are you coming or not?

not impressed

i guess you guys weren't impressed enough. well then we'll leave it at that and move on. i worked at cvs this weekend and worked on this, my latest piece, television trees. i scribbled about on a piece of paper over at matt's house and came up with something along these lines. it pays to scribble or sketch. it's been my source of new material, as of late, that's for sure.

i am fairly pleased as pie with my television trees. i am going to start another one tonight, another, different rendition of sorts. and hopefully i'll get the little things i see wrong with this one, right with the next one. i almost like the photo better than the original. man oh man i just want to make art that looks like graffiti. but not so much like graffiti, you know? i have also been terribly inspired by josh bennett's piece, ninja life, let me remind you. do you see?

i am also super excited about the new news from my brother ethan and sis n law mary in regards to their official adoption of caleb b. collier. soon a new little nephew will be home. yeah yeah yeah!

i think other than that. i'm off.

fascination street:worthy of

yesterday i had every intention in the world at my fingertips. i began to write and got completely hung up on a day full of big things and small things. i rarely have an opportunity to share the real things the living parts of my life with any true depth. i often feel like phantomcrimes rides a wave, guided by an invisible force, a moon, that i don't feel attached to. a current or a pit of quiksand. it's funny how in the midst of a pile of work, art projects, and a pile of family, i have become the multitasker i never would've imagined i could be. fascinating, really. and honestly when it comes to grunt work, like folding and putting away laundry i can say any part of me that could multitask at that point, hides beneath the bed.

see, blogging for ethan and mary and caleb is really what i want to do. the daily updates, the joy in following their journey is something i wouldn't miss out on for the world. when i get to work in the mornings i almost immediately check my email for an update from kokshetau, KAZ. it takes a tedious amount of time to upload photos, copy, paste, edit, and moderate the comments. in the middle of it all, caleb b. collier! it is with a grateful heart that i blog for him. it is with an ever pressing reminder, a call to humility that i participate in this family life with two new baby boys (above). one sam and one liam. each a little pleasure. each a part of learning and wanting to multitask. i wouldn't know what to do if i were their mother, so happy to be their aunt.

clothesline is seriously creeping up on me. i mean seriously. and with clothesline comes a massive multitasking opportunity. last night i know i spent a straight hour on the telephone and that's nothing in comparison to the efforts of the other artists. aside from the work i am encouraged in our grassroot effort. clothesline has to be a constant reminder though, that learning is work, the challenge is contagious and sprinting to the finishline is something else i really want to do, would never trade it for a world of power. and with this venture, my ego might arise, so it's staying accountable and aware too, apart of multitasking the attitude. and last but not least there is the amount of art i'd like to have produced for the show. it will be nearly impossible for me to have ready, six pieces. as it stands i've got two completed.

mostly i want to make sure that you, the ones who are reading get to see, learn, be inspired by what i have found.

createhere: has found it's way into my forest of thought. i entered their bumper sticker contest as well. my offering: "where is all the graffiti?"
meaning: what the hell is wrong with throwing up a nice beautiful piece of wall art. who gives a ____ about gangs, i mean what gangs? the city government oughta learn something about the difference between a gangtag and piece of hi-q graf. i believe a city with zero record-effort of good clean current graffiti is a city that lacks appeal on a modern art level, where is the contemparary work of young urban artists? do you have what it takes to make or take photos of chattanooga's premier graffiti, if there is such a thing?

oh yeah, now i'm feeling it.

i want this and believe it or not it's going up for sale!!! and she's a teacher now. her words on the phone the night before last were so incredibly inspiring, more than a tear dropped, my jaw dropped. her words to her new highschool students, as close as i can come to remembering: i can't she's going to have to fill in the blanks for me.

anticipating the arrival of readymade in my mailbox!!! thanks a million mom!

okay so are you fascinated or inspired. i didn't have as much to say as i thought i might. oops.

wip:televison trees

in a nutshell:weekend(s)disorder

Twilight Trees II:i am not my own

it will take a miracle, a miracle beyond all. to the form or shape of what, i'm not so sure. to complete enough work for the upcoming clothesline show. in the mean time i have finally finished the second installment in a twilight trees series, which may have started here...or here. maybe i'm misgiven, it's less of a series and more like a forest i think and write about when describing all of the trees i have been painting. lately i have forgotten all about the grove of trees i have hanging at fitness together and can't imagine what they might all look like hanging out together. i suppose that if i'm unable to accomplish my goal of four more new pieces, i could show flea market:beehive tree and the freezing trees, but they're not so new, but they've not ever really been seen in a show/exhibit forum. one last thing, i'd like to have cards made of my paper quilt series. it's seriously all going to stretch me, mentally, physically, and probably financially, and artistically yes, but it is growth after all. yikes!

in the eye of my small little storm. i'm realizing how little i am my own at this point. it's how the tide has turned and i am more of my art than my art is apart of me. it is living and breathing, sleeping and eating my art. it's about being emotionally tied up, bound to sleepless nights of planning and rehearsing the hours and days to come. and i need to be thinking about my health too? goodness. i believe it will all be alright. it will all come together in the end. until then i'll keep you afoot of the details. and please think of coming out to our show in september. it has been a thrill to see how all of the lose ends are coming together and i'd be so happy to see each of you there. thanks a mil:)

.who.is.missing.

of course i think the little man who's missing from the photograph, taken on july fourth, is my new little nephew, caleb and of course he continues to be on my mind all of time. when i'm not thinking about my brother and sister in kazakhstan, i have been of course keeping myself extremely busy.
i happened to get the little vanilla cupcakes from rembrandt's and yes i did get to eat one. and it was delicious.

that's it for today.

off the charts

for a year and a half my brother and his wife have been working tirelessly toward adopting a little boy from kazakhstan. you may remember my mention and having to keep many of the details top secret. until of course this past sunday when they finally flew out of atlanta to kokshetau via amsterdam and almaty. these last few days have been overwhelming and exciting not only for ethan and mary but for me and my entire family, and the host of friends we all have. before leaving, mary and i discussed the details of communication and fortunately the possibilities of blogging. basically, i have been over here. kaz is almost twelve hours ahead of me, here in the eastern time zone, so as i am getting to work in the morning, ethan and mary are writing:emailing me a blog post that i can then share with the rest of the community of family and friends here.

i would not have it any other way. this ability to correspond and share with all of you is full of love and i keep thinking of grace and humility. it keeps my brother and mary and i close to all of us. and for the first time in our lives we're laying eyes on this little boy, their son, their passion.

so i maybe just a little bit absent from phantomcrimes. of course i will attempt to update on complete artworks, answering emails, and all sorts of other things. thank you so much for all of your love and understanding.

we three:cupcakes

.up.to.no.good.

two a.m. rolled around and you'd think i would have had enough sense to lay the paint and brushes down. i just couldn't help myself. knowing and feeling the mad dash crunch is all it takes. the late nights haven't seen the last of me. unfortunately i have only a few more last touches to put on my spacetree painting, but i'm stonecold out of motivation for the finishline. it was dragging me down so i decided over the weekend to pick up a new canvas and after some foundational sketching i started a new perspective:rendition on the twilight trees. it's my remixed version. *with the spacetree painting i intended all along to recycle a previous painting. i meant to leave the seagulls and the majority of bluesky, but i continue to struggle. i have the smaller circles in the trees to paint. i'm leaning between an orange red or a lighter green. i also am leaning toward applying a tad more paper to the piece, but i'm uncertain about it all and know i probably won't be showing the spacetree piece in the upcoming clothesline show. i'd rather have it hanging at fitness together with the rest of my growing forest.

twilight will make an unseemly sorching hot or frigidly freezing day feel redemptively magical. at the close, a comforting quiet and coming together of all that the day held in ups and downs. twilight illustrates a time when starlings fly in unison above my city and collect themselves simultaneously on highwires. a small moment of deepening bluesky and some slight breeze, i can breath. i'm not saying i can even come close to painting what i invision twilight to be. my trees aren't really the trees i see on a daily basis, but they warm me, or at least my heart. i still struggle inbetween twilights fantasy and it's alterego, reality. the reality of it all is that i hope above all that something inside of me comes out on the canvas and warms other people's hearts. i know my style is off and cursive in nature, i know my lines are crooked, but they are purpose driven as all of twilight reaches out for darkness and the silence of night.

sometimes i feel like i beg for attention, i struggle with phantomcrimes and hide what i really want and that is recognition. foolish and corrupt as it may seem it is true that i wish to be discovered and that i want my art to find it's way into the minds, homes, and thoughts of little children who want someday to make art. i would love to see my art in beautiful/decay or juxtapoz or my local but now chicago based mule. and inbetween these thoughts i am struck, as if with a fly swatter, that there is a beautiful community of women artists here in my city, my friends, who have lifted my spirits and pushed me further. and i am reminded of how they are my audience, a small part of a larger community, but still. and thankfulness for this "clothesline" community is really all that i need. afterall if i had any more than what i've got i'd have to quit my jobs and begin to live in an art world. a world of many too many 2 a.m. nights of artmaking. alas, it isn't that time yet in my life. if that time came i'd be just as scared, so i'm left in peace about what my responsibilty truly is, it's to share and hopefully gain some perspective with phantomcrimes, here. i'm off to up to no good:)

underneath:belief

words can feel like combinations of symbols that often times barely scrape by, defining little physicality or emotion. an understated disclaimer of how meager my words feel when i am writing them out. desperately searching word after word for relevance, truth and mostly purity. so if i say i had a fairly nice weekend, i myself am bored with the phrase. in regards to the real deal, the underneath it all sort of stuff, it is going to have to playout.

one thought repeats itself over and over in my mind. a tentative nagging. to say we saw ethan and mary off to kazakhstan isn't all that true. honestly i wish that i had told them each how much i love them. and now i am wondering, have they made it, are they making it alright, are they safe, excited, scared? are they homesick already, do they miss us? i know i am missing them so soon, already, yes. on saturday evening i made my way to their home and literally folded ethan's shirts for him. it's not like he is gone eternally, two months might go by and i might not seem him anyway, even with the both of us in one city. but he's on the other side of the world now and even if i wanted to i couldn't get to him. laurie and i helped mary pack gifts for caleb's caretakers, nurses, and doctors. we packed caleb's little clothes and socks and toys. we packed medicine and a even a baby bjorn. i helped pack their shampoo, soap, and shoes, and still i feel like maybe i should have hung out just a little longer.

my belief; and to say the least i'm excited and overflowing with anticipation. i can't wait for the first email from mary. my joy is hope. can't wait-ing to see caleb's face for the very first time in september. unga!!! i can't wait to begin posting news, at: calebtochatt.

in order: any foundational drawing here is for the sake of new art. trees are on the horizon. new trees. and a friend of mary's gave her a book that she had published with blurb. i'm thinking i might have a book:portfolio made, or i could use flickr's qoop.
peace.

barely wip&flickr stickers

on one hand this week has absolutely flown by. my bicycle injuries are healing more quickly than i thought they would. my emotional monday and tuesday feel like weeks ago. two days on sunday, mary and ethan are leaving for Kazakhstan to get Caleb. in a mind boggle: a year and a half ago we thought it would take this day forever to get here. any ebb in time has now dissipated and we will all be trying to catch up, stay close, and in touch with one another as time plasters and propells us forward in this new family adventure. we are fortunate and grateful and i for one know the value of time in these moments. it is everything.
up until yesterday i had been becoming increasingly worried that time seemed to take it's time when it came to the delivery of my flickr mini moo sticker book. and then in my box in a white envelope they appeared. a minor important pick me up of inspiration. and now i have no idea exactly what i will do with them. i think i will have new cards made of the paper quilt collage series to sell at our september clothesline show. i may just use the stickers as an envelope seal sort of thing. it's not that important. just 9.99 for an assortment of 90 stickers, that's all.
and of course my weekend plans and project ideas are piling up only because i am inches away from finishing my spacetrees:eyeball flowers piece. wanting to move on and forward. as you can see i've stretched a canvas and the tissue paper is going down with modpodge. the next and first for the clothesline show. i want to have a lot to show and tell by next week. wish me motivation and a plentiful wealthy about of minutes and hours.


if you'd like to know more about kasakhstan check it!!!
have a very nice weekend friends. take advantage of the time and benefit. more love.

in the bag

you are seeing for the first time my beachtrip traveling, packing, and dispersing ways. i am so sure this is exactly what everyone needed, whether for a difference, a laugh, scoff, or for the crazy ridiculous shock value of it all. it's just i almost always have to have the closet space instead of drawers. i don't know why but i barely had to unpack this time. and i washed all of my clothing before coming back, as a matter of fact, my bag is still lying on the floor of my apartment, barely unpacked. what is with me?

last night all night i painted and tonight all night until nine at least i will be at the rx. and hopefully maybe by thrusday night my elbow which is bothering me the most at this point will have healed enough for me to beable to ride again.

friday night i am going to work again. but saturday and sunday are free days. i am keeping my mind on those two days. by that time i might be starting some fresh new art collage painting art. *my brother ethan and my sis n law mary are leaving on saturday for a month, to go and get little caleb. i have been and will be thinking of them mostly all of the time. as a family we gathered this past sunday, to celebrate the july birthday's, it was a somber sort of day in a good way. we all seemed tired and a little weepy with thoughts of caleb so so far away from us, waiting on his parents to come and get him. honestly i have been quite emotional lately and can't seem to shake the lake of tears that have overflowed the last two evenings.

i have these periods of release, thinking of how little i actually do keep things together. it's weird how often i don't feel capable, but plan to fake ability and responsibility. i am here at work, aren't i? and other than the usual stuff like letting the laundry pile up. i'm only about a week behind on the other kinds of things. again bills must be paid, tags and registration must be claimed, art to art, clothesline, friends, family, reading, book club, seeking advice, praying. i doubt seriously that i have anything in the bag except my leftover travels. seashells and cockleshells...that's what little girls are made of.