fascination street:worthy of

yesterday i had every intention in the world at my fingertips. i began to write and got completely hung up on a day full of big things and small things. i rarely have an opportunity to share the real things the living parts of my life with any true depth. i often feel like phantomcrimes rides a wave, guided by an invisible force, a moon, that i don't feel attached to. a current or a pit of quiksand. it's funny how in the midst of a pile of work, art projects, and a pile of family, i have become the multitasker i never would've imagined i could be. fascinating, really. and honestly when it comes to grunt work, like folding and putting away laundry i can say any part of me that could multitask at that point, hides beneath the bed.

see, blogging for ethan and mary and caleb is really what i want to do. the daily updates, the joy in following their journey is something i wouldn't miss out on for the world. when i get to work in the mornings i almost immediately check my email for an update from kokshetau, KAZ. it takes a tedious amount of time to upload photos, copy, paste, edit, and moderate the comments. in the middle of it all, caleb b. collier! it is with a grateful heart that i blog for him. it is with an ever pressing reminder, a call to humility that i participate in this family life with two new baby boys (above). one sam and one liam. each a little pleasure. each a part of learning and wanting to multitask. i wouldn't know what to do if i were their mother, so happy to be their aunt.

clothesline is seriously creeping up on me. i mean seriously. and with clothesline comes a massive multitasking opportunity. last night i know i spent a straight hour on the telephone and that's nothing in comparison to the efforts of the other artists. aside from the work i am encouraged in our grassroot effort. clothesline has to be a constant reminder though, that learning is work, the challenge is contagious and sprinting to the finishline is something else i really want to do, would never trade it for a world of power. and with this venture, my ego might arise, so it's staying accountable and aware too, apart of multitasking the attitude. and last but not least there is the amount of art i'd like to have produced for the show. it will be nearly impossible for me to have ready, six pieces. as it stands i've got two completed.

mostly i want to make sure that you, the ones who are reading get to see, learn, be inspired by what i have found.

createhere: has found it's way into my forest of thought. i entered their bumper sticker contest as well. my offering: "where is all the graffiti?"
meaning: what the hell is wrong with throwing up a nice beautiful piece of wall art. who gives a ____ about gangs, i mean what gangs? the city government oughta learn something about the difference between a gangtag and piece of hi-q graf. i believe a city with zero record-effort of good clean current graffiti is a city that lacks appeal on a modern art level, where is the contemparary work of young urban artists? do you have what it takes to make or take photos of chattanooga's premier graffiti, if there is such a thing?

oh yeah, now i'm feeling it.

i want this and believe it or not it's going up for sale!!! and she's a teacher now. her words on the phone the night before last were so incredibly inspiring, more than a tear dropped, my jaw dropped. her words to her new highschool students, as close as i can come to remembering: i can't she's going to have to fill in the blanks for me.

anticipating the arrival of readymade in my mailbox!!! thanks a million mom!

okay so are you fascinated or inspired. i didn't have as much to say as i thought i might. oops.

wip:televison trees

in a nutshell:weekend(s)disorder

Twilight Trees II:i am not my own

it will take a miracle, a miracle beyond all. to the form or shape of what, i'm not so sure. to complete enough work for the upcoming clothesline show. in the mean time i have finally finished the second installment in a twilight trees series, which may have started here...or here. maybe i'm misgiven, it's less of a series and more like a forest i think and write about when describing all of the trees i have been painting. lately i have forgotten all about the grove of trees i have hanging at fitness together and can't imagine what they might all look like hanging out together. i suppose that if i'm unable to accomplish my goal of four more new pieces, i could show flea market:beehive tree and the freezing trees, but they're not so new, but they've not ever really been seen in a show/exhibit forum. one last thing, i'd like to have cards made of my paper quilt series. it's seriously all going to stretch me, mentally, physically, and probably financially, and artistically yes, but it is growth after all. yikes!

in the eye of my small little storm. i'm realizing how little i am my own at this point. it's how the tide has turned and i am more of my art than my art is apart of me. it is living and breathing, sleeping and eating my art. it's about being emotionally tied up, bound to sleepless nights of planning and rehearsing the hours and days to come. and i need to be thinking about my health too? goodness. i believe it will all be alright. it will all come together in the end. until then i'll keep you afoot of the details. and please think of coming out to our show in september. it has been a thrill to see how all of the lose ends are coming together and i'd be so happy to see each of you there. thanks a mil:)

.who.is.missing.

of course i think the little man who's missing from the photograph, taken on july fourth, is my new little nephew, caleb and of course he continues to be on my mind all of time. when i'm not thinking about my brother and sister in kazakhstan, i have been of course keeping myself extremely busy.
i happened to get the little vanilla cupcakes from rembrandt's and yes i did get to eat one. and it was delicious.

that's it for today.

off the charts

for a year and a half my brother and his wife have been working tirelessly toward adopting a little boy from kazakhstan. you may remember my mention and having to keep many of the details top secret. until of course this past sunday when they finally flew out of atlanta to kokshetau via amsterdam and almaty. these last few days have been overwhelming and exciting not only for ethan and mary but for me and my entire family, and the host of friends we all have. before leaving, mary and i discussed the details of communication and fortunately the possibilities of blogging. basically, i have been over here. kaz is almost twelve hours ahead of me, here in the eastern time zone, so as i am getting to work in the morning, ethan and mary are writing:emailing me a blog post that i can then share with the rest of the community of family and friends here.

i would not have it any other way. this ability to correspond and share with all of you is full of love and i keep thinking of grace and humility. it keeps my brother and mary and i close to all of us. and for the first time in our lives we're laying eyes on this little boy, their son, their passion.

so i maybe just a little bit absent from phantomcrimes. of course i will attempt to update on complete artworks, answering emails, and all sorts of other things. thank you so much for all of your love and understanding.

we three:cupcakes

.up.to.no.good.

two a.m. rolled around and you'd think i would have had enough sense to lay the paint and brushes down. i just couldn't help myself. knowing and feeling the mad dash crunch is all it takes. the late nights haven't seen the last of me. unfortunately i have only a few more last touches to put on my spacetree painting, but i'm stonecold out of motivation for the finishline. it was dragging me down so i decided over the weekend to pick up a new canvas and after some foundational sketching i started a new perspective:rendition on the twilight trees. it's my remixed version. *with the spacetree painting i intended all along to recycle a previous painting. i meant to leave the seagulls and the majority of bluesky, but i continue to struggle. i have the smaller circles in the trees to paint. i'm leaning between an orange red or a lighter green. i also am leaning toward applying a tad more paper to the piece, but i'm uncertain about it all and know i probably won't be showing the spacetree piece in the upcoming clothesline show. i'd rather have it hanging at fitness together with the rest of my growing forest.

twilight will make an unseemly sorching hot or frigidly freezing day feel redemptively magical. at the close, a comforting quiet and coming together of all that the day held in ups and downs. twilight illustrates a time when starlings fly in unison above my city and collect themselves simultaneously on highwires. a small moment of deepening bluesky and some slight breeze, i can breath. i'm not saying i can even come close to painting what i invision twilight to be. my trees aren't really the trees i see on a daily basis, but they warm me, or at least my heart. i still struggle inbetween twilights fantasy and it's alterego, reality. the reality of it all is that i hope above all that something inside of me comes out on the canvas and warms other people's hearts. i know my style is off and cursive in nature, i know my lines are crooked, but they are purpose driven as all of twilight reaches out for darkness and the silence of night.

sometimes i feel like i beg for attention, i struggle with phantomcrimes and hide what i really want and that is recognition. foolish and corrupt as it may seem it is true that i wish to be discovered and that i want my art to find it's way into the minds, homes, and thoughts of little children who want someday to make art. i would love to see my art in beautiful/decay or juxtapoz or my local but now chicago based mule. and inbetween these thoughts i am struck, as if with a fly swatter, that there is a beautiful community of women artists here in my city, my friends, who have lifted my spirits and pushed me further. and i am reminded of how they are my audience, a small part of a larger community, but still. and thankfulness for this "clothesline" community is really all that i need. afterall if i had any more than what i've got i'd have to quit my jobs and begin to live in an art world. a world of many too many 2 a.m. nights of artmaking. alas, it isn't that time yet in my life. if that time came i'd be just as scared, so i'm left in peace about what my responsibilty truly is, it's to share and hopefully gain some perspective with phantomcrimes, here. i'm off to up to no good:)

underneath:belief

words can feel like combinations of symbols that often times barely scrape by, defining little physicality or emotion. an understated disclaimer of how meager my words feel when i am writing them out. desperately searching word after word for relevance, truth and mostly purity. so if i say i had a fairly nice weekend, i myself am bored with the phrase. in regards to the real deal, the underneath it all sort of stuff, it is going to have to playout.

one thought repeats itself over and over in my mind. a tentative nagging. to say we saw ethan and mary off to kazakhstan isn't all that true. honestly i wish that i had told them each how much i love them. and now i am wondering, have they made it, are they making it alright, are they safe, excited, scared? are they homesick already, do they miss us? i know i am missing them so soon, already, yes. on saturday evening i made my way to their home and literally folded ethan's shirts for him. it's not like he is gone eternally, two months might go by and i might not seem him anyway, even with the both of us in one city. but he's on the other side of the world now and even if i wanted to i couldn't get to him. laurie and i helped mary pack gifts for caleb's caretakers, nurses, and doctors. we packed caleb's little clothes and socks and toys. we packed medicine and a even a baby bjorn. i helped pack their shampoo, soap, and shoes, and still i feel like maybe i should have hung out just a little longer.

my belief; and to say the least i'm excited and overflowing with anticipation. i can't wait for the first email from mary. my joy is hope. can't wait-ing to see caleb's face for the very first time in september. unga!!! i can't wait to begin posting news, at: calebtochatt.

in order: any foundational drawing here is for the sake of new art. trees are on the horizon. new trees. and a friend of mary's gave her a book that she had published with blurb. i'm thinking i might have a book:portfolio made, or i could use flickr's qoop.
peace.

barely wip&flickr stickers

on one hand this week has absolutely flown by. my bicycle injuries are healing more quickly than i thought they would. my emotional monday and tuesday feel like weeks ago. two days on sunday, mary and ethan are leaving for Kazakhstan to get Caleb. in a mind boggle: a year and a half ago we thought it would take this day forever to get here. any ebb in time has now dissipated and we will all be trying to catch up, stay close, and in touch with one another as time plasters and propells us forward in this new family adventure. we are fortunate and grateful and i for one know the value of time in these moments. it is everything.
up until yesterday i had been becoming increasingly worried that time seemed to take it's time when it came to the delivery of my flickr mini moo sticker book. and then in my box in a white envelope they appeared. a minor important pick me up of inspiration. and now i have no idea exactly what i will do with them. i think i will have new cards made of the paper quilt collage series to sell at our september clothesline show. i may just use the stickers as an envelope seal sort of thing. it's not that important. just 9.99 for an assortment of 90 stickers, that's all.
and of course my weekend plans and project ideas are piling up only because i am inches away from finishing my spacetrees:eyeball flowers piece. wanting to move on and forward. as you can see i've stretched a canvas and the tissue paper is going down with modpodge. the next and first for the clothesline show. i want to have a lot to show and tell by next week. wish me motivation and a plentiful wealthy about of minutes and hours.


if you'd like to know more about kasakhstan check it!!!
have a very nice weekend friends. take advantage of the time and benefit. more love.

in the bag

you are seeing for the first time my beachtrip traveling, packing, and dispersing ways. i am so sure this is exactly what everyone needed, whether for a difference, a laugh, scoff, or for the crazy ridiculous shock value of it all. it's just i almost always have to have the closet space instead of drawers. i don't know why but i barely had to unpack this time. and i washed all of my clothing before coming back, as a matter of fact, my bag is still lying on the floor of my apartment, barely unpacked. what is with me?

last night all night i painted and tonight all night until nine at least i will be at the rx. and hopefully maybe by thrusday night my elbow which is bothering me the most at this point will have healed enough for me to beable to ride again.

friday night i am going to work again. but saturday and sunday are free days. i am keeping my mind on those two days. by that time i might be starting some fresh new art collage painting art. *my brother ethan and my sis n law mary are leaving on saturday for a month, to go and get little caleb. i have been and will be thinking of them mostly all of the time. as a family we gathered this past sunday, to celebrate the july birthday's, it was a somber sort of day in a good way. we all seemed tired and a little weepy with thoughts of caleb so so far away from us, waiting on his parents to come and get him. honestly i have been quite emotional lately and can't seem to shake the lake of tears that have overflowed the last two evenings.

i have these periods of release, thinking of how little i actually do keep things together. it's weird how often i don't feel capable, but plan to fake ability and responsibility. i am here at work, aren't i? and other than the usual stuff like letting the laundry pile up. i'm only about a week behind on the other kinds of things. again bills must be paid, tags and registration must be claimed, art to art, clothesline, friends, family, reading, book club, seeking advice, praying. i doubt seriously that i have anything in the bag except my leftover travels. seashells and cockleshells...that's what little girls are made of.

they are trying

to send me to rehab. anyone else. hearing this song. my mind tells me: it is something about the measured drum and bass style, rhythm, maybe, that i like. not so much the lyrics. is it she? singing? well?
i am glad to be at work this morning. i felt like i barely made it and might just be exaggerating, but i had a giant bicycle spill. and left my leg and elbow skin on the sidewalk somewhere along the riverwalk last night. understandably so all could be worse, a broken arm or leg, busted head or who knows. instead i am left with a little bruised ego. a thirty something wish that i was indestructable, a pathetic whimper of a "this sucks" sort of outlook. and i'll have to, have to, get back on that bike. i am sitting as low as i can go with a ice pack pushing back pain on my leg. a bandaid barely covering the elbow will have to do.

i was wondering about the elderly and how they must feel if such a spill befalls them. so crazy to think about crying out in pain at the age of 76. or is the pain so great to an 80 year old that they'd just passout? i didn't cry out until i got home and peroxide was put on my elbow. unga. where is my stamina? my endurance? my ability to overcome pain? i don't want to be a whimp! so i'll say no more.

i wanted to share:

a. zia natural skincare

b. loving and inspired by hannah's polaroids

c. waiting for more of this and that

d. would love to purchase his art

e. waiting impatiently for their ep

i like lists too, just like andrea.

pangs of home

feeling slightly, pangs of homesickness i made my way back on saturday evening. starting out on the road at around nine and not getting back home until five on sunday morning. i have never quite felt these strange pulls in both directions. it was the first year i have ever entirely enjoyed the shore, the sand and waves, shell hunting and sunning. but a simultaneous sinking arose inside of me, a feeling of wanting to be home. home working, painting, riding bikes, playing tennis, playing with my nephews, seeing my sister's, sleeping in my own big bed.

we stayed in the gulf and played in the gulf, ate well, watched zodiac, laughed hard, took a whole lot of photos, but still i wished in some way i was home. so much on my mind. it was beautiful, more clear and hot than ever before. less humid and crowded than i ever remember it being. i got a new pair of reefs, the same style but one size smaller, they had no fives.

i have not a whole lot more to offer. i am just trying to get caught up.

WIP:ground coverage

considering how my plans changed and were rearranged this past weekend, i'd say i actually covered ground, and am closer to completing this latest piece. i will be taking a break and won't be back in town until sunday. won't be blogging again until monday or tuesday of next week. the beach awaits my arrival.

mule.imple.ople

the week before a weekend off i often have fleeting thoughts of saturday sleeping in and all day pajama wearing-painting and collage making. sipping hot sour coffee, with honey butter toast, and a little smidgen of the darkest dark chocolate. i'd like to read in bed and watch tennis on television instead of sweating it out in the humidity. except i must get new tires on my car, oil, brake and maintanence. plus willingly spend a delightful morning breakfast with my mom & dad. dirty sweaty clothes have got to be washed and packed for my tuesday beach departure. and a clothesline checking account awaits my opening. i have a project, art list that is stacking up. and i want to, want to read my newly aquired magazines. i am all together torn up about how as an adult, time flys by, barely exists as a substantial point at all.

it isn't worth landing yet. in the midst of a short day yesterday i went ahead and ordered up a scramble of stickers, only a book.
i would humbly like to add...that on the twenty ninth of this month of july, phantomcrimes will be turning 3 years old. i think i've got some three hundred and ninty six posts under my belt and well i am not so sure what else to say. have a very nice weekend you all.
i may see you back here on monday. if not i'll be back in at the beginning of august.

what have you heard?

you have most likely heard nothing from me, here, in a few days or so. life has taken me up in a mild storm of really not knowing what or if to write, not feeling all that pressure to come up with something to offer or compromise. i have been enjoying many things outside of the world wide web. things like, rushing like a mad woman to clean my tree house apartment for a clothesline show meeting. many of you say, that it takes a deadline for you to be motivated to do anything, something, forward motion. i too must admit that when it comes to cleaning i am motivated by a deadline.

this past monday was just that. i actually came around to organizing, vacuuming, and trashing a whole heck of a lot of useless stuff. i am still proud of myself for going through my million magazine mound and getting rid of my domino's and home companion's. don't worry, i did not throw them away, i took them down to the public laundry in my apt. building. i have to be honest though, i haven't liked domino very much at all. i feel a little sheepish about expressing my opinion, but i really haven't felt that strongly about a magazine before. except for all the internet rave i thought i'd be racking up on inspiration. when i started a subscription last year i was terribly horribly disappointed. the layout is so cluttered, it reminds me of page after page of advertisement. call me spoiled but one of the best magazines in the world in my mind continues to be martha stewart's living. i can't help it. domino demands a very high level of attention because it's creators seem to have some form of attention deficit. i can hardly tell when i have come to the end of an article or segment and gone on to the next. usually the design ideas are too shabby chic for me and don't seem relevant or contemporary enough. i must say my most favorite part of the book is the color coordinate tabs at the beginning of every single issue. they are so cool, i almost always tear them out to save them for other fav mags or books. i'm i crazy?
the clothesline meeting went super well. but i have to ask the public-readers-YOU GUYS, for help. we are looking for a company, preferably local, that can create and print tiny 1-2 inch radius circle stickers with artists names on them. we thought there was a place down on frazier past pisa pizza and standard ink but cannot find it? please help:just leave a comment!!!

i like many of you have a super busy summer and will be heading out in less than a week to gulf shores for my annual office beach trip. i'll be gone most of next week. after that i will only have about four weeks to complete several, close to 5 pieces of art for the clothesline show. the newest pieces i have been working on for weeks now, isn't even finished and honestly i'd rather it hang at fitness together. so four pieces here i come. it's crunch time.

plus there is tennis and biking, new tires, packing, working at the old rx, and family:friend time to think about and do as well.

week in color:orange.pink.red

as you've probably noticed, i am nearly never near phantomcrimes on the weekend. so i am wrapping up a great week in color, today. its been exciting to see everyone's week in color efforts. andrea has got color down wouldn't you say. i love how her view of color is a balance between family life, still life, urban life, past, present and future. she's building upon all of these fantastic life experiences and it's a joy to be thankful for color with her. in the same way, hannah has honed in on a week in color shoe theme. it's unique and experimental and special too. i'm wondering what her red and orange and pink days will be like, more shoes in those colors?

then there's kate and her spur of the moment, spontaneous, catchup participation. i'm totally impressed and am still in love with her day with the koi foto set.

exciting too is linda's contribution!!! i love her color chosen photos. they are yet another gift. little reminders of beauty. a celebration of her family and the color surrounding her on a daily basis.

last but not least, i think joy has brought her scraping full circle with her week in color. again it's about family and how she and her children are represented in color, paper color and more and more photo color.

i suppose if you've been participating and i've missed you here, you ought to let me know or someone know, so that we can love on your week in color with you.

and i've been painting, of course i've got a whole lot more to accomplish, but at least i picked up a paint brush. i also sprung and got a couple of these, anyone want to join in the racketeering?
have a great weekend everyone, i'm outta the blogworld until next week.peace.

week in color:black&white

there is a first time for everything so i thought it might be fun to do a black & white apparel post. why the heck not? afterall aren't we in the throws of summer and isn't a classic sizzling hot fashion guru always going to suggest a little b&w. plus i must say i haven't quite gotten over an inwardly giddy feeling from yet another clothes shopping success! my mother must be the good luck charm or is it the bike rides? whichever, honestly, every single article of clothing i pulled from the racks, when tried on fit me perfectly. it was the second time in my adult life that i actually had some kind of choice. i suppose it wouldn't be that big of a deal except that i am under five feet tall. in recent years i was kind of round or plump or chubby. two or three years of really cutting out the meat and diary and exercising as much as possible has proved the diet scientists right and that i can once again fit into really nice affordable, well made, smaller sized clothing. ooo, do miracles happen or what?

apparel inspiration:have fun browsing the black and white:

the dunny patterned bag

terror of the sea necklace @ day-lab

RONNIE KAPPOS BLACK TABLET NECKLACE

ping pong vader shirt @ oddica

Grey Barcode Large Flat

damselfly tank @ anthropologie

last but not least the essential: Rodeo Gingham Side Tab Shorts

have a great black and white sort of day.

week in color:green

i know that green is my all time second favorite color in the whole world behind blue or turq or teal. and then in order it would go blue. green.orange.grey.red.yellow.black.brown. that's more than the week of color has to offer, which is fine, just an all together a side.
speaking of green, with hesitant honesty i must say i haven't as of late, taken on any envirogreen task, duty, obligation or responsibility. it is with regret i say i don't recycle the plastic water bottles collected in my fridge, though i will will will begin refiling them at my local green grocery store instead of buying more plastic.

and i have been attempting to bag less when checking out customers at the rx. i mean, if you've got one box of tylenol, why put it in a bag? i am now proactivally asking every customer if they'd "really" like a bag or not. i think that's genius. and well um, i attempted to plant some flower seeds in my mom's back patch but with the lack of rain, they've never sprouted. i am not really so sure how much i am saving energy wise. i know one thing, i'm not exactly pro ethenol either. sure it's better for the environment, at least that's what "they" are saying but my understanding is that our farm lands are already on the brink of destruction or at the point of no return or recovery, so what's the point of growing more hormone injected, hybrid, disease resistant, draught resistant corn? doesn't it take it's toll on the soil?

i can talk about what my brother ethan is doing in his green building efforts. i can talk about wanting a green home or a green car but i don't see my thoughts as true efforts and therefore wouldn't call myself indeed a green. i am a little green when it comes to recycling paper for collage and recycling canvas for painting, but that's about that.

i guess i could start making my own gum with a $10 purchase @ gleegum.

or maybe an expensive purchase like this would help.

i especially like this post about this artist making really triple R things {recycle.reduce.reuse}!!!

maybe one day, after biking 12 miles a day, for a couple more months or years i'll sell my car and buy one of these.

tonight i'm hoping to get some tennis rackets, wimbledon was inspiring this year.

weak in color:blue

keeping up with andrea's week in color here. thank you acj!!! although i have my own "twisted" version, only because i am "weak" over color anyway and i'm all about another venture in week in color. last night matt and i went biking and to my bewillied amazement we came upon a very very large blackish sort of snake on the concrete path. this time i passed so quickly by that it didn't even occur to me that it was a snake at all. it was! and it was a huge one at that, probably about 3 or 4 feet long. i don't know that i am terrified of snakes exactly, i just get this little gagging sensation in the back of my mouth and start imagining it eating a baby rabbit or bullfrog or something small. oh and then i had thoughts of accidentally running over it and it popping up and biting my ankle. anyway, matt took a branch and scurried it off into the grassy wooded area. so glad we don't see snakes every bike ride or else i'd end up heaving.

i think i participated in a couple of weeks of color, last year in june, if you're interested go and check it all out again. have fun and you should join in! and if you're up to it you might and try and guess where, what and to whom my blue today is about.

weak in color:yellow

i on u:carbon:asian

yesterday felt like saturday, today feels like monday. with two mondays in a week, this morning felt like a little bit of a nightmare. ever so thankful to have yesterday, the fourth off from just about everything, other than biking and family. i made an asian slaw, i suppose my poppop would roll in his little grave, afterall, he was the king of slaw. but heck someone's gotta revamp, refresh, rock the slaw boat a bit. and boy o boy was it a hit or what? so i am going to do something that i never do, or have hardly ever done and that is give a fantastic alternative rock the asian slaw {easiest ever} recipe!!!

***ASIAN SLAW:

2 packages of 3 ounce raman noodles (beef flavored is suggested but i'm a non meat eater person and found the oriental flavored to be just as "kosher.")
2 packages of (pre)shredded slaw (multicolored) mix
1 bunch of green onions chopped
1 cup of toasted almond slivers
400 degrees until they crisp & brown
1 cup of salted sunflower seeds
1/2 cup sugar (or splenda)
1/3 cup white vinegar
3/4 cup vegatable oil

EASY DIRECTIONS: in a fairly large bowl; before opening both packages of raman, crush noodles into small pieces, remove seasoning packets. dump dry noodles into the bottom of large bowl. dump both packages of shredded slaw mix on top of the noodles. chop entire bunch of green onion and dump on top of slaw mix. meanwhile toast almonds in oven at 400 degrees until golden brown or crispy. dump almonds on to the green onions and then the sunflower seeds on to the almonds (keep it layered, do not mix ingredients together)

mix the sugar, white vinegar, vegatable oil and two seasoning packets together in small bowl. wisk well until blended. pour directly all over the salad, right over everything. do not mix. cover with saran wrap and refridgerate for 24 hours or at least over night. stir up once ready to serve and eat.

***
so how does that sound? yummy or what?
have a nice day. hopefully i'll have new stuff to share by tomorrow or monday. take care and have a good weekend. btw. thank you for the "quit now" encouragement. i really think i'll have to set a date and stick to it. i'd rather not have to take drugs inorder to quit another drug addiction but i feel super weak at trying to quit smoking. i feel like the odds are against me. plus i like to smoke at home "alone" while watching nightline or david letterman. if i attempt a nine mile run on saturday and feel the lungs are about to explode i might be more willing or desperate to quit. right now i'm just walking the fence on this very serious issue.

okay bye now.

seasonally sore:{sunburnt}

every morning without fail a strong cup of coffee with a foamy splash of soy, quietly wakes me up and makes the rest of my day, seriously possible. i often wonder if in order to quit my tobacco addiction, i might also have to give up on my morning cup of joe and soy. as it is now, i'm on the brink of setting a quit now date but i'm scared to death of failing, this seemingly unsurmountable obstacle.

turning over a new leaf: another unsurmountable obstacle i have learned to face and overcome more recently has been the purchase of shorts. two pair of shorts, as in a sporty pair of pale blue grey and irishy green, to bike or run in. i was growing sick of my personal embarrassment, the dreaded milky white skin tone of my legs. ever so pissed off by wearing jeans though i decided to magically disappear the white with a miraculous application of a self tanning product. i can't remember the last time i wore a pair of shorts in public, it's mean skirt style for several years now has finally taken it's toll. i am thrilled beyond belief at this new part of me i can feel comfortable exposing to the world. ahh! r.e.l.i.e.f.

on saturday i spent a portion of my day poolside and sun soaking. my office manager opened her home and pool to us office girls, a pre-beach pool party. it was so-so nice to be outside in the sun, but i certainately fooled myself into thinking that i wasn't getting burnt, self tanning has it's flaws, i fell into denial. heck last year i was going to the tanning bed and i never once felt or got burnt. i do believe, though not scientifically, that a base burn is necessary. after all the sandy gulf sunburn so far away from home isn't all that pleasant. and it's four days of beach in three weeks that i am preparing my milky white for.
gosh but saturday evening as i zombied into the pharmacy i thought i was going to passout. fortunately i made and happily felt warmed and frozen in my sunburnt state.

sunday was a workday again and afterward a family time at the parentals, as it poured buckets of rain upon our part of the little earth. sunday night i actually took a bike ride, more casual, to check out parts of the passage at night. it was a rather less productive weekend but one of growing peace. i have a pile of things to accomplish. procrastination has me by the ankles, or should i say by the throat. i've got a list and slowly but surely i'll be marking things off, and updating. packages, swaps, artwork, clothesline, laundry, bathroom cleaning, and vaccuming, asian slaw for the fourth, and so much more. hope you all are keeping up and blessings are indeed flowing throw this summer season. peaceandlove.

mighty jungle:oh boy(s)

all i could think about this morning was of my three little nephews {caleb not pictured as of yet, in order to protect him and my family in the adoption process}. they are the very best, most incredible little boys, i could possibly imagine. best of all, and from what i hear, when they're put in their boppies on the couch, they're mesmerized by of all things:one growth!

it must be the contrast, would you say?

i was also thinking about having a friday night like tonight off. mulling over the what to do's or what not to do's. it is simple, after work, i'll try and take a twenty six minute nap.

walk? bike? eat-blueberries? i'd like to buy some shorts. this is the first summer i can remember that i actually feel like i might be able to wear shorts. i have been wearing skirts in the summer, you know. and this summer i wish i could find some shorts for short people like myself, some khaki or brown or grey shorts, oh grey would be nice and not too long, not to short shorts. i don't need to show anything off, at least not yet, possibly never. but something i could run in or something i could casually walk in, nothing tappered, i don't think A-line would work either. oh i'm in a quandry, what to do?

i wonder what sam and liam and caleb will want to be when they grow up. or for instance what will josiah k. be? he has grown to have such a vivid imagination, i can't imagine what he'll be like when he's twenty or even thirty. yippers! anyway, i'm a little off, i mean it is friday and i'm distracted. what can i say.

moo&wip

this morning i took a few quick photos, though really not that good, of the new mini moo assortment that i received in the mail yesterday. they're great and i can't seem to stop thinking about them. it is rather ridiculous i suppose, to get so excited about them. they're just like little treasures, yet so functional and really helpful when it comes right down to it.

i think too, that i have finally found the guts to show my newest work in progress. i still have a fair amount of time to put into getting it completed but once i began painting, everything seemed to start falling into place. yeah yeah yeah. it is a terrible photo but it is just a hint of things. you're not supposed to look that cloesly and plus knowing myself as i do it may all change drastically by the end. haven't you seen it all before? the painting underneath was a seascape with shoreline, seagulls and seaweed grass all there. it isn't exactly what i had in mind when i thought about recycling a thrifted painting but i will be leaving the birds alone and the sky color and texture should remain about the same.
i thought about how much i loved drawing my tinier space bubble type trees and eyeball flowers that it would be worth trying them out on a large scale. so far i think it's is working. we shall see though.

just thought i'd catch up with you. take care and have a great day. outta here.

simmer.sizzle.succulent

yesterday morning our computers took a nose dive, so at eleven am, i fled the scene. today i have got more than my share of catching up to do, but i like it this way instead of being crazy insane bored out of my mind. i always hit up my email first thing in the morning and one of the happiest things i received was a cute little email from my sister in law:laurie. maybe i'm a little twisted but i thought this was a great compliment for me and for the fantastic online shops:
"hey, I am having to force myself to not look at your blog for a little while. Part of the reason ( a main reason) I look at your blog is for the great links to websites carrying "merchandise" I love. You have the greatest links. Well, on your last blog entry you put links to sites having 50% off sales and there I went. Yet again I BOUGHT stuff from 16 sparrows (just 2 packs of notecards this time). But- really I love your links- I always love what they have to offer. I was about to buy 2 totebags from another one of your links- I still might (forget the name). That 50% off stuff gets me. I am having to not look. Aaron says it is fine, but I know that I need to invest in diapers instead. I can not wait to get the stationary though. Hee Hee. But- seriously- thanks for all the links through your blog- I usually love them all, I like to browse if nothing else. I have to save up for the clothesline show now- I am seriously so excited about that."
i know of a whole lot of blogs that feature online shops and artists everyday, but i also know how long it can take to go through all of those blogs inorder to find the shops that are selling their sales @ 50% off. i love blogs like: poppy or decor8 or my mosdef fav is print&pattern. these girls work hard, searching, researching and posting new artists, new art, new shops, new design. it's incredible what they do-everyday.

on another note(s): i have been wanting to get some of my old school "scrap"book collages up and about. my black book, as i used to call it was my forum, my place and my beginning. i'd say around 1997 i started collecting paper, found items and pieces of life and compiling them into this collage-writing format. it became my foundation, much like a sketchbook would if you were in school. i experimented with color, shape, style and form. it was a refuge and comfort to me. each collage my personal assignment. it is amazing to me now, that these images conjured up, and manifested themselves into what i see in my art now. ten years have gone by and just now i am reminded of the trees, fish, and doodles i used to draw. i am wondering now, how come it took me so long to come into my creative own. the concept has always been there, i suppose it has been about being refined in all of it.

i remember inspiration from ralph steadman especially. these dark contour like drawings made into every aspect of my thoughts. i also remember playing with squares and circles. these simple shapes continue to play such a role in what i make even now. so bizzare. i felt so rebellious then and but didn't feel challenged until someone close to me told me that i needed to stop working in my black book and i needed to start making art in the real sense of the word, share it with other people and stop playing around. boy, i'd say those words have stuck with me. my friend wasn't trying to be mean, they just wanted me to grow more. so have i grown? i think so.

check out more of my black book pages here.

my father:on making sense

it's not that i forgot about father's day, frankly i'm still thinking about my father and it's wednesday already. we gathered as a family, all of us, on saturday evening to eat and fellowship with one another. some may object, but my brothers thought that dad would like a new grill. afterall they said "his family is growing." i know most families get together often enough and have a good time with one another, but i think when my family gathers it is sort of extraordinary. it feels different because it's my family, the day was about my dad of course and aside from having good and healthy things to eat, we thanked our father for being there for all of us.

in the moments after father's day cards were exchanged there were a few tears. the day represented a mountain of fighting, praying, and hoping on my brothers behalf on account of the fact that they have had to fight to get their children and my father has had to fight to get suzanne and emily. our family has grown and will continue on, because of the fathers in my family. i am not assuming too much by thinking, expressing how i don't think many fathers fight for their children's lives anymore. i know for my dad and my brothers the battle hasn't always been ideal, the sacrifice has no words. but they've done it with no complaint, no regrets. we will never regret one another, nor will we regret the birth of sam, liam and caleb. we will never regret adopting emily and suzanne into our family, because my dad has been the fighting example to all of us. emily wrote these things out in her handmade cards to dad and my brothers. coming from her, my word, it was like soaking up the wounds, throwing burdens off and being free from destruction. i suppose if you were looking in from the outside our family might not make a whole lot of sense, but through my dad's eyes, there's refuge, comfort, peace and hope.
thank you dad:if you're reading you should make a comment as to how the day made you feel, i mean, your arms are so big, not so literally but they've held us all, and for so long. did you feel the roots of our familytree growing deeper by the minute in those moments? did you feel like your family was a team, working together at the sport of our lives? it meant a whole lot to us to beable to celebrate your life with you. i know that.

and the fireworks are from riverbend that finished up this past weekend. i have to be honest i avoided the whole thing like it was the plague. although they did some really cool things this year, like build a habitat house and on sunday morning i saw all of the riverbend runners and walkers, kinda interesting. i didn't know they hosted a run/walk-what about a bike ride?
i think that's everything for today. i am super excited about finishing up the week here, i'm looking forward to having the weekend off. woohoo!!!

moo.order.up.

i just finished placing my second ever moocard order and boy was it easy. this time around i decided to stick to a few designs instead of a hundred different little moos. they're promised to me in ten days, i just cannot wait. after the clothesline show in may, my supply became severly depleted and i knew i wanted moos of my more recent works of art.
i painted last night, i'd say that's an overstatement too. i wouldn't dare show and tell at this point because i am not so sure. not so sure if i am moving in the right direction. it is really much more difficult than i thought, recycling a previously painted oceanscape painting. i am very interested in leaving the bulk of the original painting exposed, like the seagulls, the grass, and deep blue sky. the painting is signed too, phillip sandee. i wondered if it was a fake name, i have heard that many paintings like this one, were done collabratively by many. it's funny, his last name would be "sandee", kindof a pun.
in other words:
lotta jansdotter is having a nice, almost half off sale. i especially like the messenger totes. ooo&aaa.

do you all remember? yukiko sato? sale is going on now! check it!

16 sparrows is have a 50% of sale on a small assortment of beautiful things. i especially think the "surprise yourself" grab bag looks fun for only ten bucks.

i will keep working and let you know when i have gotten to a point where i'm not completely afraid to show more progress.

ae.eh.ia.oh.uo.

the clothesline is off and running. of course we will update the public with dates and times. our meeting went really well last night and we're gearing up for an even better show, even better representation and presentation. mostly we'll have things internally smoother which was our main concern coming out of the previous show. if you're a participating artist please make sure you've checked your email, at the bottom of each email is a specific task list that you've most likely volunteered to help accomplish. i feel incredibly fortunate to be amoungst this great group of women, who are artists but also mothers, wives, and professionals. jennifer kring came having done a considerable amount of research {thank you!} and we have settled on the weekend of september 8th. mark it on your calendars!!! laura, diane, katie, mary, maria, linda, and kelly, as well as christina and lauren will all be back with new art, just in time for the holidays. we are corresponding the clothesline show with the gallery hop on the 8th. we're hoping to get on the map!!!

the clothesline is really the news of the day. i spent the rest of last night compiling thoughts and ideas and then this morning it's been about emailing and posting chemo charges simultaneously. how wonderful i feel.

WIP:berry creative

the day before yesterday was monday as you all well know. i left work early to gather refreshment for the last night of my stampin up club. by request i went to rembrandt's for macaroons and "s" cookies dipped in dark chocolate. then to grocery for fruit. i decided after cutting up the fruit that i didn't feel like sharing the good stuff. i don't regret it.
i suppose the july cover of martha stewart's living might have had something to do with my need for berry. i am not even a fan of the classic red.white.&blue but the berry terrific shortbread looks amazing. plus i feel jipped about not having gotten to eat may strawberries this season, it is indeed almost over.

honestly i am happy the stamp club is dissolving. it was really interesting to be apart of a monthly group of women who got together to make cards once a month. for two years it provided an outlet for me in one way or another, it also became an indispensible resource for envelopes, punches, brads and eyelets. i am happy because i will be moving on. last week i was catching up with michelle, and found she participates in a book club. how very timely for me! my mom has been telling me for ages that i ought to join a reading group, but i have had stampin up, puzzling over how to find such a club. i finished 'fidelity' by wendell berry. so i am picking up, rereading james david duncan's the brothers k and plan to join in group discussion in august. a little known fact:this will be the first time that i have ever read a book for the second time. can you believe. i can't.

tonight we have an organizational clothesline meeting. thursday is rx work. friday is family night along with a possible dip in the pool. when am i going to make art or continue working on this piece? i did not start this week off thinking it would fill up with all kinds of things. and will i beable to keep up with the biking? awgh!!! i can't imagine a life any less full.

exertion.bicycle.

i have been biking in the evenings after i get off work from the rx. the city lights and river pass in a blur. i tend to take in the plant life and animal life even in speed. i have seen a ton of bunnies bounding. heard frogs crocking, all the frogs in the world have not died from global warming yet. we saw baby raccoon's quickly cross the concrete path, then snuggle close between large granite rocks on the rivers edge. and last night i saw a beaver:penisula tail and all. i was afraid that he would attack me so i didn't get that close but i saw it well enough, considering he took his time trying to escape our stares. i am actually not the one who's spotting these great aspects of life. matt zooms ahead keen eyed, ready to come to a halting brake at the sight of anything fascinating. he saw this great big hopping spider that seemed so menacing it might spit. i didn't get close to it either.

i am rather sore today but overall feel really positive about riding bikes. i haven't lost weight but is tone important too? i wish that i could be active all day long, instead i sit and feel my nation spread out, melding with my office chair. have you ever noticed how there are so many large healthcare workers? hm...

have you heard about michael moore's new film SiCKO. the investigation? his commitment to "getting into shape"? his proposal? figure out where you stand. i have to say that i've not watched any of moore's more recent work, but SiCKO relates to my work, my interests have been peaked.

in other ways:

mule magazine blogs
the next big thing @ fredflare
promote yourself @ beautiful/decay:see public feed

other than that have a nice day. exert yourself a little more.

back to life

i have felt absent from a steady life lately and only now seem like i am getting the breath and grasp on things i need. a loss of perspective creates havoc, but fortunately i had my own personal "come to jesus" meeting on monday night and i feel more settled and refreshed.

maybe it was the amount of time i had been away from my home, working all weekend and every night. maybe it has been the lymphnode swollen in my neck, causing a higher level of stress and worry. maybe in the midst of celebrating the coming of caleb i realized how life, with it's variable ups and downs, is worth it. somehow. someway. to put aside all of the small hang ups and trust that i am still on track. that caleb will forever be a symbol of hope and faith to me and my family. we long to embrace him, just as simply, the god i believe in longs to embrace me, bringing me back to life.

and so i seek refuge with the most high. and find restitution in an invisible shield protecting me. and i will still spill my entire styrofoam cup of coffee all over my desk here at work. spoiling the june calendar. i will still ride bikes in the evenings after the rx and wear myself thin with exercise. i will still wake up early to spend a few precious moments with josiah and eden tomorrow morning. i will still see coral castles on saturday, gleefully thinking how funny, my parents are finally seeing my brother aaron play out in a smoke filled bar.


i will still make circles to modpode all over a recycled ocean landscape. still my orange tree will bounce back after a long hard winter. and i am still, after a couple of weeks ever so happy about having a photograph i took, featured in friday's weekend section of the chattanooga times free, even if it doesn't credit me. i will be uplifted and set free. and reminded to cling. back to life back to this cat life. back to vunerability and security in it all. back to dreaming and playing, back to more work and more writing. back to breathing and better shampoo. back to love and hope and walking in flipflops.

Paper Quilts @ Etsy

i know it's again with the quilts. i decided to fill my etsy shop up again in hopes that one or all of these paper quilts might sell. i'm selling the original works of art for only $100.00. mind you, the shipping is high because of usps costs going up, but if you're local i will hand deliver and if you're international it might be lower, it all just depends on package. a couple of you have expressed interest in trade. i am completely interested in trading art, but not these quilts, at this time. i am completely willing to create a specific {commissioned} quilt(s) for you if you are interested in trading. i can even have a print made of one of these quilts that i could trade or that could be purchased at a whole lot less. if you've got a specific color pallette you'd like a paper quilt collage done in, i can do that. it really is up to you and how much you're willing to spend or trade. i really do appreciate the interest and am willing to set up a payment plan as well. if you'd like cards made of any of these quilts i am able to do that. an individual card is $5.00 but if you buy a mass quantity i can sell them at a lower cost.

i would like to remain as flexible as possible throughout the next few months and actually throughout the rest of the year. i am working on a bigger piece, right now that incorporates many of the same drawn elements of the quilt collage(s), but on larger scale. flowers and trees and birds like these. i will also be working on larger versions of my twilight trees.

on another note: i wanted to update you all on the family meeting. my brother ethan and sis n law mary have received a referral for the adoption of a little boy. i cannot give many details, i cannot even post his birth name (we are naming him caleb) or date of birth, or the town he was born in. all that i can say is that this is an amazing time for ethan and mary. they continue to feel support and hope. caleb is a healthy little boy, he is happy and strong and now we are just waiting on him. it has been a time of great celebration. please continue to pray though. i will continue to update as i can and as we are legally able to share.

in the middle of the night

i took an unintentional break from phantomcrimes. primarily and dependently because i feel a fresh photo is necessary each and everytime an effort is made to share here. my friend is happily borrowing my canon powershot and i have got an unfinished undeveloped roll of film in my manual that's got to get to wolfe's at some point soon. thus the b.r.e.a.k. i can't think of what i am trying to think about because i stayed up too late inorder to see my brother play with the rest of coral castles. for those of you not present last night at jj's well um, i am terribly sorry. i have not gotten all the sleep i need in the last couple of days, for all sorts of reasons. i am looking forward to catching a few winks after five.

at nine thirty this evening i am heading over to my aunt's house for a very special family meeting. i'll have updated information as it becomes available. on another note...i never took an actual photo of my completed May Paper Quilt Project submission, dawn has got it posted if you're interested. i stuck to the familiar tree theme, mainly because my family seems to be growing around me and it feels so good. i have been relating the tree to my family for so long now, make sense?

i have begun to make art again. i have taken awhile to get it all going again. i have had a couple emails from you all expressing interest in my paper quilts. trade? sell? what have you. i wanted to think about it for a while and i have finally come up with some answers so i will be getting back to you each by early next week. once i have emailed everyone back i will post my thoughts here. i have not put anything new up in my etsy shop mainly because i wasn't sure how to handle the new shipping cost increases. boy has anyone else noticed the insane flat rate international shipping cost? i also didn't know if i would have any luck at selling the paper quilts on etsy. i seriously don't think so, soooo!!!

in closing...