fight to hold

while the intensity of revival, blossom, rebirth and red are on the tip of my tongue. i'd bargain a chance meeting with rest, comfort, thankfulness and peace. the little greenthumb i have has never cared for an orchid before. it is indeed a new subject line inwhich to write. an out of focus rehearsal of capture the flag of fight. fight for holding on to the spirit. fight for growth. fight for the lights attention, for dry winter warmth. to live with ambition and rest contented with the fight. as the very new year with very new days approach i think i've got to raise the white flag and surrender to resolution. there is a common bitter feeling making it's presense known and the eager wishes to succeed. a few things to work toward, goals to score, maps to quest, and trips to travel.

i will fail to mention: i must quit. smoking. when is it my time? does it have to be january? i will be losing. twenty. i will have digital images of all my works on slides made. i will have books made to sell and buttons too. i will have a laptop by the summer of 2007:before the a annual uoha beachtrip. i will help my friends get jobs, move, and celebrate. i will spend more time with my mom, i will read more and review more and share more. i will paint more and sew more paint chips together...there will be more correspondence, more diligent work and more meaningful vacation. there will be new nephews=a total of three! there will be more love and more endurance. and i will ask for help. i will need your help to fight.

the very best candle from thymes. and life as experimentation. i was at my friends house the night before last watching blue planet. i couldn't help but think how huge our world is and how we are so blessed to be surrounded by the smallest bits of beauty. my mother and i concluded that if we happened to be exposed to too much beauty, we'd die. i think it hurts sometimes...so beautiful it hurts. isn't that what two thousand seven should be about?

presently reading: sheldon vanauken's little lost marion.

over and out

christmas happened so quickly, in a blink, over and done with, 50% off sales, and the onslaught of valentine's day. i am still savoring the quiet moments, alone in my apartment, watching the snowy drizzle fall, gazing upon all of the perfect little gifts, my dear sweet family and friends thought to give me.

one pleasantry has been my introduction to the decemberists via kate, 'my crane wife' has been the perfect addition to my holiday music soundtrack. along with gnarls barkley and sufjan stevens, seems a fair variety. i have received some of the most lovely birthday and christmas cards ever, they seem to still be trickling in, along with another beautiful ornament. i think i'm still waiting to get another one or two more ornaments and a couple christmas postcards too. it is completely alright. i have plenty of other things to focus on now.

i never have gotten around to making granola! i never put my christmas tree up and i never decorated. i have the first two days of the new year off. i should pull my easel out and start painting again...nothing is holding me back now. i also should write my thank-yous and research the printing and button making companies...there's a host of things i ought to do.

several months ago hannah sent me this beautiful paper and i finally put it to good use. i thought kate would appreciate the non traditional wrap. she's also so good at recycling the tidbits leftover. i also wanted to make a note of whipup. i noticed this post on paint chips and so wish people knew how easy and wonderful these little colorful pieces are to work with, create, recycle and most of all inexpensively share beauty. after all there is recycled air.

munch-kins

i finally got around to making these little guys, my favorite christmas cookies of all time. they've only been apart of my little tradition for a couple of years, not many of them were eaten this year. wonder why? noticed a plate of them at the wards/knutson family home on christmas eve. not too sweet and just enough spicey, yummy crunch, sort of like a spice shortbread.

i have had an incredible holiday, i'm not ready for it to be over quite yet only having to come back to work makes it all vanish so quickly. i have received an enormous amount of love over the last few days, i'd so like to feel that all year long. more so i'd like to carry out and boldly have the christmas spirit all year long, the giving patient spirit. i'll probably take more break time. i have load the majority of my fav christmas photos though.

woodland whispers

only one more day of this medical and pharmacy business and i'm off to celebrate with family and friends, good eats, good times, listening, talking, wishing really really hard for snow, tasting the greatest joy, giving until my pocketbook hurts. or my fingertips become raw from wrapping. this year is closing up so quickly, i think eventually i will get around to a recap of the greatest moments of my life this year. i have never actually listed these sorts of things out before, i'm thinking many of you reading may not want to pack and take a two year trip through my archives. so it might be a funny journey. i don't feel older, hesitantly younger with more energy and insight screw the physical signs of maturation, wrinkles are for elephants.

i am so lucky, in the last couple of days i've gotten some really unexpected emails from my grandparents and my aunt and an old friend. so special, so very interesting here at the end of my year. are you listening? i so love martha stewart's woodland specs this year. couldn't ignore or resist the temptation at the old kmart at the foot of the mountain.

um...i must say. infradig's clinical indifference rocks! so very clean. so nice to hear this band push the envelope and surrender some of it's "jam band" qualities. i appreciate the precision and knock on wood quaility, magic or superstition, i'm not so sure which but it's barely important. the album is split both in it's willing able body participants but also in it's music-al divisions i'm still hearing some of the old echoed sounds but with new rhythms-beats as in slick flashy breaks. and what about those keys. i'm glad to hear a stable melody in lower tones, maybe that was the electric guitar from before that made it sound a little twangy. i don't mind that they've been influenced i feel like we who love(d) radiohead, aphex twin, squarepusher and others were all influenced as if on a musical high. the sounds are fairly original and gosh so far better than what you'd hear if you were listening to 98.1 or 91.5 the WAWL! thanks guys for working so hard on this album, i for one appreciate seeing that production is still apart of your thoughts and goals, also very nice to see my brother's name in there. hi-five!!! chris a. did a phenom job on the art direction, geez! people should be knocking your doors down!

i'm outta here.

book of mercy:star of david

almost thirteen years ago i designed a tattoo for someone and in return she paid for me to get a tattoo of my own. even though it took some time to draw the design, when the day came for her to get the tattoo i wasn't prepared with an idea or design for myself. at the time, leonard cohen was one of my very favorite musicians and authors and i may have been in the middle of reading book of mercy.

i remember carrying around this tiny little blue book from the local library and happened to have it in my bag that day. it was an easy design and simple enough for most people to see and comprehend. although i have gotten the common question of "what is it?" most everyone is surprised when they find out i have blue permanent ink on my body, or i forget and someone sees me in a bathing suit and are curious. i don't think i got the tattoo out of rebellion or anger even though i was very much both at eighteen.

i know my mom wasn't exactly pleased and felt i was crossing an 'off the shoulder' wedding gown off my list when the time might present itself. but i've been in four weddings and it never once was a concern of the bride's aesthetic plans. as far as i can tell it isn't in a place that that will get really, terribly wrinkled as i get older, i only have to lay on the sunscreen to protect from the dreaded melanoma. agh! didn't think of that when i was eighteen. i suppose in the long run it doesn't even really set me apart that much. it's just a little something that goes along with me. it does remind me of my youth, it reminds me of love and the links we have with others, it reminds me of faith and the star of david is just an added-secondary symbol of the jewish faith. i'm reminded that in the confusion and hysteria of youth there is passion and profundity too and that time heals the scabs of weird or off putting events in everyone's lives. i really don't know what happened to the women with my design on her back. with that tree and eye design, my original work is out there. for her. for others to see if she is so inclined.

the tattoo may be important because it marks a time that's past, it is a connection i have to my old self, to my old dreams and flimsy faith that thrusts me into the future. it has nothing to do with the impending holidays, just another reflection of where i've been and where i am going. going. going. gone.

to the world

all is getting down to the niddy griddy now. i have a little less than half my shopping left to go with seven busy days to go. this week it is all about the crunch, with brightness between. this weekend was a working one in which i let the apartment go. i have taken a different approach this year and wrapped as i went. so even though i've got the last minute shopping to go, things are only looking half way like holiday. i have shrugged off decorating so far. the harvest tablecloth and garland are still very much apart of my daily-view. i'm wondering about my little bird tree this year and about pompom garland. or the paper bird garland...as yet another option.

it's funny how much i want the decorations hanging above at target. that alone would be the perfect christmas gift. the window seals are removable and reusable {i checked}. i'd like to hang the large paper cuts/sheets inside my windows, i'm wondering, if i timed it just right if i could get some of the decor?

i am thoroughly addicted to the color accent feature on my canon powershot sd450. ahh the blues at christmas time can be so rich and festive. and red. i love martha's woodland wrap, to be a red bird at christmas.

this past friday night i went to my brother ethan's first annual collier construction christmas party. seeing my brother in that context was incredible. the meal was nice, the wait was really great and being with mary was so very nice. she and i are growing closer and i appreciate her so much. i haven't got sisters but because of mary and laurie, suzanne and emily i have been given four sisters. and then there's kate and jen and erin p. holy cow!

the secret of small

speaking of small, how about this golden walnut sewing kit in all of it's palm sized lovliness. i found this tiny walnut wading through a tin of buttons. after doing some brief research i found that they may be quite common. i saw an auction on ebay for a green one that was going for over a hundred dollars. how outrageous!!! i am looking forward to the weekend. gearing up for the secrets, the anticipation, the seeking out the small informal but meaningful gifts for the rest on my list.

out of focus motion

i am on my way, checking off things from the list. last night i actually accomplished more than i thought i would. shopping wasn't stessful or overwhelming at all. i came home with time to spare or maybe just a hot chocolate buzz and wrapped the gifts that were purchased. i feel my eyes bunching up and the corners of them growing scratchy, i suppose i'm tired, i can't do anything about it though. i still have some christmas cards to send out, presents to purchase and wrap, granola and spice cookies to make. then i will be through.

going to print

to be a child again. to sip and slurp. to taste life in a new way everyday with innocence and passion. one of my favorite moments with josiah was this past saturday at the creative discovery. we happen to stay on the first floor because to his delight the musical instruments are in abundance and in wide variety. together we found the microphone and proceeded to record the first track on his solo achievement, 'i've been working on the railroad.' we tried it with the echo, with effects, and noises, we even manipulated our voices into the sweetest robotic voices ever. josiah singles out the notes right on tune, taking after his very talented grandpa and mother. i see his freshman work becoming a tribute to the old classics, it'll blow us away, one day.

i managed to get a few of my christmas cards out into the postal service this morning, as i headed off to the workforce here. it's not like i'm a bluecollar. i'm one of the scrubs, in black and chinese flipflops. tonight i've got to finish my end of the deal and get cards to the printers {a.k.a. kinkos}. i can't wait to see my paper quilt series in print. cannot wait to bundle and sell them hopefully one day on etsy. cannot wait to see them in blueskies and in the hands of my friends and family.

the other night out in chickamauga the girls and i were all talking about t-shirts...here are the options: another list of christmas shopping potential(s).

1. Oddica

2. Day-Lab

3. Bella Muse

4. this isn't a t-shirt avenue but you may find some very cool things for husband/baby/toddler or yourself. love the colors! love the shapes! checkout BUILTNY

5. Little Paper Airplanes

6. Elsewares

7. Sam Flores

8. threadless

in other news i have gotten 6 pieces off to the printers, last night, cards galore! i hope they turn out nicely, i waived proofing them, i have to work and they weren't going to let me wait for them last night, such a bummer! i'll go sometime mid-day today to pick them up. i've got to buckle down, research the whole of printing companies....agha! s.o.s!!!!

and i must give a hearty shout out to jennifer kring of tumbleweed creations for her help in making my ornaments for the ornament swap. it has become a swap/trade within a swap. the small or large collabrative effort was nice. she expressed interest in the swap but missed the deadline, so here's to jen...thanks a bunch.

strength to remember

sometimes a break from blogging leaves the door open to other things, like actually working or talking or following the news of one family's tragedy or the iraq report and gwb's response. i spent monday night with kate. wednesday with jen.

here at the end of the year i have really begun to feel immediately gratifide and blessed. this past summer was somewhat and maybe not so obviously, difficult for me. in the last week i have been surprised by how much friends can remind you of what you have. not just the friendship itself, because i am always grateful for good conversation, commonground, artistic therapy and critique. but in the simple parts of relating this week with two very special women i found strength to get up and go to work, to make the coffee, to make the postcards, to swap for ornaments, to smile in the midst of frustrating traffic, to pull out the sewing machine again, to be inspired and to love the blue sky, love the doctor's i work for, even though 'one of them' thinks it'd be funny if i dressed up like an elf for the christmas party. haha! i'm a little bit more than a tad sensitive about my small stature, being cute, just doesn't cut it...anyway. there is still love.

i was surprised that kate thought of how i could easily make a button wreath {i like carolyn's!}, afterall i have thousands and thousands. it would be easy and i might, because they look so beautiful. kate reminds me that making wholesome food like granola and spice cookies are good, fun things to do at night while sipping on some cocoa. i mean we didn't have to talk about these things for me to be reminded to add the ideas to my christmas list of things to do. jen reminded me of christmas cookies too! and the importance of excercising, starting at the ymca at the beginning of the year. eating healthy and wrapping presents in brown paper with pretty red stencils. my friends remind me that making excellant meaningful art is really really important. that being with family is the very best thing in the world.

i mean i haven't even decorated for christmas yet. jen made the sweet polka dot garland and kate is doing the jessie tree with her children. wow! i love my friends so much. i have off this weekend and everything is up in the air, but i'll be sure to be productive...