.who.is.missing.

of course i think the little man who's missing from the photograph, taken on july fourth, is my new little nephew, caleb and of course he continues to be on my mind all of time. when i'm not thinking about my brother and sister in kazakhstan, i have been of course keeping myself extremely busy.
i happened to get the little vanilla cupcakes from rembrandt's and yes i did get to eat one. and it was delicious.

that's it for today.

off the charts

for a year and a half my brother and his wife have been working tirelessly toward adopting a little boy from kazakhstan. you may remember my mention and having to keep many of the details top secret. until of course this past sunday when they finally flew out of atlanta to kokshetau via amsterdam and almaty. these last few days have been overwhelming and exciting not only for ethan and mary but for me and my entire family, and the host of friends we all have. before leaving, mary and i discussed the details of communication and fortunately the possibilities of blogging. basically, i have been over here. kaz is almost twelve hours ahead of me, here in the eastern time zone, so as i am getting to work in the morning, ethan and mary are writing:emailing me a blog post that i can then share with the rest of the community of family and friends here.

i would not have it any other way. this ability to correspond and share with all of you is full of love and i keep thinking of grace and humility. it keeps my brother and mary and i close to all of us. and for the first time in our lives we're laying eyes on this little boy, their son, their passion.

so i maybe just a little bit absent from phantomcrimes. of course i will attempt to update on complete artworks, answering emails, and all sorts of other things. thank you so much for all of your love and understanding.

we three:cupcakes

.up.to.no.good.

two a.m. rolled around and you'd think i would have had enough sense to lay the paint and brushes down. i just couldn't help myself. knowing and feeling the mad dash crunch is all it takes. the late nights haven't seen the last of me. unfortunately i have only a few more last touches to put on my spacetree painting, but i'm stonecold out of motivation for the finishline. it was dragging me down so i decided over the weekend to pick up a new canvas and after some foundational sketching i started a new perspective:rendition on the twilight trees. it's my remixed version. *with the spacetree painting i intended all along to recycle a previous painting. i meant to leave the seagulls and the majority of bluesky, but i continue to struggle. i have the smaller circles in the trees to paint. i'm leaning between an orange red or a lighter green. i also am leaning toward applying a tad more paper to the piece, but i'm uncertain about it all and know i probably won't be showing the spacetree piece in the upcoming clothesline show. i'd rather have it hanging at fitness together with the rest of my growing forest.

twilight will make an unseemly sorching hot or frigidly freezing day feel redemptively magical. at the close, a comforting quiet and coming together of all that the day held in ups and downs. twilight illustrates a time when starlings fly in unison above my city and collect themselves simultaneously on highwires. a small moment of deepening bluesky and some slight breeze, i can breath. i'm not saying i can even come close to painting what i invision twilight to be. my trees aren't really the trees i see on a daily basis, but they warm me, or at least my heart. i still struggle inbetween twilights fantasy and it's alterego, reality. the reality of it all is that i hope above all that something inside of me comes out on the canvas and warms other people's hearts. i know my style is off and cursive in nature, i know my lines are crooked, but they are purpose driven as all of twilight reaches out for darkness and the silence of night.

sometimes i feel like i beg for attention, i struggle with phantomcrimes and hide what i really want and that is recognition. foolish and corrupt as it may seem it is true that i wish to be discovered and that i want my art to find it's way into the minds, homes, and thoughts of little children who want someday to make art. i would love to see my art in beautiful/decay or juxtapoz or my local but now chicago based mule. and inbetween these thoughts i am struck, as if with a fly swatter, that there is a beautiful community of women artists here in my city, my friends, who have lifted my spirits and pushed me further. and i am reminded of how they are my audience, a small part of a larger community, but still. and thankfulness for this "clothesline" community is really all that i need. afterall if i had any more than what i've got i'd have to quit my jobs and begin to live in an art world. a world of many too many 2 a.m. nights of artmaking. alas, it isn't that time yet in my life. if that time came i'd be just as scared, so i'm left in peace about what my responsibilty truly is, it's to share and hopefully gain some perspective with phantomcrimes, here. i'm off to up to no good:)

underneath:belief

words can feel like combinations of symbols that often times barely scrape by, defining little physicality or emotion. an understated disclaimer of how meager my words feel when i am writing them out. desperately searching word after word for relevance, truth and mostly purity. so if i say i had a fairly nice weekend, i myself am bored with the phrase. in regards to the real deal, the underneath it all sort of stuff, it is going to have to playout.

one thought repeats itself over and over in my mind. a tentative nagging. to say we saw ethan and mary off to kazakhstan isn't all that true. honestly i wish that i had told them each how much i love them. and now i am wondering, have they made it, are they making it alright, are they safe, excited, scared? are they homesick already, do they miss us? i know i am missing them so soon, already, yes. on saturday evening i made my way to their home and literally folded ethan's shirts for him. it's not like he is gone eternally, two months might go by and i might not seem him anyway, even with the both of us in one city. but he's on the other side of the world now and even if i wanted to i couldn't get to him. laurie and i helped mary pack gifts for caleb's caretakers, nurses, and doctors. we packed caleb's little clothes and socks and toys. we packed medicine and a even a baby bjorn. i helped pack their shampoo, soap, and shoes, and still i feel like maybe i should have hung out just a little longer.

my belief; and to say the least i'm excited and overflowing with anticipation. i can't wait for the first email from mary. my joy is hope. can't wait-ing to see caleb's face for the very first time in september. unga!!! i can't wait to begin posting news, at: calebtochatt.

in order: any foundational drawing here is for the sake of new art. trees are on the horizon. new trees. and a friend of mary's gave her a book that she had published with blurb. i'm thinking i might have a book:portfolio made, or i could use flickr's qoop.
peace.

barely wip&flickr stickers

on one hand this week has absolutely flown by. my bicycle injuries are healing more quickly than i thought they would. my emotional monday and tuesday feel like weeks ago. two days on sunday, mary and ethan are leaving for Kazakhstan to get Caleb. in a mind boggle: a year and a half ago we thought it would take this day forever to get here. any ebb in time has now dissipated and we will all be trying to catch up, stay close, and in touch with one another as time plasters and propells us forward in this new family adventure. we are fortunate and grateful and i for one know the value of time in these moments. it is everything.
up until yesterday i had been becoming increasingly worried that time seemed to take it's time when it came to the delivery of my flickr mini moo sticker book. and then in my box in a white envelope they appeared. a minor important pick me up of inspiration. and now i have no idea exactly what i will do with them. i think i will have new cards made of the paper quilt collage series to sell at our september clothesline show. i may just use the stickers as an envelope seal sort of thing. it's not that important. just 9.99 for an assortment of 90 stickers, that's all.
and of course my weekend plans and project ideas are piling up only because i am inches away from finishing my spacetrees:eyeball flowers piece. wanting to move on and forward. as you can see i've stretched a canvas and the tissue paper is going down with modpodge. the next and first for the clothesline show. i want to have a lot to show and tell by next week. wish me motivation and a plentiful wealthy about of minutes and hours.


if you'd like to know more about kasakhstan check it!!!
have a very nice weekend friends. take advantage of the time and benefit. more love.

in the bag

you are seeing for the first time my beachtrip traveling, packing, and dispersing ways. i am so sure this is exactly what everyone needed, whether for a difference, a laugh, scoff, or for the crazy ridiculous shock value of it all. it's just i almost always have to have the closet space instead of drawers. i don't know why but i barely had to unpack this time. and i washed all of my clothing before coming back, as a matter of fact, my bag is still lying on the floor of my apartment, barely unpacked. what is with me?

last night all night i painted and tonight all night until nine at least i will be at the rx. and hopefully maybe by thrusday night my elbow which is bothering me the most at this point will have healed enough for me to beable to ride again.

friday night i am going to work again. but saturday and sunday are free days. i am keeping my mind on those two days. by that time i might be starting some fresh new art collage painting art. *my brother ethan and my sis n law mary are leaving on saturday for a month, to go and get little caleb. i have been and will be thinking of them mostly all of the time. as a family we gathered this past sunday, to celebrate the july birthday's, it was a somber sort of day in a good way. we all seemed tired and a little weepy with thoughts of caleb so so far away from us, waiting on his parents to come and get him. honestly i have been quite emotional lately and can't seem to shake the lake of tears that have overflowed the last two evenings.

i have these periods of release, thinking of how little i actually do keep things together. it's weird how often i don't feel capable, but plan to fake ability and responsibility. i am here at work, aren't i? and other than the usual stuff like letting the laundry pile up. i'm only about a week behind on the other kinds of things. again bills must be paid, tags and registration must be claimed, art to art, clothesline, friends, family, reading, book club, seeking advice, praying. i doubt seriously that i have anything in the bag except my leftover travels. seashells and cockleshells...that's what little girls are made of.

they are trying

to send me to rehab. anyone else. hearing this song. my mind tells me: it is something about the measured drum and bass style, rhythm, maybe, that i like. not so much the lyrics. is it she? singing? well?
i am glad to be at work this morning. i felt like i barely made it and might just be exaggerating, but i had a giant bicycle spill. and left my leg and elbow skin on the sidewalk somewhere along the riverwalk last night. understandably so all could be worse, a broken arm or leg, busted head or who knows. instead i am left with a little bruised ego. a thirty something wish that i was indestructable, a pathetic whimper of a "this sucks" sort of outlook. and i'll have to, have to, get back on that bike. i am sitting as low as i can go with a ice pack pushing back pain on my leg. a bandaid barely covering the elbow will have to do.

i was wondering about the elderly and how they must feel if such a spill befalls them. so crazy to think about crying out in pain at the age of 76. or is the pain so great to an 80 year old that they'd just passout? i didn't cry out until i got home and peroxide was put on my elbow. unga. where is my stamina? my endurance? my ability to overcome pain? i don't want to be a whimp! so i'll say no more.

i wanted to share:

a. zia natural skincare

b. loving and inspired by hannah's polaroids

c. waiting for more of this and that

d. would love to purchase his art

e. waiting impatiently for their ep

i like lists too, just like andrea.

pangs of home

feeling slightly, pangs of homesickness i made my way back on saturday evening. starting out on the road at around nine and not getting back home until five on sunday morning. i have never quite felt these strange pulls in both directions. it was the first year i have ever entirely enjoyed the shore, the sand and waves, shell hunting and sunning. but a simultaneous sinking arose inside of me, a feeling of wanting to be home. home working, painting, riding bikes, playing tennis, playing with my nephews, seeing my sister's, sleeping in my own big bed.

we stayed in the gulf and played in the gulf, ate well, watched zodiac, laughed hard, took a whole lot of photos, but still i wished in some way i was home. so much on my mind. it was beautiful, more clear and hot than ever before. less humid and crowded than i ever remember it being. i got a new pair of reefs, the same style but one size smaller, they had no fives.

i have not a whole lot more to offer. i am just trying to get caught up.

WIP:ground coverage

considering how my plans changed and were rearranged this past weekend, i'd say i actually covered ground, and am closer to completing this latest piece. i will be taking a break and won't be back in town until sunday. won't be blogging again until monday or tuesday of next week. the beach awaits my arrival.

mule.imple.ople

the week before a weekend off i often have fleeting thoughts of saturday sleeping in and all day pajama wearing-painting and collage making. sipping hot sour coffee, with honey butter toast, and a little smidgen of the darkest dark chocolate. i'd like to read in bed and watch tennis on television instead of sweating it out in the humidity. except i must get new tires on my car, oil, brake and maintanence. plus willingly spend a delightful morning breakfast with my mom & dad. dirty sweaty clothes have got to be washed and packed for my tuesday beach departure. and a clothesline checking account awaits my opening. i have a project, art list that is stacking up. and i want to, want to read my newly aquired magazines. i am all together torn up about how as an adult, time flys by, barely exists as a substantial point at all.

it isn't worth landing yet. in the midst of a short day yesterday i went ahead and ordered up a scramble of stickers, only a book.
i would humbly like to add...that on the twenty ninth of this month of july, phantomcrimes will be turning 3 years old. i think i've got some three hundred and ninty six posts under my belt and well i am not so sure what else to say. have a very nice weekend you all.
i may see you back here on monday. if not i'll be back in at the beginning of august.

what have you heard?

you have most likely heard nothing from me, here, in a few days or so. life has taken me up in a mild storm of really not knowing what or if to write, not feeling all that pressure to come up with something to offer or compromise. i have been enjoying many things outside of the world wide web. things like, rushing like a mad woman to clean my tree house apartment for a clothesline show meeting. many of you say, that it takes a deadline for you to be motivated to do anything, something, forward motion. i too must admit that when it comes to cleaning i am motivated by a deadline.

this past monday was just that. i actually came around to organizing, vacuuming, and trashing a whole heck of a lot of useless stuff. i am still proud of myself for going through my million magazine mound and getting rid of my domino's and home companion's. don't worry, i did not throw them away, i took them down to the public laundry in my apt. building. i have to be honest though, i haven't liked domino very much at all. i feel a little sheepish about expressing my opinion, but i really haven't felt that strongly about a magazine before. except for all the internet rave i thought i'd be racking up on inspiration. when i started a subscription last year i was terribly horribly disappointed. the layout is so cluttered, it reminds me of page after page of advertisement. call me spoiled but one of the best magazines in the world in my mind continues to be martha stewart's living. i can't help it. domino demands a very high level of attention because it's creators seem to have some form of attention deficit. i can hardly tell when i have come to the end of an article or segment and gone on to the next. usually the design ideas are too shabby chic for me and don't seem relevant or contemporary enough. i must say my most favorite part of the book is the color coordinate tabs at the beginning of every single issue. they are so cool, i almost always tear them out to save them for other fav mags or books. i'm i crazy?
the clothesline meeting went super well. but i have to ask the public-readers-YOU GUYS, for help. we are looking for a company, preferably local, that can create and print tiny 1-2 inch radius circle stickers with artists names on them. we thought there was a place down on frazier past pisa pizza and standard ink but cannot find it? please help:just leave a comment!!!

i like many of you have a super busy summer and will be heading out in less than a week to gulf shores for my annual office beach trip. i'll be gone most of next week. after that i will only have about four weeks to complete several, close to 5 pieces of art for the clothesline show. the newest pieces i have been working on for weeks now, isn't even finished and honestly i'd rather it hang at fitness together. so four pieces here i come. it's crunch time.

plus there is tennis and biking, new tires, packing, working at the old rx, and family:friend time to think about and do as well.

week in color:orange.pink.red

as you've probably noticed, i am nearly never near phantomcrimes on the weekend. so i am wrapping up a great week in color, today. its been exciting to see everyone's week in color efforts. andrea has got color down wouldn't you say. i love how her view of color is a balance between family life, still life, urban life, past, present and future. she's building upon all of these fantastic life experiences and it's a joy to be thankful for color with her. in the same way, hannah has honed in on a week in color shoe theme. it's unique and experimental and special too. i'm wondering what her red and orange and pink days will be like, more shoes in those colors?

then there's kate and her spur of the moment, spontaneous, catchup participation. i'm totally impressed and am still in love with her day with the koi foto set.

exciting too is linda's contribution!!! i love her color chosen photos. they are yet another gift. little reminders of beauty. a celebration of her family and the color surrounding her on a daily basis.

last but not least, i think joy has brought her scraping full circle with her week in color. again it's about family and how she and her children are represented in color, paper color and more and more photo color.

i suppose if you've been participating and i've missed you here, you ought to let me know or someone know, so that we can love on your week in color with you.

and i've been painting, of course i've got a whole lot more to accomplish, but at least i picked up a paint brush. i also sprung and got a couple of these, anyone want to join in the racketeering?
have a great weekend everyone, i'm outta the blogworld until next week.peace.

week in color:black&white

there is a first time for everything so i thought it might be fun to do a black & white apparel post. why the heck not? afterall aren't we in the throws of summer and isn't a classic sizzling hot fashion guru always going to suggest a little b&w. plus i must say i haven't quite gotten over an inwardly giddy feeling from yet another clothes shopping success! my mother must be the good luck charm or is it the bike rides? whichever, honestly, every single article of clothing i pulled from the racks, when tried on fit me perfectly. it was the second time in my adult life that i actually had some kind of choice. i suppose it wouldn't be that big of a deal except that i am under five feet tall. in recent years i was kind of round or plump or chubby. two or three years of really cutting out the meat and diary and exercising as much as possible has proved the diet scientists right and that i can once again fit into really nice affordable, well made, smaller sized clothing. ooo, do miracles happen or what?

apparel inspiration:have fun browsing the black and white:

the dunny patterned bag

terror of the sea necklace @ day-lab

RONNIE KAPPOS BLACK TABLET NECKLACE

ping pong vader shirt @ oddica

Grey Barcode Large Flat

damselfly tank @ anthropologie

last but not least the essential: Rodeo Gingham Side Tab Shorts

have a great black and white sort of day.

week in color:green

i know that green is my all time second favorite color in the whole world behind blue or turq or teal. and then in order it would go blue. green.orange.grey.red.yellow.black.brown. that's more than the week of color has to offer, which is fine, just an all together a side.
speaking of green, with hesitant honesty i must say i haven't as of late, taken on any envirogreen task, duty, obligation or responsibility. it is with regret i say i don't recycle the plastic water bottles collected in my fridge, though i will will will begin refiling them at my local green grocery store instead of buying more plastic.

and i have been attempting to bag less when checking out customers at the rx. i mean, if you've got one box of tylenol, why put it in a bag? i am now proactivally asking every customer if they'd "really" like a bag or not. i think that's genius. and well um, i attempted to plant some flower seeds in my mom's back patch but with the lack of rain, they've never sprouted. i am not really so sure how much i am saving energy wise. i know one thing, i'm not exactly pro ethenol either. sure it's better for the environment, at least that's what "they" are saying but my understanding is that our farm lands are already on the brink of destruction or at the point of no return or recovery, so what's the point of growing more hormone injected, hybrid, disease resistant, draught resistant corn? doesn't it take it's toll on the soil?

i can talk about what my brother ethan is doing in his green building efforts. i can talk about wanting a green home or a green car but i don't see my thoughts as true efforts and therefore wouldn't call myself indeed a green. i am a little green when it comes to recycling paper for collage and recycling canvas for painting, but that's about that.

i guess i could start making my own gum with a $10 purchase @ gleegum.

or maybe an expensive purchase like this would help.

i especially like this post about this artist making really triple R things {recycle.reduce.reuse}!!!

maybe one day, after biking 12 miles a day, for a couple more months or years i'll sell my car and buy one of these.

tonight i'm hoping to get some tennis rackets, wimbledon was inspiring this year.

weak in color:blue

keeping up with andrea's week in color here. thank you acj!!! although i have my own "twisted" version, only because i am "weak" over color anyway and i'm all about another venture in week in color. last night matt and i went biking and to my bewillied amazement we came upon a very very large blackish sort of snake on the concrete path. this time i passed so quickly by that it didn't even occur to me that it was a snake at all. it was! and it was a huge one at that, probably about 3 or 4 feet long. i don't know that i am terrified of snakes exactly, i just get this little gagging sensation in the back of my mouth and start imagining it eating a baby rabbit or bullfrog or something small. oh and then i had thoughts of accidentally running over it and it popping up and biting my ankle. anyway, matt took a branch and scurried it off into the grassy wooded area. so glad we don't see snakes every bike ride or else i'd end up heaving.

i think i participated in a couple of weeks of color, last year in june, if you're interested go and check it all out again. have fun and you should join in! and if you're up to it you might and try and guess where, what and to whom my blue today is about.

weak in color:yellow

i on u:carbon:asian

yesterday felt like saturday, today feels like monday. with two mondays in a week, this morning felt like a little bit of a nightmare. ever so thankful to have yesterday, the fourth off from just about everything, other than biking and family. i made an asian slaw, i suppose my poppop would roll in his little grave, afterall, he was the king of slaw. but heck someone's gotta revamp, refresh, rock the slaw boat a bit. and boy o boy was it a hit or what? so i am going to do something that i never do, or have hardly ever done and that is give a fantastic alternative rock the asian slaw {easiest ever} recipe!!!

***ASIAN SLAW:

2 packages of 3 ounce raman noodles (beef flavored is suggested but i'm a non meat eater person and found the oriental flavored to be just as "kosher.")
2 packages of (pre)shredded slaw (multicolored) mix
1 bunch of green onions chopped
1 cup of toasted almond slivers
400 degrees until they crisp & brown
1 cup of salted sunflower seeds
1/2 cup sugar (or splenda)
1/3 cup white vinegar
3/4 cup vegatable oil

EASY DIRECTIONS: in a fairly large bowl; before opening both packages of raman, crush noodles into small pieces, remove seasoning packets. dump dry noodles into the bottom of large bowl. dump both packages of shredded slaw mix on top of the noodles. chop entire bunch of green onion and dump on top of slaw mix. meanwhile toast almonds in oven at 400 degrees until golden brown or crispy. dump almonds on to the green onions and then the sunflower seeds on to the almonds (keep it layered, do not mix ingredients together)

mix the sugar, white vinegar, vegatable oil and two seasoning packets together in small bowl. wisk well until blended. pour directly all over the salad, right over everything. do not mix. cover with saran wrap and refridgerate for 24 hours or at least over night. stir up once ready to serve and eat.

***
so how does that sound? yummy or what?
have a nice day. hopefully i'll have new stuff to share by tomorrow or monday. take care and have a good weekend. btw. thank you for the "quit now" encouragement. i really think i'll have to set a date and stick to it. i'd rather not have to take drugs inorder to quit another drug addiction but i feel super weak at trying to quit smoking. i feel like the odds are against me. plus i like to smoke at home "alone" while watching nightline or david letterman. if i attempt a nine mile run on saturday and feel the lungs are about to explode i might be more willing or desperate to quit. right now i'm just walking the fence on this very serious issue.

okay bye now.

seasonally sore:{sunburnt}

every morning without fail a strong cup of coffee with a foamy splash of soy, quietly wakes me up and makes the rest of my day, seriously possible. i often wonder if in order to quit my tobacco addiction, i might also have to give up on my morning cup of joe and soy. as it is now, i'm on the brink of setting a quit now date but i'm scared to death of failing, this seemingly unsurmountable obstacle.

turning over a new leaf: another unsurmountable obstacle i have learned to face and overcome more recently has been the purchase of shorts. two pair of shorts, as in a sporty pair of pale blue grey and irishy green, to bike or run in. i was growing sick of my personal embarrassment, the dreaded milky white skin tone of my legs. ever so pissed off by wearing jeans though i decided to magically disappear the white with a miraculous application of a self tanning product. i can't remember the last time i wore a pair of shorts in public, it's mean skirt style for several years now has finally taken it's toll. i am thrilled beyond belief at this new part of me i can feel comfortable exposing to the world. ahh! r.e.l.i.e.f.

on saturday i spent a portion of my day poolside and sun soaking. my office manager opened her home and pool to us office girls, a pre-beach pool party. it was so-so nice to be outside in the sun, but i certainately fooled myself into thinking that i wasn't getting burnt, self tanning has it's flaws, i fell into denial. heck last year i was going to the tanning bed and i never once felt or got burnt. i do believe, though not scientifically, that a base burn is necessary. after all the sandy gulf sunburn so far away from home isn't all that pleasant. and it's four days of beach in three weeks that i am preparing my milky white for.
gosh but saturday evening as i zombied into the pharmacy i thought i was going to passout. fortunately i made and happily felt warmed and frozen in my sunburnt state.

sunday was a workday again and afterward a family time at the parentals, as it poured buckets of rain upon our part of the little earth. sunday night i actually took a bike ride, more casual, to check out parts of the passage at night. it was a rather less productive weekend but one of growing peace. i have a pile of things to accomplish. procrastination has me by the ankles, or should i say by the throat. i've got a list and slowly but surely i'll be marking things off, and updating. packages, swaps, artwork, clothesline, laundry, bathroom cleaning, and vaccuming, asian slaw for the fourth, and so much more. hope you all are keeping up and blessings are indeed flowing throw this summer season. peaceandlove.