on letting go::splattered building trees II

it is not often after completing a piece of artwork that i must immediately say good-bye and deliver it to its future owner, its future audience. it is usually the case that i have time to let a finished work grow on me, it has time to speak, time to talk and give back meaning. after completing a commission for a client, there's no time for me to grow with the work and become comfortable with it. even within correspondence between the client and myself about the work, a small empty feeling begins to surface. i am thinking now, am mindful of the fact that i have never tried to put this feeling into words, it feels awkward and vague to me to even try. for those of you who have lived to produce work and immediately turn it over, you might better articulate these feelings. i think i can mostly express what this feeling is not. it is not fear or anxiety, it is not even a feeling of selfishness. it might feel like conceiving a child, birthing, then watching the child take her first steps, or sending her to school for the first time. the feeling is one of joyful anticipation, a nervous chatty giddiness. it feels uncontrollable and full. it feels hopeful and restless. and when the art work has been delivered, handed over and it is known that the piece has found it's place, there is space enough for peace there for me. even if for just a fleeting moment.

i know very little about how it is that i am to let go, if in fact there is even a process or method to it. it may after all be impossible to fully let go. there is a part of me, the artist, that never leaves the work, i am in it and it is in me. my work and i go on forever inseparable, right? it is something to have a piece of art, a product of my own hands, have it hang on my walls for many weeks and months. to have time to dissect the work, define and refine it in my mind, even if i have literally finished the work. a finished piece that remains in my possession has time to give back, it has time to teach me a little bit more. i see how it is for many artists who strive and thrive off of having a work, always in progress, so that in a work always incomplete, one is always free to rearrange, reorganize, rework the work. of the few pieces of artwork, that remain in my possession, there are just a couple that i'll never look at again, never attempt to figure out, work out or learn from. they could be added to the thrift store pile for all i care. if i had to go back and rework these pieces, even if i felt like i had to go back, i think i would go mad. but the idea of letting go of work too soon is a conversation i am sure i'll continue to have with myself. it might just be that the art itself has the answers. i feel like that might just be the case with ::splattered building trees II::, that it has had it's fill of me and is ready to give something to someone else. i know in the midst of creating this one work, that i have begun to experience a desire to move away from creating/painting trees. i've begun to feel like i may want to make something different. this feeling too, is one for another days thoughts and a new unmarked canvas. time is my friend in this regard. there is no rush to make something that is not there inside of me already.

i have started the year off strong, i think, if i may say so. the opportunities have been great and more than what i could have imagined. though i feel more than ever the direction and path is clear. i have another piece, a work in progress, that i have had to put on hold for many months and plan to complete it in the next week or so. i am looking at the months before me and considering all of the many options. a couple of weeks ago i was notified, that my proposal for the On The Fence design competition had been chosen, one of eight other artists or artist teams in an urban public art competition. i am working with my friend, graphic designer, on the finishing touches and will have the piece ready for the print company next week. my plan is to install the work on a length of chain link fence, two hundred feet. the work will hang for a year and is my contribution to my neighborhood. my hope is to share my proposal, my work in progress, and a photo documentation of the installation in just a couple of weeks. i have seriously-seriously dreamt of having my work in the large, in public, on a wall or fence, since i think i saw my first real graffiti. i am so excited! and have tried really hard to contain some of my enthusiasm, because i wanted a big reveal so to speak. but thats all besides the point really. i feel exceptionally honored to have been chosen as one of the artists.

i am also thinking about showing in the fall. there are, as i said a few options, of which i would love to participate in each, but time will tell. i also still have in mind, to share my list of 34 things i do before i turn 35. so there it is. a longwinded update. i hope, my friendly readers, that you have a great weekend. soak it up!