courting commitment

'so we shall let the reader answer this question for himself, who is the happier man, he who has braved the storm of life and lived, or he who has stayed securely on shore and merely existed.'
.hunter s. thompson; aged 17

my friend kate wrote me an email this morning, i also found her entry. i felt like i was reading my mind. i have often felt there were small bits of human redemption on televisions reality. as ridiculous as it may sound i find many things on television worth my thought and effort to understand. it is my world is it not? i do find that in small corners a testimony to something larger is there. often the television is misguided, exaggerative, exploitive, and judgemental of faith based organization, faith based news stories, and down right miraculous events. it isn't everyday that a man like brian nichols is persuaded by a woman to give it up. we don't hear about the sheltering of others, the feeding of eachothers hearts and minds. we don't hear about people courting commitment to one another. where is the selflessness? i suppose the media broadcast simplifies issues for those of us less knowledgeable, but i find it difficult to see the purpose of saying anything at all if you are going to just manipulate the truth. typically, in the two stories kate mentioned i'd find an often lost sense of truth. a denial of truth. but this woman was not afraid of speaking of her experience and faith. kate included in her email to me that two of her friends are getting the papers for divorce. they have a young boy and are so damned self centered, blinded and hurt by each other they've forgotten what it means to live life. kate has spoken of her anger, i feel angry for her. i too see the brokeness of our families and wonder if that is to blame for the condition we are now in as a country.

i believe it is interesting that in youth hunter s. thompson wrote the quote above. when at the time of his death he was alone. how our minds masterfully betray us into thinking that the choices we make while young will have no future consequence. the thought is that if i stay where i am at, 'it will feel bad.' but my security or rather my happiness does not come from where i am at, but from the vision i have of myself in the place where i am at. what i think h.s.t missed in his thought here was that neither man is happy unless he has an eternal hope or vision for where he's at, no matter what, the commitment in life should be to finding redemption (love through faith) in what we have been given/chosen. not in what we can gratify ourselves with.

i find it discouraging to see that peers are falling apart because they aren't committed enough to seeking accountability for their behavior and actions. i know that this is an everything place. this blog takes on many facets but when i think of creating, i also thinking of speaking about what drives or thrusts me forward in being an artist. i find that as an artist i may view life very differently than many. even my mother and father and not because they aren't the same as i, but because i have often felt like a sponge. i feel i am constantly absorbing all sorts of things. my things, my issues, other people's things and issues. sadness, great enormous joy, loss, gain, inspiration, the desert, a promised feast. as an artist i've been absorbing these things all of my life, i am not a victim of the circumstantial music, i don't want to be afraid of my insecurities. i enjoy a personal confrontation, but what i create is a manifestation of all that i abosrb. sometimes i walk the fence and i'm lukewarm, but how can you live a life and never see how you are first being affected and that your reaction will affect someone inturn?