fragile

i have found a fragile, fearful side of myself come back. it left for some time while i was less alone and a bit more social. now that i am working twelve hours almost everyday i am definitely more tired, with thoughts of black hole living seeping out around my edges. last thursday i spent most of the day feeling like my work effort was in an absolute shambles. i found a few major billing mistakes i should have caught but did not know to look deeper. so i decided to leave work early on friday. saturday i worked out in the dallas bay area. thirty minutes away, but worth the extra hours. at the end of the night i accidentally dumped over an entire register drawer, change toppling everywhere. thankfully the pharmacist was nice enough to help me pick it all up and out of the garbage.

sunday i meant to go to church but had many other excuses. ironing clothes, h. project, coffee, c.o.(sunday morning), rainy, horrible, soggy day (much too much like today, except today is worse), and having not been at home all week long hardly. at noon i went to the parentals for dinner. smoore is in ireland for the week and so it was just the three of us. i had the aesthetics meeting sunday night. i hesitantly took my drawings, which everyone really enjoyed and valued. they liked the ideas i had worked into the plans, for me it was encouraging. you never know how people are going to respond. we have a very small budget and concluded that we'd do the cosmetic work (paint, carpet and cabinet/shelves), then work on furniture and decoration next quarter.

today i finally got a greenlight on the software from the doctors. we're having all new hardware and medical software installed/converted. good, great news, signing a new contract, discussing final details, lots of questions. timing and technology. so i've started to list my brainstorms.

tonight and tomorrow i work all day. then i'm off wednesday through sunday for new jersey. being in a car for fourteen hours should lend itself to catching up on reading, sleeping, snacking, journaling, writing letters and talking with mom, aunt, and nana. oh yikes. what have i gotten myself into?

the above photo is of a photo i took the first year i lived at the grand. it is actually the photo i used to do the four piece painting. it is dark but something about it reminds me of new life. with the avocado seed, narcissus bulb and egg.

and thanks everyone for the sweet cards. i'm working on sending out the piles to each of you very very soon.