outstretched beneath the tree

even though poison tree is now complete and riding it's wave on etsy. i am absolutely disappointed with my photo quality. there is no justice in florescent midnight apartment light, even the martha stewart sheer curtain morning pale is dull. i fear that i may take 'reel' film photos just to get the perfect shot. it's not a fear of taking manual shots as much as a fear of suffocating the audience with a thousand photos of the tree. i'm ready, more willing to lie outstretched beneath the tree and drown myself in the "hit me of over the head" color blobs. unfortunately, meager if no attempts have been made on my part in the last couple of evenings to move forward with new projects. i started three new pieces, last week, that are a good deal smaller. but i'm stumbling over the tiny tree-bush concept. i believe the color pallette choices are throwing me for a loop as well. i wanted to do dark...purple, silver and such, yuck you maynaysay, reminds me of prom vomit. like the plastic faux champagne glass filled with purple and silver sequin dust, etched forever "a night to remember."

reflection is sincerely beside the point. my prayers, haphazardly speaking, are for a collector and wealth to absorb some of this effort. realistically i have little to moan about considering my greatest art success with the mojo show. my crazed feelings emerge with the mulitude of opportunity though. it is choosing and motivating and breathing before showing, framing and hanging all of my work. i have mentioned legacy and wish i had the work it took to show-do a festival but i feel a gap, a lack and therefore i'll let the event pass, probably. i'm less interested or something and cannot exactly put my finger on the blahblah. may be it is the money, the funds it would take to enter...i mostly just want to make art all of the time.

i mostly am encouraged by thoughts from you guys on flickr. there's nothing like it in all of the world, i like it most of all. it's my addiction. but did you read about the non-selling rules on flickr. i did. i think it's good, just remember not to price things or try and sell things via flickr. just link up your stuff to your blog/etsy, whatever the case may be.

bside: i haven't said much about my time in atlanta...still thinking on it all. wondering and letting reflection sooth any discomfort i feel. i took a stock of pics that came out and the botanical gardens were delightful! the time was unbearably short and sweet. it was a race and i hate races. but it was all my fault. dynamics are different and i'm isolated in a few ways, not by choice but by circumstance. i (feelings aren't always an indication of the truth) have very little to offer, except boring single life behavior and selfishness. i love my dear best friends, each distinct, unique and inspiritational. i am angry, not knowing why, and so my eyes find pessimistic corners and jaded edges to rest on. i'm not angry at them no, not at all, honestly. just frustrated with my own issues. oh and this is not a bemoan me session, that would be disgusting. i cannot change my life and rearrange past details. but when truth hits, it's like a baseball bat to my senses, painful. i am challenged to get involved. and will be asked about it soon-thankfully i have a mom picking up between the lines to balance out the ditch digging. i had better start acting before being alone is all i am. unhappiness is not where i'm at. because i love curling up in bed to read before i sleep, really. and going out with carolyn to get coffee after work is well yummy. and driving wherever. and buying nothing or something when i go to target. i really like solo-living, but right now there are more questions than answers. so...yeah my chin is up. there is not negativity just wonder. and word-e ness that i'm embarassed by, but mostly hope for a better next hour and day or night.