underneath:belief

words can feel like combinations of symbols that often times barely scrape by, defining little physicality or emotion. an understated disclaimer of how meager my words feel when i am writing them out. desperately searching word after word for relevance, truth and mostly purity. so if i say i had a fairly nice weekend, i myself am bored with the phrase. in regards to the real deal, the underneath it all sort of stuff, it is going to have to playout.

one thought repeats itself over and over in my mind. a tentative nagging. to say we saw ethan and mary off to kazakhstan isn't all that true. honestly i wish that i had told them each how much i love them. and now i am wondering, have they made it, are they making it alright, are they safe, excited, scared? are they homesick already, do they miss us? i know i am missing them so soon, already, yes. on saturday evening i made my way to their home and literally folded ethan's shirts for him. it's not like he is gone eternally, two months might go by and i might not seem him anyway, even with the both of us in one city. but he's on the other side of the world now and even if i wanted to i couldn't get to him. laurie and i helped mary pack gifts for caleb's caretakers, nurses, and doctors. we packed caleb's little clothes and socks and toys. we packed medicine and a even a baby bjorn. i helped pack their shampoo, soap, and shoes, and still i feel like maybe i should have hung out just a little longer.

my belief; and to say the least i'm excited and overflowing with anticipation. i can't wait for the first email from mary. my joy is hope. can't wait-ing to see caleb's face for the very first time in september. unga!!! i can't wait to begin posting news, at: calebtochatt.

in order: any foundational drawing here is for the sake of new art. trees are on the horizon. new trees. and a friend of mary's gave her a book that she had published with blurb. i'm thinking i might have a book:portfolio made, or i could use flickr's qoop.
peace.