snow deep

i am finally back from the north. a fine snow deep fell on thursday, which made me feel very happy and alive inside. i couldn't believe my eyes, considering we never see snow like six inches in the south. there was much packing to do and organizing on thursday. in the evening we went to the red lion diner. talk about a fargo feeling moment. a jersey life seems so different. there does not seem like a whole lot to do. farm after farm stretches across the state. i wasn't sure when we left one town and entered another. i spent a whole day with mommom and poppop at the masonic home. when they came and picked me up in the morning we went straight there and up to their tiny cozy little apartment. it is a wonderful, really gorgeous place. old and newly renovated. i walked with mommom the entire campus, meeting, seeing and observing the lives of people living there. so very encouraging to see that our elders are being taken care of. we had lunch together and dinner and inbetween the went through their room and gathered things for me to bring back with me. my mommom knitted a beautiful sweater and scarf for me, that i wore the rest of the trip. my mommom gave me her old (vintage) wedding cake topper. it must be from 1953. there were items from my great grandmother, and my great grandfather, frank's first wife adelaide. i am a lover of treasures and they have so many. i hope to pass things along to my brothers as well.

when at my nana's i found several sets of knitting needles, thousands of spools of thread, playing cards, a bag of very old (again very vintage) wrapping paper and gift tags, i found two locomotive fortyfives that were my grandfather's. i got my poppop's old harmonica, the list goes on and on. i supppose the reason i mention all of this is because i am amazed at the history. i am floored by what my grandparents have saved throughout the years. i believe they saved things not because of hoarding, but because things that people gave you or momentos actually meant something back then. i'd say nowadays, things don't mean that much and they shouldn't really all that much (as in treasures stored up on earth aren't going anywhere with us when we die) anyway. but at least they weren't bombarded with commercialism, materialism, and the greed that leads to overspending and major debt. but i appreciate my history and the northern aspect of my life.

i sent off two notes to l. braxton and elizabeth today. and i'm still working on the one for h. i'm going to try and not work (rx) as much this week. i feel i might wear myself out to quickly. i had a great time away and i know that my nine to five is about to get very hectic.

now that i've been away i have this driving desire to move away from chattanooga. i am not sure what my motivation is or where exactly i want to go. i have got to pay my parentals back, but at the rate i'm working it'll only be a four or five month process. i had such high hopes and expectation in moving to honolulu. it is still there in the background calling out my name. there's atlanta and new york. at this point it might be a good thing for me to move. i feel i'm the last one left in away. that i may be the last one on my island. i would like someone to offer up a plan. tell me what i should do or give me a sign, a pointer finger. i know that in many ways i'm attached here. obviously family and new city, but other than that i could leave the friendships behind. not that they aren't great, but i'm ready and feel prepared to branch out more. there's my art that might florish in another, larger city. i feel financially alright. the two job thing isn't killing me. it's the uoha job that i dislike and feel suffocated in. my art isn't killing me, it has been good to get more involved. but i do like the city and i do like the snow deep.