differences and baking

i know i haven't been around here lately very much. i suppose last week was the epitome of crazy, emotionally draining and something far beyond what words could describe. i don't exactly remember where i left off. so i'll beginning by saying that tonight is the annual collier cookie baking evening.

this past friday was my office christmas party. so we drove back from franklin, tn and changed clothes in the office then headed over to the mountain city club for dinner, dancing, jewelry and bonus check. i had a fair vegetable plate and some gin and tonics that were made with sky vodka. not so fantastic, but suitable. on saturday i went shopping for gifts for family and friends. i got everything that i was looking for and more. a very nice pair of light blue cords from kmart. horray. yummy warm and cozy while the temps are in the teens. the last pair of cords i got were from oldnavy and that was before the h.f. i took five collages to kinkos to have cards made. i had one hundred made so far. not as pleased with the outcome, but they are still nice. it may have been the person doing the copying for me. but i know one thing, they're going to look great after they're embellished a tad. i can't wait until the latter part of this week. i've got to finish wrapping the many gifts galore and clean up the a.p.t. i'd like to have friends over on thursday, but we'll see how that goes. i really love the photo below. it reminds me of a veer photo. i took it several weeks ago, here at work. on our beautiful aqua colored desks/countertops.



i am also making some changes in another area of my life. i think my path is leading me in a different direction so the last week has been difficult and totally reflective, prayerful, and contemplative. i have been frightened of this time because in the long run i don't want to be alone for the rest of my life. i really want to start a family of my own. i'm not afraid to say it. this rugged female individualism has gotten quite old and i'm over it. god created me for a reason, i know that. i may spend my whole life figuring out what the reasons are though. the bottom line for me is trusting god to be my provider, my comfort, my peace, my husband, my friend, et cetera. i can't imagine what tomorrow will be like, i could sit and wait in fear or i could take a step in faith and allow god to support my footing. i know friendships and loves have seasons. i also know how seeds are planted and traffic gets jammed. i'm not sure if i was personally ready to make a change but i felt the feeling seeping up around my ankles. i needed to do something, something different than i'd ever done before. so much of my life has been driven my fear and pride, it's quite unbearable. i want to change that, i want god to know that he can have me. he can use me. i really won't ever have any idea the influences i've shed or that have been shed upon me. i know that i have been loved and know that i have grown and i am so thankful that god uses my indecision and doubt for my own good, for his glory.



tomorrow i'm taking carolyn in the city to atlanta to the airport. then i'm off to see the small but lovely knutson family. i cannot wait to see josiah.