TILT* & more from the mouth

just look at these little guys!!! when aaron and laurie went to prague for their honeymoon they brought me back a couple of these little ones, i believe the hedgehog and ummmm maybe the owl, i actually have forgotten...jen gave me another three, two christmas's ago. the five of these tiny little glass creatures sit in my special box on my kitchen counter in the corner. even though i have scaled back on the nick nacky stuff, i still must have a place display my favorite small things. so for thursday i love my little things. i actually haven't got much more. this morning i felt terrible and thought i might not make it to work. i felt dizzy and top heavy for some reason...i feel much better and don't mind the sweet green tea frappe' from charbucks, yumi! i haven't got to work tonight, so maybe i'll get some painting done. we shall see. i have the vintage love swap and another postcard swap to work through in the next couple of weeks. i have pics from the weekend with friends and fam but haven't got to a pc with my wire to upload. yikes!!!



see more love here

to be a mother

a day or two late but nonetheless here, thinking, reading other thoughts and reflecting on my mother and what it must mean to be a mother. i am not a mother of my own children yet. although, i have done my share of babysitting so i have never felt the void of caring for or nurturing children. i have experienced the great miracle of childbirth as kate gave me, when josiah came into this world three years ago. i have come as close as you can get to a mother's sheer joy and maddening panic in the many years i have watched other people's children. for a season babysitting was my second income and so it was nothing for me to have several families call on me at least once a week. at one point i was watching nine children every wednesday night, while their parents took a course in financial peace.

this past saturday evening i went out to the kring's house for a going away party for the perkins. while there i had the realization that i was the only single female amoungst the bunch and that i had many children, many many children (indeed, all of my friends children). my mother always wanted six children when she and my dad were starting our family. they stopped at three, but they've gained four more through adoption and marriage. i was talking with my mom on saturday, actually i was listening to my mother "vent." which is a totally incredible thing to be able to do, now. i know that my mother wishes she could spend more time at home, in her garden, writing and reading and i think that time will come. she's been sacrificing her whole entire life, with never a true moment for herself. just for herself. i told her that she is the best mother in the world. really the best. i cannot imagine that she ever has moments of regret or dispair only because she never shows it. but i know that times have been tough, i see how my mother has changed and how she is still faithful to her heavenly father, despite the internal struggle. on sunday pastor frank talked about giving, honoring our mothers with our peace. he spoke about how we might find that peace and how that would be the best gift we could give. i wanted to make sure that i emphasized that very thing in conversation with my mom. i don't think it is easy being a mother so it's without a doubt that i love what my mother is and has become. all this is a rabble, a tendency towards wanting to say the best thing ever about who my mother is. it just hasn't been flowing and so the delay. i know my mother knows how much i love her and so i hope i can only be with her and become better friends with her as time goes on. and when my time comes, if it comes and as god's will parts the waves and makes it into miracle and i have some rowdy dowdy short chillin's i can only hope/pray that i am as good as my mom. you know really, as good, as great as CAC has been to me and the rest of the fam. now onto today...

who's a busy bee? & new painting!!!

i didn't exactly finsh posting yesterday. i tend to get bored in the midst of writing, often it seems so tedious and i'd rather just waste your time and post a bunch of links. i've also been complaining, whining, moaning the friction, sandpaper strees of my poor cat life. it's not worthy of the words i type, erase, retype and publish.

seemingly as if like yesterday...i was in the dentist's office lobby writing hannah a note, waiting to be called back. we'd been corresponding for sometime and were beginning a nice little bloggie palship, so when i was called up, shown to the room; i without thinking twice, mid sentence sealed the envelope up and sent the note to hannah regardless. a few weeks later she emailed me mentioning she'd recieved my note but the writing had fall off with mystery. i had no idea i'd done such a penpal "no-no" and felt she'd think i was slightly off kilter, but since we've moved along quite well. so as you might understand, i do tend to leave all thought up in the air so to speak.

just because i am struggling with thoughts in my own head about various disorders, malfunctions and misfortune, doesn't mean that the people i often write about are doing as badly as, i with tiny eyes (graceless) see or should even fray about in my writing here. one day i'll have to sit and decide where this blog should go, should it exist as a space to bemoan the poor in heart(myself) or boast the craftywise and painterly success (joy) i have. in the mean (between) time i have a boundless amount to be thankful for. i have been given a gift, i know it, cannot help it. i am really happy with my newest creation, the freezing tree. i am a little insane, touching it all up last night even after putting up in my etsy shop, please go and see here and here. last night i stayed up way too late and painted, even started on a second tree, same size, same style and everything. to be honest, if i don't sell freezing tree on etsy, i'm taken it to tina at blueskies. i may take the painting down there anyway, when i take a stack o' cards to sell. i'm real close, real real close to having my cards ready. including: a personalized stamp. i have lapsed on getting a hi-fi printing company to print my cards, why not just a stamp?

this weekend is chalked full, i mean really full of events. shopping and baking for mother's day. a going away party for the perkins @ the kring-green estate in the great chickamauga out o doors. sunday with family, and sometime i'd like to paint more and organize my compilations for the vintage love swap, walk with matt, hit up blueskies, et cetera-oh and scan my book and work on it in photoshop. sheezamheez! i'll be exhausted. there is still love even though it's friday see my beautiful stacks fo melamine below.


tomorrow look out for a post too, and ode to my beautiful mom and my favorite little boy josiah!!!

i may even have updated pics of freezing tree.

**** YOU ALL SHOULD BEABLE TO COMMENT NOW, THANKS TO K. I REALIZED MY SETTINGS WERE A LITTLE AWRY! SINCERE APOLOGIES AND HAPPY COMMENTING!:)****

thursday love

i keep forgetting about thursday love except...camilla reminds me of how much i do love a good bird. her favorite it seems is a crow, cawcawcaw! i picked these birds out off a target shelf many many months ago. they lay atop my retro microwave that actually has a metal plate in it that one places they're food or beverage on to heat. odd, you have to see it to believe it, due to the fact that we're told metal in microwaves are a nono! i bought the nice vintage kitchen tray at an antique store on good ole rossville blvd almost five years ago. it was a "must-have!" my mom has a matching one.

so i do love and i am catching up on rachel salomon work. i adore the color orange and wish for blue skies everyday with hints of ped...

i couldn't finish see friday's post.

a day late

it could be sunday or tuesday or even today as it is and i wouldn't mind putting this one up. obviously it's a day late and more than a dolla short. a couple of weeks ago i went to lamar's for the last performance of jarius. my youngest brother aaron had been apart of the band from the beginning and so i went to honor his college and post college participation in the musical experience. saturday night was a good night with friends and family. lamar's used to be a place i'd go almost every weekend. there was always something going on and i'd drink a whole bunch and smoke and feel absolutely horrific the next day. nowadays i so rarely jump out to the old haunts, and i never drink anymore. the days of bar hopping and loud music are behind me, and i'm grateful for that growth. i often miss my social sphere and would like those connections to grow back like hair loss kits promise to do. but at the same time, it's as though life does narrow itself a bit and i am not sure there's anything wrong with my standards changing to excluded the crappy lifestyle of my youth. don't get me wrong. i loved my days of adventure and sheer freedom, but they weren't going to be making me into a better person and it was really all about experimenting back then.

last night for instance i decided to stay at home and paint. that brings me so much more joy than anything else in the world and plus i've been struggling with matt. about two or three weeks ago he decided to break back into a lifelong pattern of behavior and it's been really difficult for me to understand. when he's "clean" and "free" from the addiction he's a totally different person, i see growth and purpose in his eyes and life. i see his desire to know and change, but all has flow out the window. i suppose you could tell i was frustrated by just reading my last post about the american population's overuse of mental health drugs. the thing is despite the painful struggle with matt i still care, but i don't want to and so i'm trying to figure all of it out. i want to remain open, but i can't and won't as long as the crap continues. i don't want to be apart of his self neglect. but i also want him to know i care. all of this along with just the stress of working too much has bogged me a bit. i'm being way honest about these things only because kate and i had a eyebrow raising discussion on saturday night about these things-also a hairy scary way of introducing myself just a little more. at least today i'd like to rid myself of thoughts like: self preservation, reputation, pretentious self promotion in blog post. anyway. i don't want to lose the joy i've gained over the last months. i don't have a desire to compromise and so even in great strides through god's mercy and overwhelming grace, i struggle and pursue purpose in him. thank you for you comfort and prayers andrea! you really a kick ass hulagirl.

i'm out, should be back tomorrow with a little bit more of the old cat to share with you.

weary post weekend

after this past weekend i now know i must seek and find rest or at least a possible fake abduction may need to occur. the abduction is just incase i don't get the rest i need tomorrow when i am finally going to have an entire day and night off from work. i have hit a breaking point where almost everything rides my nerves like a bucking broncho. i'm about over being nice for the sake of being a nice. it's only because i feel taken advantage of by the society of people i live amoungst. really it all started on thursday night of last week when i was at cvs. i was super busy, it was truck day and i was putting out the new cosmetics, which fortunately for me is always my job on truck day. so i get to see and discover all the new lipgloss, eyeshadow and technical mascara's. i keep a small bell up front at the register with a sign that says: "ring bell for service." so of course, i hear the bell and i speed walk to the front. there at the counter is a large middle aged man with no hair and a goatee, a red floral hawaiian shirt and denim pants. unga! i ask him for his extra care card, he hasn't got one, so i scan mine and proceed to ring up a single item of cream or something. the total comes to nine something and so i tell him. he responds by saying that's not the total, i say alright and find that the item has been rung up twice. he then interrupts me and says that he rung the item up before i even got to the register. i say "well that doesn't help very much at all, does it?" mind you i say i all with a smile and chuckle chuckle. he inturn yells, "excoooozzzzeee the HELL OUUTTTTA MMEEEEEEE!!!!"

at that point i'm totally shocked and pissed beyond words. i can't even look at him without thinking "go to hell jerk!" i'm hurt and really i think, what in the world has our society come to when it's totally alright for a man (a supposed gentleman) to curse me? i may look thirteen, but i'm thirty and i deserve freakin' respect!!! i obviously did not think i'd done anything wrong. i have concluded since then that any negative response to a customer is potentially going to result in this way. and i'm thinking. we are a culture of pussykats! a culture of overmedicated baby's. men who raise their voices in cvs rx's because they are weak and cannot control themselves and must curse little girls like me. over half my coworkers at the practice are on some kind of medication. i counted ten last week that i know are on either zoloft, prozac, paxil, or wellbutrin. it totally makes me angry. isn't it ridiculous that there's a drug out there for anyone struggling with anything from obsessiveness to social anxiety, to self imposed depression or erectial disfunction, there's behavior drugs for children who have non existent parents with a barely there knowledge of how to parent or disciple. i have this dark lingering feeling that i am working and living amoungst a bunch of fake, mask wearing individuals who are powerless to change their personal circumstances and are hopelessly drowning in unrepentant sin and LIFE. i mean, have american's in general forgotten that life is hard, i mean really hard. life is painful, really painful. and not just because people die or people get hurt, but because we were born into sin. we are full of fault and frustration and negativity. the crazy thing is, is that people refuse belief in god and so they stay screwed up, they stay dependent on drugs, they stay self centered, they continue to drown in their slave like existence and pity themselves. but where does that leave the rest of us, as if i have something to gain from boasting my non dependence on drugs, i'm certainately humbled in my own right, but to suffer amoungst the massive amounts of zombies.

and you know, kate my dear friend was in town over the weekend and we had a fantastic time. a glorious time with one another. and neither of us are on drugs of any sort and we talked about all kinds of things. how can i say, we spoke about art and blogging and relationships, specifically my relationship with matt. i drank four cups of joe, but that's a far cry from paxil. man when i'm in the depths of a struggle, it is usually because i've made a really bad choice. either to think poorly about someone or a situation or to act out in anger and unrepentence. i'm just tired, tired of having weakness surround me, even the weakness in myself. i need a break from feeling weak. so tomorrow will be about the strength and grace that god has given me. will you all think about the overmedicated people out there and attempt to change their perspective even, i don't mean the people who are clinically and diagnostically ill but those people who take a drug for simply the inability to face reality. please pray for me and pray for those others out there. thank you thank you thank you kate and mom an amy b. and ellia, thank you mc and lc. too my sisters smoore and emoore. i still have all this love with all this weary post weekend facing a whole new startling week. unga!

am i it?

yeah yeah i can't tell you how much i love love my fellow bloggers! i have met so many new wonderful friends, i mean just recently thanks to ellia and her great swaporamas! the dear shashi tagged me with five things. i enjoy these sorts of thingy's but suppose many of my readers might be bored. i wonder if i should lie?

five things

five minutes to yourself

pluck the tiny black hair from my chin (opps!)
smoke a cigarette (dang!)
check my email
doodle layer after layer of waves (i'll have to
take a pic sometime)
sleep for actually a whole lot longer the five...

five bucks to spend right now

4 packs of trident chewing gum
a green tea smoothie from charbucks
t-shirt from ole' navy
rice dream choc. covered popsicle (vegan)
new little boys orange and grey ankle socks


five items in your house you could part with, right now, that you hadn't thought of already

the stupid fussball table(please someone come and pick it up, i don't have time for chatt's freecycle)
yes, i have old magazines too. usually every year i go through all of them and i either bring them in on nurses day and i give them to elizabeth, dr. n.'s nurse or i lay them out for patients
old half burnt candles
fake plastic fruit
rotting strawberries in my fridge
beautiful paper bags with handles like from department stores (i.e. banana republic)(a trait i'm so fortunate to have picked up from my wunderbar mutter)

five items you absolutely, positively could never part with in your house

well geez, considering i've lost everything in a house fire september 2002 and have slowly been accumulating everything again...i realize there isn't anything i can't live without. i really enjoy my eggcup collection, postcard collection and i love all the paint and paper i have managed to recollect over the last almost four years. i mostly never want to lose my sanity or my faith. i do love my retro microwave and all of my wonderful mobiles hanging from the never on halogen light in the kitcholiving room.

five words you love

i do so love words and specific words another BIG GEEZ! i mostly group my favorite words together for instance: instead of saying holy cow!!! you might hear me exclaim: "holy matrimony!!!" try it, it's hilarious:) i also picked this one up: bad news as in bad news bears, suck the buck, oh for pete..., unga bunga(thanks d.), ohooohoooho bruther. of course there are my bits and babbles of poetry/prose, that i never speak of. i do like putting words that sound the same together, much like a rap artist, dude! anyway i suppose i'll also have to come up with an example of my "word love." i also dearly appreciate crossword puzzles. awh so much.

and i would like to run and catch up with and tag: the bestest friend kate and a new swap partner agnes and cool girl andrea and um let's see toryssa how about it? and last but not least or maybe two more, i mean what the heck rebecca give it a go and the dear hannah:)

over and out

self portrait challenge

i am currently stuffing my face, in a completely inappropriate manner. (vegan style mind you) primarily do to the fact that i only had a small bowl of strawberries for breakfast and i walked my three mile erlanger medical center and csas diameter without snacking before hand. i develop these slight blisters everyday at the ball of my big toe, that slowly disappear throughout the day. and as soon as i get back the tiny desk fan goes on and i spend the rest of my day freezing after a hard hoggish sweat. today is the beginning of a brand spankin new day at self portrait challenge and so i've got to start off with a sprint to the "beginning." i took this s.p. many years ago and still like the blurry redness of it. i don't know about you? but i suppose brushing ones teeth can be a small intimacy that we aren't sure we want to share with others. i've been living alone for the last four, almost five years and i know i brush my teeth rather, very loudly. i have a big full mouth of teeth that stretch back to all four of my wisdom teeth. i refuse to have them surgically pulled/removed, considering i've got plenty of room back there for them and they're not rotting or bothering any of the other teeth or me for that matter. more about what i have vs. what i haven't got. i don't have any pets. but if i did i'd want another bird, yes another bird. i didn't mind the mess or the continuous chirp chirp chirping. i am not exactly fond of cats and marvel, eyes and mouth agog at great people a.k.a lisa for having two little animals (marg. and barry). i like dogs and could see myself with an aussie one day, but i'm not supposed to have pets in my apt. let's see...this time in my life...i am working more now than i have ever in my entire life. as you all know i work my nine to five here at the oncology office. i do insurance and billing and i like it all most of the time. the month of march and april have been stressful for me. cancer treatments are so expensive and insurance companies are generally stingy. you know insurance companies tell their employess that doctor's are always trying to cheat and fraud their way into getting more money. so insurance companies tend to deny/non payment of most everything. if you've got insurance problems i'm sorry, it pays to know what's happening with your health insurance.

i also work part time as a shift at cvs pharmacy. woohoo. okay and i drive a black nissan sentra that only has 33 thousand miles on it. i usually go down to gulf shores every summer with my nine to five office coworkers. um i have never been married and i have no children. my mom and dad started out at ninteen and had me, their firstborn at twenty one, my dad sold his soul and worked three jobs to support our fam for a while. my brothers came along and my mom and dad were twenty five with three kids, yikes. here i am at thirty with half the responsibilities they had. i went to school kindergarten through twelve to the same school, private christian school. i'm gonna quit here, just wanna get this posted.

vertically spectacular

i have actually been busy making art, more paintings. i finished this small sunflower piece last week and hand delievered it to the recipient. a coworker asked me to paint several canvas of sunflowers, so that she could decorate her kitchen. the first painting i did wasn't as hot, so to speak. but this second go around, though the picture isn't necessarily proof, went a whole lot better. i will be doing two more sunflower paintings as soon as i finish the bicycle. i wanted to thank you guys for encouraging and uplifting words re: my last post. being so short is the underlying thing in my mind. if there was ever something i'd want to change about myself that'd be it. i'm older now and the heighth thing doesnt' get me down. but the challenge becomes my weight. anyway, when i was in highschool i always felt heavier than the other girls, even though i wasn't. it was just the vertical thing. but really i am thankful for the looks i've been give. i am thankful too, for looking like a young'in. so yeah thank you for writing and letting me know that you're thinking of me. my long time friend a.h.b. wrote me and reminded me about how she, her sister and i used to have sleepovers, cram into my single bed and stuff our mouths with fireballs, contesting ourselves into a giggling, drooling mess. truly a long time ago. we also used to make mudballs and wrap them up in leaves. i think i must've tried to get my little brothers to eat mud.

my weekend was just alright. and today, here at the workforce i've felt really on edge. totally pissed. and i'm not really sure why. my day started out in a slightly difficult way, when i found out that c in the city was in the emergency room. so georja and i walked over there to find her as pale as a ghost-she's the practices receptionist who had nasal surgery almost two weeks ago. she woke up this morning, gagging and choking on blood. totally scared she ran to the bathroom and got and ice pack but began to black out so she called the ambulance. she finally got a hold of her sister, but she really doesn't have family here in the area. totally sad, immensely scary. she'll be alright but my head has been elsewhere all day. anyway keep the girl in your prayers. she'll be outta work another day or two.

i have tons of pictures from my brother's last performance with jairus-indie rock band breakup party at lamar's on saturday night. so that's it.

a different person

we started the biggest loser in our office on february 14. i participated and lost fifteen pounds in 2005. this year weighing in at 147 and 3/4 i have a goal weight lose of 30 pounds. i may seem totally crazy, but if you only knew. honestly i am not even five feet tall. and in highschool i weighed 100-110 pounds. i have done very much in last eight/nine years or so. i've just kinda let my image lay waste, sloth style. i hadn't owned a full length mirror since 2004 and did truly see myself until christmas 2005, which is when pic left was taken. i'm not exactly photogenic, but i rarely feel the need to hide my averagity (not a word, i'm sure). i have nearly never worn make up and have only recently begun making strides at becoming or looking more like a thirty year old woman.

i struggle with making my appearance the most important thing ever. so i error on the side of not trying and not caring. it comes down to being rebellious about looking nice. geez, i was a teenager in the grunge era. my little sisters have no idea what the grunge was like. times oh they've changed. so far in my weight lose this year i've dropped seven pounds. i probably won't win the money, even if i'm currently in a tie with three other people. i have until the day before memorial day. four weeks isn't it? i picked up two pound weights for my legs and arms and wear them whenever i walk. i have become more motivated and energetic about my appearance, whereas before i'd shrug the responsibilty. i think i can tell the difference between the two photos. i am not trying to brag or boast. to me it is a serious thing. it scares me and makes me think about how quickly i became obese. and i know that the older i get the more difficult it will become to lose unhealthy weight.


a nice new haircut helps a whole lot too. i like the whole short style in the back and long in the front. helps me feel feminine, afterall. so onto other things, supposing a little less personal. but before i move on i must say how much i love the grey shirt. it maybe the shirt of the summer for me. oh and i know it's not self portrait tuesday. i'm just a little...i don't know.

i worked on my bicycle painting last night. i think i like how it's coming along. can't wait to show it off. how did you all like the links yesterday. and have you all be catching and keeping up with all that is the news. man i suppose it's been forever since i watched television. i got my swap partner for the vintage love swap and i'm super excited about gathering the goods. she totally seems like this ultra cool girl. i especially like her blog. check it out here. see what i mean? that's probably all i've got in me. i'm working tonight and this weekend so i'm kinda blah. but the weather has been absolutely wonderful and i've had two nights open window paint times. so i shouldn't be complaining. i'm not complaining.

freezing tree & more

this morning i woke up tired and less than willing to work. on my way to the office the sun broke and the temps were cool. i rolled my window down and let fresh non humid air wake the motivation. i am working on a couple of paintings simultaneously. i am really excited about these new things. i think i'm going to beable to build up my amount of finished work easily, especially if i stay focused. freezing tree is still a work in progress but i may be finishing this one up before i even feel comfortable taking pictures of the bicycle i am working on. kate called me the night before last and told me that der hund was a feature item on the etsy's opening page. i never was near a computer so i totally missed it, but i have noticed the "views" increase immensely. i noticed the other day that etsy was have a townhall meeting re: changes they were going to be making...blah blah blah, nothing i thought that would really effect me at this point. considering i've not sold a thing. but what interested me was a comment made by someone who said that etsy should work harder at advertising their sellers. i suppose i have got to find my nitsch (sp?). i'm not worried, artistically i feel things are moving forward now.

a view of my station, my motion toward making and completing art. i went last night to hobby lobby and bought four more tubes of paint. working on freezing tree may just open a whole new level of work. i so appreciate artist's like:

blaine fontana

i mean how could i not be inspired. this guys work is incredible, if you get a chance you should watch video too. tell me, does he switch the paintings or does he just paint over a whole bunch of what he's already painted?


come on now there's kathie olivas i've actually contacted her and she just recently had an exhibit up in atlanta see other artists showing at the alcove.

here's another resource for great inspiration, say ah juxtapose's link-age page. um?

and the top drawer of my desk slash studio work station. i am a huge lover of pencils, pens, tape and glue. i love organizing and reorganizing this drawer. it is a simple task that allows me to feel like i've accomplished something. i realize more and more that i need space to make my work. i oughta really look into renting a space, but i'm oh so lame about it. i also shall be getting on the fest ball-34/84 aka legacy is in october, but i'd like to enter early. i'm tired of posting today.

oh where art here there everywhere

i just finished whipping up this little photograph ala mode. i have noticed while frequenting my favorites that this sort of whimsical style graf-design is hot on the street. i have not gotten around to creating my own font, not that i said i would be or had the time or moolah. although one day...let's just say i hope.

this past weekend was a blast, for the most part. on friday night, in which i actually didn't have to work but it poured, stormed terribly. i went to a bridal shower for d. at t's house who happens to be the owner of blueskies. what a wonderful, absolutely enchanting experience and home t. has. amy gast was there and we hit if off, after not having seen her in probably like a year. she's a dear, so sweet and loving. creative too...i hope to get together with her very very soon.

on saturday i went to mom and dad's for brunch. a nice time was had by all. including my mommom and poppop from the great northeast-new jersey. we sat in the newly paint brightly china blue sun room. emoore and i helped mom pick out the color. thinking about the trends re: blue and chocolate brown. she ended up finding these fantastic wicker chairs that are blue/mustard yellow with a table. oh gosh. so gorgeous, so cath kidston!!!! hi five mom on the decor! i had a wonderful time catching up with the gparents. and then headed out to ava's four bridges fest. i did a very quick walk thru and found things to be quite-crowded. i saw friends and great, really good artists. lucinda and nick were hanging out at her booth. carolyn k. and lisa norris. i didn't know lisa had site, but it's a must must must see: madebyonegirl. such a sweet booth setup. i brought my camera but felt too sheepishly about taking any pics. come wednesday i'll have some great links, but for now i'll leave you with that.

i don't remember, but at some point on saturday my key to my apartment broke off, thankfully matt plied it out and we raced to get dups right o way. i literally went a little ape-poop on the situation. i regained so composure and felt entirely embarassed. and truely what it all came down to was that i so so so need a freak n cigarette. how stupid and ridiculous does that sound? i got my fix and was fine until much later that evening. i tend to need the smoke when i'm about to go to sleep. i'm still working on quitting. it's the hardest thing ever.

i cleaned this weekend. and painted too. i just entered ellia's second swap. this time it's all about the vintage. you should join, if you're up to it! i'd like to know who's reading, especially the person in saudi arabia or iraq...do you know who you are? totally curious in chatt. i'm calling out the csi!!!

thursday love

recently we celebrated my little sister's twentieth birthday at my mom and dad's home. i think i have an incredible family and couldn't imagine what our lives would be like without the addition of suzanne and emily. like most families when we all get together it's a rowdy round up. i love how different we all are. i love how we have grown to accept and appreciate each other. i like how both my brothers either talk like my father or act like my father, but also have their own ways. i love how suzanne, my dad and brothers tend to gather and talk. in the past i had often thought of what my life would have been like had i a sister. now i have four! both of my brothers are married, so i have two amazing snl's. ironically both of the snl's are nurses, i too work in the medical field. mc and i have the same birthday even. and aaron and laurie have bdays three days apart. we are blessed to have each other. god has given me two more younger sisters. they were adopted one/two years ago and three years ago. my mom and dad went to court to get emily last year and god saw it fit for her to join her older sister with our fam. they are both older (20 and 16) but nonetheless our favorite baby sister's. they are little joys, little spirit builder uppers, little happinesses, and little big hugs and kisses. i am so thankful, over and over for suzanne and emily. my mom always said she wanted six children and we joke about how god has indeed given her just that. the really cool thing is that i am the oldest of the siblings. i'm also the smallest of all the siblings. i am not sure that my brother's and sister's look up to me like an older sis but really i haven't been that great of an example. we are all so different we tend to lead in our own ways. so the love i have today is for my great big fam. my thankfulness feels like extending to the far reaches.

were you sure? & pixel

for the first time in a really long time, i spoke with kate on the phone. i was at home last night after work, feeling completely blah, really very horrible about the whole smoking thing, especially having kept it a secret and lying about it to matt. i have a real problem in my dependence of cigarettes. i have not felt like carrying the burden of quitting, meaning i haven't completely quit, just cut back. which is not good enough. but i must and i will and i have to. that's the end of that. my apologizes for lying. i hate hurting the people that love me the most, by keeping such a stupid, idiotic thing a secret.

kate on the other hand was oh so very busy steeped in a productive night home alone. i'd say we chatted it up for close to two hours i think. i felt so much better after talking with her. we talked mostly "art", but also touched on her recent and very exciting coversations with andrea, my new "vegan" eating-style, and smoking. i think it really helped me to be able to thin the air and verbally express myself to kate. we'd been emailing for so long that i could feel the air growing thicker by the techimins. i was excited by all of her new arty venturings, seem to lift my spirits. and i was really happy to know that all of this time she's had a few more images (scanned) of mine on her flickr account. so i've snuck them back and hopefully they'll get a little bit more wiretime. the above entitled "elephant puzzled" or "elephant pieced" mixed media-acrylic on canvas. i sold the original to jen and she has it in her safe keeping, but i had a nice little print made and i sold it at mjb last month. woohoo! i will be making more cards and prints in the future. so far my most popular but at this point pixel piece ever! i have done several in it's likeness-birds/bicycles.

here's another one

again these images have been scanned and transferred several times, giving them a pixeled look-uck! but heck at least they're here where you can see them. this was the first painting i did after my housefire in 2002. it actually no longer exists, i covered it up with an ncf mission poster project that i did, which is now hanging in the library/conference room over there. i think it's an obvious house on fire. the middle part is painted in gold which you won't aren't able to see from this pic. but i so love these colors and could really see myself doing a painting like this again one day.

the next one is " i work so hard." this piece really has meaning insofaras i drew the face and bird mobile above it. i drew the bird on the left and it all means that often we work so hard for the moolah and often feel hit over our heads with a blunt object after which cartoon birds flutter above.

that's about it. i know i'd usually do a no waste wednesday. i actually think someone else should pick it up. i mean there are other bloggers who post links all of the time and don't have a reason, but wednesday's can be their reason. and if i were cool and collected i could corner a button/link to all the no waste wednesday links. maybe when the fat lady sings.


i also thought i'd see if you knew what yesterday's post title meant. i have been loving the thesaurus lately and wanted to post about having been gone on "break" so long. so i put break in and whalah! i get that word. kindof reminded me of the word seizure. something real medical.

i don't have to say this i'm sure but if you are interested in any of this work or work like it, please let me know. i'm able to do cards and look a likes. and of course your friendly, positive comments are surely welcome. tin foil can make or break a really great collage. see left< after this piece was made into cards i went back and did colored dots all over it. it's so much better looking now...i'm tired.

one small caesura

not too terribly long ago my little sister went on a school trip to japan. she was entirely too generous and brought the whole family some wonderful little things. before leaving she asked me what i'd be interested in having. i being a paper fiend(er), told her of course! of course! ORIGAMI. i also mentioned chopsticks, stickers and fun stuff of the sort. i was thrilled to see these as she presented them to me. they are the most perfect chopsticks ever. and if it were love thursdays, they'd be on the list for sure. it's too bad i don't know how to make a avocado roll or two.

i was away from blogging and haven't got a whole lot to mention. i ended up having a fairly nice week and holiday weekend. this was the first year that i attempted to do my taxes on my own and ended up needing my father's help anyway. i am going to have to adjust my w-four(s). i don't feel as smart as i would like to be about the whole income tax thing. on saturday i finally went to get my hair cut n colored for the summer or at least until uoha's annual gulf shore's trip. i'll have to take pictures, just to show off my adventurous hair spirit. as a teenager i always wanted to dye my hair bright colors and never really had the balls to do so. once i went to little five in atlanta and bought a bottle of electric blue dye. at the time i had no thought or desire to bleach my hair out first, so for a few months my hair held a hazy lazy blue tint in it. now that i think back, it was sort of gross. lately the whole being a girl thing has led me to this extreme experimenting. i've got the red and carmel highlights to prove that youth is still at the core of my being and that i too can maintain a unique style all my own. i still don't really desire to stand out in a crowd, never my intention. but now that i'm thirty and all the insecurities have slipped away and i am not trying to fit in to a crowd. i'm over trying to look the same as everyone else.

on saturday afternoon i headed out to chickamauga for an afternoon with jen. we had a pleasant time with eachother. laughing our heads off at her baby girl, lavendar zoe. i had this month's mailorder to deliver to her and to show off my swap goodies. we also discussed the ins and outs of website design. and i showed her andrea's site and ellia's and shashi's too. i know how much blogging has given me an outlet for the input/output of a massive amount of "stuff". i thought it might be good for her to see all of you. abrubtly jen got a call from her mother, jen's brother's little boy fell out of his second story window and was rushed to the er. i am glad to say, he is completely alright. no broken bones, no concussion, no nothing! an absolute miracle! praise god, huh!!!

sunday i went to the best church in the world, my church! calvary chapel. i learned so much from being there for two hours, i was filled so much from being able to rest and be comforted, confronted and reminded of the blessed gospel. kate emailed me with some disappointing news and so i have concluded that i must be in the body of fellow believers and in the word or else i will inevitably fall. i have thought it just my "leanings" of personality or character, being an artist, having an artist's mind. but i believe i was created, given the gifts for a purpose. not to slip into disillusionment or dispair. i could easily slip into needing uniqueness, individuality, and isolation to create, but as a believer i've got to stay in the midst of life and not turn against god's life and art direction.

monday it was back to work and boy was i worn to a thread. i have a cool thing developing, a "showing my art" opportunity. i have got my work cut out for me. i let you know about these things along with pics of my newdo in a day or two.

swap o rama catchup

i am glad to be back from a few days of nonblogging. i wish that i could have participated more last week with colors but felt a tug o' war last with the work piled upon my desk. this week i shall start of on a good footing. as said previously and having collected my self enough now, i recieved some incredible sweet pea swap items.i couldn't have imagined someone figuring me so well. yet shashi so thoughtfully, beautifully and stylishly gathered some favorite favs. who could resist loving snow & grahams gorgeous paper. shashi was incredibly sweet to send a set of cards in blue and brown that were, as she put it, inspired by my koi photos in flickr. i must say though that her cards are much more beautiful than my orange and black pictures. thank you over and over again shashi! and then the sweet ellia sent a surprise package to me which i had no idea was coming. the coolest paper and bits ever. i especially love the cut flower and heart shapes. i am thinking spring paper mobiles and spring flower wreaths. although by the time i get to all of the things i wish to do, the season has passed beneath my nose. the end of the day is near and i haven't caught up with half as much as i would have liked, so hopefully i'll be back tomorrow with further thoughts on the weekend all of the life of cat.

no waste green

you might think i am crazy. just because i am digging like many of you through your old photos for monochromatic-coordinated color schemed day pics. this on isn't necessarily a nice shot, but you get the idea. cilantro is a favorite, herb added to just about anything if i could or cooked more often than i do. i mostly just use it in my salsa & guacamole! yum

sewing paint chips together on my europro sewing machine was a bit of a hassle but it worked out really well. if i must say so myself. i was fortunate to have these bright green chips from wally world to add to the sewn landscape. i just adore paint chips anyway, we're so blessed to have all the many shades of green to pick from. i just remembered that one of my best friend's last name used to be green, before she got married. she's going to be on my list today too. even if she's not exactly the color:)

here is a photo of my favorite green...i took this photo of her little league baseball card. it's a bit of a blur but the girl was serious, seriously cute. i actually talked with her last night (tuesday) on the phone and she told me that i could make an annoucement for her. last month i mentioned that my best friends were both debuting their new domains, jenn's is finally up and you must go see, right now!!!

i haven't posted a great amount of no waste wednesday linkage in sometime and i wanted to do that. i also should finsh the meme. i think it is time for spring cleaning and yard sales, replace the old with new. i haven't had much time to look around but i found this through someone else's blog and it just beautiful. i'd like my home to be adorned with cath kidston things anyday.

you've probably seen this site before too, but here's your second chance to link and save as a favorite. check out doe. when i start shopping online i end up looking at where the homebase is for these places, i think i'll end up moving to san francisco or portland. my dream would be to open a shop of my own someday. would that be fun or what? i really appreciated lisa's bit on pricing artwork there at whip up. but let's move on.

i don't remember where i got this link but heck it seems so neat. wishingfish.

this might just be my favorite see it here and beware of having your eyes come out of your head and your jaw drop to your knees.



well i have got to get back to work...i'll have to post the rest of color thursay and meme later on this evening or something...owell:(

blue tuesday & meme

"the blue light of live at five." can anyone guess the band with which this lyric has been sung? i must admit today might be the only day i participate in this week's great idea. only because i've been limited in my computer time here.

i must say i love love love the blue and the aqua. the new blue and new aqua. first, i was messing around with my camera and got a bunch of average light/blur shots. the one on the right is good enough for me though. second, i'm in love with my blue sleeping bag. even though it's a cheapo it's more about the color than anything else...and i must say or admit to taking photo after photo with manual feature, while the auto feature sucks a bright flash washout. i end up getting a whole lot of orange tinted pictures. the outcome, after putting the pic into paint and inverting the colors, are these great blue tinted pics. try it! as if you haven't. i don't know if i do it all on purpose, it's just more of a habit sort of instinct thingy. thirdly, lamp would be the best cowboy paraphenalia that i have ever have had in my possession. it was actually (help me out mom if i am wrong) my dad's lamp when he was a young lad. i have it in my kitchen in the corner by the microwave and it gives off a rare non halogen orange-y vintage glow. for some of you, that may be hard to imagine but it's more about the feeling. you know?

i must add that this morning i went to the post office and picked up the most exciting packages ever!!! and i'll be taking lots of photos to share. i must say that my swap partner pinned the tail on the donkey when she picked out and sweetly sent the precious things...she's a genius in color!!! even though it's not surprise for me any longer i'll keep you surprised until i get pics. also ellia sent a surprise my way. geez! i am overwhelmed and overjoyed. i have put packages together but haven't sent, so you all keep your eyes peeled! :)








top 5 must-haves:

in my fridge:
1. veggie products
2. individually wrapped bags of mini carrots
3. soy yogurt
4. rice milk
5. tofutti cream cheese (a definite must)

in my closet:
1. hoodie's-even in the summer
2. skirts-of ever shape and color, my favorite are the a-line type. but i have a thousand skirts now that are actually too big for me. i refuse to wear shorts in the summer so it's skirt's-a-gogo.
3. scarves-that is winter knitted type scarves. i have several and cannot wait until winter time to wear them.
4. if john kerry were a shoe, which would he be? the answer to my fourth must have is flipflops. i have a bunch and my favorite are the reef's i got last year in the gulf.
5. the martha stewart mesh laundry basket

in my purse:
1.

continued tomorrow...

in my car:



on my TiVo:

threaded and tight

quickie post here before i'm out for the day. i have been noticing that my face is changing and i totally like it. i do not seem to look as though i am getting older, thanks to my be u tee ful monamieta-genes and such. when my hair is longer i keep it up all of the time. so i'm due for a salon visit or a cut and color from matt? he's offered...what am i supposed to think of that? or actually i have been thinking of going back to mk. we shall see...

in other news my weekend was full of rx work. painting still-sunflowers. fruit smoothies with granola. reading about proper vitamin intake. wishing i could write some of my friends, thinking i should write some of my friends but feeling rather unmotivated. but getting to the bicycle painting finally. i have very nearly no new thoughts.

as an adult female i have finally learned how to pluck my own eyebrows. this nice cornered photo is a before shot. never have i been such a girlie girl, but all has begun to change. a great coworker of mine at uoha began doing my brows a couple of months ago. i finally got the courage up enough to ask her to arch them. after looking at the fuzzy wuzzy's all week and missing the op with her i decided to try my tweezy hand at them. yikes! a teary beginning with a uplifted-eyebrowlifted ending. horrah! did anyone catch sunday morning with charles osgood? do any of you use your ipod at work? is it appropriate if, for instance, you are already allowed to turn on the radio or broadband pc style? i suppose...i'll wait on an ipod. still needing that laptop. saving my change and cigarette moolah.

even though it's friday

i just got back from my daily routine. and really it has become a routine. even though it is friday i walked or ran up 20 flights of stairs, walked two laps around the top outdoor level of the parking garage, and finally a lap through the hospital. it has been eight weeks since i began this "improving" of my life thing. so far my experience has gone really super well. in addition, as i have mentioned, i have begun the process of becoming vegan. i have always wanted to try my hand at eating and living a vegan life, but never had the actual motivation or push. i'd like to be able to say i have done it all on my own, making this decision but really that would only be a half truth. i haven't eaten meat (except fish-like tuna/sushi) in some time (except when mom would cook a nice meal). beef, bacon, steak and chops have been out of the question for a real long time. chicken was tempting. my bfriend matt has bravely walked where no one has voluntarily walked before, by using every ounce of persuasion to convince me of the vegan life. no religion has called me, no one thing specifically, i only feel better, i know i feel better. so i have been surfing the www. fortunately found jennifer's site vegan lunchbox. thanks to her i found a beginning!!! vegan outreach!!!

okay and so lots of my coworkers and my sisters n laws are giving me a pretty hard time too! i mean about "going" vegan, but i have no doubts about this decision. vegan outreach gives me all the information i need to make informed nutritional eating decisions. it talks about the vitamins and foods to find the right vitamins in. starting in january 06 i started taking a multi vitamin. i'll let you know but i can't see my labs slip slip slippin'. it isn't going to happen.

this is the last weekend to go and see my work at mojo burrito. if you've not been down there it's a must see. not because it's my work but because it is good. and the majority of it has been sold, so it may be the last time you'll have the chance to see it all. whatever i haven't sold will be put up in my etsy account and on ebay, simultaneously. if you are interested in a work that has sold, i am able to do duplicates. especially like the piece "stilled shamrock."

i wanted to thank my mom and dad, aunt c. and uncle d, and aaron and laurie for purchasing my art. it has been a huge learning experience. really! also my gratitude to tim @ mojo. and lastly more gratitude to matt for hooking me up. it is because of your growth that i have this opportunity. i have been wrong to not have a better attitude about the whole thing. if there's a next time, i'll know how to act.

i love elephants. above lined up in my window.

blind border patrol

i don't know about you but the weekends are never quite long enough. if you are like me you spend a good bit of monday catching up on reading and responding to all that the blog world offers. this week i will be reigning in my emot-like writing. at least until next month that is.

my weekend though full of more emoting, was a whole lot better than my week. i was much more productive, have come back to work, well rested and with positive, growing faith thoughts.

saturday i finally, somewhat shamefully went to see my best friend's new baby girl. lavendar was born almost six weeks ago and what with all the sixty five hour work weeks i've missed the first days of her life. despite all, i got more of my fair share of the beautiful creation. fenn and i had a sweet time with one another. she is so very gentle, metamorphisizing into the new mother mode. it was wonderful to see the life fenn has brought into the world. my two very best friends have shared so much with me, i feel so blessed to be apart of their children's lives now too. i wonder, semi often about what my children's faces will look like. wide eyed and bird squeaked, i'm sure.

i so extremely thrilled to make two very important SHOUTS! i am sure fenn would like to announce her own website debut, but considering she hasn't got a blog, i'm beating her to the punch. there is much to look forward to-in seeing her body of work. and with that i am also so very proud and excited with katie in her website debut. she's already annouced the opening/beginning on her blog so i'm not ruining the delight for her. my goal is that as many people as possible get to see, see more art! i wanted to add that in my brief viewing, her work is superb an absolute crushing and stirring delight! congratulations kate, god has given you and awesome gift and today it will bring hope and inspiration to so many!

i too feel a thrill at my own artsy success. matt and i went by mjb on sunday, even though they were closed. peeking through the darkened restuarant i saw that two more pieces had sold tags on them! yeeeeaaa! so now that is a total number of FIVE pieces sold!!! WOW, you don't know how totally shocked i am. giddy almost. i mean i've had my ups and downs about the whole thing, which i haven't mentioned much. revolving around my struggle, always with putting a monetary value on my work. each time i have been asked about my work down there or have gone near the place i step into a funkyswamp of defensiveness and distress. what has been up with my stinking attitude? sadly my stink surfaced again yesterday at peering through. i noticed i sold elephant pieced-the print for fifty bucks. matt became frustrated immediately saying that i had sold it for much much less than it's worth! I DON'T KNOW HOW TO PRICE MY WORK!!!

the struggle was that most people don't walk into a restuarant and buy work, so my thought was to make my art accessible and possible for the common people to purchase something i find wonderful and beautiful. anyway, at this point i just have to trust god that i am doing the right thing. i am pricing and selling my work based not on the profit of it all, but on this very foriegn thought that people in my town are fairly artistically challenged-just my crazy persception. we have a great hunter, we have several fine galleries, but alas the scene with which i fit and work within is very nearly void. i am not saying my art is any better than that which hang on some of these great established galleries but my goodness, where, i mean really where is the urban art, the rugged real stuff? fine fine art is nice, but gosh shouldn't we be passed it. aren't we passed it? so...my second point in pricing low or as i'd like to say "affordable", is that art must be accessible or else i do nothing for myself as an artist or my audience. i will never isolate myself in the community i live in, by thinking or portraying my work in a gallery that doubles my price to make a 50% profit. if i do it will be my own gallery and the profits, so help me god, will go towards better art education and a spectacular gallery-interactive. no snobbery allowed! blind audience art! et cetera.

now until i think of anything else to share on the subject with which you may laugh and think be utterly retarded. i will rest the issue.

i my spare spare time when procrastinating this swap or this must write letter to h or l or l or k, i have been working on this piece i have decide to call 'blind border patrol.' inspired by my last piece, 'der hund' and the severe roach investation matt had in his apartment last summer. though not completed, this piece is a drawing with paint markers. see my flickr acct for more...



the coloring is different in all the pics because i was messing with my still so very new to me SD450. the week before me looks like a full and complete week, with a whole lot more joy and whole lots less thinking about the past...thank you for your love and prayers. smoking this past weekend was treachorous only at the most five cigs a day though. sorry to end on such a negative note. i won't be giving up though.

when rest comes

i can feel a whole lot better knowing that saturday and sunday are free, open and clear days for me to be able to do whatever i please.

unfortunately i have had a less than desirable week. i have been ill or rather should i say out of sorts. it was all to be expected and there's no blame to shift but on being human. life can be difficult no matter what, no matter how much joy one tries to pile upon the pits. joy should be endless in my heart, hold me accountable! all it takes for me to remember to be selfless is a walk through children's to find the bald heads of mini people walking thru. or a call from an attorney, asking for an informal interview, to ask me questions about my house fire four years ago. yet and so my heart has been comforted this afternoon, in a walk, in prayer for my dear friend, in conversation with my mother and matt. i also have some really great friends that have been emailing me and commenting here or there. it's not enough to just wish for the joy, it's not enough to just pray for joy, i have got to muscle up and arm out the dogs. if it takes rearranging my schedule or thoughts, so be it. joy is necessary for the my life to continue.

i think it has all come down to the last ten years of my life. i have spent all of this time, up until now, totally angry, totally pissed off (which sounds like the same thing but it isn't), totally insecure and unhappy with my appearance, job, friends, and family. i have neglected my health all the way around the spectrum of me. my spirit has twisted itself into a dirty knot, my heart has been eaten by the scoundrel of negative feelings, feelings unbalanced and unprovoked, misplaced and cornered out of creativity and love. my mind has become a bredding ground for all kinds of justification, manipulation and murder. where aren't thou my god and how long must i wait? i am tortured under the weight of being me and will die if i am limited to my own view. god is my identity, when may i rest in him? this day, this hour, this minute. in this work, word, craft and cause. where did my mom come up with such wisdom as this: life is a long obedience in the same direction.

these last weeks have been slightly more defining. i feel the 'refiner's fire' even if it has self imposed matchlighting. the biggest struggle for me today and for the weekend will be to stay away from the god awful cigarettes, the disgusting habit and such. cigarettes have been my friend for about 10 years now and if i don't quit i will die from them. 1 into 2 smokers die. i also may be limited in the workforce, but hell i'm not thinking about that, just my two lungs, my heart and brain matter. if you believe in miracles, you'll have to pray for one, because that is what it is going to take.

secondly i have to continue to eat and drink well, inorder to support my new outlook on life and my exercise regimen-if that's what you wanna call it.

i must go to church on sunday. the word is my rock.

i will have much art and project to work on too. i have started three new paintings as possibly mentioned. two of sunflowers for a paying coworker customer and one of a bicycle. a yellow bicycle. i have several packages that must be sent out or else these beautiful people won't ever want to talk with me again. i have a gift for arlo, and something for fenn, and my swap partner cannot be disappointed and a return letter to snl-laurie. and all kinds of fun things.

so...i do not need prayer as much as some, but i know i may be facing some difficult things in two to three weeks. i do not know what they may or will be except "housefire" stuff. i need much grace and merciful thoughts. i need love, most of all love. i need patience and all the other fruits. i want people to know that i am different but i also want to be open. have a good one.

no waste wednesday

it is another wednesday, another day, another joy, another headache. no day to waste, but do and be all that you can. take every breath. breathe. i am trying to remember the joy but man o man, somedays rough times just keep coming. i will feel better once the day has past, even though i've got to head out to the rx.

today i am just going to link you all up with some of my daily and weekly blogroles. i know it takes time to go through all the links but there are some truly amazing blogs and bloggers out there. i never feel too badly about not getting to read and visit with all of these people, it is impossible. plus i know that hardly anyone except for my family, friends (kate) come to phantomcrimes. it is a full time job, reading and responding. but i'm telling you...

cori

6.5 st

redcurrent

project vicki

jessica williams

nubblywubbly

misprinted type

ready+set=paint

you'd think that i'd have something to show after two weeks of having my paints, pallette, and various inspiration readily here. but nothing, nada, zip, zero. the only things i worked on, which unfortunately i have no new photos...was my birthday calendar, completed/finished. hanging oh so delicately with my badge plaque on the fridge. will take fotos soon, also will show multiple ways to attach to surface ie try magnets!!!

because and obo

because i have not been in this sort of position before, i am totally ill prepared. i haven't gotten all my art photographed to post here, just a few pieces, here and there. although slides are now finished at framewrights. so i have decided in the 'dork' manner of sales and promotion that a price list might help. you won't have the work necessarily to see besides but i'll try and be descriptive and specific. your (anon)great request for the price of "migration" is second on the list. here goes:

1. "one growth" 2006 acrylic on canvas (not so sure about dimensions)-4 separate canvas, gallery framed separately in black. avocado, narcissus, egg, bicycle
$400.00

<2.>"migration" 2005 mixed media collage-this piece was quite experimental in nature. i started with a piece of foamcore and wrapped it in a postcard design wrapping paper. the piece is not behind glass or plexi and though it is framed is slightly warped. i think it would do better behind either. i have taken measures to perserve it, so even though there is thread and smaller pieces of paper none of it is going anywhere. nor fading. i priced the piece at $200.00 because it is larger and it took me over 4 hours to complete. i would feel more comfortable if someone looked at it in person and gave their best offer (obo).

3. "stilled shamrock" 2005 acrylic on canvas-this is a smaller piece and absolutely one of my favorites. have i said that before? i did this one with ease, totally painless. from a photograph i took of my own shamrock. the right background is actually gold and does not look yellow in real life. i have had many people say they love this but i have priced it at $150.00 so that may be why. the building left background is the apartment across from where i live. this style seems so popular these days. what do you think?

4. "crimepays" 2005 acrylic on canvas-this piece is the same size as the stilled shamrock. again my primary focus in the last year has been the building across from where i presently live. during each summer the sky on most evenings is filled with fireworks displays and i cannot tell you how many photos i've taken of the building "being bombed or exploding." i so rarely talk about the terrorism we are supposedly fighting but crimepays is my way of expressing what terrorism might look like if it were a couple hundred of feet away from me. in puff letters i've spelled crimpeays up in the windows of the top floor. it is spelled incorrectly on purpose just because. crimepays when you don't get caught. right? $150.00


5. "recycled air" 2005 mixed media collage. gosh! this piece you've seen on my flickr account. you've seen the process and the sewn patchworked outcome. see here. i am so happy with how this came together. my friend matt had been at walmart and picked up a bunch of the paint samplechips. i had just gotten my sewing machine and wanted to sew paper. so i decided to sew the patchwork of color into a landscape. the top right hand corner is the blue moon. i my mind it's the the perfect piece!!! the title taken from the postal service song "recycled air" about flying in an airplane. the perspective of the piece could be from a horizontal or above sort of way. $200.00

6. "criminal" 2002 mixed media collage-this piece has the fish in the top left hand side and a couch a drew in ink-while living at the halfway house-dismis. i used to call this piece dismis, but changed it to criminal a while back. the couch drawing has shown up in a couple of my pieces. it is just so so so comfortable to work with in collage. the price is lower because of it's age and because this piece actually went with me through the housefire. the effect has added to it's appeal i think but not to it's value. $100.00

7. "lookout lake road, santa barbara, NJ." 2001 mixed medica collage-this one is so named because i have included a piece of the three locations in the title. the barn pic is both from new jersey on the family farm and the barn near my aunt's house in on lookout lake road. the postcard of the two indians was bought for me in santa barbara-while living out in california. this piece was a dear, seems that it's an address/map of all my life, so to speak. i love the color and this probably is the first piece that i began using the square, pixelated thing in monochromatic color combinations. at least it's one of the first. some of my first collages are MIA. this piece is lower too, $100.00 because it having gone through the housefire.

8. "work so hard" 2002 mixed media collage- the introduction of birds in my collage. picasso style portrait drawing. hanging birds, a whirlwind of work. what is it with our culture? working so hard to be where exactly? more money! hell no! more drugs please, more toys, cranky, sick-ass kids who spend have their childhood's in daycare, cheating husbands, desperate housewives b.s. we become a powerless, hopeless culture when we work so hard to be so far away from pain, reality of life, struggle. we take drugs to hide, to mask the hard work of living. it makes me sick to my stomach and so my tiny piece about working so hard to be so far, so fake. $100.00

9. "elephant pieces" 2002 original was mixed media-acrylic on canvas-i so love elephants, like lucy the margate elephant up in new jersey at the shore. i sold the original to jen kring, this is just a print, but framing is still expensive, that non-glare-matte glass. so $50.00. i have gotten so much feedback about this piece, though small. i did another like this for my brother aaron for his wife's bday. it was of a bird. absolutely gorgeous if i must say so myself. my goal this year is to do a thousand more of these type paintings. wish me motivation!

*10. "der hund" 2006 mixed media collage-i did this piece for the 2006 chinese new year, year of the dog, postcard swap. i have been so inspired my the quilts and fabric patchwork of other artists and feel that these sorts of opportunities lead to this style. not too long ago i spoke of this piece and it's in my flickr photos and back within the archives. "der hund" is german for dog. the colors and drawing i worked on with this one excites me and makes me feel like a real artist and not just someone who snatches other things from other people. thank you zak smith for the inspiration. $50.00

11. "one fish, two bird" SOLD $150.00 2005 mixed media collage

*12. "paperquilt" 2005 mixed media collage-two collages that i did before "der hund" the same concept, the same feeling, except i purposely wanted these two together because the collage on the left is more organic in nature-concept-imagery, birds and feathers, browns blues and greens. i've been trying to sell cards of this collage on etsy, no such fortune. the collage on the right is more man made, humanly influence in nature. the colors are more vibrant and way less organic. $100.00

* i have cards for sale of some of these collages-$5.00 each.

i hope this helps just a little bit more in your viewing and enjoying pleasure. last night i had my new ikea chair and stool put together. it is so nice. very excited. i'm working the next 4 days straight, pray i don't hate myself in the end of it all. i'll write again later.

one fish, two bird

hurry quik!!! paintings and cards are being snatched up quickly. the thing is the work has only been up since saturday and this is just one example of the items being sold. i decided to take a trip down to mojo last night for a mountain bowl and to check out the 'state-us' of my art. i wanted to look at my work all the while pertending or not letting on that i was the artist. my friend did most of the talking and questioning. i was a bit disappointed that a few of my title cards had fallen, were lost and my artist statement was not to be found. i'll just have to let the little disorganization thingy go. no big woof! aside from all of that i excited beyond belief. wondering who might've purchased the "one fish, two bird." if you or anyone else you know might have any leads in this investigation, i might beable to see if there is a specially nice little card to send your way. anyway just thought you'd like to know what's walking out the doors.

in other news...things i love thursdays is back again. today i wanted to share my love of melamine. too bad i didn't think about it until today, otherwise i would have take photos of all the melamine i recieved via ebay after my 2002 housefire.

check out the sweet melamine i found at fred flare's


it's as if hilary's sweet paper doll's were transferred to these great plates. the really cool thing about the melamine were the amazing colors. at cvs the new summer line of dishes has come out. there is one type with these nice great big flowers on them and even though i cannot stand walmart there's some great plasticware there too. the clear glasses with spots. holy cow too cute! and i know i know i've shared this with you before but you've got to look at french bull. they have the best designed melamine ever!!! i don't need anymore of this stuff, but i can never refuse a looksie or an 'i love this.'

how could i forget?

yet another reason to be joyful! i must say that i cannot bash the blog world because i have immersed myself head over heals. i very excited to announce my participation in green bean baby's paper n ribbon swap. YEAH! i cannot wait and feel the seams around me about to burst! yikes!!! i will keep you completely updated. i was so happy to get the info on the recepient of my gatherings. hope she's ready. cuz' look out here i come.

inverted migration detail

thank you o so much for reading, commenting, peeping and praying for me in these last days. i have been filled with joy at seeing my work in it's finality. yet without a doubt i am even more overwhelmed in the happiness of sharing it all with you. it is the best feeling of excitement ever!!!

i often feel like i show and tell the same things over and over. i am easily influenced by the desire to bowl you over with fresh ideas and my own diy plans, brand spankin new fotos and flashy words of profundity. but it is all a lie, all the more reason phantomcrimes is providentially named. i will try and explain. at first i just liked the sound of phantomcrimes, but today it means more. to me it speaks to the false pretenses i assist and build up of myself. but in your comments i am reminded of my heart's desire for humility and honesty to speak of god's grace (as kate reminds) and mercy. i struggle with being a believer. i struggle with not having beautiful children to write about or take pics of. the blog world is overflowing with beauty and community and yet i might feel lost tomorrow in an insatiable need to fit. i struggle with being an artist in a broken world attempting to resolve a warped creative perception. at once i feel so blessed to have this sacred view of the my surroundings, but feel ever so pulled by the dogs, paul warns us about in philippians 3

Finally, my brethren, rejoice in the Lord. To write the same things again is no trouble to me, and it is a safeguard for you. Beware of the dogs, beware of the evil workers, beware of the false circumcision; for we are the true circumcision, who worship in the Spirit of God and glory in Christ Jesus and put no confidence in the flesh...

i could easily feel like the little fishie at the bottom of the walmart fish tank but instead my week shall be spent in joy. i may not beable to choose to be strong, but i can choose daily to be joyful. see what i have learned and would rather share with you. check out the march 05 sermon!!!

please feel free to hit up mojo. it is not only a blessing to me to have you see my art, but tim and eve, the owners won't mind your patronage. they are two very cool people. and if you are reading and would like to see more of my work but can't make it down to mojo. check out my flickr badge on the right sidebar. or here's a link. of course not all of my work is in a set and you'll have to do some exploring, neither are there prices, so if you are interested in purchasing-trading email me @ catcollier@hotmail.com

peacenlove

up, up & away

saturday afternoon was a blast, probably the highlight of my weekend. friday afternoon i picked up my work at framewrights. oh at that point i was completely overwhelmed, but crazy excited about seeing all of my finished art. i mean really finished. no more going back to fix it up, touch it up, spruce the edges, corners or colors. it is nerve-racking, i changed the top left hand corner of one growth at the very last minute, changed the car to a bicycle. does it look to sloppy compared to the rest of the painting? justification? snowy outside blur. burrrrrrr... and then there's crimepays, now framed but very nearly not finished. yuck. so i'm going to stop bashing now because looking over there still makes me tingle and shiver with delight. don't you just love the red walls. everything is for sale kids, a total of twelve works. gosh guys, the work is all new too! really i am quite serious. when i finally sat down to do my title cards, there are only two pieces pre-housefire 2002. everything else was finshed in 2005-2006. i had no idea. now that all my art is out of my apartment i can start some new things.

i did get a chance to work on the precious little mailorder via amy at kingpod. it is so nice to have a break from my own stuff, fresh little bits and bobbles to work and play with. please check out the rest of my pics at flickr. i'll post more later.

letting him

well all in all i succeeded in putting together a nice display for my cards. i ended up exploring the whole eyelet thing, which i am not so sure i like quite yet. the reason being that it screws up the cards a little. just a little, no one will notice. but my stampin' up pal and coworker, georja said i might have gotten a defective eyelet kit/punch. so i'll be bringing it into work on monday for her to check out. i did take a few photos of my display. i happened across a cigar store in cartersville back in october and bought a whole lot of boxes. if anyone wants one or two, let me know. so i'm going to collage a small one up and use the yellow plasticicky divider thingy (for cigars) to separate my cards. look fairly nifty.

i really am hoping that this opportunity at mojo pans out financially. i think i could move on creatively if i could actually get rid of some of the old stuff. i think that is why i have given so much away in the past. the prices this go around should be fairly reasonable. between $30-$300 dollars. mojo dude, tim is damn cool, he won't be taking a percentage. pray pray pray.

i have been feeling insecure lately, feeling blah. trying not to smoke as much, so instead of the brand cigarettes, keeping it simple with basics, i have moved back or on to rolling. i indeed smoke less in a day, around 6 or so. and very rarely finish a whole cigarette. it is so mentally challenging that i feel i might burst. shout angry words. spit and tear out my hair. i realized that so much of my identity is wrapped up in smoking. when people first meet me, they are typically shocked to find out that i am a smoker, they say, "you don't look like a smoker." that's bizarrio, i mean what does a smoker look like? but i have truly enjoyed the smoke for close to ten years that giving them up feels terrible. i have also been struggling with going completely vegetarian slash vegan. i feel like if i go completely vegan than i'll cut off the entire world. places like tony's pasta, ice cream, et cetera. i want to make these changes in my life and i have really been finding joy in it all when it comes to the smallest things, but the big things are still catching me in their nets, between their teeth. i have not particular reason for quitting meat or animal biproducts, except the hormone thing, and hell as i told my mom, "i wouldn't eat her, so why eat another once living thing." i am becoming more sensitive to what i put in my body and really it has nothing to do with faith or whatnot.

i am down to 142 pounds. i'm on track with the 2 and 1/2 pounds weekly. i think. i've got another twenty five to lose. i really want to see this happen for myself, not for the moolah or for the fame. just to continue to feel better about myself.

i have been struggling with other things too, but i know what god desires of me, my heart and mind. i really want to be happy with things. i want these new items, like the camera, but it takes working two jobs to get some of these things that i've always wanted, since way before my housefire. i also think that having a new computer, a new camera and such will help in my artisitic endeavors. i wonder if i am just working so much that i don't have the time to find happiness. i mean i knew these weeks of 58-60 hours would be difficult, but physicologically i must rely more heavily on support. i must say again how i am looking forward to the weekend. hope to have many new pics when i get back or i'll post before it is all over.

pic above was another taken at the choochoo with canon SD450. love it even more today. please remind me of the hope, the love, the joy o god.

here there & everywhere

things i love...


under the surface of my life, there are beautiful places. to get through a difficult day or week it is vital that i create. just the other night i went shopping for a camera. i've already got a 35mm canon but have so wanted, so waited, worked two jobs for over a year now to get a really really really nice digital camera. a canon. horray a canon. so here it is: powershot SD450. so in my free time last night i went to one of my most beloved places here in chatt. right across the street to the ole' chattanooga choo choo and took a whole bunch of photos of the coy. this one was my favorite out of the bunch but i've put a whole lot more on my flickr account. check it out.

i am fortunate to have this upcoming weekend off. sometime on friday i am going to have to go pick up my framed work at framewrights. on saturday evening i'll be hanging my work and the exhibit-show will run the month. i've got a little bit of work cut out for me in the next couple of days. with my new camera, the not so dinocam, i hope to bring you new, improved, current and inspiring photos. no more excuses or regret here. i have got to begin the process of building the foundation of my work. putting more time, more effort into the joy of creating. i happened to get an eggroll yesterday, later in the afternoon my fortune cookie reminded me that creating is proof of life. i appreciate that small bright thought. i'll have to write another time...too busy now. just a quickie update.