!!! WOW, you don't know how totally shocked i am. giddy almost. i mean i've had my ups and downs about the whole thing, which i haven't mentioned much. revolving around my struggle, always with putting a monetary value on my work. each time i have been asked about my work down there or have gone near the place i step into a funkyswamp of defensiveness and distress. what has been up with my stinking attitude? sadly my stink surfaced again yesterday at peering through. i noticed i sold elephant pieced-the print for fifty bucks. matt became frustrated immediately saying that i had sold it for much much less than it's worth! I DON'T KNOW HOW TO PRICE MY WORK!!!
the struggle was that most people don't walk into a restuarant and buy work, so my thought was to make my art accessible and possible for the common people to purchase something i find wonderful and beautiful. anyway, at this point i just have to trust god that i am doing the right thing. i am pricing and selling my work based not on the profit of it all, but on this very foriegn thought that people in my town are fairly artistically challenged-just my crazy persception. we have a great hunter, we have several fine galleries, but alas the scene with which i fit and work within is very nearly void. i am not saying my art is any better than that which hang on some of these great established galleries but my goodness, where, i mean really where is the urban art, the rugged real stuff? fine fine art is nice, but gosh shouldn't we be passed it. aren't we passed it? so...my second point in pricing low or as i'd like to say "affordable", is that art must be accessible or else i do nothing for myself as an artist or my audience. i will never isolate myself in the community i live in, by thinking or portraying my work in a gallery that doubles my price to make a 50% profit. if i do it will be my own gallery and the profits, so help me god, will go towards better art education and a spectacular gallery-interactive. no snobbery allowed! blind audience art! et cetera.
now until i think of anything else to share on the subject with which you may laugh and think be utterly retarded. i will rest the issue.
i my spare spare time when procrastinating this swap or this must write letter to h or l or l or k, i have been working on this piece i have decide to call 'blind border patrol.' inspired by my last piece, 'der hund' and the severe roach investation matt had in his apartment last summer. though not completed, this piece is a drawing with paint markers. see my flickr acct for more...
the coloring is different in all the pics because i was messing with my still so very new to me SD450. the week before me looks like a full and complete week, with a whole lot more joy and whole lots less thinking about the past...thank you for your love and prayers. smoking this past weekend was treachorous only at the most five cigs a day though. sorry to end on such a negative note. i won't be giving up though.
i can feel a whole lot better knowing that saturday and sunday are free, open and clear days for me to be able to do whatever i please.
unfortunately i have had a less than desirable week. i have been ill or rather should i say out of sorts. it was all to be expected and there's no blame to shift but on being human. life can be difficult no matter what, no matter how much joy one tries to pile upon the pits. joy should be endless in my heart, hold me accountable! all it takes for me to remember to be selfless is a walk through children's to find the bald heads of mini people walking thru. or a call from an attorney, asking for an informal interview, to ask me questions about my house fire four years ago. yet and so my heart has been comforted this afternoon, in a walk, in prayer for my dear friend, in conversation with my mother and matt. i also have some really great friends that have been emailing me and commenting here or there. it's not enough to just wish for the joy, it's not enough to just pray for joy, i have got to muscle up and arm out the dogs. if it takes rearranging my schedule or thoughts, so be it. joy is necessary for the my life to continue.
i think it has all come down to the last ten years of my life. i have spent all of this time, up until now, totally angry, totally pissed off (which sounds like the same thing but it isn't), totally insecure and unhappy with my appearance, job, friends, and family. i have neglected my health all the way around the spectrum of me. my spirit has twisted itself into a dirty knot, my heart has been eaten by the scoundrel of negative feelings, feelings unbalanced and unprovoked, misplaced and cornered out of creativity and love. my mind has become a bredding ground for all kinds of justification, manipulation and murder. where aren't thou my god and how long must i wait? i am tortured under the weight of being me and will die if i am limited to my own view. god is my identity, when may i rest in him? this day, this hour, this minute. in this work, word, craft and cause. where did my mom come up with such wisdom as this: life is a long obedience in the same direction.
these last weeks have been slightly more defining. i feel the 'refiner's fire' even if it has self imposed matchlighting. the biggest struggle for me today and for the weekend will be to stay away from the god awful cigarettes, the disgusting habit and such. cigarettes have been my friend for about 10 years now and if i don't quit i will die from them. 1 into 2 smokers die. i also may be limited in the workforce, but hell i'm not thinking about that, just my two lungs, my heart and brain matter. if you believe in miracles, you'll have to pray for one, because that is what it is going to take.
secondly i have to continue to eat and drink well, inorder to support my new outlook on life and my exercise regimen-if that's what you wanna call it.
i must go to church on sunday. the word is my rock.
i will have much art and project to work on too. i have started three new paintings as possibly mentioned. two of sunflowers for a paying coworker customer and one of a bicycle. a yellow bicycle. i have several packages that must be sent out or else these beautiful people won't ever want to talk with me again. i have a gift for arlo, and something for fenn, and my swap partner cannot be disappointed and a return letter to snl-laurie. and all kinds of fun things.
so...i do not need prayer as much as some, but i know i may be facing some difficult things in two to three weeks. i do not know what they may or will be except "housefire" stuff. i need much grace and merciful thoughts. i need love, most of all love. i need patience and all the other fruits. i want people to know that i am different but i also want to be open. have a good one.
today i am just going to link you all up with some of my daily and weekly blogroles. i know it takes time to go through all the links but there are some truly amazing blogs and bloggers out there. i never feel too badly about not getting to read and visit with all of these people, it is impossible. plus i know that hardly anyone except for my family, friends (kate) come to phantomcrimes. it is a full time job, reading and responding. but i'm telling you...
you'd think that i'd have something to show after two weeks of having my paints, pallette, and various inspiration readily here. but nothing, nada, zip, zero. the only things i worked on, which unfortunately i have no new photos...was my birthday calendar, completed/finished. hanging oh so delicately with my badge plaque on the fridge. will take fotos soon, also will show multiple ways to attach to surface ie try magnets!!!
because i have not been in this sort of position before, i am totally ill prepared. i haven't gotten all my art photographed to post here, just a few pieces, here and there. although slides are now finished at framewrights. so i have decided in the 'dork' manner of sales and promotion that a price list might help. you won't have the work necessarily to see besides but i'll try and be descriptive and specific. your (anon)great request for the price of "migration" is second on the list. here goes:
1. "one growth" 2006 acrylic on canvas (not so sure about dimensions)-4 separate canvas, gallery framed separately in black. avocado, narcissus, egg, bicycle
<2.>"migration" 2005 mixed media collage-this piece was quite experimental in nature. i started with a piece of foamcore and wrapped it in a postcard design wrapping paper. the piece is not behind glass or plexi and though it is framed is slightly warped. i think it would do better behind either. i have taken measures to perserve it, so even though there is thread and smaller pieces of paper none of it is going anywhere. nor fading. i priced the piece at $200.00 because it is larger and it took me over 4 hours to complete. i would feel more comfortable if someone looked at it in person and gave their best offer (obo).
3. "stilled shamrock" 2005 acrylic on canvas-this is a smaller piece and absolutely one of my favorites. have i said that before? i did this one with ease, totally painless. from a photograph i took of my own shamrock. the right background is actually gold and does not look yellow in real life. i have had many people say they love this but i have priced it at $150.00 so that may be why. the building left background is the apartment across from where i live. this style seems so popular these days. what do you think?
4. "crimepays" 2005 acrylic on canvas-this piece is the same size as the stilled shamrock. again my primary focus in the last year has been the building across from where i presently live. during each summer the sky on most evenings is filled with fireworks displays and i cannot tell you how many photos i've taken of the building "being bombed or exploding." i so rarely talk about the terrorism we are supposedly fighting but crimepays is my way of expressing what terrorism might look like if it were a couple hundred of feet away from me. in puff letters i've spelled crimpeays up in the windows of the top floor. it is spelled incorrectly on purpose just because. crimepays when you don't get caught. right? $150.00
5. "recycled air" 2005 mixed media collage. gosh! this piece you've seen on my flickr account. you've seen the process and the sewn patchworked outcome. see here. i am so happy with how this came together. my friend matt had been at walmart and picked up a bunch of the paint samplechips. i had just gotten my sewing machine and wanted to sew paper. so i decided to sew the patchwork of color into a landscape. the top right hand corner is the blue moon. i my mind it's the the perfect piece!!! the title taken from the postal service song "recycled air" about flying in an airplane. the perspective of the piece could be from a horizontal or above sort of way. $200.00
6. "criminal" 2002 mixed media collage-this piece has the fish in the top left hand side and a couch a drew in ink-while living at the halfway house-dismis. i used to call this piece dismis, but changed it to criminal a while back. the couch drawing has shown up in a couple of my pieces. it is just so so so comfortable to work with in collage. the price is lower because of it's age and because this piece actually went with me through the housefire. the effect has added to it's appeal i think but not to it's value. $100.00
7. "lookout lake road, santa barbara, NJ." 2001 mixed medica collage-this one is so named because i have included a piece of the three locations in the title. the barn pic is both from new jersey on the family farm and the barn near my aunt's house in on lookout lake road. the postcard of the two indians was bought for me in santa barbara-while living out in california. this piece was a dear, seems that it's an address/map of all my life, so to speak. i love the color and this probably is the first piece that i began using the square, pixelated thing in monochromatic color combinations. at least it's one of the first. some of my first collages are MIA. this piece is lower too, $100.00 because it having gone through the housefire.
8. "work so hard" 2002 mixed media collage- the introduction of birds in my collage. picasso style portrait drawing. hanging birds, a whirlwind of work. what is it with our culture? working so hard to be where exactly? more money! hell no! more drugs please, more toys, cranky, sick-ass kids who spend have their childhood's in daycare, cheating husbands, desperate housewives b.s. we become a powerless, hopeless culture when we work so hard to be so far away from pain, reality of life, struggle. we take drugs to hide, to mask the hard work of living. it makes me sick to my stomach and so my tiny piece about working so hard to be so far, so fake. $100.00
9. "elephant pieces" 2002 original was mixed media-acrylic on canvas-i so love elephants, like lucy the margate elephant up in new jersey at the shore. i sold the original to jen kring, this is just a print, but framing is still expensive, that non-glare-matte glass. so $50.00. i have gotten so much feedback about this piece, though small. i did another like this for my brother aaron for his wife's bday. it was of a bird. absolutely gorgeous if i must say so myself. my goal this year is to do a thousand more of these type paintings. wish me motivation!
*10. "der hund" 2006 mixed media collage-i did this piece for the 2006 chinese new year, year of the dog, postcard swap. i have been so inspired my the quilts and fabric patchwork of other artists and feel that these sorts of opportunities lead to this style. not too long ago i spoke of this piece and it's in my flickr photos and back within the archives. "der hund" is german for dog. the colors and drawing i worked on with this one excites me and makes me feel like a real artist and not just someone who snatches other things from other people. thank you zak smith for the inspiration. $50.00
11. "one fish, two bird" SOLD $150.00 2005 mixed media collage
*12. "paperquilt" 2005 mixed media collage-two collages that i did before "der hund" the same concept, the same feeling, except i purposely wanted these two together because the collage on the left is more organic in nature-concept-imagery, birds and feathers, browns blues and greens. i've been trying to sell cards of this collage on etsy, no such fortune. the collage on the right is more man made, humanly influence in nature. the colors are more vibrant and way less organic. $100.00
* i have cards for sale of some of these collages-$5.00 each.
i hope this helps just a little bit more in your viewing and enjoying pleasure. last night i had my new ikea chair and stool put together. it is so nice. very excited. i'm working the next 4 days straight, pray i don't hate myself in the end of it all. i'll write again later.
in other news...things i love thursdays is back again. today i wanted to share my love of melamine. too bad i didn't think about it until today, otherwise i would have take photos of all the melamine i recieved via ebay after my 2002 housefire.
check out the sweet melamine i found at fred flare's
it's as if hilary's sweet paper doll's were transferred to these great plates. the really cool thing about the melamine were the amazing colors. at cvs the new summer line of dishes has come out. there is one type with these nice great big flowers on them and even though i cannot stand walmart there's some great plasticware there too. the clear glasses with spots. holy cow too cute! and i know i know i've shared this with you before but you've got to look at french bull. they have the best designed melamine ever!!! i don't need anymore of this stuff, but i can never refuse a looksie or an 'i love this.'
thank you o so much for reading, commenting, peeping and praying for me in these last days. i have been filled with joy at seeing my work in it's finality. yet without a doubt i am even more overwhelmed in the happiness of sharing it all with you. it is the best feeling of excitement ever!!!
i often feel like i show and tell the same things over and over. i am easily influenced by the desire to bowl you over with fresh ideas and my own diy plans, brand spankin new fotos and flashy words of profundity. but it is all a lie, all the more reason phantomcrimes is providentially named. i will try and explain. at first i just liked the sound of phantomcrimes, but today it means more. to me it speaks to the false pretenses i assist and build up of myself. but in your comments i am reminded of my heart's desire for humility and honesty to speak of god's grace (as kate reminds) and mercy. i struggle with being a believer. i struggle with not having beautiful children to write about or take pics of. the blog world is overflowing with beauty and community and yet i might feel lost tomorrow in an insatiable need to fit. i struggle with being an artist in a broken world attempting to resolve a warped creative perception. at once i feel so blessed to have this sacred view of the my surroundings, but feel ever so pulled by the dogs, paul warns us about in philippians 3
Finally, my brethren, rejoice in the Lord. To write the same things again is no trouble to me, and it is a safeguard for you. Beware of the dogs, beware of the evil workers, beware of the false circumcision; for we are the true circumcision, who worship in the Spirit of God and glory in Christ Jesus and put no confidence in the flesh...
i could easily feel like the little fishie at the bottom of the walmart fish tank but instead my week shall be spent in joy. i may not beable to choose to be strong, but i can choose daily to be joyful. see what i have learned and would rather share with you. check out the march 05 sermon!!!
please feel free to hit up mojo. it is not only a blessing to me to have you see my art, but tim and eve, the owners won't mind your patronage. they are two very cool people. and if you are reading and would like to see more of my work but can't make it down to mojo. check out my flickr badge on the right sidebar. or here's a link. of course not all of my work is in a set and you'll have to do some exploring, neither are there prices, so if you are interested in purchasing-trading email me @ firstname.lastname@example.org
saturday afternoon was a blast, probably the highlight of my weekend. friday afternoon i picked up my work at framewrights. oh at that point i was completely overwhelmed, but crazy excited about seeing all of my finished art. i mean really finished. no more going back to fix it up, touch it up, spruce the edges, corners or colors. it is nerve-racking, i changed the top left hand corner of one growth at the very last minute, changed the car to a bicycle. does it look to sloppy compared to the rest of the painting? justification? snowy outside blur. burrrrrrr... and then there's crimepays, now framed but very nearly not finished. yuck. so i'm going to stop bashing now because looking over there still makes me tingle and shiver with delight. don't you just love the red walls. everything is for sale kids, a total of twelve works. gosh guys, the work is all new too! really i am quite serious. when i finally sat down to do my title cards, there are only two pieces pre-housefire 2002. everything else was finshed in 2005-2006. i had no idea. now that all my art is out of my apartment i can start some new things.
i did get a chance to work on the precious little mailorder via amy at kingpod. it is so nice to have a break from my own stuff, fresh little bits and bobbles to work and play with. please check out the rest of my pics at flickr. i'll post more later.
well all in all i succeeded in putting together a nice display for my cards. i ended up exploring the whole eyelet thing, which i am not so sure i like quite yet. the reason being that it screws up the cards a little. just a little, no one will notice. but my stampin' up pal and coworker, georja said i might have gotten a defective eyelet kit/punch. so i'll be bringing it into work on monday for her to check out. i did take a few photos of my display. i happened across a cigar store in cartersville back in october and bought a whole lot of boxes. if anyone wants one or two, let me know. so i'm going to collage a small one up and use the yellow plasticicky divider thingy (for cigars) to separate my cards. look fairly nifty.
i really am hoping that this opportunity at mojo pans out financially. i think i could move on creatively if i could actually get rid of some of the old stuff. i think that is why i have given so much away in the past. the prices this go around should be fairly reasonable. between $30-$300 dollars. mojo dude, tim is damn cool, he won't be taking a percentage. pray pray pray.
i have been feeling insecure lately, feeling blah. trying not to smoke as much, so instead of the brand cigarettes, keeping it simple with basics, i have moved back or on to rolling. i indeed smoke less in a day, around 6 or so. and very rarely finish a whole cigarette. it is so mentally challenging that i feel i might burst. shout angry words. spit and tear out my hair. i realized that so much of my identity is wrapped up in smoking. when people first meet me, they are typically shocked to find out that i am a smoker, they say, "you don't look like a smoker." that's bizarrio, i mean what does a smoker look like? but i have truly enjoyed the smoke for close to ten years that giving them up feels terrible. i have also been struggling with going completely vegetarian slash vegan. i feel like if i go completely vegan than i'll cut off the entire world. places like tony's pasta, ice cream, et cetera. i want to make these changes in my life and i have really been finding joy in it all when it comes to the smallest things, but the big things are still catching me in their nets, between their teeth. i have not particular reason for quitting meat or animal biproducts, except the hormone thing, and hell as i told my mom, "i wouldn't eat her, so why eat another once living thing." i am becoming more sensitive to what i put in my body and really it has nothing to do with faith or whatnot.
i am down to 142 pounds. i'm on track with the 2 and 1/2 pounds weekly. i think. i've got another twenty five to lose. i really want to see this happen for myself, not for the moolah or for the fame. just to continue to feel better about myself.
i have been struggling with other things too, but i know what god desires of me, my heart and mind. i really want to be happy with things. i want these new items, like the camera, but it takes working two jobs to get some of these things that i've always wanted, since way before my housefire. i also think that having a new computer, a new camera and such will help in my artisitic endeavors. i wonder if i am just working so much that i don't have the time to find happiness. i mean i knew these weeks of 58-60 hours would be difficult, but physicologically i must rely more heavily on support. i must say again how i am looking forward to the weekend. hope to have many new pics when i get back or i'll post before it is all over.
pic above was another taken at the choochoo with canon SD450. love it even more today. please remind me of the hope, the love, the joy o god.
under the surface of my life, there are beautiful places. to get through a difficult day or week it is vital that i create. just the other night i went shopping for a camera. i've already got a 35mm canon but have so wanted, so waited, worked two jobs for over a year now to get a really really really nice digital camera. a canon. horray a canon. so here it is: powershot SD450. so in my free time last night i went to one of my most beloved places here in chatt. right across the street to the ole' chattanooga choo choo and took a whole bunch of photos of the coy. this one was my favorite out of the bunch but i've put a whole lot more on my flickr account. check it out.
i am fortunate to have this upcoming weekend off. sometime on friday i am going to have to go pick up my framed work at framewrights. on saturday evening i'll be hanging my work and the exhibit-show will run the month. i've got a little bit of work cut out for me in the next couple of days. with my new camera, the not so dinocam, i hope to bring you new, improved, current and inspiring photos. no more excuses or regret here. i have got to begin the process of building the foundation of my work. putting more time, more effort into the joy of creating. i happened to get an eggroll yesterday, later in the afternoon my fortune cookie reminded me that creating is proof of life. i appreciate that small bright thought. i'll have to write another time...too busy now. just a quickie update.