shocked

sheesh, i'm shocked. it's twelve twenty two and i am here, going to postoff really. how many of you steal your internet service provision from someone else? i mean i'm riding the www for free from my apartment and as ridiculous as it sounds i don't care about the real chance that i'm going to be exhausted tomorrow at work. just because i have finally found the free. i shouldn't be shocked, i've tried and have never had this success, so yes i'm a little bit thrilled. heck if i can save the ninty bucks a month, why not? is there something so terrible about it all. don't think so. i'm not going to reflect on the whole issue, oh no, no more.

needless to say i have been way out of the www hemisphere and feel a little sensitive about the matter. it has occured to me on more than one ocassion that i may not need the www as much as i thought. or need isn't exactly the right word, but the addiction, yes that is what it is, the www still flowing in my bloodstream.

well. how should i update a world of readers that have given up on me. or never cared to begin with. life in the treehouse is good. besides the humpty hump on the other side of my bedroom wall in the middle of the night, while i'm attempting to sleep. my bathroom floor is a mess, you wanted to know. and a painting i started working on has not been finished. staying up late means two day old popcorn and letterman's choice humor.

work at collier construction is starting to feel more normal, less temporary and more fulfilling everyday. i honestly feel less inclined to write about it, there's nothing to fret or worry about. have i found a lifelong career? i should say i am thankful for the years of medical oncology billing and insurance. i know exactly where i stand in my work at cc, it's predictably comfortable, in that sense. i'm glad for my work, i never knew how much i loved paperwork, heck i am thirty two and didn't realize that i like the shuffle and scuttle of paperwork. i also have enjoyed the freedom. responsible for more, with less responsibilty. i mean isn't that what all of our workforce goals are. paid more for more freedom. i have loved my responsibilities, the newsletter, paying bills, planning green drinks, and so assisting the "om" and my brotherboss.

my art and the publishing well i should probably keep it all under wraps for now. but soon. i'll have news.

and yes i might be happier, but i'm asking myself if i had more would i be able to handle more, and wouldn't there be less to work hard for. i say it so often. cliches' don't become cliches' just because, they become cliches' because of the history of truth. i'm not better off because of all the work as much as i'm better off because of what i think and feel about the work. i could be taller, and have more funds in my checking account, or have new jeans i don't have to roll or have my own paid for internet but i don't and i feel pretty alright with that. it's less of a burden in so many ways. more of choice and less of a reaction.

i'm going to have to sleep.