one growth imagine

today and all the rest of the week will end up being a whole lot better for me. i feel more peace and can honestly say that being here continues to strengthen me. obviously i never know who's really reading, but it is most definitely exciting to hear from people like the aunite d. and others comments like hers are just what i need inorder to pick up my imagination and willingness to share again. i feel often too behind the rest and cannot stand to post an old photo are piece of work. i decide mostly to surf the internet just to find things to share with you.

so no waste wednesday on a thursday. i really do love looking at everyone's beautiful handiwork and so wish everyone had an opportunity to have their own sites to sell from. i'd never get any work done. i found these cards to be so delightful. julianna's illustrations are so airy and simple-edible slightly. a watercolor delight!

and who could resist these sweet treats. i'd love to eat them, but not so edible. just so perfectly crafted! i can see this girl growing and growing. i've got a list so long of purchase priorities, her items top the list!!!

if you are an artist with more ambition baby than you know what to do with. i'd check this happy new illustration site out. it looks as though you'll beable to show & tell & sell. sounds like fun and so much more inspiration and imagination that one could possibly ask for in one gulp.

if you're a mom or dad with lots o kids running around i'd suggest the cardboard box. we might need to have a cardboard swaporama...

spring is right around the corner and you know you've got to check out picnic. a preview of their new spring line-pics galore! when will chattanooga see clothing designers like these?

oh and i am very excited to have found kate's paperie. her paper selection is phenom!!!

well i'd say that's probably all that i should give away today. i am working for the very next four days straight no stop, so pray i make it through. i've got a boat load of things to look forward to, and must take some photos to share. don't forget to check out my flickr. i've got it very nearly neatly organized. and if you'd like to own a photo let me know i'll sell it, send it for just a pinch. better days with truth on the tip of my tongue.

a slave to myself

by the evening of each day i am really very worn out. i have usually forgotten all truth and feel a depleted reservoir. how is it that every day i tend to forget the truth? by the time i realize it the day is over and i am sitting in my apartment. a recollection of all the lies i have told myself all day long. what? to keep a reputation afloat. a constant state of fearful pride. a selfish desire to always be right. the pain of loss, the pain of brokeness and sin. i recently got this and have not stopped listening to his 'stubbs' album. the fifth track talks about, when your cup is overflowing and you cannot stay afloat ask god for mercy and he'll throw you a rope. i have actually never interpruted the 'cup overflowing' ideal exactly that way. but i see something different now. as a believer my cup is always overflowing right? and i pretty much need god all of the time, right? so even when things are good, even when things are bad (the overflowing cup) i still need god, i've still got to ask for help. i've still got to remember that he is the essense of my being-living in me. i seem to forget that he is my best friend, mother, father, brother, loverman or whatever. yuck!

on the other side of the coin: i have still only finished one postcard for the new years thing. will be taking it to print very very soon. i am totally excited about recieving on this go around. i also have just entered a joyous swap in which we will will be trading a gorgeous aray of cards. cannot wait. i miss my journal down at kate's and probably should send her money so she can ship it to me from the atl-marietta area. mos def not too expensive. i have several things i want to get out to the mailbox and still have not finished small parts. i need an extra boost of energy to zap me and give me the motivation i need to complete this little parts. i feel i am too often caught in a web of my own thought. no one else can really touch these places and so it is very difficult to actually then become accountable. writing is good for me. completing thought and calling out, you know?

before i mentioned that there were a few thoughts on my mind: regarding raising boys in a fatherlessness nation. check out the media. the theme is all over the place. i'd say the most encouraging and truthful resource is a two hour film raising cain. a truth that cannot, no matter what, be ignored. especially if you are raising boys yourself. it is a beautiful, quite relieving bit of information-education, you might not otherwise be aware of.

Research confirms that genetically baby boys and girls exhibit more
similarities than differences. Contrary to common stereotypes, experiments show
that baby boys are emotionally more vulnerable than girls. At Harvard University
Medical School, Thompson follows an experiment that shows how infant boys and
girls deal with the absence of a mother's attention. While the girls remain calm
and find ways to occupy themselves, the boys become upset. But from a young age,
boys are directed to deny their feelings and emotional responses. They are
encouraged to exhibit aggression and toughness as signs of manliness; feelings
of vulnerability and fear are discouraged. Authority figures then react simply
to the physical and aggressive behavior they see rather than boys' true
feelings. Problems intensify as boys enter the public school system.

so that's it. just a way for me to get back into the blog flow. food for thought.

without an spt on wed

call me a slacker jack. a reflection of my past has been absorbed by the present and lack of older photos representing the life of me. i am completely exhausted today, the corners of my eyes are pink and i am tired of working very old accounts. thankfully in the next two evenings i'll be free of the rx. i have had something on my mind all day and actually for the last few. i have been home a whole lot in the evenings after work. catching up on television. mostly pbs...

continued later

let me stop

i miss the days when i first began to learn to draw. i so enjoyed line drawing and blind contour. i needed more foam letters for the postcards i am working on, so thinking that hobby lobby didn't close until nine i walked in grabbed a basked and within minutes an annoucement was made that "hobby lobby was now closed." i even looked at the sign, saw eight and continued in, anyway.

so i only had a chance to buy more foam letters for my postcards. which after the weekend-not having accomplished a whole lot more. working weekends are much more difficult times to get any crafty work done, i tend to not feel as motivated. i feel like the first pc i did was nice until i painted it, now i don't like it so much. so i am struggling with what to do on my second one, even though it is almost finished.

the other night i did happen across target and found the ohso bright euro bizzare for me. i was inspired again to re accessorize my apartment right now! but i must wait until the biggo garage sale in the spring. but i'm collecting all sorts of lists. i happened to get slide film a month or so ago and thought that even with slide film, i would get fotos. that's a nogo-i'm learning. and so now i've got all my xmas fotos on slide. but the cool thing is now-i need a slide projector for one, but i could technically do a whole bunch of painting. i've got lots of wall space and i can project, even if it is a little cheating. i just have so many painting ideas and images playing havoc on my brains eye i need an outlet. kate has mentioned that she needs the concepts, the jaws of inspiration to bite her. so many people loved her "slide" watercolor series, she even sold one. what do you all think about her doing a concentrated study of perspective. i like the photo of joel that she took at family portrait time, holding eden b up in the air. maybe i'll do some www surfing and post some inspiration to follow. kate, do you remember your dirty laundry project from chatt state? that was a good one.

1. aaron jasinski: i have posted this artist before, but he has got so much work on his site and on
top of that he's got an extremely well oiled machine like site. perfect design to
view his paintings, sketchbooks and listen to music.

2. arthouse60: this is jeffery brown's contour creative. i especially love his illustrations. an
entirely unique style that i've not seen as of late. below an example.

3. adde russell: check this artist out. i appreciate this stuff. s(he) did at least a couple of death cab for cutie's album artwork. it is the art of a generation, which isn't really a topic i see written or talked about very often. but the sort of washed out color, minimalistic collage-ish. realistic though in rendering of whatever. strange symbolisims. unlike kate's stuff, where everything means something most of the time. what would happen if we weren't so needy? i need certain things to happen in my work for sure. see below.

4. clandestina online art mag.

5. rachel domm: i have rachel as one of my favorites, looking to see if she updates her work. i am mostly attracted to her colors and style. i realize that i love so much and that it is difficult when trying to come up with a concept. but i hope that by me finding and showing some of this work that it inspires and creates a form of thought for you. i have always felt that viewing work makes for a better creation in the end.

muted mutt-ation

"these are the dogs." i did a veer search for "dog stamps" and came up with this...not exactly what i might find aesthetically pleasing, but what the hay! with the weekend off i managed to get some of my postcard work done. i found four german dog stamps in my stamp stash and i'm incorporating them into a quilt-like inspired collage in color themes. i probably shouldn't use the old stamps, but i've gotten the impression they aren't worth much anymore, no longer a demand for old stamps...anyone know?

i am hoping to do four collages, finished the majority on number 1-orange and blue. started number 2-green and red. the others 3 and 4 will be blue and yellow and brown and blue. i'm doing the collage much like last years postcards, quilt style, because i'm so impressed with hillary and lisa's style-form, color and fabric choices. i have always appreciated a excellant paper find and have been accumulating a fair variety. i'd like to incorporate a sewing element in the cards, but i really don't like the unfinished look of my past experimentations.

last night was my first ever 'stampin up' club meeting. i felt it went fair enough considering i am not a stampin up nor scrapbooking kind ah gal. just a major collage/painting artist who wants to incorporate some ideas-merge the two. for instance the rub-on letters are just too cool. just wish they came to hobby lobby in more colors...we made three projects and i ordered two stamp sets. my ideas with the stamps are: a. gifts b. um maybe personal use? c. problem-i just don't want to supplement the stamp for my very own drawing skillz, afterall i am dj catskillz.

i have a decent week to look forward to. every sunday that i get to go to calvary, i feel my week has the potential to being so much better. a little more communion with my god you know? i caught the first (verse) of the next book and the new series power of perspective. i already feel the benefits of being there this past sunday. i appreciate even this little bit of pastor frank's words. see below, relating almost entirely to my practical life. i was writing hannah the other day and realized how amazingly amazing all of my circumstances really are. i live in a prime location, i have a successful career(s), my family is near, my eyes are widening, artistic endeavors growing-soaring. and frank said this past week that as believers we aren't to look for solution to our problems, we should change our perspective. wow!!! i am excited about fresh perspective and forgetting about bondage to solutions. hell my art can be a place to find solutions, not my faith, not my walk with my heavenly father.

Have you ever found yourself in the midst of a situation or place and
thought, “what am I doing here”? Maybe it’s in the middle of a family crisis or
a difficult situation at work? Perhaps you even find yourself living in a place
you had not anticipated at all and you wonder what the meaning is in it all. The
children of Israel found themselves on the verge of Babylonian captivity. They
knew the meaning of it then, they were being disciplined for constant rebellion
to God. But before they go off to Babylon, the prophet Jeremiah gives them this
word from God: “And seek the peace of the city where I have caused you to be carried away captive; for in its peace, you will have peace.” (Jeremiah 29:7) Amazing, even in the midst of discipline the very presence of God’s people would be the cause of peace for the city of Babylon! Regardless of where we find ourselves and why…we can be those who bring peace! Paul said to his like-minded friend Timothy: Therefore, I exhort first of all that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and giving of thanks be made for all men, for kings and all who are in authority, that we may lead a quiet and peaceable life in all godliness and reverence. (1 Timothy 2:1-2) Be one who brings peace this new year! Pray for our city! Its peace will be ours!

exceeding expectations

i am currently caught in the holiday drift, mentally and physically i am wishing to extend the spirit and joy surrounding the events of the last month. i turned thirty on the twenty third and had a brillant dinner at the meeting place with my family-all of us. a nice potato crusted trout. things sprung on me, as much as i anticipated the crush rush, now thinking i'll leave the tree up for another week or so. with all of my unwrapped xmas and bday presents underneath. a slomo progression, not to be so materialistic and eager beaver. my desire to extend the feeling of generosity and spirit of giving.

i felt too, that finishing things, really at the end of ooofive would be immensely important. so instead of collecting misc. resolutions and empty promises i'll never keep with myself i did what i know best, to do. made a 2006 project list and sell/buy list. but before i get to that...

the surprises, just because i know you'll be shocked too. my aunt c. got some very nice ransburg canisters for me, for my bday, inside the smallest was the lovely little pockybook from little paper airplanes. i never would have expected it. this was the year of the bird for me. baby blue bird salt n pepper shakers, baby blue bird chimes, ms rooster dishtowels and pier 1 swizzlesticks with roosters. three baby gold-glittery owl ornaments and a beautiful yellow finch (and the hottest/coolest/cutest baby blue flower shoes from "me too") from kate and joel. on top of that the most beautiful calendar from dandelion, gnome soap and a handmade key holder from my sweet sis n law l.c. on top of that baby smoore and emoore my little sis's shopped in atlanta for xmas/bday gifts for me and the rest of fam c. they're kindness and thoughtfulness is overwhelming each year.

so with that...to my lists. i had so many leftover origami paper flowers that i thought i'd make a xmas wreath. i mentioned getting the foam wreath and trying it out a little. i realized though that for one: i didn't have enough flowers to cover the entire wreath, so i made a bunch more. second: i did like that the white foam could be seen through the flowers, so i wrapped the entire foam piece in varients of green pipe cleaner. that was cool in itself, but proceeded to attach paper flowers. COMPLETED AND PHOTOGRAPHED (fotos to follow-in development)

next on the list are more "thank you" notes to write and send out. snailmail x-changes to h and l. i entered the 2006 postcard swap presented to us by my little mochi. i have already got my doggie ideas and color choices made. i think i'll be doing four different postcards. a lot but worth the efforts.

alright, so i also worked on making christmas gift tags and actually completed the hardcopy, but i had extended my ideas into cards and such. i called image works last night, come to find out a good printing company writing in my front yard. i mean literally in the same building. so next year i'll have gift tags and cards to match for sale that's a promise! no more of the shananigans!!!

other projects included, the not forgotten aporns to k and h. 4-piece cityscape painting for aaron and laurie's new home.

spring fling out the old-yard sale. selling a wack computer, fussball table, broken locker/trunk, and lots lots more. i am looking forward so to the new year. i've decided not to move, but i'll be painting and cleaning the ole 204, shades of white. i cannot wait to have all the new pics. borrowing camera lenses from the uncle d. wide and micro. and i am now the proud owner of a pro flickr acct. is that so bad?

god certainately has a way of exceeding my expectations. i am still going to work at the rx. i have several other big personal goals and they are priorities. i'll explain and be more upfront as time allows and i feel more comfortable. peace and great joy for the newest year. terrible to waste another breath.

my brother and i

self portrait, though a day late. and like others, posted before. it is a dear reflection of my brother and i.

reflection of

i can spend a whole lot of my time in reflection. this view of the north wall of my apartment. looking out across the city. i know that this is not a true reflection of myself in a mirror, glass or spoon, but it is the way i tend to look in my apartment. plus my mom got me a brand new coat and i so love it. i had not had a coat sense the housefire and the coat has made my year. just a perfect fit for the day and the year. who needs anything else? i felt a whole lot better after talking with kate the other night. i had things nagging at the inside of my brain and i needed a different perspective.

one of the things about living the single life is that there isn't this sort of thing, holding a mirror up to who i am. i am fortunate to have a great mother and father who hold a mirror up to what i am and what i do. but it isn't quite like having a husband or children to show you who you really are. if you're a total jerk they're certainately going to let you know, but with me i have so very little to be accountable for and to. it is a strange place, solid but strange. i was telling kate how i feel so much more focused than i used to. how that has freed me from feeling as though i have to fight all these personal battles or insecurities. i have to make a conscience effort to be vunerable and open, so that i never stop changing, never stop seeing the good and bad things, becoming a better woman.

the events are stacking up around me and i am so glad that i worked last weekend. i'll have off for the next five days, starting friday 12:30 pm. this time is a very very much needed break from the rush and crush. i was able to go shopping a little last night and have gotten some really nice things, mostly on sale. i wasn't feeling like time was on my side. i also went to walmart-ugh! not a place to love. but i have been wanting a foam or wire wreath so that i could make a wreath like kate did last year. i have already done all of the paper flowers, origami strawberry paper, and target wrapping paper from last year. i'm not sure if i want to do the origami blow ups or not. but mine won't even touch kate's true beaut.

i may be moving out of the ole grand??? i do not know quite yet, just made a call to c.n.e. now i'm just waiting to see what the stipulations will be moving out mid-lease. my brother and sister n law have bought a new home and they're little/big house in st. elmo is opening up. it will be one hundred and fifty dollars cheaper a month. although i'll have to take on electric/water/gas expenses because presently that is included in my rent at the grand. i really really want a home. some place with space to make my art, two extra rooms wow! wouldn't that be a blessing. i also really wanna down size, even though i do not have a whole lot, i'm sort of tired of feeling cramped. pray that i make the right decision about this. i already live alone, so that's not a concern of mine and...that's it. smoore said she'd like to live with me after a couple more semesters or something, we shall see. i need a change. although i'll be sad to move from downtown. st elmo might be a little quieter though. not as many sirens, horse hooves, and drunken "whoknowswhats."

i am also turning thirty tomorrow, december 23. i will need to feel a break (coming up), i feel that i'll rush through my ages and never really see them for what they were. i dislike being so reactionary, wishing that things were slomo, like when i was a kid, crawling through the ditch from one end of our street to the other. i do not have any hestitation about becoming older. i am barely an adult and wish i had the wisdom and maturity of some forty year olds. compared to last year i feel really at peace, other than stress-jobs and wrapping presents with kitchen towels (what a cool idea!) i still have not made my snowman cookies and i'm rambling. age is the most perfect thing about being me. i still feel 18 and look a little like i'm 18 still. i have so much to look forward to. cannot wait to eat at the meeting place. seeing family and friends. i'm gonna crank up the tunes and shout for joy, reflection isn't so bad when i am happy, right? peace and more love.

patience please

there is nothing about this photo that i took that is a reflection of what have to say or feel. although i am tired this afternoon, fortunately i have been in good spirits. i had a good weekend even though i had to work at the rx. friday night was the uoha holiday party. as usual it was a the mtn city men's club. i left early than the last several years. it was nice and of course the blessing is the bonus and jewelry. saturday and sunday i worked at the rx. it was super busy, funny how some people do all of their shopping at the rx, even christmas shopping. i also think people go brain dead about this time of the year. after being out in traffic or at the mall, they'll come into the store with blank fried faces on, zombies roaming the first aid/painkiller isles. it is sad what this time of the year does to people. or should i say what people allow this time of the year to do to them. i mean it is a choice. why get so rattled and chaotic and pissed and rushed. let it go, let it go, let it go. this time of the year always makes me crazy because other people seem to be going crazy. have you noticed.

A side: on sunday my parents came over to help me decorate my little pre-lite xmas tree. i have all bird ornaments now, developing quite a collection. my aunt even sent a paper bird ornament from the 1920's that she got of ebay for me. i'll have to post fotos later. i had a really nice time with my parents. a special little time, not so complicated or crazy. just us in the quiet of my apartment. so my plans are to take carolyn in the city to nashville to catch her flight to san diego, then i work. sometime i'll shop. i am going to make the almond snowmen cookies and there is one other project i'd like to finish, christmas cards, and wrapping. i cannot wait.

sweet and spicey

i must share my favorite christmas cookie recipe with you. although the recipe does not originate with me or my family i am quite thankful to beth ward and k. knuton for this wonderfully simple cookie.







Spice Cookies

2 cups brown sugar
1 1/2 cups butter
1 beaten egg
3 1/2 cups all purpose flour
3/4 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon nutmeg
1/2 teaspoon ground cloves

directions are as follows: cream sugar and butter
beat in egg
stir in dry ingredients
mix well
roll it out 1/4 inch
do the cookie cutter thing
preheat and bake at 350 degrees
for 6-8 minutes
(recipe works poorly in hot weather)


while visiting kate in atlanta this past weekend we went to the ikea down there. i was really super fortunate to beable to bring jenn kring with me. the three of us, just like old times. we spent the day with one another on saturday, in the evening we went to harry's international food market. i bought sushi and sunflower seeds, shampoo and conditioner. as well as a few christmas gifts for the fam. sunday we went to the high museum to see the andrew wyeth collection. we were truly hoping to see the nude helga's but unfortunately it was a no go. besides that small disappointment the collection was incredible. i was moved to emotion, feeling a bit teary eyed. wyeth seems to be such a sad sort of man and i felt a connection between my experiences in new jersey and the still landscapes of his. it was such a pleasant afternoon. so nice to be with other artistic friends.

on monday i took a personal day and we then went to ikea. omg! i know you all are fair and aware of ikea and all of it's good and bad parts. i'd say honestly that ikea isn't for a home home. the products are specifically designed for small living spaces, flats and apartments, even offices. so i came home feeling like i needed to downscale. i got the sweet pillow covers though, just $4.99 each. i got a few other christmas gifts there too.

tonight is the christmas office party and so i'll be there, working this weekend at the rx and then back again in a few days. have a wonderful weekend. thanks kate for your spectacular hospitality and jenn you are a gem girl!

tuesday's with reflection

i have not been participating very often or at all lately with self portrait tuesdays. and i also have not got a whole lot of fresh spt material. i have posted many a reflection foto from last winter. i was excited about the dinocam, scarf, and lighting last year so i took a whole bunch of these...

this year i haven't taken so many winter coat portraits. although i was fortunate to get a very nice coat as a early birthday present from my mom. the saturday after thanksgiving we went to the mall and she found a wool blend peacoat @ br. it was an internet returned item, one of a kind on the shelf sort of thing, marked down way below original price, like close to half off and wham bam it was mine, plus i had leftover giftcard moolah to spend toward it. i could not believe it, fitting me perfectly. which is nearly always impossible due to the fact that i am so very short and stout, squat and potato like. my arms are usually swallowed in coats. this go around is a beaut. the other cool amazing thing is that i had been wearing my mom's ole' kindly coat as pictured, ever since the housefire three years ago, so the coat found was a much anticipated phenom!

i would like to encourage you to look at some of the other spt's this month. my reflect. is without the head this go around. too often i become consumed with the daily prep work it takes to get out the door. i usually end up at work five minutes late with half my hair fuzzy and the other half faded out blah. these kinds of pics make me feel good though. warm and cozy.

holiglaze bejoy and rejoy

i have been looking for holiday cards to send out to family and friends. so finally be looking, because here's what's cooking. hillary @ weewonderfuls has brought forth a brillant little card for the season, if i must say so. i was also able to pur-chase down another set of her postcards, a possible xmas present or a treat for me. i must seem selfish to all of you. i am a stationary junkie, addicted to the best in design and feel of paper. help me, i need help. fenn also has given me xmas cards with tiny little cats, very fitting.

i had a really nice weekend. although i worked on saturday, my really nice boss at the rx let me off on sunday, so that i could decorate the tree, with my fam. we had an incredible afternoon together. it felt real and more importantly like we were on a united front. because of all of the monumental changes within our family i suggested that we pray together as a family. so we did and i cannot tell you how good it was. we each took a turn at expressing thankfulness an then a request from christ, for something we would like to see change in our lives. man, it was just like a dream, a utopia sort of feeling, but not cheesy, we laughed and cried and felt like one. we were trying to escape anything by praying for one another, we just wanted to let one another know.

i want to do a christmas list here, like kate. but i want to actually give gift suggestions, incase you all need ideas for other people.

1. how about a brillantly beautiful necklace from j. bliss.

2. i can think of a couple of people who'd benefit from getting a popcorn bowl from elsewhere's.

3. if you are in the neighborhood, go check out the fredflare's warehouse. you'll find lots of incredible gifts for all your loved and unloved ones. whatever you want.

4. don't forget about lotta jansdotter. her name is sprinkled amoungst these blog pages and many others. ie. a bird in the hand caught up with her at readymade. which, if your wondering, a very special holiday offer of $19.95 is all it would take to make this happy girl into a bejoyful girl (

5. shop at motel and find lots o familiar artists' names and handmade beautiful work, visual and practical. join the millions who shop online every single year. yeehaw. i'm a freakin advertisment feelin it in my creakin bones.

6. and for your favorite foreign friends check out BG. the mostest beauty, just in japanese. you'll need help i'm sure.

i'll have to save some for later. i even found a cool website for bundt pans in the shape of cathedrals. how cool is that?

how i got over

part of my trip to new jersey at the end of october was spent visiting with my nana's brother, my uncle john. sixteen years ago my great grandparents decided to sell their farm. at the time the competition was growing and it was difficult to compete with the larger farms that 800-900 acres, corporate. where theirs was 300-400 acres, i think??? but still selling to campbell's for tomato soup. my brothers and i were so very interested in our uncle john's tractors and so the day of nana's funeral we spent outside in the glorious weather enjoying the chugging of tractors, the autum color and small moments of overwhelming nostalgia. i have always been intrigued with tractors, not ever knowing of their mechanisims or able to drive them. just loving their colors and characters. each much like us humans. uncle john has developed this little huge hobby and has ended up rebuilding all of like six tractors. he's got them all stored in a nice big garage outside his home. red just kicks ass!!! don't you all think so too?

look at the joy. can you imagine anything better, at that moment in time i couldn't. my brothers have both said at seperate times that the trip to new jersey was one of their most favorite things ever, being with one another was just amazing. now that i am home and have been home all of november, things are settling a bit and i do not feel as crazed as i did. although with the holidays approaching i definitely do not feel up to speed. i have been working on xmas tags that i must take photos of for you and also i am doing the paper flower thing to. i am responsible for making kate knutson's very famous in our family spice cookies. she told me that one year her mom made them in the cookie cutter shape of martin luther for reformation day which is also halloween. it might be tasteless or blasphemy but would a baby jesus be going over board? i saw this incredible show last night on pbs about the 3 kings of orient are... or the three magi. so very interesting. i'll pop the link sometime soon. also you might wanna check out INSTYLE's holiday publication, as well as REAL SIMPLE has a nice holiday edition, also coming to PBS. i am getting over the down feeling, markedly i have seen three very serious accidents every single night tues, wednes and last night. tuesday a car hit a telephone pole, wednesday, i was the first to arrive or come across a car flipped in a ditch, then last night a pile up on the freeway at 4th street. the highway was completely closed. i don't know if the guy in the wednesday night accident was alright-unconscience, unmoving. the girl was alright and seemed unhurt. very very scary!!!

looking forward to next weekend, visiting atl. tell you about it next post.

before the bellyfull

we were blessed to be able to have thanksgiving out of doors at my aunt c.'s house on friday, not thursday, this year. it was a chill beautiful day, no unlike today. a roaring bonfire, with all of the traditional feasting. my entire family came round, except for the missed few...mommom, poppop, aunt d.(you know who you are!) and ray. i ended up making a great martha pecan pie, homemade crust too! it ended up being a little runny, but after putting it in the microwave it didn't matter. i'm for sure going to make it again. i also made my jungle gym cookies which were a hit, another secret by the way is cooking them for only about five minutes, that way they barely cook. still soft like dough, you know? so that's how my baking went. we had turkey and ham, which i do not eat. along with all veggies and stuffing and stuff, my mom made a great grape salad too.

so i'm back just barely though. i had not posted in such a while i was beginning to think i'd never be back. but when i got these fotos back i could not resist the temptation to blog o way.

these two and the one in the background are my three favorite men in the world. have the two most incredible brothers in the world, e. on the left, aaron in the middle and great scott on the right (my cute little dad). this would have to be one of my favorite pics from the day. e. just looks so handsome. i used to live in the little house with the well in the background. when i first moved out of my parents house 12 years ago, geez i'm freakin old. my aunt has a little cottage, two bedrooms, very cozy and just perfect for me at the time. look @ e.'s new birthday coat. he's got the bluest eyes, the only one in the fam.

i'm excited, tonight i'm going over to fenn's house for dinner, so i won't be here very long. i've got tons of pics to share. although you are welcome to check them out on the left via flickr.

i'll be back very soon. have to share all of my xmas crafting with you.

these are tender days i walk through, as if all of life an egg to be easily crushed, smothered or instantly gone. at once i feel protected and sheltered, thankful beyond compare for all that has been given to me. yet dissheveled and healing from wounds long since uncovered and made to bleed again. i have been away, so concentrating on my work, here at the practice, my blog is a dear distraction. alas i am back, briefly, because of the quickly approaching holiday. a belated self portrait. last winter, sporting my long long scarf made by the mommom in my life. it is indeed the dark part of the year again. and boy does it feel that way emotionally too. although i was feeling rather sprite and untouchable, despite my nana's death, things were looking up. but blow after blow. and that isn't complaining, pure truth. when a member from the body of christ is lost, for whatever reason, it is a difficult time. trying to understand god's decision to affect one family more than any other is an impossible task. i have oftened wondered about the protection god has granted and provided for me and the rest of my family. i am reminded that there isn't anything that i can do to protect myself anymore than what god does on a daily basis.

all that i can do right now is pray. pray with every ounce of my being.

in other ways, around this corner. my life. i am going to bake something for thanksgiving, which we are doing at aunt cathy's on friday, outside in the blistery weather, though hopefully sunny. i have not quite made up my mind, muddling over pumpkin pie, apple pie, pumpkin cupcakes, or my jungle gym choc. chip cookies. the jungle gym is the name i just gave them. because they've been getting rave reviews. shocking me. the secrets to baking a good cookie are as follows,

use the purest ingredients, not necessarily organic though. real butter, that sort of thing. no egg beaters. don't worry so much about measuring, always try to round up a little. i have the recipe...

winter woolie's

i'll have a hard time concentrating today because for the first time in oh so many months, i am going to see a film in the theatre. i mentioned junebug in yesterday's post, but this morning i had a moment to check out the trailer/synopsis and such. i am too very excited that the film explores the work of an outsider artist "david wark." the paintings in junebug are the work of a trained artist amy wood who imagined how the film character might paint. i found her website and have been marveling ever sense. to the right is just a peek at her adorable and mes·mer·iz·ing creations. she makes painting, objects (ie. ^above), and dioramas. i have always wanted to step into the diorama field. when i was in cartersville about a month ago i happened across the cigar/smoke shop and bought up all the wooden cigar boxes. my intention, though slow in the making is to create shadowboxes or small closed lid dioramas.

with that said here is yet another piece for you to afix your eyes upon.


i used to make paper mache' shakers out of burnt out lightbulbs. after the paper mache' drys completely around the lightbulb, you proceed to bang the piece on the table, floor or countertop and the lightbulb breaks, but not the paper outside. hence you've got a shaker. i would paint them too, but that's elementary my dears. birds are most phenomonal objects to pm. i wanted to make mention of what fredflare is doing to help us all celebrate the people we are most thankful for in life. it doesn't seem to me that we are that thankful of a country or people in general, mind you. i myself struggle with thankfulness. i would really like to be content and thankful for what i have been given in life. i am but i have got to allow god to remind me of his gifts to me. the blessings that overflow. gosh my mother is some kind of amazing gift. my mommom & poppop, k. knutson & fam, ethan mary aaron and laurie, dad or pops whichever. smoore and emoore. my coworkers. geez my coworkers and how they surprise me in their love when i least expect it. the hatches and alexanders, holy matrimony, the list goes on.

i cannot wait to get my xmas shopping going. and i told you i'd give you an update on my lovely design shippment, monday i happened to get a email, saying it was shipped 11.07 and it would be on my doorstep in 7-10 days. yeah yeah yeah!!! i'd like a nice wool winter coat/jacket for xmas. that's what i was thinking(title).

in nj with my heart

in the last week i have not been able to get here at all. monday october 31, i spent the day with my family at the hospital with my nana. the wednesday prior she went into memorial with shortness of breath and internal bleeding. i honestly felt she was going to be fine after a few days there, recouping, resting and relaxing. i never would have imagined sitting with her, holding her hand, watching life leave her on monday. as our family gathered i felt an overwhelming sense of beauty surround us. it was not a frightening or scarey experience. though death is unnatural, i not believing that i was created to die and that sin is death, felt peace.

my poppop died three years ago and i soon began writing my nana at least once a month. i very rarely received a response, but it did not matter to me. i felt with the distance that it was my responsibility to bridge the gap. i became close to her, reflecting upon our mutual loss in life, but encouraging her as well as myself to see god's grace through the lonliness and sadness. then when we moved her here to chattanooga in february, her life changed and there was no doubt a connection. a renewal of time lost together. she was hilarious and full of interesting thoughts and connections to her new life at the terrace. she also made quick friends and played cards/bingo until after losing so much she decided to quit. even that she lightly expressed with humor.

so as a family we made our way up to new jersey, our roots. i am glad i decided to ride along with my brothers and sister n law. what an amazing thirteen hour trip. both ways, 24 hours in the car in a 96 hour period of time. my brothers spent the entire drive making fun of me, laughing at every thing i said. gosh my brothers and i are so different but so much the same it's bizzare-io! we only stopped twice on the way up, how insane is that? saturday was the viewing/visitation and graveside service. to say it was a beautiful day is quite an understatment. mom said it seemed more like the setting in a movie. god could not have been more merciful to our families. the sight of multi generations spread between stones, tall grass and a blazing autumn sun. no one wanted to leave, so we lingered and gazed upon our past, gazed upon my great grandparents and my great great grandparents resting. aunt ginny, the eldest at 98 came along, viewing her lost daughter, dying young from polio. uncle buddy crying by his wife's site, recently passed. i felt the missing come on so soon and knew my nana passing was different, after having watched as her body slowly seperated from her spirit. how thankful i am for this amazing, redemptive and miraculous experience. miraculous because of how my family has become so important to me. the foundation for which a continue in my day to day life. so my nana lays in new jersey with my heart.

in other news.

the workforce is not slowing down one ounce and i am working to make up for lost time, every night this week at the rx. i am going to go to a move with amp tomorrow night at the bijou-junebug @ 9:45pm, if anyone else would like to come along, they're welcome. except of course if you're a stranger. i stil have not gotten my package from lovely design which is fairly disappointing. i'll have to track that expensive little splurge down or otherwise bite the dust. hell no! i've had my fill of the kenya wests' "golddigger." thinking of the weekend again, so sorry.

cannot wait to see j. kring and k. knutson again. planning for the holidays. wishing i had moochoo time to craft. soon and very soon.

making someone $$$

My blog is worth $1,129.08.
How much is your blog worth?

thanks to molly i can now ponder the worth of phantomcrimes. i suppose it is interesting, knowing this random bit of information. where is the money, who is making the money, because i am surely not. i did a random check on kate's blog and her's came up with $0 (zero denero). why the difference? is it because i do a whole bunch of random linkage. i thought kate linked more than me. i'll leave the research up to you.

in better news, my nana is doing better. or at least we know now a little bit more of what is going on with her. she has developed a blood clot in her lung and they began giving her heparin to thin it. once they are able to stabilize her, they will continue with tests, inorder to find out what is going on. i was sad yesterday thinking of nana ann all alone in her hospital bed, but my mom has been with her the last three days. next week we are going to have to share the responsibility of seeing that she is not alone. i hope to be able to see her soon. btw, nana is on the right. i took this photo while we were up in new jersey packing her up to move her here to chattanooga. i have been praying that she will not feel alone or scared.

i wanted to drive your eyes and keep them busy throughout the weekend. a couple of posts ago i put a pic from lovelydesign, i happened to be here (thanks chicadecanela!!!(at least i think:B)) and found i needed to do a little shopping. i haven't gotten my splurge yet, but i'll take photos when i get the nice stuff in the mail.

just today i found this beautiful site REFLEKTORIUM through someone else's site, so sorry just cannot remember.

i have been looking at this tiny toys on kidrobot with my friend m.b. we actually pulled some change together a bought a couple each. stupid? i dunno. but i think i'm interested for sure.

i hope the weekend goes alright. i am looking forward to some major art/craft time. pray that i get that time. i'll need. plus fun fall party at aunt cathy's. yeah yeah yeah! i'll work tonight and that's it.

mercy and sushi

i have felt so weary today, with tiny moments of happiness intertwined with sadness for my nana. she went into the hospital yesterday with shortness of breath, anemia and internal bleeding. today she has been so confused, thinking that she is still at the terrace or at the mall. my mom has been with her and i am going tonight to visit. i took this photo while in savannah. i am a huge fan of sushi and thought this was a super special sight. sushi advertising on a marque, like it's a movie or something. what's up with that?

history mystery

the way that our parents teach us through their own mistakes. the way that habits fall upon our children when we have been irresponsible. i have no way of relating to all of the young parents out there, trying to do their very very best, better than their own parents. i want children and have some clue as to raise them in agreement with a husband-partner-man-dude. but hell the up hill battle must be constant. i think of my mom and dad doing it all over again with smoore and emoore. why would you? i understand and let me state clearly that i know why my parents are doing what they are doing, but i suppose the hope has got to be in the hand of christ for his guidance.

i got into an interesting discussion with l. at the rx last night about religion. faith. she is great in her thoughts and encouragement. this sixty four year old lady is a great great grandmother, working, bright, strong and courageous. she really seems to have a spirit filled life and leads me with her thoughts sometimes. especially about money and men. which are two very difficult things to face as a single female. there is p.j. working in the rx who seems to want to flirt, but i know he is a "playa," he's got to find a hindu girl, no american protestant like myself. but it is interesting because l. thinks of course that p.j. is off big time, which he is, but she's made herself and her faith clear to him. to say the least i am rambling.

last night i finally go to the laundry. geez, you'd think i was washing for a family of five. i have enough socks to last me three weeks. as soon as i get to the bottom of the barrel of socks it is past time to do laundry.

everyone wants to know how my time was, with j.m. but i cannot give away the sort of details you may be looking for here, up in my family tree. it wouldn't be fair now, would it. all is well though. single life is a treachorous thing for male and female. i wouldn't want to spoil the potential for friendship or the like.

my history mystery for today is this idea of survival of the fittest. the thought itself is slightly disgusting and i am reminded of it all of the time. i was watching katie couric this morning again, why won't i stay away, and they were talking about female celebreties having babies and tummy tucks simultaneously. how absurd is that? so that is all i have to say. nothing real monumental i having to buckle down here at the ole workforce, manager wants the accounts zeroed tomorrow! a bit of an exaggeration, but nonetheless.

i also wanted to mention that aaron henning wrote me. very excited by that, especially since i know he got my site info from rob and ma hatch. thanks guys for reading and keeping in touch. there is great community. ah now i am gone until the next time.

week end wages

my eyelids are heavy my weekend wage amounts to exhaustion and a great temptation to sleep. all i must do is get through today, tonight, tomorrow and tomorrow night and then i'll have two nice evenings off. then friday evening work, and the whole weekend off. it maybe stupid for me to be thinking of this coming weekend already. it is just that i had a blast this past friday night. out and about. feeling somewhat normal again with a social life. i tend to forget i am human and not just a machine. i tend to forget about what i am looking for. i tend to forget the weather is even changing, turning from summer to fall. which reminds me, when in cartersville with fam knutson i spent the majority of my time with josiah. it is amazing how at age two and half he has begun to sing and remember songs. so i simply love ella fitzgerald's "i love paris." so i taught josiah the song and it fit with our walks around the fest.

i got this roll of film developed "matte" finish style. i had fotos of gulf shores, hilton head, savannah and the cartersville weekend. while in savannah we went to several places, ate at vinnie van gogo's . yum and more yum. but the most important thing about my visit there was this beautiful skirt. the color and design are up my collage book alley. way to go!

this here is my favorite guy. and as soon as a get some more art moooolah, molah specifically for canvas. i'll be giving this foto a run for it's money. i'd like to do another portrait of him. so photogenic and the nice white concrete wall behind him is perfect. what is it about him? man i'm still glad i have my thrityfive mL camera. there is black smudges somewhere there in side the frame/lenses, which i've tried to clean. but i am fortunate that the smudges don't screw with the photos.

kate's exhibit opening went really well from my perspective. this is actually what she had to say about the evening. i do not feel it necessary to reiterate. only to say and concur that i believe in the success of the hollis gallery and kate as well. afterward we went to the meeting place and ate some yummy food, i had salmon and a nice wine-j.m's choice, mind you. from there j. and i went to the pickle barrel. all that i can say is that the weather made the whole evening! i could actually say a whole lot more, but i'll refrain for now.

i actually too, wanted to mention that my coworker amp became pregnant after 6 years of trying-fertility and the works. over the weekend she miscarried. coming into work this morning was a really courageous thing for her to do, but she is going to need a whole lot of prayer, strength and comfort. if you think of it and feel like praying for her, god will shed his love upon her and her husband, but the more prayer the better, you know?

the waiting trait

there is nothing like the feeling of getting over. how i get over is a miracle in itself. i make a choice to believe that getting over a day, over a week, over a sour relationship, crappy waiting, loss of life, "the" war, my tired witless work, this tiny sprouting overwhelming insecurity is the grace, i said the GRACE of my father, my god. i was praying last night, falling asleep as often i do-do at around one a.m. praying and then thinking of how in god's grace he allows me to fall, he allows me the freedom to fall, so that i might realize his awesome power, his awesome strength, the neverending joy in knowing him, speaking with him on these subjects. i fall minutely, every last detail of my life is a fall. i am terribly blessed to be on the waiting list having that waiting trait in my genetics, feeling it in my blood, pulsing through my heart. to see my god, christ i know him.

this go around i have tried to understand that my anger will well up and i'll get pissed at the smallest of details. so i have found that this acknowledgement of my sin is the first step to repentence and healing. i really really want the healing to begin. always.

i must say that in all of this blog world you see a strength amass. i see people expressing themselves in these tedious ways that speak so clearly that we are incredible, that we humans have the power with god to mend not only our craft, not only a homes, but our neighborhoods and our larger communities. at different times i have caught wind of a "scrapbooking" superiority conflict, but it is rare and unfounded. i see sharing of ideas and product that goes beyond selfish gain and fortitude. i see the building up of women in all ways. so with that said i'd like to honor with my words my dearest friend kate. her art is a true inspiration that deserves full attention.

i spent the weekend with her in marietta/cartersville at the 34/84fest. i thought prior to going down there that she's have success. i believed that she would and that god would bless her with a monumental affirmation of her gift. sure enough this woman brought god the glory by getting the best of show. she was fairly discouraged about all of the prep going into the fest and even the buying response last year may have tainted her feelings but in god we sat at the tent waiting on the people he wanted to see her work. that is all we had to do. trust him to bring the right people. and he did. the judge/juror who gave her the prize!!!

anyway, if you are out there thinking i am crazy for expressing all this about god and stuff, i'd like to be the first to annouce my craziness and the fact that i am not afraid of this sort of crazy. it is a peaceful feeling, looking forward without fear. without trepidation! we are all waiting, those who are not believers and those who are. waiting waiting waiting for that day. oh how i am looking forward to just tonight and spending it with my dear friends and family.

bird for bird

have a wonderful weekend. peace and love. crafty goodness and inspiration!

a-version of beauty

i was entirely inspired by the beautiful blobs by katie w. knutson. so today i decided to work a little bit of my own super power paintshop magic. for as lame as paintshop can be, it blends fairly well. the simplicity of the program might limit one, but i find it freeing. i don't have to think a whole lot about the product or the method.

in my other art work i tend to be consumed by and in the process. when my work is viewed, people usually ask me what it means or what it represents. the collage especially has images that may or may not symbolize something to someone else. i typically use an image for the sake of the color or the sake of the lines or shape in the image. i do not know what i would do without my ability to be creative. it is my life, my namesake, the highest privilege. i am not really an avid out of doors person. i used to play soccer and rollerblade, but i wouldn't call myself a treehugger. but i do do do love the trees/blobs. i love painting and collaging birds and fish too. these things have nice lines, nice space and shapes around them.

i made popcorn cake this morning for work, it was happy warm chili day. i got a massive bag of m&m's, a jumbo bag of marshmellow's, a canister of peanuts and popcorn. the cake that really isn't a cake was a workforce snack hit. the cool thing is that when i was a kid, my mom did not want my brother's and i to trick or treat. there were several other family friends who would gather with us to celebrate the fall season. mrs. h used to make the so called popcorn cake for us, for the party. i used to make it with microwave popcorn, but it isn't near as good. i don't know if it is a common little snack, but the girls here don't seem to have heard of it before.

the rest of the week looks slightly less stressful. less coworkers to deal with tomorrow and i'm not working friday at the practice. i am going to be at the rx friday night, leaving out to atlanta saturday morning. there should be fun show at ziggy's on friday night.

from atlanta, the CARRY- ONS (www.myspace.com/thecarryons) punk/ska and chattanooga,

DRUNK MAN DANCING (www.drunkmandancing.com) punk/drunk and chattanooga,

CIRCUIT BREAKERS (www.circuitbreakers.co.nr) gabber/hip-hop performing live this

FrIdAy -- OCTOBER 14TH @ Ziggys (607 cherokee blvd. chattanooga, Tn) 9:00 pm 18+up 5 bucks poster file attached~~ brought to you by At The Break

finding the fever

i can feel it coming in the air. a crisp collective. apples and their tender sipped ciders, bouncing bobbing, dunking and pie. warm wool, shades of red, orange and yellow. creamy soup and deep sleep naps. it is an ache i wish for all year long. i only wish the change was drastic, more noticeable. the shifts in season are barely there.

i'd like to have a halloween party, i will have to work my weekend at the rx. there ought to be something festive though, for me to do. i have to say i am very excited about teaching myself to knit over the last few days. i have collected yarn and needles. a book of course on the casting/knitting/purl. basics you know. once i got the hang of it, the idea is simple. my only confusion at this point is, knowing which yarn to use with which needle's. ooo. i went to the yarn store several months ago and bought some of that nice woolie stuff. i think i've got get the hang of it and then i can make something. um?

i want to decorate a pumpkin and collect dried leaves. i hope the color in cartersville is as pretty as i think it was last year. the air was chilled and kate and i spent the last evening up in the old train depot, eating bbq, drinking wine and listening to a dulchimer player-synthstyle.

last but not least i wanted to draw your attention again to ART:21. finally a collage artist. arturo herrera check it out dude! one of the cool things about this guy is that he takes detailed photos of his collage and then developes and grids the fotos. i also have noticed a huge trend within the artist interviews. drawing drawing drawing.

have any of you ever drawn a tattoo for a flashcard or have any of you ever negogiated sold a flashsheet to a tattoo shop? just curious.

responsible waking

it is wednesday again. once a week, wednesdays come and go. humpity humpity hump. so with that here are the things i mostly enjoy looking at weekly, sometimes daily.

mule magazine

plastica

tobi wood designs

snow & graham

huskworks

the art and artist: futura

clandestina

i miss my friend kate. i miss my friend sara c. i watch the doctor's pass my hallway window talking of this diagnosis and that prognosis. i sit in my car to catch a breath of fresh hot air and listen as npr's voice, plays out physician assisted suicide. i think to myself of the condition of this world, because i have no personal family condition. i have no personal foul. no hang up, s-curves or detours. the amount of over medicated humans in this country this state. the percentage of teen sex. the webs we weave. i have to pay rent, i'll wait until the ninteenth when my car payment is due to pay it. my friend is moving to suck creek to the river. with a view of something more than the city. i am ready for a neighborhood with sidewalks. if i had a choice between being deaf or blind. i would chose the loss of hearing. i want to learn to sign-bilingually speaking. bilingually signing. universal and japanese. i won't be shooting for 4 Bridges this year. the deadline is october 14 and it must be made digitally. what the hell is that about. to big for it's bridges. no room for the measley starving f-artist. although i am far from starving.

i continue to weigh myself each wednesday. i have not lost but i suppose half of a pound. big dealio, right? i have my bike, but i need a spare tire or two. i also need a boy to fix it for me. i do not want to work on it. so i am off for today, got twenty more minutes to write up a whole big old deposit.

double helix

yeah i am back at the workforce after a nice two day off from the rx weekend. i can't say i accomplished much. i did have to work friday night, came home and watched ART:21 at eleven p.m. stayed up late writing, my grandparents and kate knutson. saturday my mom called me and asked me to go out with her. we ended up hitting up blueskies. i was happy to get a gift for my aunt cathy for her birthday. a miniature gnome!!!! so so excited. now i am looking, searching the www for the little doe/dear someone took a foto of and put on their blog, the gnome was made by the same company. okay so i could not find the company, but i will show you the deer/doe i saw at blueskies with the gnome. see here at two rabbits. i thought it was something like dexterbooks...oh well.

i bought a nice little felted wool pouch to go along with my felt wool purse from nepal. 100% woollen felt made by angel of orphans??? i am not quite sure. it's an autumn thing is suppose. i cannot deal with the scratch any other time of the year, but come fall, i'm all about the itch under the arm. the cutest purse ever must come out of the closet. i am doing a whole hell of a lot better. i am not working tonight or wednesday night at the rx, so i'll have a little bit of a break. i have so much to look forward to in the next few weeks.

first and foremost the 34/84 fest in cartersville with ole girl kate knutson. i cannot cannot wait. i had so much fun last year. i'll mos def have to get my act together in two thousand six and be apart of some of these dang art thingy's. i just have got to do this second job thing for a little bit longer or at least the amount of hours for a little bit longer.

i am also looking forward to jen kring moving back to the area with a baby girl in the tummy. lavendar zoe is well on her way and she'll be here in february. i just can't wait for that bit o' joy.

i need to buy more canvas and i am trying to think of a way that i can send lu the book i'm working on but also get a copy. for myself, for future use. i'd rather not try kinko's the old school printing ways. i haven't been working on the apron thing just not into it right now. but i did see the tie one on theme this past month was dish towels, that's cool, cuz that's what i was already doing.

my double helix your double helix our double helix.

feel good girl

once a month i have a small mental breakdown that revolves around my being a female. the unfortuante part is that i am taken off guard every single time, as if shot with a powerful drug. hormones do a body trainwreck city.

additionally i came down with a conflict with one of my siblings. an underlying, five month ago issue that never was expressed to me, 'the responsible party.' i knew that something was wrong or quite awry between he and i, but not something from a blog i posted several several months ago, mentioning his name. has this happened to you before? i did not think i had to be so so so discrete about blogging. but he said that in googling his name my "increminating" blog arose from the masses and blantantly called him out. well i found that blog and i will not apologize for anything i wrote at that time. although i will say that he was extremely hurt and pained by the incident i mention in the previous blog. so even though i did not destroy his name in the headlines he felt the need to embarass me and make me feel utterly ashamed for my expression in front of the rest of my family. i will go off here: about the grudges we crutch, the fear we wrap up in and comfort ourselves with. i am disgusted by grudges as if they were satan himself hidden in an attitude. i know it is only by god's grace that i am free from holding grudges, non forgiveness of other's actions. i have other major issues, sin in all sorts of shapes and sizes that manifest themselves in my life. but non forgiveness is just not one i truly, honestly struggle with.

the grudge takes you off guard, a low blow to gut, behind the knees. (last night, i finished a heartbreaking work of staggering genius.) finally finally finally...why has it got to end in such a way? do any of you know or understand?

i have felt an extreme amount of pressure. self imposed you could say. find a new job, find a new home, resign a lease, find time to change the oil, clean the bathtube, craft, corner the art exhibiting market, spend time with mother, aunt, and sister n law. find time to work and really work. the pressure was seriously mounting last week. thursday i hit my head several times with my office telephone. what came over me? the tragedy of being a woman, supposedly.

i also have again found solice in my journaling, the black book keeping up with my daily walk. i sit infront of the television watching charlie rose with zadie smith and nightline with dr. wood-former FDA director of Women Studies & Health. topics of the morning after pill, surviving a hurricane, autumn planting, martha stewart's new show(s), cloning like comparing identical-fraternal twins. all these thoughts running havoc on my brain.

i am nearly sick of being told how i should prepare for the worst disasters. but i am thrilled to be at home on friday nights. inspired. a new way of seeing.

ART:21 HELP ME! THIS IS TOO AMAZING! NO ONE EVEN SPEAKS OF IT! how can that be? so check it:

drawing with gunpowder: Cai Guo-Qiang

seascapes glass mirrors: Hiroshi Sugimoto

see here the black and white. he says he never sits in a boat and takes these amazing photos. dry land. please oh please do read or try and catch these episodes. cannot be missed.


i am not giving up blogging, but i may take large breaks inorder have substance to write about. no more waste and here is my spt. via hawaii and bellows beach. see the similarity.

fit to be quit

i was fortuanately informed by one fast 'tag' player that i left out '5 years ago.' the process of trying to remember five years ago seems treachorous in so many ways. but i think i'll be able to come up with something.

5 years ago: oh dear, let's see. i know that five years ago i was living at the rogers compound in a little cottage-ish apartment, that was too too too too small. but cheap and necessary for me. a safe, guiding quality. jennifer green kring was @ libre' in england and we were talking about moving in with one another. getting a house, making art, having parties, you name it. i was at that time working full time as a shift a @ cvs pharmacy. i was painting in jeff's studio space throughout the entire year, with kate. i spent many a night out a bonfire. including the holiday nights. with the terney's, english's, rudy's and um let see who else? i remember one new years, we all gathered and drank, ate, smoked and sang, we even went around the gigantic circle renaming ourselves, something more symbolic. i do not remember the name that was given to me. i just remember amy gast getting the name acorn, because she'd had a little boy, naming him oak judah.

5 songs I know the words to: i do not remember any entire songs, by memory. i listen to music all of the time, but rarely know the words or the title/track. i whistle to most any music. but i do not listen to country or oldies. if a cd player, i'll know the words, but if the music isn't playing i'm not remembering. although i have songs i constantly sing over and over again.

5 things i'd do with 100 million: tithe, buy a husband, buy kids, buy a house, kill the dj.

5 places I'd run away to: new york city to see erin petrella, atl to see kate, seattle to see sara c., cairo, and my nice big bed. horray!!!

5 things I'd never wear: a tube top, tight-rolled pants, plastic earrings-specifically hoops in bold neon colors, push up bra, and staletto(sp?) heels

5 favorite TV shows: martha stewart, what not to wear, pbs-reality shows like pioneer days or the regency, david letterman, little house on the praire

5 biggest joys: in christ, my family: my mom:carol ann, my pops:great scott, my brothers:ethan&aaron and their wives mary a.k.a m.c. and laurie coe collier
the birth of josiah james knutson on feb. 3 2003. who is not my son, but my best friend's son.
tiny tiny things all little plastic toys and trinkets
beautiful found paper/stickers or objects on the sidewalk like glass or a cool rock
the swarming starlings at dusk-that are now being sprayed with grape chemical. yikes! ban the scenic city!

5 people to pass this on too: lu

carol a. collier-must email me and i'll post the answers on my blog.:)

nubbly

i'll have to link some others later.

as for now, that is all i've got in me.

i also wanted to mention that i am indeed getting help. for my smoking. that is. everyone-georgia, matt, mom and the rest of the uoha gang are all nagging me to death. so maybe prayers are in order, and also the weight for my health has got to fly.

portrait less ness

unfortunately i have no portrait to offer this fine tuesday afternoon. all cameras have been put away for the time being, for no reason at all. except for the fact that photo-graphing anything hasn't been all that inspiring lately, including photographs of myself. in august i filled my flickr to the brim, no more uploading, boohoo, begging for a pro account. trade for a pro account, plasma or platletts for a pro account. so instead i am going to recognize the need for beautiful classic, sometimes cursive handwriting. have you noticed handwriting (cursive) not required of students today? i've just heard from the working moms. humum?

additionally my mom has written a riveting opinion piece about the goings on, on frazier. check it out here.

10 years ago: i was 19, almost 20. living in my aunt cathy's cottage for a mere $75.00 a month (conditional on being in college, which i was and wasn't). i was driving a red four door nissan sentra '88 with the back corner window busted out of it. and a transmission about to go go go. i skipped classes, dropped out of school second semester, after skipping classes and dropping out first semester. i really thought i had to go to college. i really thought studying art was going to be my thing. not a chance. i think i was working at food lion as a cashier or at the barn nursery (plants) as a cashier. i was still hanging out with my highschool b.f., marc pembroke, rollerblading, traveling to knoxville and atlanta a whole lot, i even dyed my hair blue at one point. i got my one and only tattoo of two hearts intersected, star of david style, off of a leonard cohen book, 'book of mercy.' foolish little rebellious girl, destroying herself by unrepentence and neglect. i had not started smoking cigarettes yet though.

1 year ago: ooo this one is difficult for me to own up to, just like 10 years ago. i was dating someone, thinking about moving to hawaii, getting married et cetera. working @ uoha, but not at the ole rx, quite yet. i was spending alot of time sleeping, gaining weight, crying internally over a stupid ass long distance relationship. working on the mural.

Yesterday: i woke up at seven twenty am and made coffee, ate a bowl of raisin bran, smoked 2 cigarettes. got a shower(wash, blow & go), dressed, drove to work. was around ten minutes late to work. jumped into getting precert numbers for patient scans and hospital admits, posted all charges and my payments. while amy p. is on vacation i'm supposed to cover and post her payments. yikes!!! had a good day until 4 and then everything went awry. thought i was actually going to cry for a minute, medicaid of georgia sucks ass! it is that oncology is so darn expensive and they want details details details. i worked until 6, laurie coe collier called to see if i would come to dinner, i cancelled. went home after work, laid in bed and read dave eggers and took a small nap. woke up and ate mint choc. chip bryer's ice cream. worked on a surprise for someone, cannot tell. :)

5 snacks I enjoy: sour cream & onion ruffles, cream cheese & pretzels, vanilla ice cream with sunflowers seeds, coffee-specifically folgers mocha fusion addiction, beer (but not as much anymore)

5 songs I know the words to:

5 things i'd do with 100 million:

5 places I'd run away to:

5 things I'd never wear:

5 favorite TV shows:

5 biggest joys:

5 people to pass this on too

will continue tomorrow this is enough info for one day. i don't want to kill ya'll, with this um some boredom.

unrest crests

here it is the end of the weekend at the parentals, spending some sit down time with the mom person. i had to work today, but had to get some of my mom's very special chicken salad on a plate of mixed greens. yummy. about the only meat i'll eat these days. i'm trying, have been trying for a while now to cut meat entirely out of my diet. it has truly helped shed these twenty or so pounds. i'm still above my bmi, but i'm alright with that. just gotta keep cutting out the fat. there is a blow to the head. spending time with mom, getting the rest of the family news.

ethan and mary, my brother and sister n law were out last night or maybe friday with another couple. walking along frazier ave. they were approached by a group of boys. who proceeded to harass ethan and justin about wanting to hold hands with their wives. ethan asked them to quit and as ethan was walking away, on of the fifteen boys came up behind him and closed fisted hit him in the back of the head. of course mary was upset and so was kelly, justin's wife. calling the police, filing a report and charges. shaking up the blood and making my bro-ther feel terrible. ethan has always had guns, interest only, fun shooting. he now will be getting a permit, so will my dad. shocking, but true.

i was with my friend matt around a month ago on the same street in my car. and a group of boys on the corner started yelling at us, taunting and laughing our direction. making fun, i think, being stupid. it evidentally is becoming a problem. we shall see.

my aunt's dog, tasha died yesterday or today. sad news. pets are a foreign experience for me. but i am too sad for my aunt. whose been crying.

i am in my uniform, wanting to go home. long day. also the anniversary of nine eleven. four years since my housefire too. praise god for his protection and guidance. i am so grateful. also thanks kate for the phonecall friday night. always a beautiful feeling to talk with you. i'll catch up with you all tomorrow when i'm back at the nine to five work force. yeehaw.

true's day

melmine galore! will floor you at french bull. i know you all have seen it before, but stop to smell the color one more time, just one more time. timeless, classic images inspiring a new generation of kitchen's around the world, i suppose. after my housefire i decided on melmine/melmac dishes. my aunt was so sweet to get on ebay and pur-Chase almost every line of color for me. i even have seen martha stewart's line at kmart, but alas kmart has departed from the scenic city. what shall we do?


and i do do do love this tiny little bird purse made by kelly lynn at little paper planes. i have been spending a whole lot of time adrift in the great abyss of the www. there is so much to see and ponder. a timeless gaze upon the most of everything. i found parcel. thanks to matt b and his friend anna. giving me a yellow chick from the lot.

i know i've not been about blogging, i'm too busy. this weekend is all work, no play. i'm looking forward to next weekend. until then.

more sponge

finally i must say that god is sovereign all of the time. within the frustration and the joy, in and out of my strengths and weaknesses. i am amazed and staggered. oh at this moment i cannot think of a way to help those suffering in the south. i am financially limited most of the time so contributing fundage is an expectation i cannot meet, but no excuse. i have gone to new orleans only one time.

i went about eight years ago with one digamus dawg-darren hawk. we decided to stay at saint bernard's, which by the way is under a massive amount of water, i believe. we had decided to drive through the night and get down to the city by three the next day. we went to the campground first to get a site and then to the city for dinner. we left the majority of our belongings in 'olivia,' darren's blue volvo station wagon. thinking security. walking back from dinner i noticed what looked like someone hanging out at the wheel of his car. 'wouldnn't it be crazy/hilarious if someone broke into your car?' we had heard that n.o. was kind of ridden with crime...but sure enough as we walked closer to the car, our stuff-backpacks, shoes, clothes, journals, money, et cetera was stolen or spread across the sidewalk. insanity smacked my brain, disbelief and anger. we did not know it, but we had parked our car in the freak ghetto.

...i am back, i have been away for around a week or so. had to stop in the middle of my story of new orleans. today is actually wednesday september 07. back to it. we flagged down a cop and filed a report of our stolen belongs. decided to make a go of the trip, despite the fact that we had no clothes, toothbrushes, socks or second pair of shoes or moolah (my $$$ was taken, darren had his on him). we had a good time and made the most of our experience. i fell into the green swamp and we snuck onto a huge huge huge ship like vessel, climbing a rope ladder up a hundred feet or so, walked around and found no one on the ship. i do no think i've told anyone of that. super dooper sketchy thing to do.

i became really upset about losing my journal/sketchbook. i was mad and felt like god took away something very valuable to me. little did i know he was about to turn my thoughts upside down. a few months later i was out and came home to a message on my answering machine. it was the voice of a woman, andrea who said that she and her husband we from new orleans and would be up in chattanooga @ the choo choo for a marriage conference. they were interested in meeting with me and believed they had some of my things. i flew off the handle, could not catch my breath, called darren screaming. i remember he got mad because he thought something really bad had happened to me. several weeks later we arranged for andrea and her husband jay to come visit me. i made sure darren was going to be there and sure enough they had my journal, not my black sketchbook. jay was/is a contractor, doing construction/renovation at the time on the ghetto. he said that he had noticed all of the stuff in dumpsters piling and overflowing each day and kinda knew when new stuff appeared in the trash. he noticed a book with an envelope sticking out of it, with my name and address on it. he gathered up the few things lying around the area and brought them home. they began the process of tracking me down. amazing i being in chattanooga, them going to the conference. professing believers, andrea admitting that she' d read my journal and had been praying for me. crazy crazy times!!!

so i was thinking...could i track andrea and jay down? i don't know, they wrote down their address and phone number and i did try to call, but no connection to n.o. i can't make out their last name, so i haven't been able to do a white pages search. they may have moved out of n.o. years ago, considering my time there was in 1997 or something like that. but they did say anytime i wanted i could visit. wish i could help them out somehow.

i have been sick sick sick. all i have been doing is traveling between my bed and the couch. i have gotten my fill of katrina and the despair. i am completely overwhelmed, flabbergasted by all of it. the media coverage feels misleading at times. i feel frustration with the feds, but you know i have had a whole lot of time to write in my journal. facts and quotes. i feels better than this even. yesterday i talked with jen kring and she's moving back up to chattanooga from lakeland flordia in about four to six weeks. cannot believe that bit o' news.

mom found a want ad from a job at memorial's heart institute, may apply, need to apply today. pray that i am motivated, pray that i become well enough to put together a kick ass resume. i don't know i'm most definitely conflicted by the whole thing.

this is my no waste wednesday, being at work even though i am sick. not gonna waste another sick day on this b.s. summer flu crap. i have got to forget about myself for a minute.